Lies, Tears and Tragedy
by Moment For Life
Summary: Rose Hockley is married to Caledon Hockley but life as a society girl is boring to her in the first few months of marriage until she meets a young man by the name of Jack who is employed by the Hockley family. This story is rated T starting from chapter 4. Complete. Thank you all for reading!
1. Chapter 1

This is a re-write of an old story of mine which was called ''Everything has Changed.'' I do love the old story which I did so I kept it up on here so this is an 'alternate' way the story could have gone.

I hope you enjoy. This first 'chapter' is the Prologue.

* * *

'' _ **It starts off with a simple look, a sweet smile...''**_

The sun shone over Philadelphia on a warm spring day. Seventeen year old Rose Hockley stared from the bedroom window of her new residence. Thoughts whirled around her head, thoughts which had never even come to her before but today, they had and they seemed to change her. Gazing off into the far distance, she wondered what hid beyond the smoke stacks of Hockley steel, the stench of constant burning and the sweaty men running around like their insanity had been lost. The hills which sat in the distance, the green pastures which met the sky in a beautiful portrait of colours, what was beyond those hills?

She sighed, resting her chin on the palms of her hands. She watched as the men below worked like ants in the heat to earn money to feed their families and put a roof over their heads while she simply sat dreaming of a life she knew she could never have.

One young man seemed to break away from the rest of the crowd where he was working and stopped what he was doing for a second. Rose watched him intently, she could not make out his face but she knew that he was young. They seemed to share a moment as he too gazed at her, she stood up straight and leant against the window and took her eyes away to gaze back out at the horizon and tried to resist a second look back at him but he still stood in the spot, watching her. She wanted to find him rude, but she couldn't. Instead she smiled the sweetest smile before walking away from the window...but he didn't leave her mind for the rest of the day.


	2. Chapter 2

**After re-working some of my older stories I have received a few emails about re-working this one.**

 **This is a story which I wrote in 2013 after a horrible break up. The chapters especially later on are very detailed and can be quite upsetting. These were the feelings which I channeled into this story from my bad relationship. If you are a person who isn't into the heavy type of story then I guess this isn't for you. There is also a lot of erotic, nude descriptions as the story unveils, again, I hope this isn't too much.**

 **For the rest, I guess I hope you will remain interested and even though some of you may have read this a couple of years ago, I have re-worked quite a lot of it.**

 **I want to thank you for reading.**

 **Chapter one: Hockley Steel**

Smoke filled the lungs of the men working hours upon hours in the steelworks for less than nothing. Rose spent her days doing very little, she switched between reading and cross stitching. A skill she had very little need for but this was something to occupy her mind. Every few moments she would stop to contemplate her month long marriage to Cal. They had met the previous summer at a garden party, she could still smell the rose which he had thrust into her hands. He had told her she was beautiful and she had fallen in love with him. Or so she thought. Marriage was a fantasy in her head and now the reality had kicked in. She was lonely.

He had told her she was beautiful, the words no man had ever told her before. His eyes were a chocolate brown; so enticing and powerful. People feared him but she didn't and that made her feel safe. By the end of the first evening, she had been smitten with Caledon Hockley and within weeks they were married. She had fell in love with him. He made her feel as though she was the only one and that love really did conquer all. It was only just after their wedding, she realised just how suffocating it was. Parties were arranged around her, meetings with ladies she barely knew, where of course all they spoke of was having children. Rose had sipped her tea quietly while her mother predicted the news of a baby would be arriving soon. She wasn't even a person now but just a baby making machine.

Then came the honeymoon-a week in New York City. Not the most romantic but still, it was enough for her to become excited about. Then she had sat in a hotel room as Cal attended meetings, calling upon her presence in the evening to accompany him to balls and dances. He paraded her from one man to the next making her feel like prized cattle. She wore only the finest dresses, beautiful jewellery and was on the arm of her husband so why wasn't she happy? Cal's affection was limited to the bedroom. She had not yet figured out what sex was. Lovemaking was supposed to be true and intimate. Cal barely kissed her.

Putting down her stitching, Rose went to the window for the 100th time that day. Men crawled around the place, dirty and sweaty as she sat gazing down at them in her $1000 Lucille pale pink dress. She curled the ends of her hair, around and round her index finger as she watched them work for a living. She was utterly bored of sitting and looking pretty. Her mother was at one of her meetings. Why did ladies take such pleasure in such things? With a gasp and an idea, she ran out of her bedroom and down the spiral staircase grabbing her day hat and kimono shaped coat.

The ironworks was a major industry. The central figure of Pittsburgh was Andrew Carnegie and now followed closely by Hockley steel. They concentrated on government contracts, such as ships and naval armour, and on construction beams, especially for skyscrapers and bridges. Cal was hard as work as he was every day determined to help her father become the biggest and the best.

Four huge smokestacks spewed out smoke, Rose watched in awe of the men who worked as she made her way to her husbands office. The huge open hearth furnace which melted the iron, the hot gases which melted the pig iron which was rolling on the tracks of the pig bed. This wasn't a place for any woman. It was obviously a man's job and by the looks of it, no woman would ever be welcome here...

She walked slowly and calmly. She suddenly felt self conscious as the workers seemed to stop what they were doing to catch a glimpse of her. To them, she was a princess, royalty sat high in the castle above their heads. They stared openly at her; some with resentment but mostly with awe. They had not met her but they knew who she was. Some even removed their caps as they worked, to pay their respects to which she smiled gratefully but uncomfortably. She connected eyes with a man who stood in the shadows, with out his cap. His face was expressionless, not like the others. He was unable to take his eyes off of her. They stood almost across from each other, his body hidden by other men at work but had soon forgotten her presence. She glanced at the ground, stepping over the tracks but soon could feel his gaze still on her.

He watched her unpin her elaborate hat, shaking a few straws free from her heavily pinned up hair. The pins digging into her head like nails. He was riveted by her and there was something about him too. Something sincerely intense. He was tall amongst the other workers, beads of sweat visible on his forehead. She found herself biting her lip as she walked, treading carefully to not trip in her heels. This place was obviously not suitable for a lady. She found her way to the back and continued until she found her husbands office.

After quickly straightening out his black suit, Cal answered the door of his office to find his wife there.

''Rose!'' He exclaimed so openly shocked to see her. ''What are you doing here, I told you I-''

''Can a woman not visit her husbands office?''

She placed her hat on the dark oak desk, glancing around having never seen his place of work. She curled her finger around beckoning him to her. She kissed him tenderly, but he returned the favour so much rougher. She needed some excitement in her life, she traced a finger down his shirt. He was aroused immediately but he knew they could be seen at any moment.

''Oh Rose, I love your fire but you do need to suppress it more.'' Her weak smile faded. He kissed her again, open mouthed and forcefully.

A knock sounded on the door and Cal fixed his shirt and wiped his mouth.

''Yes?'' He shouted, sitting back behind his desk. A man entered the office, it was the one who made eye contact with her. Now in full light she caught a proper glimpse of him.

His eyes fell on Rose first. ''Oh sir, I'm sorry I didn't know you had company-''

''What do you want then, Dawson?''

He spoke but his eyes never left Rose's. ''I've finished for the day.''

Rose slid off the edge of Cal's desk and took a few steps toward Jack. He was no more than twenty. His face so beautiful she wanted to touch it, no matter how dirty it was. His eyes were a piercing blue. Ones so intense she could feel them burn right through her.

''Do you not introduce your wife to guests?'' She tutted at Cal. He was furious, she was embarrassing him with her fiery nature. The one he so needed to suppress. ''Hello, my name is Rose Hockley and I am Cal's wife.''

She even held out her hand to him. He tried to wipe his hands down his trousers to make them cleaner but it didn't work. He glanced to Cal as if checking it was alright to touch his property.

''I'm Jack. Jack Dawson.'' He mumbled. Rose let go of his hand and took a few steps backwards. ''Well I better go, I'm going to walk through the rose fields.'' He took a long last lingering look at Rose.

''Goodbye.''

He closed the door with a click and she didn't take her eyes from the door for a few moments later. There was something about him, something so tempting.

''Why introduce yourself to those rats out there, Rose?''

Smiling a sweet smile, she placed her hands flat on his desk. The desk which was full of awards, papers and all sorts of a mess to establish that he was indeed someone important. Stuff which meant nothing to Rose. She leaned over the desk to him, their faces close.

''Because I want him to know I am your wife.'' She whispered. He bought this and he kissed her back, this time a little more tenderly but still it felt loveless.

''You are mine, Mrs. Hockley.''

He grabbed her hands a little rough for her likening but she still smiled instead of wincing. She freed her hand, placing it on his lips.

''Save it for later, Sir.'' She pulled away from him. ''I must catch up on some reading.''

He stood from his desk, straightening out the suit which he paid so much money for but would destroy in an instant to have sex with his wife in the office. He tried to conceal his erection but it was useless. He sat back at his desk, smirking the way he did.

''Will you come to me tonight?''

''Of course, Cal.''

''You promised such things three evenings ago and I find you asleep.'' He pointed out.

''That was because of the previous nights exertions.'' She fastened her coat.

''They were tremendously tiring.'' He raised his eyebrows. He loved her flirting, the way she spoke to him. He loved every inch of her and her beauty. She was perfect to him.

''They were. Which is why I must go now.''

''Goodbye Rose.''

She clicked the door closed. She rolled her eyes, feeling as though she had just come off stage after a great performance. She expected an audience to break into a rowdy applause instead she was met with a back wall. She felt exhausted, her whole life was a play where she was the happy doting wife of Caledon Hockley and who would tend to his every need. But he failed to notice she was a woman, a woman with needs. She was curious and fiery. She needed to explore the surroundings not sit within the same house with the same walls for company. That was prison. She had committed no crime except believing herself to love Cal Hockley.

Of course she had no intentions of going home. She was going to the place where her mother had warned her as a child not to visit, where all the childhood tales of ghosts and demons were based and the place where Jack Dawson said he would walk home. The rose fields.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three: The Gardiner**

Rose Hockley's Tuesday morning was spent at a department store in town finding new evening dresses for a formal event which was due to happen that evening. Her personal maid Trudy had picked out rails upon rails of finery for her to chose from whilst her mother settled on an ivory and sapphire dress with matching heels. Shopping was one thing which most young females would rush into town to do but for Rose she couldn't think of anything worse. This was where all of the war happened, the battle of the dress and who wore it better. The right fit, the most expensive lace and the entire charade. It was tiring and by the end of it Rose simply wanted to lie down.

Her dress was chosen in the end by her mother, it was a navy blue and quite simple for her mother's taste but still she went along with it, not because she had to but because she simply didn't have an interest in anything which was happening. The items were boxed up and were to be delivered that afternoon in time for dinner. She was relieved when the morning was over.

Dinner that evening was lively; Cal had invited dinner guests to eat at their new table. Rose played the part of the trophy wife and her mother was also in attendance. She felt like a young child at a table whenever her mother was around, waiting to be scolded. Charles Schwab was one of the wealthiest men in the area, he was known for his "fast lane" lifestyle including opulent parties, high stakes gambling, and a string of extramarital affairs producing at least one child out of wedlock. He was the leader of Bethlehem steel and an important man. The kind of man Cal hoped to be in his later years. He was joined by two colleagues Andrew Cooper and Stuart Miller.

Rose picked at her crab salad and that was only the starter, her mother's watchful eye constantly stabbing at her, just as it did when she was a child. The table spoke of steel, primarily the Hockley steel business. She was expected to stay quiet like a child, to be seen to look dazzling but not be heard. She listened to the men brag in turn of their business and just how much success they were having. She tried to not yawn loudly and rudely but instead she tried to become involved in the conversation.

''So darling, just how is the business achieving?'' Rose sipped from her glass of wine. Her eyes on her husband. Cal almost choked on his breadstick and the other men were just open mouthed. A lady did not question her husband's private matters.

''Rose, we don't need to discuss this here.''

''But we do, you know how much interest I have in these matters.'' She turned her attention to the table. ''In fact just yesterday I visited the factory myself.''

''But the place is not suitable for young women.''

''I am sorry you think that way Mr. Schwab.'' She smiled toward her husband. ''Of course Cal was surprised initially.''

''Yes I was.'' He recalled her reason for the visit was to tease him and leave him dry before heading off home, nothing to do with the business itself.

''I was also fortunate enough to meet some of the employees. Some fine men you have there, darling.'' She touched Cal's hand on the table. Mr. Schwab's eyes watched uncomfortably, but also with amusement. She certainly was a fine wife. Her mother was dying a little inside. ''Did you know my husband does all of the hiring and firing himself? He has such a good eye for men with strong backs.''

''Yes my father and I keep a daily eye on the men.'' Cal confirmed.

''And how much do you pay them Mr. Hockley?'' Andrew Cooper, one of the men involved with Bethlehem steel piped in.

''That is no one's business but my own.''

''You won't share with us?''

''Gentlemen, please.'' Ruth smiled. ''Can we not enjoy this lovely meal without men discussing such things. Should you not wait until us ladies retire.''

''A fine point, Mrs. Dewitt Bukater.'' Mr. Schwab took a long sip from his wine. ''I do apologize.''

The table fell silent for several minutes and all that could be heard was the scraping of forks against plates as the starter meal was finished.

''So Mr. Hockley, any new developments with this fine house? Do you not hire help?''

''Yes of course. We have several maids, cleaners and such. In fact just this morning I hired a gardener. We need a fine back to comb this land.''

Rose raised her head. ''We have more help?''

''Yes. One of the men from the steelworks. His name is Jack something. One of the finest workers.''

''Oh.'' Rose lowered her lashes. She was lost in her own thoughts. She knew just who Jack was. They had flirted a little yesterday in the rose fields. Flirting was perhaps a little too much for a married lady to do but she needed some excitement in her loveless marriage. He was a beautiful man, one she knew she would have to fight to be attracted to. Her husband of course knew nothing of this.

''Will his back cope with such a lot of land?''

''Only time will tell, he is a fine worker!''

Rose could see her husband's annoyance at the questions from these men. They may be more successful in terms of their business but they had no right to come into the house and question his authority.

''Mr. Schwab, I can assure you my husband hires only the finest young men.'' Her eyes froze on the steel tycoon. He raised his eyebrows as though he was admitting slight defeat. She would not have this discussion at her own dining table. She also knew her mother was seething.

''Quite a pistol you have here Mr. Hockley. She's a fine woman.''

Rose quieted down as they spoke of her as though she was a prized horse, a fine winner of many races and as though she wasn't even present. She allowed her husband to fight his own battles for the duration of the meal.

Forty minutes later, the guests had left and her mother had retired to the guest room. Rose had called upon Trudy to help her undress for bed and now stood next to the vanity mirror. She wore a cream nightdress, lace to touch with nothing underneath. A pretty bow sat at the middle of her breasts as well as on the shoulder. Her hair cascaded down towards her waist, curling as it went. A king size dark oak bed sat in the centre of the room against the back wall as well as a large wardrobe space to match. A rocking chair sat in the corner beside the window and another chair was situated beside the bed. Cal entered the room and as soon as he did he dimmed the lights. Catching glimpse of his wife dressed in a peek-a-boo nightgown was almost too much for him. He had been pissed at dinner but now all anger vanished.

''For the love of…''He couldn't say much else.

''It's the new Lucile design. I had hoped you would like it.'' She teased. Immediately he removed his jacket, flinging it over the rocker not caring what state it was left in or how expensive it had been. He came up behind her moving some strands of hair to the side and kissing her neck. Her nipples instantly hardened and goose bumps appeared all over her body. He stopped kissing her and glanced at her though the mirror.

''My beautiful Rose…'' He breathed in her ear. Reaching his rough hands downwards to cup her full breasts. She closed her eyes, not from pleasure but because she always did when he made love to her. She could feel his erection waiting to be freed. She reached her left hand behind her to touch it and he gasped in her ear, licking gently around the lobe. Still, she kept her eyes shut even as he turned her around and kissing her lips hungrily.

He removed his clothes, taking her to their marital bed and taking her time after time. She kept her nightgown on, her nipples sore from his bite, her nether regions even more sore from the evening's sex but still he wore on until the early morning. By which time, she was exhausted. He had tried to pleasure her, to keep her happy but in the end she moaned like an actress did and slept well into the next afternoon.

''Miss Rose.'' A knocking sounded on the bedroom door. ''Oh Miss Rose?''

It was Trudy, her maid. Rose pulled the covers back from the bed and realised she was still wearing the nightgown which was see through. Her legs hurt from the positioning during last night's performance, the way he had plunged into her so much had left her sore but she moved through the pain and found a dressing gown to pull over her.

She went to the door. ''Oh thank Goodness. We were wondering just how ill you were.''

''But Trudy, I am not ill, I simply overslept.''

''But Miss, its after noon.''

Trudy entered the bedroom; she sat Rose at the vanity and began to brush her hair. She thought back to the night before. It was a blur or sex and wine. Her body ached, her thighs in particular. That was the thing about Cal; he always came more than once. Rose was his whore as well as his wife. She knew she could please him, but was it so hard to please a man? Women were a little more technical and he believed he had mastered it perfectly but he hadn't. It wasn't his lack of trying; it was her lack of willingness.

Trudy helped Rose to dress and both women were silent almost knowing that something was unspoken. Trudy knew of the love bites on Rose's body, the sucking marks and scratches. She also heard Cal's orgasmic moans but never Rose who simply sat staring into the mirror with a vacant expression. She was lost somewhere and Trudy didn't know what she was thinking. She continued her job silently; she knew not to say anything.

Once Rose was dressed in a sea green and nude day dress, Trudy proceeded to make tea leaving Rose alone with her thoughts. She saw herself through the mirror now transformed from a dishevelled girl into a lovely respectable looking Hockley wife. Trudy had even applied make up to cover the love bite on her neck which she could still feel the tenderness of when she moved her neck to the right side. She stood from the vanity and left her bedroom. As she walked down the stairs she could feel her legs rocking. The stairs spiralled downwards and she held onto the banister to steady herself. Trudy emerged from the large downstairs kitchen through a door next to the sitting room. She held a tray of tea and biscuits in her hand. At times like this, Rose was grateful for her personal maid.

The maids would be in there each morning at 7am cleaning the brasses and ridding the place of crumbs before proceeding to make breakfast. Usually, as breakfast was served at 9am in the dining room, the beds would be made but now with the late lie in that would have to wait a while.

The sitting room overlooked the back garden. It was vast and ornate; one of the reasons Rose loved the outdoors. It was often used for playing croquet or tennis. The most beautiful part was the 'Rose Garden' which Cal had designed especially for his new bride. It was designed symmetrically as if it was a leaf, the paths representing the veins. The beds were densely planted with over 100 different types of old roses in cultivation before 1900, famed for their scent and beauty, such as 'Fantin-Latour', 'Queen of Bourbons' and 'Madame Knorr'. Along one flank of the Rose Garden was a long, crescent-shaped herbaceous border divided into nine sections by yew and planted with perennials.

Rose took a seat; her tea had been poured out for her, something which was never done when her husband was around. She smiled a little; she knew Trudy had sensed something was wrong. She put two sugar cubes into the teacup and watched the steam rise. The coolness of the room was lovely, she gathered it was another scorching day today.

''Miss, your mother asked me to inform you of her absence this morning. She left at the first signs of light.''

''Thank you.'' She replied, absentmindedly.

She faced the large window which opened out onto a terrace where they hosted parties in the height of summer.

''Where did my husband go today?''

''Work Miss. Then a business supper. He will be back after dark.''

''Very well. I shall eat supper alone.'' She stirred her tea slowly. '''Did Mr. Scott attend the meeting also?''

Mr. Scott was Cal's valet and advisor hired by his father to help him through his busy daily schedules.

Trudy came to dust the light switch, she mumbled as she cleaned. ''Oh for goodness sakes, Trudy would you sit down for one minute?'' Rose snapped.

Never in her career had she been told to sit except by Rose. They were friends, they both knew that but they kept their relationship professional too. Trudy took a seat on the wooden chair beside Rose. She felt lazy doing so but she did as she was told and honestly she was glad of a slight rest.

''Now what did you say before?''

''Mr. Hockley and Mr. Scott had words this morning. I believe him to be fired.''

''Oh my.''

''Also, I caught glimpse of the new gardener as I emptied the bins this morning.'' Trudy's face was serious. Rose glanced up to her, their eyes met and she saw the ends of Trudy's lips threatening a smile and suddenly both women laughed like naughty schoolchildren.

''And? What is the verdict Trudy?''

Trudy covered her lips with her fingertips. ''He is a fine specimen of a man!''


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for the reviews so far. This story is very intimate and can be naughty in some parts. From the older version I did tone it down quite a bit as I found myself cringing at the older stuff!**

 **Chapter Four: Confide In You**

That evening Rose was in her husbands embrace once again. He cupped her breasts, rubbed the spot which should make a woman shudder with excitement before collapsing in his arms but she felt so detached from him. She tried to love him, to feel something but there just wasn't even a spark. She felt so unfocused, like this was a chore or part of a job. Kissing Cal felt so impersonal. As much as she tried to relax into it but he did tend to her pleasure each time, ensuring she came in his arms. The way he touched her felt almost unnatural; he was so rough and she longed for some sort of tenderness. The pleasure was forced and the close feeling was absent from any aspect of their relationship. But still she would try. They had been married a mere month and a half. Her wedding day felt like so long ago now and yet her dress was stored in their newly interior-designed house.

She sat up in bed on three pillows unable to sleep, her mind consuming too many thoughts. She turned her head to see him sleep. There should be something so intimate about watching her husband sleep and to be the only woman to see him in such a personal space, to stroke his face as he slept. Instead, she missed her own space, her own bed in which she had gained a good nights sleep. The clock ticked loudly, mixing in with the sounds of Cal's gentle snores. Together, the noise deafened her. Quickly, she hopped out of bed before her head exploded. She left the room quietly and walked down the corridor to the top of the stairs, she quickly descended them wearing just her nightgown. Finding her way in the darkness, she felt the wall until she found the front door, she placed her hand on the door lock and turned the key before carefully opening the door. It was peaceful outside so sticky warm with a lovely breeze every now and then. She found her way around the left side of the house before heading for the back of the house. Crickets could be heard in the distance and the sky was so clear. Her thoughts were her own as she wandered down the centre of the lawn barefoot. The garden span all the way around the house with flower beds, small shrubs and a water feature in the centre. Her night gown trailed on the lawn as she made her way through the beauty. She loved the peace and quiet, she wished Cal would appreciate this with her. She was trapped in an artists body, trying to escape but trying even harder to suppress it.

She needed to express herself, she had the time to do what she wished to but no one to support her, to wish her well. She was staring straight ahead contemplating every thought which bounced around in her head. She longed to experience something which she hadn't before. The silence seemed to soothe her and she relished the feeling of it. She had been happy once, she had a life to look forward to. When she was attending finishing school she knew she would go to university to further her education, she wanted to know everything there was to know about the world. But once she had become engaged, her mother had refused for her to take part in any such thing. She was allowed to attend one weekly dance which was her outlet. Her husband liked to think he had power over her, to think he was all she would ever want but it couldn't be more further from the truth. Was it possible for a married woman to have a family and to have a social life as well? To be creative and not just a stay at home wife? She may be comfortable financially but it wasn't enough. She wanted to love Cal like he loved her.

In that moment, her thoughts were interrupted by a chopping noise, it was constant and growing louder and louder. She didn't fear it, in fact she was curious. She picked up her nightgown and headed into the nearby trees. She found Jack, chopping up wood without his shirt on. She stopped in her tracks, it may have been dark but she could still see clearly. She gasped, placing her hand on her chest, her mouth formed into an o shape. Quickly, he dropped his axe and pulled a shirt over his body.

''Jesus. I'm so sorry.''

Quickly she glanced away in the opposite direction. She had to calm her beating heart before getting the words to come out. ''I just didn't expect anyone to be out here.''

''I'm sorry.'' He repeated. ''I didn't mean to startle you.''

He buttoned up his shirt and she watched him do it. She stepped closer to him, leaning on the gate which lead out onto the back of the house.

''You didn't. I just didn't expect you to still be out here.''

''I try to work away from the house.'' He was just as startled as she was. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a cigarette tin. He had five already rolled, he took one and placed it between his lips still speaking as he lit it. ''I try to not make noise. I thought you would be in bed.''

She leaned against the gate, folding her arms over her chest. She realised she had nothing on beneath her white night dress, her nipples had hardened despite the warm night. Her hair fell over her left shoulder and her lips parted as she gazed at him, a little intoxicated. His hair was long, he scraped it out of his eyes every few minutes and his eyes pierced hers a little more than she expected them to.

''Why are you still working? Do you not have a home to get to?''

He shook his head, shifting his weight from his left foot to his right. ''I work my way from place to place. Riding the rail and stuff…''

She watched as he took another drag from his cigarette, she felt stuffy almost like the air was closing in around her. ''So how did you end up here of all places?''

He shrugged. ''By accident. I stumbled across Mr. Hockley by accident and I was hired. I worked there for three months and then just the other day he pulled me into the office and offered me this job.'' He scrunched his nose as he glanced around. ''Its about as much work but I like to be amongst nature. Its so beautiful out here.''

She was fascinated by him. He was very open and honest and she liked that about him. ''It is a peaceful place.'' She could smell the mixture of newly planted flowers.

''Do you not have a home to go to though? No family to write to?''

He took a last drag of his cigarette before disposing of it back in his tin. ''No my parents died when I was fifteen. I have no other family, just a second cousin who plays Mr Big Shot in the City.'' He said in a mocking tone. ''I left the town I was born in when my parents died. I have enjoyed life ever since.'' He found her eyes in the dark. ''I vowed to see beautiful things, to see as much of the world as I could.''

She could feel herself grasping the gate. She took had lost her father just the year before. No one had understood her grief. ''I'm sorry for your loss.''

He shrugged. ''I know my life would have wound up different if they had lived. I would have not strayed farer than the next town and married a farmers daughter, had a couple of kids and grown a few crops.'' He plunged his hands into his pockets. ''I believe everything happens for a reason and that was the life I knew. This life I have now, it may not be much but at least I'm making a difference in the world. My parents, well I know they look down occasionally to see how I'm doing.''

He smirked. She couldn't help but smile too. ''I, too lost my father just last year. I think I am still burying the pain.''

''The pain eases as time goes on. Believe me, I woke up in some gutters after a night drinking away my sorrows. But you will grow to live with the pain.''

She nodded, she felt as though someone finally understood her and with just a few words she felt as though they were bonded. ''No parent wants that for their child.''

They were silent for a few seconds, still dwelling from their heavy conversation. They knew each others secrets, ones Rose had never shared with her husband.

''I was closer to my father than my mother. She never seemed to quite understand me.''

''I was close to both of my parents. You were lucky to have been so close, Rose. I know people who never had that privilege.''

She glanced down at her feet. She knew she was lucky, sometimes it just took another party to state the fact. ''My mother is the only parent I have left. The only blood relative.''

''Is that why you married?''

Rose glanced up, out of shock. ''I'm sorry?''

''Did you marry young because you only have your mother?''

She laughed out loud, not believing his rudeness. ''That was rather rude.''

''It's a simple enough question.'' He grinned.

''I think I should go.'' She turned to leave. ''Actually no-you leave! This is my property.'' She pointed to the gate. He didn't move, he didn't even attempt to. He simply shook his head laughing.

''Now who's been rude?''

They both glanced at each other with disbelief. They were playful to serious in three seconds.

''I just remember what you told me at the fields the other day, about how unhappy your marriage was.''

She crossed her arms again, the wind sucked from her. ''Yes, I shouldn't have confided in you of all people.''

''Why not? I won't tell the guy. He hired me, we're not friends.''

She knew by the look in her eyes he was being honest. ''We have a secret.'' She shuddered at the sound of his voice. Her lips curved into a small smile, she moved a small strand out of her face in the slight breeze.

''I should go.'' Jack broke the silence. ''It is late and I have to be back here at seven.''

''Do you not sleep?''

Jack laughed. ''Occasionally.''

They began to walk back up the garden the way Rose had come from the house. Jack had his hands in his pockets, Rose crossed her arms over her chest, they walked slowly taking in the warm night air. It was so perfect tonight. A sense of dread followed her as she reached closer to the door.

''I met your maid today also, um…Trudy something.''

Rose lifted her head. ''Yes, she is a good person. One of the very few people I trust.''

Jack nodded. ''She seems lovely.''

They reached the door and Jack stopped. She liked the fact he walked with her, as though she wouldn't be safe on her own land.

''Well, good night.''

''Yes, sleep well.''


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter five: Unknowing Confessions**

Trudy poured coffee over Cal's shoulder. This was something he hated and would usually bark at maids for such things but today felt different. He grinned at Rose, almost as though he had something to say. Breakfast for Rose was a fruit salad, in the heat she couldn't stomach much more. The heat was unbearable, fans worked overtime surrounding the breakfast table but Cal wasn't fazed by the heat. Cal ate kipper, the smell making Rose feel queasy.

Trudy entered with some ice water. She poured some into a glass. ''Thank you. Could you also open the porch doors? Let in a little air.''

Trudy silently drew back the lace curtains and opened the doors which led out onto the extended porch.

''That is a little better.''

She turned back to her fruit salad, picking at her pineapple. Cal ate his heartily. ''I must head off soon.'' Cal spoke, finishing his fish.

''Do you have another meeting?''

Cal took a sip from his coffee. ''Not as such. My father and I are planning something, we need to test the plans.''

Rose nodded her head. ''Does this heat not affect your work?''

''Of course not.''

Rose took a napkin, dabbing the beads of sweat on her forehead. She began to fan herself with her hand. She turned to see Jack walking down the centre of the lawn, Cal shouted to usher him in. He wore a vest top, which was once supposedly white and khaki coloured pants. His braces were over his shoulders. He walked almost in slow motion, she remembered their private conversation the night before knowing she had to act differently while her husband was around. Jack walked up the steps to the porch, not stepping inside.

''Good morning Mr Hockley.'' He nodded to Cal, ''Mrs.''

Rose smiled in return. He called her by her given name when they were alone. She continued to fan herself in a fluster.

''Please Jack, come in. Trudy, fetch the boy some fresh juice.''

''Thank you.''

Trudy immediately went to the kitchen for the juice. She hadn't sat down since the crack of dawn.

''It's a beautiful day.'' Jack pointed out. ''I won't come in any closer. You haven't finished breakfast it would be rude.''

''Nonsense.'' Cal ushered him in. ''It's cooler indoors. Please excuse my wife, she is not liking the heat.''

Jack was amused. Rose glared at her husband.

''Mrs. Hockley, forgive me but fanning yourself with your hand does actually make you hotter.''

Rose stopped fanning herself and placed her hand on her forehead. ''How so?''

''Because you're constantly moving your hand to cool yourself therefore making yourself warmer. Sitting under a fan usually works better. Or so Ma used to tell me.''

''See darling, I told you the fans were a better solution.'' Cal stood from the table just as Trudy fetched the orange juice. Jack thanked Trudy, almost downing all the juice.

''Well I must go. Forgive me, darling.'' He kissed Rose's forehead and she forced a smile.

''Trudy, please give Jack breakfast before his work commences. He is doing wonders for the landscape.'' Cal called before leaving the room and seconds later the front door slammed.

The car had been ushered just before breakfast. Jack stood as Minnie cleared away Cal's breakfast tray and half drunk coffee.

''Sit down, Jack.''

He did as he was told.

''Sir, what would you like?''

Jack stuttered for a moment. He glanced at Rose for guidance. She was amused, she sat forward in her seat.

''Would you like kippers?''

Jack screwed up his nose. ''So early?''

''Then he will have a fruit pot.''

''Yeah, thank you.''

Trudy left the room. Jack glanced down at his attire and then to Rose's. ''Hey, I feel so out of place in here.''

''You are a little underdressed.''

Rose smiled. Seeing Jack opposite her in a morning was a sure fine improvement to seeing her husband. His arms were so stocky, his muscles so defined. Beads of sweat were still showing on his forehead. Trudy brought him a fruit pot, placing it on a tray before him. He looked to Rose as though he needed permission to eat.

''How will you work in this heat?''

He shrugged. ''I have to earn money.''

He was honest and she liked that. She also enjoyed his company. She remembered their conversations during the early hours of the morning. She actually enjoyed their mild flirtation. She hated to admit as much for she was a married woman. The ring sitting firmly on her third finger, protruding upwards as though it was proving a point.

''But surely you despise it?''

''Well, no. I'm lucky. People out there are so much less fortunate.''

He was right, of course. But there was something about his face which made her stomach flutter just once, a bit. He was like no other man she had met. His honesty blew her away, the way he looked at life was extraordinary and that was infectious.

He took the fork and ate it almost hesitantly.

''You are right Jack.''

Rose began to fan herself with her hand again, sitting back in her chair. Jack saw and smirked in between bites. They shared a smile.

''Do you not remember I just told you about fanning with your hand?''

She stopped immediately like a scolded child. ''Surely there is something we can do about this heat. I have never seen such a hot spring like it.''

''The rose fields are cool, walking under the shade of the trees.'' Jack spoke as he sipped the last of his juice. ''I used to watch the painters there when I first came. They were so inspiring.'' He ate his last piece of pineapple before swallowing quickly. Before he could finish, his plate was cleared away. ''I want to sit there next to the lake, shoes off and thoughts my own.''

His voice was dazed, his imagination took her with him and she made a decision right then and there. ''We should go there.''

''What?''

''It's too hot to work, Jack. The house is too sticky, the flowers will not die if left unattended for a few hours but I will die in this heat!''

He laughed, nervously running his fingers through his hair. ''What if Mr. Hockley returns?''

''He won't. Believe me.''

Jack examined the spot as he took in the sight around him, they sat on the hill just under the shade of a large oak tree. The river was just before them. Rose carefully sat on the brow of the hill, stretching her legs out. She positioned her dress around her on the floor and allowed her feet to poke out of the bottom. She wasn't wearing stockings, she refused to in such heat. Her bare feet could be seen and she didn't care one bit. She could be judged all she liked. A large straw hat shielded her face from the sun, she burned easily whereas Jack had gorgeous tanned skinned, she wanted the touch his arm, to feel the heat against her sticky hand.

''Is this all right?'' He asked her. He began to unlace his left boot and then his right. He pulled them off to reveal two very over-worn socks.

''Its perfect.''

He removed his socks. ''Have you even felt cool grass in between your toes?''

She turned to him, confused.

He stood on the hill before indicating for her to stand with him. He held out his hand and pulled her up. She had never stood on the ground barefoot before. He pulled her further up to the top right under the shade of the tree. The grass there was cool.

''Can you feel it?''

''Yes.''

She moved around with him, their hands still entwined from their climb up the hill. She giggled as it tickled ever so slightly. She removed her hat with her left hand and threw it onto the spot where they were sat.

''Feels wonderful doesn't it?''

''I have never felt something like this.'' She giggled. ''Beats a fan in the house.''

They continued to walk in a circle around the tree, finding cool spots and the grass between their toes. It felt so free like this been so close to nature. Rose leant back against the tree trunk, she felt the coolness mixed with how rough it was to touch.

''Why did you suggest coming out here?''

Rose turned serious for a moment. She glanced at her feet, wiggling her toes. ''I needed some air. Besides, you cannot be expected to work in such heat.''

He nodded. ''You are so different around him.''

Rose pursed her lips. She started back towards the spot where they sat to begin with. ''I have to be. He is my husband.''

Jack sat beside her, genuinely interested in what she had to say. ''Are you happy?''

''I'm lonely. My marriage is a lonely one.''

''Is that why our friendship is valued to you?''

She nodded. ''Yes I value our friendship. Possibly more than I should.'' She took a deep breath and glanced out at the view from the hill. It faced away from the city and she appreciated the beauty more so.

''I married for the wrong reasons. I wanted something I will never experience. Love and affection.''

Jack felt his heart sink. ''I thought he would love you.''

''He does in his own way. It is I, I am the one who doesn't love him.''

Jack laid out on the grass. Rose watched and joined him, for today she wouldn't care who saw. ''I can't imagine not loving the person I chose the spend the rest of my life with. I guess Ma and Pa taught me about love from such a young age.''

Rose joined her hands over her stomach. Jack watched as her waist clinched it, so tiny yet her curves were in the right place. Her husband should have been crazy about her. ''I wish my husband was more like you.'' She sighed, turning her head to face him. ''Or that I would have met you some time ago.''

Their eyes met and locked. Jack was stunned. The sun seemed to bear down strongly now more than before, the heat burning into them both.

''I would have taken you away from this. I don't have much money but...''

''Jack I do not need money. I never did. Happiness and love is all I needed. I thought marriage would secure me something but it hasn't. For the month or so I have been married I feel more suffocated than before.''

''Then I would have taken you away from here,''

They both felt something stir, something deep within. A pulling of something which could never be. A feeling of dread and fear. They had both unwillingly and unknowingly confessed something to the other but what it meant they did not know.

''But I am your friend Rose. I want you to know that.''


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter six: A Celebration**

The dinner table was silent, only the scraping of forks against the china plates could be heard. Dinner with her mother was like a slow and painful death, it was always a formal affair even though she was her relative. She tried to not fidget or show her disinterest. She glanced about the dining room and tried to not replay moments from the conversations she had with Jack the previous day. She thought of where he was now and if he was even able to get anything to eat.

Her mother eyed her daughter. Ruth would always barter on about her work at the ladies lunch, as though it was the most important thing in her life. In one way Rose did wish that she could be more like her own Mother and to take an interest in all of these silly things, to enjoy galas and indulge in those conversations as though she actually cared but she found they had nothing in common. And so the silence remained.

''For God's sake, Rose. I am glad we didn't dine out this evening.'' Ruth broke the silence.

Rose took a long sip of red wine. It was the strongest she had selected from the kitchen and went to her head the quickest. She needed it after the day's events. She had arrived home from the fields with Jack the day before and had unknowingly caught the sun all over her face. She was burning up. Trudy had cared for her with a cool cloth but her mother was more embarrassed than concerned.

''Oh stop it, mother. I told you, I was simply running some errands.''

''This is what you have hired help for. Your face is hideous.'' Her eyes were sharp.

''I refuse to let every day needs become such a problem for the hired help. They do enough,'' She snapped. ''Besides it was a beautiful day.''

''Then you should have been inside, Rose! I told you as a child, your skin is far too fair to be outside in the sun.''

''Yes but I am no longer a child.''

''Then please stop acting like one.''

Rose pushed her plate away from her. She had had enough. ''I am a grown woman; I can run my own errands. If you come to my house to make comments, you can leave right away.''

Ruth looked at Rose sharply. Never had she been spoken to in such a way, especially not by her own daughter. She had not raised her this way and she wasn't going to tolerate it. Marriage should settle a woman not fire her up. Even now she was still a handful.

She was just about to open her mouth when Cal entered through the door leading from the kitchen with his father Nathan. Immediately, Ruth clamped her mouth shut and played the delightful guest at the table. Rose rubbed her face, feeling the burn from the sun. She craned her neck to see her father in law. She felt like feigning a headache to go to her room, she easily could with been out in the sun all the day before but she decided against it. She took another long sip of wine.

Nathan was tall and wide with a look of Cal but with grey hair.

''Oh caught the sun a little I see.'' Nathan smirked as he entered the dining area.

''Yes my darling wife was silly enough to take a walk into town yesterday without the aid of assistance – or a hat.'' Cal kissed the top of his wife's head. Nathan held a bottle of Champagne.

''Now please, forgive the intrusion at dinner ladies, I know you two have lots to speak about. But my son and I have an announcement to make...''

''Trudy fetch four glasses.'' Cal shouted to the maid who scurried to the cupboard the fetch the fancy glasses.

''Darling, just what is going on?'' She spoke directly to Cal.

''Caledon and I have sealed a contract in New York City. A meeting will take place there in May.'' Nathan announced, prolonging the tension.

''Darling, why all of the celebrations?'' Rose stood from the chair. She was dressed in the red dress which he loved to see her wearing, with black details. It showed her skin, her décolletage and the tops of her breasts. ''Surely this contract is-''

''Because Sweet pea, I have also secured us tickets on board the Mauretania, the most luxurious ship to sail the Atlantic. We are heading to Paris before seeing London.'' He placed his arm around his wife's waist and she smiled hesitantly. ''We are to leave in four days...''

Rose raised her eyebrows. ''Four days but...'' Rose glanced to her mother who appeared to be on cloud nine. She had not appeared so happy since her daughters wedding day,

''Ruth would you be joining us? There is plenty of room.''

''Oh Cal, of course.'' She took a chute of champagne as handed to her by Trudy. She didn't stand, just simply took a sip from her glass. The news was like music to her ears since her argument with her daughter. Surely this would tame the child a little?

''Darling, this is all so sudden.'' Rose couldn't understand where this had come from. She tried to protest but she wasn't to make it so obvious.

''Only the best for my wife,'' He pulled her closer. Never showing so much affection in front of their families. He whispered to her quietly, ''And to make up for my lack of existence over the last few weeks.''

She was shocked to her core but a part of her was excited. Maybe this was the trip needed to secure her a happy marriage. She felt him tighten his grip on her and she smiled. She caught eye contact with her mother who she knew could read her like a book. Her mother was counting on her to make this marriage work, to see their family name wasn't dragged through the mud. She smiled, it was half genuine but something in her stomach sank, and that was the fact that she wouldn't see Jack for many months.

''Isn't it wonderful?''

''Of course, darling.''

Ruth had finished her champagne before Rose could get down half of hers. ''Just to think, us sailing the Atlantic on this best ship at sea!''

Rose turned to her Mother. ''Yes, perhaps you should go shopping and buy a whole new wardrobe.'' She was sarcastic but Ruth didn't sense this tone. She simply nodded.

''Yes, perhaps I will.''

''Of course, you both must. But hurry, tomorrow you will go as we have very little time to pack.''

Rose's little joke had backfired and she found herself leaning against Cal for support. She knew they would both have new wardrobes for the trip as Nathan would open his wallet wide enough for the whole charade.

''Oh, what a thrill.''

The celebrations continued until late in the evening.

''I noticed the dress you wore this evening.'' Cal had drank one or two flutes too many. The excitement of the business deal, whatever it was had brought out a softer side to him. ''You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.''

She shivered as he touched the back of her neck, kissing the spot which tickled. ''Thank you.''

He turned her around, touching her waist. ''I was lucky, Rose. To have found you.''

''And I was you.''

She saw his eyes didn't waver one bit. He had never been as serious as he was right now.

''I want to see your eyes light up when that ship sets sail.''

She touched his face before leaning forward to kiss him. It was the only thing she could do. She didn't know what else to say. He reciprocated of course. Kissing her the way he always did. The thoughts which entered her head lingered way into the night. She thought of Jack Dawson, the boy who was hired to tend to their garden. The boy who had grown to become her friend and the person she trusted more than her husband whose chest she laid on. He had long since fell asleep, their lovemaking and champagne a contributing factor to his snores. She didn't budge from his chest, she just fell into her own world. A world where she and Jack walked the cool grass of the rose fields, they swirled around before collapsing into a fit of giggles and then maybe, just maybe he would kiss her. Just once. Then she slept, soundly.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter seven: Preparing to Leave**

''So I guess the bags are all packed huh?''

Jack leant over the gate. He smoked a roll up, like he always did. He turned to Rose, who stood beside him. She wore a simple dress, lilac in colour. He loved seeing her like this, when she was herself and not dressed to the nines. Her make up so natural, her translucent beauty which shone under the budding sun. There was a different side with Rose, he had observed which she only allowed him to see and yet with her husband, the supposed love of her life, she was so stiff and different.

''Yes. It has taken three days to pack most of our lives into a suitcase.'' She laughed pathetically. ''The majority of it was bought on a whim, the new dresses, shoes, hats...its hideous.'' She shook her head. ''My mother insisted on new dresses, I left it all up to her.''

''Well I guess that is what you folk do.'' He laughed. ''Well not you, but you know...'' He didn't want to offend her but he knew she wasn't offended when she laughed along with him. He treat her differently to the rest of the people who she knew, who were in her circle and that made her happy.

''How about you, Jack?''

''Oh hey, I will find work.'' He took another drag of the cigarette, he offered it to her and she took it before taking a drag. She found she liked it, it cleared away the stress building up in her chest. They had never shared a cigarette and there was something so intimate about doing so. 'I just liked it here, y'know. Its beautiful.'' He glanced around, squinting in the sun.

She felt bad for making him jobless. ''Will you draw again?''

''I never stopped. I just made more money from the work here. I barely found time to do it.''

He glanced around, the sun was about to set over the city and what would be Rose's last day here for some time. She had a feeling that when she returned everything would change. She turned to Jack. ''Was it just about the money?''

During their friendship she had picked up many traits from him, including direct questions. Jack leant over the gate again, he took the cigarette from Rose as he shook his head. ''No, I made friends.'' He glanced at her. ''I made a friend.'' He smirked, correcting himself.

She laughed. ''I do wish we could head back to the fields just one last time.''

''Why don't we?''

Rose bit the inside of her lip. The temptation was almost too much but she knew she couldn't. She had already spent so much time with Jack. The adventures they had, the long talks getting to know each other, she knew she couldn't stay any longer. Their friendship had to end sometime. ''My husband returns soon. Cal spent so much time away he now insists we catch up on the small things like dinner together.''

Jack said nothing. A tiny stab punctured something inside him and he didn't know why. He had known since the first time he laid eyes on her that she was married to his boss. ''You know he asked me to join you on the trip?''

Rose whipped her head around to him. Her features questioned him right away before she could ask the question herself.

''Apparently he lost his valet and his father insists on hiring another for the trip.'' Jack pointed to himself with both hands and grinned. It was almost a joke.

Rose was surprised but something inside her which had been dying now seemed to come back alive. Part of her wanted him on this trip. ''Did you accept?''

He shook his head, his eyes twinkling in the fading sunlight. She felt a connection to him, something pulling her towards him in every way.

''You know you should consider.''

He narrowed his eyes whilst looking at her. ''Why?''

''Its a good opportunity to travel...'' She tried to list points.

''I always travelled by myself, I wouldn't even know what to do.'' He shrugged.

''If you could be told what to do by Cal. He isn't so bad or demanding. I think he even trusts you.'' She felt a pang of guilt. The man her husband trusted was the man she had built a deep friendship with over such a short space of time.

''I think he does.''

''Just make sure my husband gets back to the hotel on time, in a reasonable state and with his wallet after a crawl through less reputable parts of town.''

They shared a laugh. Their fingers were just an inch or two away, she could almost feel the heat from his body in the warm evenings breeze. She tried to cling onto that feeling knowing it could be the last time.

''I have always wanted to go to Europe. I would get one day off a week.'' Jack's voice was tinged with excitement. ''We could use that day to explore every inch of the city.''

''We can buy expensive art in Paris, see the Eifel Tower.'' She giggled.

''I want to live like a bohemian just for one day, to experience that life. I want to meet Monet.'' She loved his dreams, the way he spoke of them with such passion and dare she say she shared those dreams more so than hers and Cal's. Not that they had any.

''We should try to sell you in Paree, get your name out there.'' She laughed. ''I could be hanging a Dawson worth millions.''

''Oh no, I'm not that good. I never will be.''

''Nonsense. When you sketched me that day. I haven't seen a talent like yours.''

''Because I haven't seen beauty like yours.''

As soon as he said it his stomach fell and he shut his mouth, he took a long breath. He was still looking at her, their eyes never wavering. She clutched her hands to her stomach hoping it would calm the nerves. They both knew he shouldn't have said such a thing but he wouldn't take the words back and she wouldn't make him. They meant something to her. Instead, she relaxed against the gate where she had found him working shirtless during the night. He joined her, side by side they watched the sun set over the land. Both of them knowing this could be the last time. For a moment, she thought she didn't want it to end. This moment was the happiest she had been in such a long time, she always smiled around Jack, he brought out a different side to her, a side she never knew existed.

''We shall be looking out to sea soon.'' Rose broke the silence. She could see Jack smirk, she couldn't help but smile too. Jack felt his heart leap, it was the first genuine smile he had ever seen from her. And he was happier for it.

''Well then I must go.'' He pulled away from the gate. ''I have supplies to buy for this trip tomorrow.''

Rose's face broke out into a smile.

''What?''

He turned to her, so wide eyed. ''I will come with you, presuming the offer is still open.''

Rose touched her flushed cheeks. ''Oh Jack, I am so glad. It must still be open. I will talk to my husband.''

''What a journey we shall have.''

She felt giddy.

''I will be around early tomorrow, I have a suit to be fitted for. I have never been fitted for anything in my life.''

''Get used to it, boy.'' She laughed as she walked back towards the house.

''So I have decided to become a valet?'' He questioned his own sanity. He questioned why and then he knew the reason and she was in front of him.

''I will see you tomorrow.''

Cal's embrace that night was colder than she had ever felt and yet as the morning loomed, Rose couldn't help but feel a tiny bit of excitement.

''Darling?''

Cal was half asleep, half awake. His eyes running over some paper which he had missed out on that evening due to dining with Rose. It was rare he bought business to the bedroom but with a few hours before going to New York, things needed tending to quickly.

''Yes?''

Rose came to him on the bed, tucking a curl behind her ear. ''I hear you invited Mr. Dawson to assist your affairs during this trip?''

''Yes.'' Cal muttered absentmindedly.

''I happened to see him as he finished the gardens for today and he mentioned he would in fact be very interested in the offer.''

Cal removed his eyes from the paper. He was silent as he narrowed his eyes at Rose.

''He spoke to you about this?''

''Quickly.'' Rose smiled sweetly. ''It was I actually who said perhaps he would save you a lot of hassle looking for a more suitable candidate.''

''Actually its my father who deals with that.''

''We are to leave tomorrow.''

Cal nodded. ''Yes, of course. I will have words.'' He went back to his work. Rose sighed heavily as she picked up a book to submerge herself into. She knew sleep wouldn't come to her very much tonight.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter eight: Goodbye City**

The sun had been up for just over an hour when Jack Dawson arrived at the Hockley household after a restless nights sleep. His mind had been consumed with too much information and his brain hadn't shut down. He took a last drag of his cigarette before tossing it to the side of the path. He thrust his left hand in his pocket, using his right hand to knock on the door using the large brass door knocker.

He slouched slightly placing his hands in his pockets and waiting for someone to answer the door. His lips pursed, and he ran a finger through his hair. He remembered his conversation with Rose yesterday and he wondered if he was doing this for him or for her. His thoughts were knocked from his head when the door was opened for him, a maid stood behind it inviting him in. inside the house it was almost a circus, staff scurrying around attempting to find last minute items, suitcases being transferred around the house, last minute dress stitches and a missing shoe were a few of the emergencies which they faced.

''Mr Dawson, good morning. May I take your coat?'' Trudy came from the sitting room.

Jack removed his jacket before handing it to her. He felt rude for doing so believing a man should take the ladies jacket. ''Thank you.''

''This way, sir. They have been waiting for you.''

Jack followed her down a long corridor past the dining room and up one fight of stairs. It was a spare room which he was lead into where Mr Hockley was waiting with his father and a man he assumed would be the tailor.

''Good morning Mr. Dawson.''

''Morning.'' He nodded his head.

''This here is Edwin, he will be fitting you for several items of clothing this morning.''

Jack nodded, his hands still thrust in his pockets. ''All right.''

''I believe you have met my father?''

''Yes we met before. How are you?''

Nathan shook the mans hand. There was a likeable quality about this young man.

''Have you ever done this sort of work before Jack?''

''No sir, I haven't even worn a suit.''

The men laughed. ''Jack is somewhat of a simple boy.'' Cal informed his father as though he was a child but Jack dismissed such a thing.

''That is true. I am grateful of a bath once a week, a freshly baked loaf and the occasional beer.'' Nathan laughed, he could see young Jack fitting in well.

''This job entails a bit of work, son. Mostly watching my sons behaviour especially with the ladies.'' Nathan raised his eyebrows. ''Although since he married Rose he had calmed down somewhat.''

''Well she is my wife now, father.''

''A beautiful one at that.'' Nathan agreed. ''Have you met Mrs. Hockley?''

Jack nodded his head slowly. ''On a few occasions.'' Nathan watched him as though he would say more. ''We spoke very little but yes, a lovely girl.''

''Well we shall leave you to it. Would you be joining us for breakfast Jack?''

''Of course he will.'' Cal answered for him. ''Today is a big day, he needs all the strength he can get.''

Jack was left alone with the tailor. He was measured and fitted for three-piece suits, a morning dress with a cutaway coat and striped trousers for formal daytime occasions also striped pyjamas, countless shoes and a watch was given to him. He had expected one set of clothes, maybe two but by the time he had left the room, he had bathed and he was wearing something so formal, he daren't sit down. The tailor had offered him wax for his hair, which he had used to slick back. When he glanced in the mirror he had to stifle a laugh, he felt as though he was dressing for an over the top play. He left the room and walked a long corridor, one he felt he had walked up. He turned into every room, glancing to see if anyone was around. He heard giggles from one, the door open a crack. He slowed his walking, his hands in his pockets and through the crack he could see Rose getting her hair styled by her maid. They must have heard the floorboard creak because Rose jumped up to the door. Jack continued his walk as though nothing had happened when he heard his name whispered. He turned to see Rose, she was wearing a dressing gown and had her make up applied, her hair was long and to her waist in ringlets. His breath was caught in his throat, seeing her looking so beautiful.

''Trudy, please go check on breakfast for me.'' Trudy immediately did as she was told. Even though she and Rose were friends, she still kept her instructions followed.

''Good morning.'' Jack grinned.

Rose waited until Trudy had started down the stairs before ushering Jack into her dressing room. It was a smaller sized room with a window overlooking the garden. It had a large wardrobe and dresses were laid across them, several pairs of shoes had been cleaned and make up brushes were everywhere.

''You look like a gentleman.'' Rose touched his shoulder.

''Well, you look under-dressed.''

She pulled her dressing gown tighter, still enthralled by the handsome man. ''You really do look the part. I am very impressed.''

''If I had a top hat and stick I would do a dance.'' He joked and they both laughed.

They remained silent for a moment, neither of them knowing what to say or do. He kept glancing at her, his heart racing ahead.

''You can take me dancing then, when we reach New York.''

It was like an order and Jack smiled. ''How would you get away?''

''I have powers of persuasion with my husband.''

Jack didn't want to know what they were but he so badly wanted to take her dancing. He could picture her been a wonderful dancer but he wasn't so bad himself. Trudy came back into the room.

''Breakfast is almost served. Mr. Dawson they await your presence.''

Jack thanked Trudy before hesitantly leaving the room. He heard a whisper afterward and could have swore he heard his name mentioned.

The dining table was decked out for a feast of a breakfast. Breakfast started with fresh fruit that was placed in a large silver dish, with grapes hanging over the rim. Fruit ranged from simple apple and pears, to the more exotic melon and pomegranate. Then a pot of hot coffee was served with a cooked breakfast of a mixed grill, beef steak and omelette followed by a selection of pastries.

Jack sat beside Ruth, Rose's mother who he had discovered was rather arrogant. She had questioned his place at the breakfast table and her displeasure of the seating arrangement was obvious but still he devoured his breakfast even though he was full after the first course. He hadn't eaten like this before.

''My God where is my wife?''

Rose still hadn't appeared twenty minutes into breakfast.

''Ruth, your daughters beauty rituals are beyond me.''

Rose then appeared, her hair in a tight bun and wearing a light airy mint dress. She wore pearls at her throat as well as in her ears. She said nothing as she was seated next to Cal at the table.

''I'm sorry for the delay. I trust you started without me.''

''Of course, when the foods out its hard not to.'' Nathan laughed in between sips of his coffee. ''We were starting to think you'd gone ahead without us.''

Rose laughed as she came into eye contact with her mother and then Jack. She took a breath deep breath; enough to get her through breakfast.

Forty minutes later the car was called out front of the house. Jack took his first job by taking the heavy suitcases to the trunk of the car and then he realised that they were traveling with two cars worth of cases. He struggled to understand but did as he was expected to do. He watched the circus erupt around him, he couldn't remember ever having witnessed something so formal and yet this was just the beginning. By the time they were to leave, Rose had donned a hat and was ushered into a car with her mother and husband while Jack was in the car behind with a few of the maids who had been selected to travel with them. He kept his head down, the whole staff were quiet and he wondered if any of them were leaving family, homes and friends or if like he, they had nothing holding them in one place.

As they drove away from the city that he had called a home for several months, he felt no longing for it. Possibly because the thing that he longed for was with them. They passed the rose fields and he glanced into the car in front, where he could see the back of Rose's hat. He watched as she turned her head to the left side, catching his eye before turning to look forward once more. He didn't know what that meant, but he was glad he had come on this journey with them.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter nine: Eyes Wide Shut**

The journey to New York had taken two hours. The endless chugging of the train, her mother's constant complaining and the stuffiness and now Rose wanted to do nothing except sleep. Her temples ached beyond belief and Cal's eyes were almost burning on her, he knew at this point that something was wrong. She kept herself quiet, thinking of last night with Jack as she watched the towns and cities which passed the window.

As the car pulled up outside the Waldorf-Astoria, hotel workers immediately ran to the car to help unload their suitcases. Jack opened the door for Cal to step from the car. He then watched as Cal snobbishly walked around the other side and held his hand out to Rose. She was displeased in some way; she glanced around silently before starting for the hotel.

The weather was cool and the clouds gathered overhead but no rain had threatened yet and even if it did it wouldn't dampen Cal's mood. He was proud of himself and his father for managing to get the trip and nothing would ruin it. The only thing which he couldn't quite grasp was his wife's moodiness.

They entered through the 34th Street entrance, inside there was a wide, three-hundred foot amber-marble corridor where guests could relax on the luxurious chairs and sofas which was known as "Peacock Alley." A young man greeted Rose who was followed closely by her mother who enquired if heating was supplied in their rooms. She also requested a cup of tea in fifteen minutes. Like the other guests, they didn't need to stand in line in the hotel reception they simply were shown to their rooms. Hockley had made sure arrangements were made down to every last detail.

Ruth was shown to her room, a separate space next to the room which Cal and Rose would occupy. It was on the top floor and when Rose entered the suite she progressed straight to the bedroom. Jack took charge of the cases, delegating to each member of staff where to place things.

Cal closed the door behind Rose as he entered the bedroom which they would occupy for the night. She was stood at the window; she had removed her hat and thrown it onto the dark oak wood four poster bed. She watched life down Fifth Avenue, seeing the hustle and bustle of the everyday people. Would the journey ahead actually be a joyful one?

Cal interrupted her thoughts by clicking the door shut, he came to her slowly. He placed his hands around her waist, snaking them and then locking them around her as though he was caging her in. She feigned enthusiasm and kissed his cheek.

''Do you remember Rose?'' He whispered in her ear. ''Do you remember when I promised to take you to New York and make love to you in this very hotel?''

She squeezed her eyes closed. ''Yes,'' She spoke breathlessly. ''Yes I remember.''

''I want to fulfil that promise now.''

She said nothing in return. His eyes were on her, so full of lust. She tried to avoid eye contact and felt that dreaded feeling in her stomach. Just at that moment, Jack opened the bedroom door with a young man carrying one of their cases.

''I'm so sorry.'' He apologised and was about to back out until he saw the moment which he had so obviously disturbed. He felt his own cheeks redden.

''Not at all Jack. I was just leaving myself.'' Cal straightened out his coat. ''I told you didn't I sweet pea? About the meeting my father and I would attend.''

She nodded; she didn't even search her brain to remember if he had mentioned it. ''Yes, darling.''

''I will be back for dinner.'' He kissed his wife's cheek. Jack nodded goodbye as he left the room.

''Put the case in the wardrobe.'' He instructed. He didn't take his eyes from Rose. The young man opened the wardrobe door and attempted to fit the suitcase inside. Jack saw he was struggling as he banged it up against the door again and again.

''All right, just leave it.'' He sighed, growing frustrated. It was a simple task but he must have felt the tension in the air. ''Go inform your colleagues that the work is done. Make sure no one interrupts Mrs. Hockley.''

He then clicked the door closed as the man left. He could see Rose was lost in thought, away with her own mind.

''Are you all right?''

''Yes.''

She didn't even look up.

''Are you sure?''

He came closer, approaching her like a scared horse.

''Yes.'' She turned to him. ''I am just tired.''

He saw a flash in her eyes but there was something behind them which seemed deadened.

''All right.''

''Leave, Jack. I must get some sleep before dinner.''

He nodded before unwillingly leaving the room. He said nothing else but what could he say? He knew she was haunted by something but he didn't know what.

''I will make sure you are not disturbed.''

Four hours later, Rose had dressed for dinner. She had called upon her mother to help her decide a dress for this evening. Together, they had picked a green satin with a lace bodice and low cut edge. It was tight to the waist before skimming over her hips and flaring out. Trudy had laid out all of her jewellery on the dressing table which she had put on one by one. Her hair was teased and pulled into a loose bun, with strands loose around her face. Cal's eyes were on fire as he caught sight of her and she knew that later in the evening; he would not be able to take his hands off her.

They had made reservations at Murray's Roman Gardens. A popular spot in Times Square known for its rich décor which attracted fashionable diners. It was described as the largest eating-place in the world with seating for 5,000. Murray's was one of a new type of luxurious restaurant known as 'lobster palaces' because of their décor which imitated imperial Europe, impeccable service and excellent cuisine, which favoured late-night lobster suppers. Rose's spirits had lifted a little by the time they had arrived at the grand entrance on West 42nd street. The main restaurant on the third floor was reached by a marble stairway flanked by winged lions in marble and a black and gold mosaic foyer. The décor was extravagant with mock Roman sculpture and statuary. There was a cobbled floor, latticework, relief sculptures, pergolas, a full-size Cleopatra barge and a 30-foot-high marble fountain crowned with a classical Roman temple designed by Stanford White for the 1893 Chicago World's Fair with brilliantly coloured glass mosaic tile panels of swags of fruit topped by lions' heads.

The brass band's music hit their ears as soon as they made their way up the stairs. Rose was escorted by Cal and Ruth was on the arm of Nathan. Jack followed closely behind; his eyes were in disbelief at the beauty of the place. He felt so out of place but still he continued. He nodded to ladies with giant feathers in their hair wearing clothes he hadn't even known had been designed. Men wearing white suits, something which his Pa would have laughed at.

They were seated in a quieter area on the third floor. The champagne flowed and the lobster suppers were served. Jack stood back, watching the night reveal more and more before him. He thought he had seen a lot of things but tonight he realised he hadn't. This was where the filthy rich came out to play and everyone knew it! Everybody here looked alive, they may have had money but the simple things like dancing kept their spirits up. He stood with his arms folded; his eyes fell on the Hockley table.

Rose sat staring ahead, at what he did not know. Ruth was silent, sipping from her flute so delicately whereas Cal engaged in repeated conversation with his father. He spoke animatedly and so professionally of things Jack would never understand.

Jack almost wanted to sweep Rose from her chair to dance. He watched as Ruth stood before the table and he quickly found his way to her.

''Is everything all right Mrs. Dewitt Bukater?''

''Jack, would you escort Ruth back to the hotel?'' Cal asked.

''Of course.''

''Rose may follow shortly. She is growing increasingly tired from the day's events.''

Jack glanced at Rose. She gained eye contact for several seconds before looking away. It was as though she was a child who couldn't speak for herself but Jack agreed.

Ruth didn't reply for herself instead she said a few goodnights before following Jack to the entrance of the hotel. Their car was still sat there and the driver still alert.

He held the door open for her and helped her inside before running around the other side to the front of the car and climbing into the front himself. The journey was silent. Nightlife along Broadway had flourished in recent years and Jack could see the excitement in the lights which sparkled all the way along the strip. He kept his eyes peeled at every shop and theatre which they passed on their way. The excitement which seemed to fill the air and yet it was almost as though Rose was been shielded from it. Even at Murray's where everyone else seemed to live, to let their hair down and yet Rose was still so glum.

Once they reached the hotel, Jack escorted Ruth to her room. He was surprised when he offered her his arm she had taken it. He didn't know if it was because it was the 'proper' thing to do or not.

''Mr. Dawson is it?''

''Yes.''

They had just left the lift which led to Ruth's floor when she tried to make small talk with him.

''I trust you have done this type of work before?''

''Actually, no. I worked at the steelworks for some time before Mr. Hockley asked for me to accompany him on this trip.''

''I see. Are you familiar with my daughter?''

Jack mumbled an 'mm' when he remembered how much of a stickler Mrs. DeWitt Bukater was and remembered his manners.

''Yes, we speak very little.''

Ruth was satisfied with this.

''But she seems a lovely young woman, with a good head on her shoulders.''

Ruth nodded and Jack wondered if he had said too much. ''Yes.''

They walked across the dim lit corridor and Ruth let go of his arm.

''You will return to the restaurant and to Mr. Hockley?''

''Of course.''

''Very well.''

''Good night, Mrs. Dewitt Bukater.''

She said nothing as she clicked her door shut. Jack tried to not laugh. She reminded him of a strict headmistress he once had.

He could breath now as he realised he could return to the restaurant at his own pace. On the return journey in the car, he pondered at the lights down Broadway. He longed to experience some of it, to take Rose to see a play and see her eyes light up just for a little while. He felt in his suit pocket and his fingers found the stacks of bills which Cal had insisted he take before dinner. He hadn't counted it but he knew it was more than he had ever been paid possibly even in a month. It was classed as his first wage and he didn't know what to do with it.

He had barely entered the restaurant when he saw Rose's approach the front entrance door. There was a queue of people outside waiting to get in, those who hadn't made reservations.

''Where are you going?'' He was almost accusing.

''My husband has arranged a carriage to take him and his father back to Fifth Avenue alone. They are to go to one of those 'gentleman clubs'.'' She spoke in a mocked tone.

''Did he leave you alone?''

She shook her head. ''I have come to New York to live! I am abandoned by my own husband! I need to live!''

A maître d' saw her outburst and Jack pressed his lips together. ''Wait here.''

He grabbed her hand and led her back inside, he told her to stay stood behind a 30-foot-high marble fountain crowned with a classical Roman temple with colour glass mosaic tile panels of swags of fruit topped by lions' heads. She glanced around seeing the whole restaurant so alive and so full of people having fun. She felt like screaming. Would anybody even care?

Jack took the maître d' to one side. ''When did Mr. Hockley leave?''

''Seconds ago, sir.''

Jack nodded satisfied with this. He handed the young man a ten dollar bill.

''I would like a table ready in five minutes on the higher floor.'' Jack pointed upwards. ''A table for two in the quietest corner you have.''

The maitre d' took the tip. It was the biggest he had seen all week.

On the fourth, fifth and sixth floor, more dining rooms were there. By nine thirty, the rooms were crammed. Dancing was the latest craze to take over the city, on the final floor was a private dining room he asked to be placed on the Hockley bill. A small scale cabaret was inaugurated that featured the creation of a small dance floor. They were offered a late night lobster supper which they refused and Jack simply ordered them two beers. The waiter was horrified, champagne was the usual order. From their seats they could see over Broadway, Jack asked to make sure they weren't joined by anyone else. His wish was their command for he could be anybody, as long as he had money.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter ten: Eyes Wide Open**

''Whatever gave you the idea for such things?'' She beamed. Her eyes were wide with sparkle. Her face lit up for the first time since they had left Philadelphia. The lights which sparkled down Broadway seemed to take her breath away and as Jack watched her they were dull in comparison to Rose.

''When I took your mother back to the hotel.'' He smirked from behind his beer glass. ''I pictured us exploring every bar down Broadway.'' He gestured with his hands.

''I didn't know this existed.'' She was surprised herself at the splendour.

''Neither did I.''

This was the type of evening she had pictured having. Her husband had left her to celebrate some sort of victory but now Jack was here that didn't seem to matter. He was so handsome in his suit; she had to keep diverting her eyes away from him. She wondered if this was what her life would be like if her husband was more like Jack. Would she be happy?

''Besides I wanted us to celebrate.'' He took a sip from his beer. ''Although I didn't know if you would want to.''

She lowered her lashes.

''Rose what was wrong earlier and at dinner?''

She sat forward in her chair. She took a breath which sounded more like a sigh. ''I feel so trapped! I feel like every person on this trip, the entire crowd here and every other person is living their life except me. Its as though I don't exist.''

He felt his heart sink. ''This is what tonight is about.'' He shook his head. ''Rose, I got to be honest – I don't know how your husband can sit and talk to his father when he has you sat right there next to him.'' He paused for a moment to take in just how beautiful she was tonight. ''I wouldn't stop sweeping you around this dance floor...you wouldn't leave my arms.''

As soon as the band began to play, Jack stood up. He got to his feet, removing his jacket and throwing it on his chair not caring about the expense of it. He necked what was left of his beer and held his hand out to Rose. She glanced upwards at him, confused. She was still shaking from his words. The words which were so real and raw and she knew that he meant them.

''Come on Rose.''

Hesitantly, she took his hand.

She glanced around and saw they were alone except the bartender and the band.

''Jack, I can't do this.'' She turned her attention back to him and realised just how close they were. She had never danced with another man besides her husband.

''Remember Rose.'' He touched her chin with his index finger, she looked up to him. Their faces so close together. ''You made me promise to take you dancing when we reached New York.''

She did remember but when it came down to it she felt so very nervous. A smile came to her and her body loosened a little. Jack placed his right hand on the small of her back and pulled her a little closer to him. She didn't offer any hesitance whatsoever. Picking up her dress in her right hand, Rose slipped her hand into Jack's. He began to lead her into the middle of the floor.

Rose followed his lead and simply did as he told her. He led her around the floor to the beautiful rhythm of the song. Usually they played Tchaikovsky but this time it was a simple melody. They were so close, his cheek almost touching hers. She could feel the warmth from his body and she longed to be closer even though she wasn't even cold. She felt so safe as though for this dance she could forget everything else.

She took particular notice of his ability to dance. She was surprised but then she wasn't. This man seemed to be able to do everything so well.

''Where did you learn to dance?'' She pulled away from his chest to see his face.

''My parents, they were dancers.'' He paused for a moment to watch her face. ''They met in a dance hall when they were fifteen, they fell in love. I came along a year later.''

She smiled, leaning into his chest. ''A true love...I want to experience that.''

He continued to lead her around the floor so smoothly. ''My parents have no story. They fought for as long as I can remember.''

''Is that why you married so young?'' He rested his chin on her hair so lightly. The gesture was new to her. She stopped dancing for a moment. Remembering just how honest Jack was and also knowing just how well he could read her.

''I met Cal when I was too young and I needed somebody to love me so badly.'' She started to move again and he listened, intrigued. He felt like he needed to know her better, to understand her reasons. ''I attended a Hockley garden party last summer. He made a line for me, he was powerful and made me feel safe.'' She sighed. ''Three months later I had a ring on my finger.''

''Do you think that it will last?''

''I thought that when I married it would be forever, and then I married Cal.'' She glanced at the rings on her finger, the symbol of her marriage. The vows which she had recited which she so badly wanted to break. They had meant something or so she thought but now they hadn't. ''This trip is to try to butter me up. He knows how I have felt at times. I know he means well but I am so unhappy.''

''Do you not talk to him about it?''

She wanted to laugh. ''No. My husband does not speak of such things. Neither does my mother.''

She leant against him as though she was trying to get some sort of comfort and he tried so hard not to kiss her. He supported almost all of her weight and she realised in that moment that it was Jack who made her feel safe. It felt right to move closer to him and soon there was no gap, their torsos were completely pressed together. To the outside world, they were a young married couple who were so in love but they couldn't have been more wrong.

''That is why you're so-so different.''

''Because I'm honest?''

''Yes. You are you.''

Their eyes met for a moment and Jack wrestled with himself. He leant forward and kissed her forehead. Her eyes closed as she relished the tender feeling. Tenderness wasn't something she felt often. She squeezed his hand wanting to be closer to him. The fight to not allow him to kiss her was growing unbearable.

Seconds later they stop dancing, it was as though they both knew that they should stop. Jack led her back to the table. Rose shakily took her beer in her hand and finished the rest of it.d

''We should go back.'' She broke the silence.

''Shall we walk?''

She nodded. Not wanting the evening to end even though they both knew they must make tracks and not be too late in arriving back to the hotel.

Rose shivered as the night air hit them. He removed his jacket before helping her into it. She accepted it gratefully. The giddiness of the mood seemed to continue as they walked slowly, taking in everything around them. They had shared so many details with each other and she wondered if she trusted him more than anyone else in the world. His emotions seemed to mirror hers. He offered her his arm and she took it linking her right one through and holding onto it also with her right hand.

As they reached Broadway, the light were ablaze. They were surrounded by so much life and beauty and neither of them wanted the evening to end. They had much more fun than they imagined they would as they remembered speaking about it in Philadelphia. The seriousness of their conversation had opened up their friendship to a whole new level. The hype of the mood was on fire from the dancing. She wished they could have experienced it for longer, to dance to every song the band played. Rose had never felt so alive in her entire life. She had for once experienced what life could be like outside of her world and dare she admit she had developed a taste for it.

''Come Josephine in my flying machine and its up we go…up we go.'' She sang sweetly, Jack too joined in slightly off key but carried on nevertheless.

''Balance yourself like a bird on a beam. In the air she goes! There she goes! Up, up, a little bit higher, Oh! My! The moon is on fire.''

They broke into a giggle but that soon stopped as they glanced up. ''Do you remember the song, Jack? Wasn't that on Broadway just last year?''

''I think I heard it someplace.''

She giggled and he loved the sound.

''Oh look!'' He dragged her across the road and they dodged a carriage, where they came across an empty Automat. She glanced at the machine inside the diner, taking in the new surroundings. It looked like something from a moving picture.

''Do you know what it is?''

''No.''

''I saw one in Santa Monica. It is a fast food restaurant where food and drink are served by coin-operated and bill-operated vending machines.''

There was an instruction manuel on the side and Jack instructed for Rose to follow it.

''First drop your nicklets into the slot.'' She read aloud. Jack handed her a nickel and she dropped it into the slot.

''Then select the foods which you want.''

''French fries are good.'' He nudged her.

She selected the option and then turned the knob as the glass door opened. ''Now lift the door and help yourself.''

She took the fries which were served in a cardboard packet. She glanced at them so alien and he laughed. She squealed with delight she had never seen one before. He took one also and she laughed as he sucked it up the way she had spaghetti as a child.

Jack turned to the Automat machine again. ''How about Coca Cola?''

''Is that a drink?''

''Yeah.''

He followed the instructions once again and the drink came in a glass with two straws.

He pointed to the table and she sat. It was American diner style, the tiled floor with a checked pattern and black and white tables.

She took a French fry and ate it slowly. ''I have only had fries once, my father allowed them.''

''Are you kidding?''

She shook her head.

''They aren't so good for you but my parents allowed us a trip to the nearby cafe once a month to have a treat. We had hamburgers.'' He took another fry. ''When I went to Santa Monica I ate it a lot more. They had the most amazing diner by the beach near the pier.''

Her eyes seemed to light up as he spoke of it.

''You went to Santa Monica?''

''I lived there for three months before I came out here. I drew portraits there for ten cents.'' He took a sip of Coca Cola.

''Here try some Coca Cola.''

He offered her the glass and she felt the fizz in her mouth. She swallowed it, giggling.

''It tastes so good, right?''

She nodded. They both went for a sip at the same time and they watched as half of the drink disappeared as they sucked it up.

''I have never had this much fun. '' She took another fry. He smiled but it seemed to fade as their eyes met. ''Say we'll go there sometime to the pier? Even if we only ever talk about it. Please say that we will do it.''

He felt his stomach pang. He couldn't lie to her and play make believe. ''I can only promise to take you one day. When I promise something...I will do it.''

She felt her breathing become unsteady and she shivered as a breeze seemed to hit her.

''All right then. We will do it.''

''I'll take you horse riding on the beach, right in the surf. We can drink cheap beer and ride the rollercoaster until we throw it all up!''

She laughed so hard and he couldn't remember seeing her so happy. His smile faded, he knew he had to make her this happy all of the time.

He sighed. ''I don't want to take you back to the hotel.''

Their eyes met as he was serious. Her heart fluttered.

''I want to explore this city more.''

''As do I...but only with you.''


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven -

Throwing the hotel room keys on her dressing table, Rose wasn't surprised to find her hotel bedroom empty. Everything was how she had left it before they had left for dinner proving her husband was obviously still out God knows where. She sighed as she still felt her heart beating wildly, her excitement from the nights events obviously hadn't settled in yet. She glanced around the room, it was like a showroom. The bed so uninviting with umpteen amounts of pillows on for show. She could smell the wood, the freshness of the room. She didn't know what time it was but it was almost midnight or perhaps just past, she knew that much. She could still taste the fries and she smiled. It was a reminder of the great night, of the many great things which she had experienced since her friendship with Jack Dawson had begun. Rose had only returned to the room for several minutes before a knock sounded on her door. She opened it to find Trudy fully dressed.

''Thank goodness!'' She scurried inside. ''I have been waiting for your return. Your mother said you would follow shortly and then you never came.''

Rose felt guilty. Her voice was low. ''I'm sorry.''

Trudy immediately began to unbutton the back of her dress, the usual routine for getting her ready for bed. Rose paused for a moment.

''I was with Jack.'' The words fell from her mouth before she could stop them. It was a sheer relief to say the words out loud. She felt Trudy stop unbuttoning the dress for a moment and she knew she would be thinking awful thoughts. She bit the inside of her lip as she continued. ''He took me dancing.''

Trudy was still silent. She knew this would happen somewhere along the lines. There was something quite undeniable about the pair. Rose seemed to have had her eyes opened that night to something which she knew was there all along. It was as though she had been shielded by something for so long but she didn't know what it was.

''Do you think I am playing with fire?''

She felt Trudy pull at her final button before she helped Rose to slip her arms from the garment.

''As a friend Trudy, I need your thoughts.''

Trudy picked the dress up from the floor. She found a padded coat hanger and carefully draped it over it to be took for the washroom began to button it back up.

''You are playing with fire.'' She spoke quietly.

''I can't seem to stop.''

Rose removed her jewellery feeling relief as she took off each piece and simply placed them on the dressing table. She didn't bother to wrap them back up and place them into the wooden jewellery box which had been bought especially for all of the valuables.

''I know how much I value Jack's friendship. But Cal, he is my husband.''

Trudy came to Rose and turned her gently. She began to unlace her corset. ''Mr Hockley is a fine man...but perhaps he is not the man for you.''

Rose felt as though she had been strangled. A hand constantly around her throat and now it had closed and her airwaves had been crushed. The realisation had hit her, hard.

''Oh Trudy, you are right.''

''But you are a married woman now.''

Rose bowed her head. ''I am,'' She sighed heavily. ''Jack is everything I could ever want in a husband.'' She whispered.

''But money is absent.'' Trudy quipped quickly.

She felt the tugging as Trudy continued to pull at the laces. It seemed to be bringing her back to her reality and waking her up from the things she seemed to have been sleeping on for a long time. Rose put her hands around the front of the corset so that it didn't fall straight to the ground once it was unlaced.

She took a deep breath. ''But money isn't everything. Isn't love worth so much more?''

''I believe so. That is if love is present.''

Tears came to Rose's eyes. She felt as though she had been shook awake from a long drawn out dream where everything was hazy but now it was so clear. She hadn't discussed any of this with Jack. She didn't even know what his feelings regarding anything like this were. She struggled with her thoughts, with everything in her head.

''Thank you Trudy. You now may leave.''

Trudy knew that Rose was fighting with something but she knew the best thing to do was to leave her be. She needed to figure this out alone and Rose was still her employer.

''Yes.'' She left immediately. ''Good night.''

Rose clicked the door shut before her. Her mind was so much more muddled than it had been just minutes before. Just how much more could her head tangle itself?

She leant against the door, her bare back exposed to the coolness of the wood. It woke her senses. She leant her head against the door and felt the pins dig into her head. She threw the corset to the ground, stepped out of her undergarments and threw them also. She pulled at the pins in her hair which were like nails digging in deeper and drawing blood from her head. She threw them onto the dressing table and shook her hair free. She had been suppressed for so long she needed some sort of freedom. She sagged against the door again this time completely naked. She relished the feel of freedom and the coolness. She learnt her head back against it and rolled her head around and rested her left ear on the door. She closed her eyes for a moment; there was silence and peace...

Then she could hear footsteps. They were quick and they approached her door. A low knock followed, she gasped and grabbed the first thing she could find which was her cream dressing gown which was draped over the chair of her dressing table. She tied the robe and flicked her hair over her left shoulder in an attempt to neaten it. Her nipples were hard beneath the material and she hoped it wasn't Cal. Seeing her dressed like this would sure enough arouse him, they hadn't made love for several days and she had grown to find simple excuses to avoid such things.

She opened the door an inch, to see Jack stood there. She opened the door wider to allow him to enter the bedroom.

''Hello Jack.''

She crossed her arms over her chest.

''I came to let you know Cal fell asleep on a chair in the reception area after going to a gentleman's cub on Fifth Avenue.'' He took a deep breath. ''I put him to sleep in my bed, he was so drunk he didn't know where we were.''

She felt Jack was telling her it was all right, that he didn't know that they had been dancing. That they'd had a wonderful night and opened her eyes to God knows what else which was running around her mind. Their secret was safe. Nobody knew any different and they could continue their pretence. She smiled weakly.

Jack had rolled his sleeves up since he had left Rose. His braces were around his legs and his hair was natural without wax and it fell into his eyes the way it had always done. His shirt was unbuttoned a few inches down from the top and her eyes seemed to settle there for a moment onto his chest.

''I don't wish to know what my husband has been up to.''

Jack could see the look on her face, her care had gone. She turned to walk around the side of the bed towards the window. She felt she had to put some distance between them. They could both feel something there between them. Their eyes met but then they looked away, the power too much for both of them. But they didn't know what it was. Jack began to back away from her and he clicked the door closed. She realised he had more to say, the air between them felt much more different than it had done before. It was so much stronger and seemed to be drawing her closer and closer to him. She began to back towards the window in order to get more air. She felt so tight and breathless. He came towards her a little; he didn't know what to say.

Her dressing gown fell away from her chest exposing the top part of her cleavage. She steadied her breathing as she saw his eyes travel to her there; she knew he had struggled with the same as she did.

''Oh God Rose.'' He whispered breathlessly.

He hadn't thought of anything for a while other than her, she had been in his head since the first day he had met her and now it seemed to be coming to a head. His feelings were almost too big and too much for him to control. He steps closer to her, running his fingers through his hair.

''What is happening here, Jack?'' She asked slowly and quietly.

He knew that she was acknowledging something too. There was so much between them. It was like an electric buzz growing louder and louder and getting stronger and stronger until it was deafening to them. They didn't know if it would go away or if it would continue. The only way it grew weaker was when they stepped closer to each other. She came towards him just once, a small and hesitant step. She was so lost in his face, those eyes that she trusted so much. He couldn't stop looking at her, she had exposed so much of her décolletage. His heartbeat grew stronger and quicker. He threw caution to the wind and placed his left hand on the flat of her face, she closed her eyes for just a second to take in the moment. He stroked it against her soft skin, she felt the flutters, the beautiful feeling which she knew she would only ever have with Jack.

He leant forward and kissed her just once on the lips. Barely grazing but the touch was still there. The buzz grew weaker and weaker. She sagged with relief against his body, but now she felt like she needed more.

She touched her lips with her index finger as he pulled away from her. They had opened a can of worms and it would get worse from here on out. The longing and the ache wouldn't grow duller but purer and stronger. He kept his hand on his cheek and slowly leant forward. He kissed the right side of her neck, so tenderly to the point where she shivered with weakness. Her whole body was ready to crumple beneath him. Her nipples hardened so much. She had never felt like way before from a single kiss. The way Cal had touched her was nothing compared to the feeling she had right now.

He trailed kissed just to the top of her shoulder before he stopped. He pulled away seeing her eyes flutter open. She was so breathless. He stopped himself from kissing her again, knowing he wouldn't be able to stop.

''This feels right.''

She squeezed her eyes closed, leaning against him. She didn't want him to talk but she was glad he did. If he hadn't, she would be in his arms as he carried her to the marital bed where she should be laid with her own husband.

''Jack, this is impossible.'' She tried to push him away but she couldn't. He made her weaker.

''Listen to me. You've got a strong, pure heart, and you're the most amazingly astounding girl I've ever known.''

'' Jack, I'' She struggled with listening to his words.

'' No wait. Let me try to get this out. You're amazing... and I know I have nothing to offer you, Rose. I know that. But I'm involved now.''

Rose felt the tears coming to her eyes. Jack was so open and real... not like anyone she has ever known. This was the moment she had played over and over in her head. The one which she pictured would be the most perfect moment in her life. It felt like something from a dime novel she had read, the ones that really ache your heart.

''You're making this very hard. I'll be fine. Really.''

''I don't think so. They've got you in a glass jar like some butterfly, and you're going to die if you don't break out. Maybe not right away, because you're strong. But sooner or later the fire in you is going to go out.''

He placed his palm on her cheek again and she prayed that he would not kiss her again for she would not be able to stop. She was scared of what would happen, of how strong her feelings would grow. She was terrified already.

''It's not up to you to save me, Jack.'' She was firm.

''You're right. Only you can do that.''

She touched his hand for a moment, keeping the warmth and trying to capture the moment in her head, to keep the memory and to remember just how perfect this moment felt. Was this what love felt like? The intensity of a single stare was magnificent.

''Jack,'' A tear fell from her eye. ''You need to leave me alone, for both our sake.'' She removed his hand from her face and pulled her dressing gown together.

His eyes seemed to die a little. She turned to the window and squeezed her eyes closed as he left. That's when the ache started...


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve: The Mauretania

Two Renault Landault motorcars pushed their way through the crowds. They approached the First class gangway slowly. The lead car inched through the crowds. Around it, first class ladies and gentleman steamed to board while seamen and third class hurried to their entrance. Horse drawn carriages, motorcars and lorries moved slowly through the dense throng. The atmosphere was cheery and tinged with excitement.

Jack emerged from the first car. He pulled open the door for Cal, as he nodded to him, an acknowledgement from a valet to a gentleman. They had left his father, Nathan in their New York hotel that morning. He was to head home to Philadelphia to look over the family business. The trip was to be for the bride and her husband and accompanied by her mother. Cal checked his pocket watch to double check the time. They had very little. Jack held out his hand as he helped Rose from the car.

She was dressed in a regal blue travelling dress. It was the closest to black she could find. She glanced around, unimpressed and cool. She glanced up at the ship, the largest ship ever built to sail the Atlantic. Of course, the title was current but was about to be smashed by the maiden voyage of the Titanic which was due to sail in a mere few weeks. But right now, R.M.S Mauretania was still a delight to see. Rose, wouldn't allow Cal to see this so she feigned exhaustion and kept her excitement a secret.

''We'd better get aboard since Rose's beauty rituals kept us behind.''

''You told me to change.'' She said bitterly.

''I couldn't allow you to wear black on sailing day, darling. It's bad luck.''

Rose stepped towards the front of the car. ''I felt like black.''

Cal left Jack to help Ruth from the car. She looked like the cat who ate all the cream. Her smile the most genuine Jack had seen. She couldn't take her eyes from the ship, so impressed and excited to experience the luxury aboard the largest ship to sail the Atlantic. No doubt the press would be present and for her name to be associated with the ship could only do her good.

''So what do you think, Ruth?''

''Well, well. We have certainly dropped on Cal.''

The maids scurried to remove the cases from the trunk as quick as they could. A small man approached Cal. He worked for Cunard and had an issue with the family's timing.

''Excuse me, you have to take your bags to the other terminal. We are almost ready to leave.''

Cal raised his eyebrows to Jack who quickly had a word with the man and tipped him well to take care of their bags. He said no more as he employed men to take care of their luggage quickly and efficiently. Jack never ceased to be amazed at what people would do for money. The tips which Cal had offered were huge and Jack was the man to handle his money. He knew Cal trusted him. Still, Jack took in the ship for a moment. He had never been aboard something as magnificent in his life. His face held a smirk, one he shook away quickly. The day was clear and fine. Yet, Rose dressed as though she was to attend some mournful service.

They began their walk up the gangplank. Rose took Cal's arm, her face well hidden beneath her wide brimmed hat. He escorted her up the first class gangway. They stepped through the wide doors and it seemed to engulfed them. This felt like prison, she watched the ships entrance it seemed to take them all in one big swoop and that was it. She had lost her freedom.

They were greeted by stewards offering to escort them to their rooms. One of the young bellboys rushed past them with a flower arrangement for one of the rooms. Ruth gasped at the beauty and quickly requested flowers for her room.

They crossed an opulent reception area to the foot of a grand staircase. A series of elevators were installed next to it. The upper dining saloon could be approached from the main staircase. On " A " Deck a lounge and music room with entrance from promenade deck, elevators or main staircase could be approached. Forward of the lounge on "A" Deck with entrance from promenade deck, elevators or main staircase was the writing room and library.

At the foot of the stairs, they were approached by a familiar looking woman who Ruth recognised as Eleanor Elkins Widener. She stood with her son Harry, who smiled to the family before making his way past them to speak to an officer. The families had met some time the previous year at a charity gala and had indulged in luncheon one or two times afterward.

Cal introduced himself.

''Your father is in steel isn't he Mr. Hockley?''

''Yes we have the largest mill in Pittsburgh producing over three million tonnes each year.''

Eleanor turned to Ruth with that seal of approval glance before turning to Rose. ''And what about you Miss? Still keeping up with your piano and Latin?''

''I'm through finishing school ma'am. I am also married.'' She stifled a yawn, covering her mouth with a delicate laced glove.

Eleanor raised her eyebrows. ''Dear girl, a little thing like marriage is no reason for one to halt refinement of the mind.''

Ruth laughed. ''You awful thing.''

Ruth assumed Eleanor was joking. Since there was nothing more important in a young woman's life than finding a suitable husband. All education and artistic training served one purpose: preparation for the role of society and be a great wife.

Harry approached again and Cal launched into conversation with the young man of business. Rose listened as they massaged each others ego, watching them grow and grow. Ruth discussed the wedding with Eleanor and soon Rose was oblivious to. Ruth divulged stories from her wedding to anybody who would listen but the day was one Rose failed to remember. The day had been extravagant, so much money spent and she had sat at a long table surrounded by people she had barely known. But the opportunity for her mother to gloat was another thing. She excused herself, finding herself walking into the dining saloon which was adjacent. The multi-level first-class dining saloon was decorated in Francis I style and topped by a large dome skylight that was designed to harness the positive energy of the solar system. It took her breath away, one of the most beautiful rooms she had ever come across. She halted, finding herself in direct view of Jack. He too had stopped at the other side of the dining room and as passengers came and went, weaving between tables they seemed to maintain eye contact. He was riveted by her, he needed to see that smile on her face once again and he wondered if it would ever return. She cut a lonely figure in such a vast space alone.

Cal had secured the Regal suit on A deck . It was complete with a sitting room opening onto an exposed deck, a dining room and small pantry, two bedrooms, a water closet and separate bathing room all connected by a private hallway. The woodwork in the port side drawing room and dining rooms were of East Indian Satinwood with sparse gilded highlights and inlaid panels of striped green silk. The silk used in the wall panels was also used in the upholstered seating of each room as well as for the window hangings. The panels and windows were separated by flat fluted pilasters with gilded fluting towards the bottom and a gilded design towards the top.

Ruth had a single, although opulent stateroom across the hall to the Hockley's. The servants had additional rooms adjacent. The stateroom was Empire style, dark wood furniture and a huge flower arrangement sat as a centre piece on the table.

Porters fetched in Cal's private safe and Jack instructed for the safe to be placed in the sitting room. Rose immediately made her way to the bedroom and locked the door without so much of a single glance or word.

''My wife's moodiness of late is appalling.'' Cal laughed as he was handed a glass of champagne. He had to laugh for he knew nothing else of what to do. ''Do you care for one Jack?''

Jack was torn between busting down to door to check Rose was all right and staying to drink with her husband.

''Yes, why not.''

''Here, another glass.'' Cal instructed to the porter. Ruth joined them in the sitting room of their stateroom.

''How's the room, Ruth?''

''Wonderful, Cal. Just heavenly. Its a home from home.''

Ruth helped herself to a flute and sipped it slowly.

''I thought you would be satisfied.'' Cal laughed. He was as proud as punch with his bookings.

Ruth glanced around. ''Just where is my daughter?''

''She went to nap for some time. She isn't so impressed.''

''Oh Lord.'' Ruth silently cursed her daughter for showing her up in front of her own husband. Jack took a sip from the champagne as a porter had handed it to him. It bubbled in his stomach, a reminder of his lack of food intake that day.

''Say Jack, why don't you take the day off today. We need to celebrate this fine journey. Come and join us for dinner this evening.''

Jack was taken aback. ''If you are sure.''

''Of course.''

Cal dug in his pocket to find a cigarette. He seemed to struggle to find matches. Jack found his deep in the pocket of his pants and threw them to Cal. ''There you go.'' He smiled. ''Keep them, I have too many.''

Cal nodded, silently.

A steward entered the open door which lead into the stateroom. ''I apologize for the interruption. Sirs, Ma'am. I would like to welcome you on aboard. Lunch will be served between 1pm and 2pm in the dining saloon. Afternoon tea is available from around 4pm in the Verandah cafe.''

''Thank you.''

''What do you say Jack? Will you join us for lunch?''

Cal continued to smoke his cigarette. Jack was hesitant for a moment. ''Actually, thanks but I intend to explore the ship as much as I can during my freedom for the day.'' He laughed. Cal also grinned.

''Well then lets hope my wife is well enough for lunch otherwise its just you and I, Ruth.''


	13. Chapter 13

**Thirteen - Pulling Away**

The ships engines had begun and as soon as she felt movement Rose had quickly jumped out of bed. Her mother and Cal had informed her they would be having lunch in the dining saloon. She couldn't face yet another stuffy dinner. She had played the ill card until she had heard the sitting room door slam closed and they had made their way to lunch. Her mother was visibly angry with her. Cal seemed more concerned but as he had kissed her forehead and wished her to feel better soon she didn't even feel seeped by guilt.

She smoothed out her dress, tending to the curls which had come unpinned as she had laid her head on the newly mattressed bed. Clicking open the door which led into the sitting room, she found her way to the private promenade deck. It had several small windows which led out onto a deck. She could feel the engines ever so slightly beneath her feet and as she reached the deck a breeze hit her face. The ship was pulling away from the pier, ever so slightly as she made her way out into the ocean. She grasped the rail as though it was a matter of life or death. She shivered, feeling the chill of the now overcast day. The people who had gathered dockside were now barely ants. She pressed her lips together, her heart sinking. There was no going back now. Her hair whipped around her face, her lips pressed together so tightly that they slowly turned white from the pressure. Her eyes watered and she didn't know if it was her mood or the wind as she barely blinked whilst gazing out to the crowds.

The door to the deck creaked open and Trudy frightened Rose, she thought she was alone.

''Are you all right, Miss?''

''Yes.'' She nodded, still watching the pier grow farer away.

''Mr. Hockley said you were suffering from a terrible headache.''

Rose laughed pitifully. Then Trudy knew it wasn't at all correct. ''No, Trudy. I just couldn't face eating with them.''

''But, you have to eat something.''

''I will. When I feel hungry enough to.''

She removed one hand from the rail. The water below waved as the propellers turned hundreds of feet downwards. ''Very well.''

Rose turned to return back inside. ''Trudy, tell them I went to explore the ship.''

''But, Miss…''

Rose sighed as she fought with her own snappiness. She stepped closer to Trudy, the one person who had become a dear friend. ''Trudy, I value your friendship.'' She touched her hand. ''I also feel so very alone right now.''

''Speak with me about whatever you wish…'' Trudy touched Rose's hand. It was delicate and clean.

Rose sighed. ''You already know.'' She bit her lip as she glanced out at the land which was growing farther and farther away. ''Have you ever been in love, Trudy. I mean, truly loved a man?''

Trudy was silent for a moment. Her eyes seemed to glaze over for a moment and she pursed her lips. They seemed to have gone dry. She slowly nodded. ''Yes, just the once.''

''Then maybe one day we can talk about him.''

She smiled, letting go of her hand. Trudy watched as Rose disappeared back into the sitting room.

On the same deck as her stateroom were the writing room and the library. They were situated aft, designed in the style of Louis 16th with extensive use of grey sycamore highlighted with the use of gold leaf and ivory. An ornate skylight centred being the most spectacular feature. A large oak bookcase lined the left wall, full to the ceiling with books. A large white fireplace burned logs in a cosy area surrounded by finely upholstered divan couches in a golden colour with salmon pink and a burgundy red chair littered here and there.

It was cool in the writing room and she found herself with goose-bumps beneath the thin material of her regal blue dress. Her eyes were large and curious, this had to be the most beautiful space she had seen. Libraries attracted her and drew her in, she could happily spend the entire voyage in this space reading everything which it had to offer. She was alone and clicked the door closed behind her.

The wooden smell hit her nostrils and the fireplace burned logs. She stepped towards it feeling the warmth hit her and she held out her hands to warm them a little before proceeding to the bookshelves. She ran her finger along the books, the fine leather felt battered beneath them. She selected one book, pulling it from the case. She opened it, seeing the dust fall from inside and the text was so worn out, she wondered just when it was published. She loved the smell of books, the leather bound cover which felt so rough to touch.

The door clicked open and she whipped her head around. She had hoped she would remain alone to collect her thoughts and to escape for some hours from the reality of her life and indulge in some reading; the thing which had been her outlet as a child. Her mother wouldn't think to look for her here and she knew she could escape without been tormented.

It was Jack who had entered. He approached her and she lowered her head. She looked over the book and placed it back into the bookcase before proceeding to look over more titles. She could hear his footsteps coming towards her and he stopped before her. He didn't even examine the lovely space, he only saw her.

''Hello.''

She turned to her left. ''Hello Jack.''

She turned her attention back to the book. She found a familiar title _Jane Eyre,_ a novel she had discovered in school and yet her mother had ripped it from her hands time and time again not allowing her daughter to read such drivel.

''What are you reading?''

She clutched the book to her chest before scanning over the title once again. '' _Jane Eyre._ '' She paused for a moment. ''Have you heard of it?''

''Yes. My mother owned a copy.''

Rose turned her attention back to the book, running her hands over the leather. ''It is a favourite of mine.''

She could feel his eyes on her burning into her like the flames from the fire. She dared herself a glance. He wore his day clothes but it was still the attire he wasn't quite accustomed to. His hair fell into his eyes and he had his portfolio shoved under his right arm casually.

''What is this you're carrying around?''

He removed it from under his arm. ''Its my collection of drawings. I so rarely get to sketch these days.''

He indicated for them to sit on a chair. She hesitantly followed, sitting on a finely upholstered seat.

''I have so many of them now that I had forgotten when they were drawn.'' He laughed to himself. He pushed his hair from his eyes and opened it to the first page. Rose remembered the first day they had met, Jack had shown her his sketches and she had been stunned at his talent. That hadn't changed. Her fingers shook as she turned the pages. The time since the day seemed to be so long ago.

''Remember this?''

He placed his hand on hers as he skipped to the very back of the portfolio. He pulled out a sheet and placed it on top of the others. Her eyes darted over the drawing, it was of her. She could see the happiness leap off the page, the excitement from the day. She squeezed her eyes closed.

''Would you like it?'' He offered.

''No. I don't need a reminder of how I look.'' She looked him directly in the eyes. ''My husband has plenty of pictures of me.''

She was happy then. She could see it in her own face. She stood from the chair quickly and proceeded to the door, not even bothering to push the chair under the desk so it looked as though it hadn't been touched.

''Rose?'' He quickly gathered his sketches back together in his portfolio.

''No!'' She held out her hand to stop him. ''I don't need a reminder of how happy I was. I was happy then. I can see it myself.''

Jack still held the sketch in his hand. He was almost offering it out to her. Her hand shook as she reached forward and her fingertips grazed the end of the paper. A tiny shock ripped through her finger and she pulled away quickly and search her finger for injury.

''Ouch.'' She cursed in a whispered tone. Jack placed his portfolio on a nearby desk and slowly touched her right index finger.

''Its alright. It's just a paper cut.'' He smiled and it was so lovely. She felt as though life was draining from her and there wasn't even much blood. Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. He pressed it tightly to the small cut. ''The small cuts always hurt the most, right?''

She pressed her lips together as he continued to wipe away the blood. It didn't seem to stop bleeding. Would Cal ever do this for her? The tiniest cut which caused so much pain. Would Cal actually care for her or would he send for help?

She watched as the once white handkerchief was now tinged with her blood. Jack squeezed the cut once more and the blood seemed to cease. He glanced at Rose, her fingers entwined with his. Her breath wouldn't come out, she felt winded. The moment was intense and the whole world disappeared and stopped turning for another second or two.

Slowly, he pushed his hair from his eyes and brought her finger to his lips. He gently pressed them against the cut just once ever so gently. She ripped her hand from his fingers so quickly he failed to register what had just happened. She turned and walked from the library not staying for a second long enough to see the look on his face. He was hurt.

It took his ten seconds or so to swallow the feeling he thought he would never have again. He blinked several times to stop his eyes from growing moist and then he collected his things before leaving the library.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter fourteen - An Imprinted Image**

It was the next evening before Jack had found it in himself to leave his room. He had found various things to occupy his mind and sometimes he would just sit on the small leather chair and gaze out of the small porthole. He could see the water just below and the way it lapped up against the ship. It was almost like therapy for him as he watched the anger which consumed him seemed to disappear for a moment. He read the newspapers, over and over until he realised that he hadn't actually read anything at all. He simply skimmed the pages, occasionally looked at the images and then closed them only to repeat the same notion.

He hadn't joined the Hockley's for dinner last night or even this evening. A letter had been slipped under his door around the time which Cal and Rose usually left for dinner. It was for Jack, to ask him to accompany Cal to the smoking room after dinner. The letter seemed to give various reasons and Jack had thrown the letter on the chest of drawers.

After taking a bath and dressing himself in his finest suit, he found himself glancing in the small mirror above the chest of drawers next to the door. It wasn't something which he did often but tonight as he waxed his hair into place he found he couldn't recognise his own reflection. He felt as though he had become someone else but yet his face appeared younger, he was better looked after and definitely better fed. He had a bed for the first time in five years and yet he felt so vacant. What had this life done to him?

He took one last glance in the mirror before heading out of the door. He entered the Smoking room via the A Deck staircase. The room was exclusive to men, to keep in line with the social standing and in order to recreate the same atmosphere of a gentlemen's club.

Cal was already nursing his brandy whilst surrounded by a cloud of smoke at a table. Jack took a seat in front of a large dark oak roaring fire. Men around them played cards, discussed business and politics whereas some simply enjoyed a cigar.

Jack was offered a brandy as soon as he had sat down and he accepted one.

Cal took a sip of his. It was as though he had something to confess but had not yet found the nerve to. Jack nursed his knowing just how bitter it would taste.

''Can I fetch you anything else, sir?''

''No.'' Jack shook his head. ''Thank you.''

That was the thing which he noticed about Cal. Jack always thanked the stewards but Cal didn't. Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out an already rolled cigarette.

''I hear you didn't leave your suite yesterday and today.'' Cal glanced at Jack. ''Nothing too contagious I hope.''

Jack was about to find a reason to explain but then decided to play along. ''No, nothing a day in bed didn't cure.''

''Good. We have a busy day ahead tomorrow.''

A steward came to light Jack's cigarette for him and he puffed to keep it alight. ''What plans do you have?''

''Actually, its plans for you.'' Cal took a long sip from his brandy before sitting back in his leather upholstered chair. ''Do you know anything of business Jack?''

''No, not really.'' He laughed, his dimples accented from his lopsided grin. His naivety of such matters shone through and Cal realised in that moment he was possibly an easy target to get his own way.

''You see the thing is, it's my wife.''

Jack's face fell serious. He was suddenly more interested in what Cal had to say. ''Why? Is she still ill?''

''I wouldn't exactly say ill. My wife hasn't been happy for some time.'' Cal necked more of his brandy. His sorrows seem to be downed with every drop he swallowed. He tapped his glass with an index finger and a steward immediately took his glass to be refilled.

Jack couldn't help but look directly into Cal's eyes. ''Maybe it's the seasickness.'' Jack pathetically offered.

''No, Rose doesn't want to be around me and I don't know why. I was hoping that maybe you could...escort her places?''

''You want me to follow her?''

''No, think of it as accompanying her.'' A steward brought Cal another brandy and he took it without so much as glancing at him.

Jack sat back in his seat. He smoked the remains of his cigarette and took a moment to look over this man who was trying too hard to keep his wife. This was his way of clutching onto her.

''What do you expect to find?''

Cal narrowed his eyes as he fought with his inward demons. ''I expect that Rose does not care for my company so much.''

He didn't know how else to explain it. It was bad enough admitting to having marital problems so early in the marriage but Jack was his valet and this was strictly business and professional. He needed to keep the information between them two of them.

Jack felt like coming clean for a split second, that she was suffocated by her own husband. He was a man with a guilty conscious. He too was falling for Rose and she had shut him out just as much as her own husband. It was something which she was dealing with herself. Then Cal reached into his pocket. He pulled out a wad of bills; he didn't even count them he simply threw them to Jack's half of the small round wooden table. Jack glanced around for a moment; no one had even noticed the fact that a large amount of cash was simply sat in front of his on the table. He assumed larger amounts had been exchanged in the duration of their card games. He pushed them towards Jack's fingers.

''What is this?''

''A business deal.'' Cal told him. Jack put his cigarette out in the ashtray provided before pushing the money back.

''I cannot accept this.''

''Yes you can. Think of it as a payment for your services.''

Jack hesitantly played with the money for a moment. ''Just what do you expect me to do, Cal?''

''Escort her to lunch, maybe a stroll on deck.''

Jack laughed for a moment. ''But what good will that do?''

Cal glanced around the room. Around them married men played cards, probably discussing their many mistresses. That was the difference, he didn't want anybody else to know and he certainly couldn't take another woman right now.

''I need to get to the bottom of this. If word gets out...''

Jack then realised this was more about the reputation which he had to keep. He took a sip from his brandy.

Cal necked the rest of his second glass and then stood from his chair.

''We have a busy day tomorrow, Jack. You will need to report in early.''

Jack sat back in his seat and nodded.

''All right.''

''Good night Jack.''

Jack was left alone. He watched Cal leave and contemplated following him for a brief second to make sure that he returned to his room without any mishap. He couldn't seem to move as he sat ran his fingers over the edges of the bills. He had never seen such a large amount except maybe in Cal's safe. He placed the money into his inside pocket without any hesitation, if he was going to be expected so highly of then he would take the money.

He sighed heavily as he glanced around the room; the other men didn't stop their chit chat. The world didn't stop turning here, not for anything. He took another sip of the brandy, it burned his insides and he felt his throat as it seemed to close up. It really did numb everything.

He seemed to drift into his own world as he nursed his glass. The afternoon before seemed to be imprinted into his mind, the way that Rose had snatched her hand away from him. He knew in that moment that nothing would quite be the same again. He thought of Cal. What would Jack report to Cal if he found Rose crying somewhere? If he followed her and found something which he wouldn't approve of. He was in an awkward predicament.

Jack stood from the chair. He didn't bother finishing his drink, he didn't need to. He felt numb enough. He decided to walk back to his room via the promenade deck. He needed to get some air. As soon as he stepped outside the saloon doors the cold wind hit his face and it seemed to wake him up. The stars above seemed to be brilliant tonight and for a second he wished that Rose could be here to witness this with him. The artist in him seemed to appreciate such beauty. He had never possessed such a large amount of cash in his pocket and he felt as though it drew attention to him. He would donate the money which he didn't need to charities when he was in Paris. He would be able to buy some great art supplies and then he would spend a day in an orphanage somewhere to give back a little joy to the lonely children.

He found himself humming a song, the one about _Josephine_ which Rose had sung when they were on Broadway. As the first class entrance loomed above him, he thought back to how he had even got here. His parents wouldn't have been proud but they would have been happy at the fact that he had left the country and done what they had never done. He wished he could have heard their opinion of him at this moment in time. He stopped for a moment and leant against the rope of the davits. The moon was large tonight, it shone down on the ship lighting the sea as she sailed through the waves and onto European territory. He squinted his eyes as he saw the millions of stars. He felt at peace out here, a part of him didn't want to go back inside but he knew he had to.

He stepped inside the doorway. He contemplated going straight back to his room but he knew he should check in on Cal, he had been drunk and his inhibitions so obviously lowered by the fact that he had asked Jack to spy on Rose. He turned to head down the corridor towards the stateroom. There wasn't anybody about just the odd steward who bobbed passed corridors whilst carrying out their duties.

And then he saw them. Rose was kissing Cal. She was almost shoved up against the wall, the passion between them so evident. His breath was caught in his throat and he couldn't take his eyes away from the scene. They were husband and wife...in hindsight they were doing nothing wrong.

His eyes filled with unshed tears and his ability to walk stopped. He couldn't function. He watched as Cal's hands wondered upwards on Rose's body and then he tore his eyes away and composed himself before walking to his own stateroom. The image would be imprinted in his mind all night, or for a long time to come.


	15. Chapter 15

**This chapter is a little bit umm...I would say rude but I guess it isn't I will let you decide for yourselves I have just put a little warning up there.**

 **Chapter fifteen - Suffocation**

The next morning when Rose awoke she found the bed empty. Her nipples were sore, so sore. She was naked underneath a silk robe. The one which Cal had clawed at the evening before. Her hair was down and dishevelled from the evening of passion from which she and Cal had shared. Her head felt as though it was in the air, so far away from her. The pain which she felt in her head seemed to explode as she sat fully upright on the bed.

She had realised the evening before that she had to try with Cal. She was his wife and in hindsight he had done nothing wrong. Even though his kiss was like poison and so disgustingly unwanted. She needed to know that she had tried everything she could. She pulled back the sheets and gasped at what she found. Blood.

It was several drops until she pulled back the sheets more to find the white linen covered red. She slowly stood from the bed and felt the pain in her nether regions. She cried out loud as she found it had stained down her thigh too. Her face reddened, her hand moving to her lips.

Trudy immediately came through the door upon hearing Rose's cry. She covered her face with her hands as she saw Rose stood with the robe untied. ''Oh my, Rose.''

Rose wanted to grab herself to stop the pain but she couldn't. Trudy helped her to sit back onto the bed.

''Don't worry Miss. Your monthly flow is sometimes rather heavy.'' She began to pull the sheets from the bed. ''These will be white again in no time.''

Rose cried. ''No!''

Trudy dropped the linen to the floor. ''It is not that, Trudy! It is my husband!''

Trudy was silent. She came to Rose as she stood. ''He is too damn rough with me. He is like a dog!''

Trudy touched Rose's face and shushed her for a moment. ''Rose, are you sure?''

''Yes I am sure!'' She brought her shaking hand to her face. ''But what am I to do when my husband wants to have his way with me?''

Trudy attempted to calm Rose. She grabbed her hand and pulled her slowly towards the bathroom.

''Come, Rose. We shall clean you up.'' She turned on the tap for the hot water to run. ''The warmness will soothe the pain.''

''Thank you.''

Trudy saw the blood which trailed. ''Rose do you bleed often during…'' She felt her cheeks redden. ''When your husband makes love to you?''

Rose rubbed her face. ''A little.'' She sniffed back tears. ''Of the few times we have been together I have bled a little but not as much as this. Is there something wrong?'' Panic rose in her stomach.

''No.'' Trudy soothed. ''I just believe that after the virginity is lost the bleeding should cease almost right away except perhaps once or twice afterward.''

''He is like a ravaged animal.'' Rose moved her hair from her neck to expose reddened areas.

Trudy squeezed her eyes closed. ''Don't you worry. Once you have bathed I have some make up which will cover those marks up. I can dry them out with some mint.''

Rose didn't even know how to thank Trudy. She said nothing and silently Trudy knew just how grateful she was.

As she lowered herself into the hot water, Rose saw the redness on her naked body. The water seemed to be tinged red. She felt a hot tear escape her eyes as she felt as though she could scream from the pain. She reached forward and grabbed the lavender soap. She lathered the bar before running it up and down her skin and gently rubbing away the blood and dirt from last night. She felt like scrubbing away at her skin but she was tender enough. Finally, she laid down in the bath and allowed all the dirt and impurities to wash away. Her hair was half in the water and half wet but she didn't care one bit.

She could hear voices outside and she stopped splashing the water for a moment and laid still before she could make out that the voices belonged to Cal and Trudy.

''But I need to speak with her.'' He insisted.

''Mr. Hockley, Rose is taking her morning bath. She is very unwell.''

''But I must see her.''

''No, sir…She is _very_ unwell.''

Then the door clicked and Rose gasped. It was locked. She couldn't remember locking it but she was relived. Her stomach tensed and then relaxed. He couldn't get to her.

''Rose?'' Cal shouted through the door. Rose reached forward and turned the tap on to allow the boiling water to run into the tub. She could no longer hear the voices and could pretend as though her husband wasn't there. It was drowned out slowly. She felt so fixated on watching the steam rise from the bath into the air. Her pain seemed to wash away just enough for her to breathe properly again. Her head throbbed, her body was sore. She wanted to sleep all day but she would not allow one evening with her husband to cause her so much unhappiness.

It was another forty minutes before Rose emerged from the bathroom, her hair was washed and she felt less dirty. Trudy smiled sympathetically. She entered her bedroom cautiously.

''Don't worry. Mr. Hockley left for breakfast without you.'' Trudy pointed to the chair next to the dresser. ''I have ordered for croissants, fruit and coffee to be fetched to the sitting room.'' She handed Rose a glass of freshly squeezed juice. ''But sip this for now. The vitamin C will take away the cramps.''

She noticed how much she was shaking as she took the glass from Trudy and sipped from it. The tangy taste seemed to wake her up.

It was dinner time before Rose left the stateroom. She knew she had to attend some events with her husband or people would be talking. Staying in her room all day was also not good for her. Cal seemed to be smiling all day, his mood so perfect and smug and Rose knew it was because of the evening before. He was in such high spirits and Rose detested the thoughts which would have been running through his head. Ruth had been informed of Rose's 'menstrual cramps' and said nothing of her absence from breakfast, she herself knowing all too well the familiar feelings.

Rose was dressed in pale, nude tones of beige and gold. Her hair was in a bun but not so tightly. Her makeup was natural and her lips were nude. Ruth had taken Cal's arm as they entered the main dining saloon on D deck.

They were seated with George Widener, Eleanor Elkins Widener and their son Harry. The family were from Pennsylvania and Ruth was acquainted with the family and had been for years. She was thrilled to have found someone on board who she had known for a long time. The fact that her name was associated with theirs would also be good for tomorrow mornings chatter. Cal had once again called upon Jack to accompany them for dinner.

His body has hunched awkwardly like a scolded child.

Once they had arrived in the dining saloon, Ruth was seated next to Eleanor and then her husband George and Cal next to Jack and then Harry with Rose in the middle of her mother and husband.

''It certainly is lovely to see you again.'' Ruth sipped her wine, which had been poured over her shoulder moments before. She had held her own tongue to not bite at the so-called professional waiter.

''It is.'' Eleanor turned to her son. ''Ruth and I go way back.'' She paused for a moment. ''More than I care to remember.'' The table laughed gently.

''Rose was just a youngster the last time we met. About thirteen or so.''

Rose smiled. ''That is right. I vaguely remember Mrs. Widener.''

''How are you finding the trip Cal?'' Harry piped in. The ladies continued their conversation so gently quiet as they had done for so many years.

''So far I have no complaints. She is a floating dream so far.''

''We have heard she is going for the Blue Riband again this year. Did you know she has won three years running now?'' George informed the table.

''Yes, we are running at 24 knots, quite speedy I would say. We are hoping to reach Cherbourg by tomorrow evening. Perhaps the morning after.''

Jack couldn't have felt more like the odd one out. He kept himself quiet, picking at his dinner and trying so hard to not focus himself on Rose. He had picked up pieces of information between Cal and Ruth previously in the day but he had tried to not let on his worry. He and Rose hadn't spoken since the day before in the library even though he had witnessed her passionate encounter with her husband. He tried to not think of it and now as she silently gazed at her plate he wanted to know what was inside her head.

Rose had never paid so much attention to the food on her plate. She was so hungry having barely eaten since they had boarded and the conversation at the table couldn't have bored her more. She glanced up often enough to make the table believe she was listening but simply cut up the lamb on her plate and pushed the new potatoes around in a circle. Ruth had noticed her distracted daughter but said nothing, knowing of her 'illness.'

George saw the little interaction between husband and wife. They didn't seem to as much as glance in each other's direction. He wished to know them better as a couple and to perhaps include them in his circle somehow. Cal was obviously a very wealthy man and his name was on everyone's lips back in Pennsylvania. ''Say, how long is it since you two married now?''

Cal took charge of the conversation. ''I'd say two or three months now.'' He turned to Rose, she feigned a smile. Cal was glad to see it but then her eyes darted to Jack. ''Isn't that right darling?''

''Yes, we married in January.''

''When will we hear the tiny patter of feet in the family then?'' Eleanor smiled.

The table quietened. Cal glanced to Rose, her face so obviously shocked by the question. Silence was replaced by awkwardness. ''Well, Mrs. Widener we haven't discussed that topic yet.''

Ruth was relived the moment had passed. She chimed in herself. ''Besides one has to enjoy married life for a year or so before children. I myself would have preferred more time to enjoy married life beforehand.''

Jack sipped his wine. ''My mother and father married whilst my mother was a few weeks expecting with me.''

Eleanor was appalled; she touched her chest in horror. Ruth could almost have murdered Cal for inviting Jack for dinner. Cal was forced to speak up. ''Mr. Dawson, is of some assistance to my family and myself. He was not raised amongst us.''

Jack felt like a child been made excuses for.

''I see.'' George raised his eyebrows. ''So Mr. Dawson, where do you come from?''

''Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin. Well, a few miles from there.''

''However did you wind up in Philadelphia?'' Harry laughed from behind his glass.

''I work my way around the country on tramp steamers and such.''

Eleanor gasped which didn't go unnoticed.

''I don't have much money but Mr. Hockley here gave me a great opportunity and been a guy of my social standing-'' His tone was mocking, so much so that George had taken a slight liking to him. ''Well I couldn't pass it up.''

''Jack will accompany us to London and Paris. He oversees my contacts and affairs whilst I attend to work and spend time with my wife.''

''Very wise man.''

''Mr. Dawson is Cal's valet.'' Ruth made a comment quick to the point. She didn't want to dress up the truth; he was an employee and nothing more. He certainly hadn't earned a seat at this table which would be one discrepancy she would be discussing later.

The table turned quiet once again, the Wideners so curious about this man and why the Hockley's had flaunted him so openly as one of the crowd even though he so obviously was not of this class.

''Oh, dear. Did I not tell you that Eileen is expecting again?'' Eleanor found another topic to discuss as a distraction from the chitchat.

Ruth gasped. ''Oh, this will be her fourth?''

''Fifth. She has four girls.''

''She is not yet thirty.'' Ruth pointed out. Eileen was the daughter of a friend the pair knew from the same circles. A woman who had married young and dedicated her life to having children, the perfect society girl. One her mother hoped Rose would one day shape up to be.

''She had Bethany aged just eighteen and now she is a beautiful young adolescent showing early signs of becoming a ballet dancer.''

Eleanor smiled gently to Rose. ''Do children not interest you my dear?''

Rose diverted her eyes from her mother, she avoided eye contact until she smiled and breathed out through her nose quickly. ''Of course. One day.''

''One day soon.'' Cal chimed in with that grin on his face. ''My father hopes to have grandchildren before the year is out.''

Rose felt the breathe stop right in her throat and it was as though she had forgotten how to breath. Her life was been planned so far ahead. She couldn't think of anything worse. She stood immediately and suddenly, shaking the table and sending an expression of shock across the faces of those at the table. Rose glanced at the exit and saw a few more eyes upon her. Everything which society had ever taught her had stopped her from just sprinting out of the room and never wanting to return but she calmed herself and managed to clear vision. Her eyes were wet she could feel them and she wondered just what was going through the minds of these people and then she realised that she didn't even care.

''Oh dear. I am so sorry.''

''Rose, sit down.'' Ruth muttered angrily beneath her breath.

Rose narrowed her eyes at her mother. ''Do excuse me. I am not feeling so well. Please continue to enjoy the evening.''

Her eyes found Jack on the table before she proceeded to leave. ''Good night.''

Rose smiled, nodded, received a few good nights in return, and within seconds she could hear the faint whispers behind her but she kept her head high and followed the signs for the exit. When she reached the exit, Rose ran as fast as she could out on deck. She felt the freezing cold air hit her at once. She felt the urge to run and run away from all of the pain which she felt. She grabbed her dress in her left hand and began to pull out the pins from her hair and they fell about on deck. Once she had freed her hair, she tossed her gloves overboard after ripping them off with all of her strength.

She heard the door open and Jack came outside. Various lights lit the deck but it was the moonlight and the stars which provided the luminous beauty on her face.

"Rose, what's wrong?"

Jack had followed her out onto the deck. He had never encountered anyone so hysterical in his life. He was unsure of what to do or how to approach her. He wanted to so badly stop her feeling the way she did.

''Did my husband send you out here?'' She laughed, her cheeks tainted with black specks of makeup. Jack said nothing but he stepped closer to her. Rose laughed pathetically. ''I am not a child.''

''No I followed you myself.'' Rose turned her head to face him. She saw the genuine concern in his eyes.

The decks were empty and she didn't know the way back to her room. She turned to run and took off into the fastest sprint she could manage. She heard Jack call after her but she didn't listen at all. She could barely see where she was going because of her tears. The wind was biting on her face but she continued to run and run as fast as she could until she reached the railing. She slammed herself up against it with so much force that she hurt her stomach. She had reached the stern, there was no more ship to run and yet she felt as though she could run away some more and keep going until she passed out. She yearned to spread her wings and be able to fly over the sea and to somewhere so far away where she wouldn't have to deal with these feelings.

She glanced over the side with blurry vision. When her vision cleared, she saw the drop into the cold, dark water of the Atlantic below her. She contemplated what it would be like to drop the eighty or so feet into the darkness. She wondered how fast death would come to swallow her up. She knew that jumping from a ship in the evening would make sure she was never found.

She grabbed her necklace, ripped it from her throat, and threw it overboard into the darkness below. The necklace was worth thousands and she knew it would never be recovered. She felt like stripping herself of every ounce of wealth she owned.

A sob overcome her, she felt her chest tighten, and she suddenly couldn't breath. Seconds later, she heard footsteps behind her.

"Jack?" she whispered.

He had followed her.


	16. Chapter 16

**16 - A Sweet Release**

 **Authors note:- I have to warn that this chapter gets a little hot and heavy towards the end. I have worked sosososososo hard to get this absolutely perfect and I loved writing this chapter and the ones which follow :)**

''Please just leave me alone!'' She screamed. She held out her hand to warn him to stay back but he came closer to her and he grabbed her arms to restrain her from running again.

''No Rose. I am your friend, I am here to help.'' He was forceful. He needed to make her understand. Their faces were just a few inches apart and his grip on her tightened. She failed to meet his gaze and struggled in his grasp.

''Then help me by leaving me be!''

''No, I need to know what is wrong. I hate to see you unhappy.''

Rose grasped the rail so hard her knuckles turned white. ''I don't want kids. I cannot picture myself having children with the great Caledon Hockley.'' He loosened his grip on her a little and listened. It was all tumbling out now and she couldn't hold it in any longer. ''I want to explore the world. I don't want to be married anymore!'' She didn't care who heard her.

''Rose, we dock in two days…''

''Then I get to spend more time with Cal! I cannot escape him and I never will. I am a fool for marrying him so young.''

She coughed as she struggled to breath. Jack felt so helpless. He saw her pain and he placed his hand on her back in an attempt to calm her erratic behaviour, her rubbed her there gently at the top.

''If you touch me. I swear I will jump over this rail!'' She threatened.

''No you won't.'' Jack touched her hands ever so slowly. She struggled with him as she turned to the rail and faced downwards. Jack placed his hands over her fingers and forced her to remove them from the rail all while she repeatedly called for him to leave her alone. He had hurt her but he didn't care maybe it would make her see sense. She needs to be awakened, needed to see that he cared for her.

He turned her body to his violently, pressed almost together. She shook as he still continued to hold her hand. She had so much adrenaline; she hated this man for forcing her to do what he said even though it was for her own safety. Then she opened her eyes and realised that she was so close to him.

Nervously, Rose lifted her eyes from the deck and up to Jack. She watched as his tender artist's hand touched her left cheek. He felt how cold she was and he pulled her body a little closer to his by placing his hand on the small of her back. He kept his hand there.

He leaned forward ever so slightly, so that their lips came into contact for just the briefest few moments. Rose felt her heart flutter and all of her nerves seemed to disappear. She was experiencing emotions she had never felt before. Gently, Jack took her right hand in his left and moved forward once again. He kissed her again with more passion than the first time. She could feel his warmth next to her, but yet she still shivered. The outside world seemed to disappear. It was just them now. No more words were needed to express what each felt towards the other. Rose felt as though there was no air. She was dizzy. She struggled and time stood still. This was the moment which she played over and over in her head and yet she hadn't managed to prepare herself enough for what would happen.

Jack wrestled with the urge to keep kissing her; he knew he couldn't stop now. She had offered hesitation but when he pulled away from her she began to struggle once again in his grip. He couldn't let her go not when he was so close.

''I can't hold it back anymore.'' He whispered breathlessly as he leant forward to kiss her. This time it wasn't soft it was hungry. They had both held back for so long. Their hands entwined and touched each other. He clutched her to him tightly, needing to feel his body press so firmly against hers. She leant against him, feeling her body ache for him so much. She was so intoxicated that she couldn't stop and they didn't care who saw. They both needed to relive the tension which had built up between them for so long. His tongue massaged hers so strongly that she felt the strength. They pulled each other so closely as though their lives depended on it. The passion which had exploded was immense and she felt the need to feel his naked torso pressed so tightly against her own. She could hear his breath, the raggedness and the struggle which he had kept up for so long. She had her own struggle but now she felt the unhappiness drain away from her body and it was replaced by a strong need to be with Jack, an almost animal longing which only grew stronger.

She pushed him away for a moment with her right hand on his chest.

''This has been a struggle for so long.'' Her chest heaved as she spoke.

He touched her face with his palm and then he spoke to her with such sincerity her legs almost buckled. ''I fought and I lost. I can accept that.'' He kissed her forehead. ''I have felt guilty, Rose. But I have no right to feel guilty.''

Rose pressed her lips together. ''If you feel guilty then at least we will have something to feel guilty about.''

She ached for him again and this time it was her who crushed her body to his and her lips against his. He could feel himself losing control even more and he didn't know how to stop it. He wasn't strong enough to. She fell against his body and he used his weight to hold her up. The kiss was like nothing she had felt before. Cal wasn't half as passionate and she knew in that moment that she could never go back to him. Jack was the person who she felt addicted to. The type of kiss she had read about with a racing heart in story books, the ones which set your stomach fluttering.

She could feel herself ache. He stopped kissing her lips and trailed soft hungry kisses down her neck and she shivered. The bruises which Cal had left the night before were unnoticed. She roughly grabbed his shirt collar to push him away. ''Jack, we can't lose control.''

''I lost my self control a long time ago.''

Those were the words she needed to hear. He wasn't going to offer any hesitation then neither was she. He grabbed her hand and tightly threaded his fingers through hers. He literally dragged her away from the stern and back towards the entrance to first class. She could feel her heart pounding in her ears, her breathing still ragged. She allowed him to lead her without any words back down the path where she had ran just minutes before in such a different frame of mind.

As they reached the entrance she saw that there was nobody about. The odd steward darted as he tended to his work duties but no one of any note. She didn't know the time, only that passengers were still at dinner. It was a few minutes before they came to a long corridor close to where her stateroom was but Jack led her down another way. He was taking her to his room.

She bit her lip still tasting his lips. He let go of her hand as he fiddled with his keys in his pockets. As he turned the key in the lock she could see his hand shake. Once inside the cabin she didn't even look around the room to take in the furnishings for she had no interest in them whatsoever. A small lamp lit the room dimly and provided just enough light for them to see the other.

Jack grabbed her hips, feeling her curves beneath her dress. She turned around with her backside pressed against him. She could feel the warmth which burnt against her. He moved her hair to one side and trailed kisses all the way around her neck so gently. She shivered, feeling her whole body numb and tingle all over. Slowly, she turned around, taking in just how beautiful this man was. Their eyes never left each other's, and slowly, they found themselves to be leaning in to kiss. The kiss was passionate and only a taste of what was to come next. She felt his hands on her waist and he seemed to massage her hips through the dress. She dragged her hands through his hair and then stopped for a moment. He ran his index finger over her shoulder before turning her around to face the door as he slowly found he was unbuttoning the back of her dress. Slowly he managed to open them one by one as he kissed the back of her neck once again.

She closed her eyes and placed the palm of her hand against the door for support as the dress landed in a pool at her feet. Next he played with the lace on her corset.

She felt her breathe so ragged and she placed her left hand on her chest to attempt to calm her racing heart. It wasn't as though she was in the nude, she was wearing her corset. She turned her back to him and he began to unlace the garment as gently as he can but still tugging on the lace causing Rose to fall backward a little. She held her hands over her stomach to stop the corset from falling to the floor when it was unlaced. He felt his hands trembling slightly, her bare back coming into view as he continued to unlace.

He could feel his uneven breathing as she turned to face him. Her curls cascading down her shoulders, wearing just her unlaced corset with her hands around her chest area to keep the garment from falling to the floor. She glanced to him and gave him a small smile, almost shyly. He stepped towards her not exactly knowing why; just feeling he had to be close to her. She was nothing short of perfect, and he couldn't even begin to explain the feelings which roamed around his head.

She lowered her lashes before their eyes met and interlocked and silence fell upon them for several seconds, both of them feeling their heart pound. Suddenly, Jack could take no more, he had to kiss her, and be close to her. He pulled her body towards his and their lips met. It was soft but so full of passion. Rose kept one hand over her corset, and placed her other around his waist and Jack touched her face as he kissed her, making her nerves flutter. Neither of them knew what this would lead to, it was as if passion had exploded inside both of them and all they wanted was the other. Jack kissed Rose's neck breathlessly and she pushed him away slightly, he looked at her a look of confusion on his face. He thought he had hurt her or moved too fast, but she ran her hand up his shirt and began to unbutton his shirt slowly one by one with the one hand she wasn't using to hold her corset. He trembled more, looking downwards and swallowing heavily, he couldn't believe she was doing this. Once his shirt was unbuttoned, she ran her hand across his bare chest and stomach. His muscles were tight from the work which he had done over the summer and he had little hair, he was tanned and the most beautiful man she had seen, she wanted him she knew that. Jack pulled Rose to him and removed her hand from her corset pressing her naked chest against Jack's. He wrapped his arms around her keeping their torsos pressed together, he pressed her against the wall and kissed her again, she ran her fingers through his hand, feeling her hands shake. She could feel cold shivers running down her back as he kissed her neck before slowing the kiss down as they caught their breathes. His tongue began to play with hers and he felt his whole body throb for her, for his Rose. Pressed against each other and he could feel her breasts against his naked chest, he hadn't looked, he daren't.

His hand slipped down and ran across the top of her exposed breasts. His heart was racing as he glanced downwards. Her breasts were as perfect as he had imagined. They just barely escaped his hand as he held them. Her nipples jutted up at him, tiny goose bumps were everywhere. Her skin was the colour of ivory. Tiny freckles appeared over her breasts. Rose watched his blue eyes, as he seemed mesmerized with her chest. His eyes seemed to avoid hers, slipping away to stare at the ground. It wasn't like him. His fingertips glided along the back of her leg, causing Rose to sigh. The noise seemed to stop him. His eyes came up to look at her face. He saw the warm smile on her face. Her lips were parted slightly, inviting him to kiss her.

He caught her mouth once again and this time she knew he wouldn't stop kissing her. He managed to lift her into his arms and carry her to the bed. He lay on top of her and their lips hadn't parted until he got onto his knees to remove her stockings and undergarments. She felt so exposed to him and there was something so beautiful about it. His eyes twinkled in the dim light and she knew that he felt something too.

She watched as he unbuttoned his trousers and kicked them off. She held her breathe as he removed his undergarments. And there he was, naked before her. In an instant he was on top of her, his mouth on hers. She felt his tongue dive deep into her mouth as tiny fiery threads ran down her spine. His hands were rough as he pulled her legs up against his sides. Hot desperate lips found her breasts and then his hands gripped them. This was what she had wanted for so long. Cal's body wasn't meant to do what Jack could.

He tenderly touched her hair as it spread on the pillow around her face. He stopped kissing her just long enough to find her eyes.

''I can't remember my life without you.'' He whispered.

She felt her chest rise and fall heavily. ''Neither can I.''

He pressed himself against her and she closed her eyes for a moment. ''I don't want to back, Rose.''

Slowly she moved her hips to position herself at his tip and then she moved downwards. Both felt the passion take over them. It was almost natural to them both. Neither of them had experienced anything close to what they had now. The pleasure they felt was awesome, and Rose clung to Jack as though for dear life. She nibbled his neck in places before sucking slightly, causing the areas to darken.

He opened his eyes for a moment and came face-to-face with Rose. He saw that her lips were swollen. They curved into a smile before he moved his mouth to kiss her once again. Once he had finished he didn't stop, he couldn't and he knew he wouldn't be able to for a long time.

 **Please let me know what you think of this, I am a little nervous about it! :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter seventeen - Coming Down From Heaven**

Daylight streamed through the small porthole which told Rose that morning had came quicker than she wished for. She turned to see Jack on his back, his lips slightly parted and his naked body exposed. She took a second to run her eyes down his body for she had never seen a naked man in daylight before. She kissed his chest just once and he stirred a little.

She felt herself smiling without reason for the first time in so long. She hopped from the bed to grab the shirt which Jack was wearing the evening before and she slipped it on and buttoned the first few buttons leaving her stomach exposed. It smelt of him and she loved that. She then sat on the edge of the bed and ran her hands up Jack's chest so gently. He was smooth and she so badly wanted to lay on the bed and never leave it.

''Rose?'' He opened one eye and then the other to see that she was actually sat on the bed next to him. She grinned at his sleepy state.

''Good Morning.''

He entwined his fingers with hers and gripped them so tightly. ''I thought you might have left.'' He sat upright still feeling sleepy.

Her face fell serious. ''No, Jack. I'm happy.'' Then she smiled. Jack touched her face with his left hand and then remembered all of their lovemaking from the night before. It had been the most wonderful and intense experience for both of them. They had shared their bodies with each other completely. The nervous feeling fluttered in her stomach again. She kissed him and he pulled her to him and they fell backwards with Rose on top of him.

He moved her hair from her neck before he found a dark purple bruise. His face fell serious and she caught sight of it. ''Whatever is the matter?''

''Your neck...''He touched the spot which was sore. ''Did I?''

She tore his hand away quickly forgetting the bruises which Cal had left her with. ''No, no.''

Jack narrowed his eyes. ''I didn't do that did I?'' He whispered. She moved to the side of him on the bed.

Rose shook her head. She felt guilty. She didn't want him to see the marks which Cal had left on her body just the night before Jack had taken her into his bed. He grasped her hair with both of his hands moving it to one side and studied the red marks. He gently ran his finger over them and she winced from the pain. It wasn't terribly painful, it was like a pinch. He had left her so sore. She felt her body ache but not the way Cal made her feel. There had been no blood on the sheets and no tears the morning after.

''Jack...it was Cal...We...''

Hr dropped her hair back around her shoulders. ''I know Rose.'' He placed his finger to her lips. ''I saw you kiss him.''

Rose squeezed her eyes closed. ''I'm sorry.''

He ran his hands up and down her arms in an attempt to soothe her. She felt guilty for trying with Cal, she knew she shouldn't but she felt she had to give the marriage a shot after such a short length of time. ''Rose, he hurts you doesn't he?''

Rose took a deep breath and sat herself on the bed. ''Not intentionally. Cal has always been so...'' She couldn't finish before her voice broke. ''I have bled each time my husband has tried to...Trudy, she helped me yesterday morning...with the blood.''

She wiped away her tears feeling so exposed to him. More so than the evening before when she had lay naked before him and so openly shared herself with him.

He touched her face and his eyes pierced her soul so deeply. ''Rose, you shouldn't be like that. He shouldn't hurt you in such a way.''

Her tears stopped as soon as he wiped them again and the desperation to kiss him built up within her once again. She touched his chest for a second, he closed his eyes and she knew he was fighting between the seriousness of the conversation and damn urges to make love to her again.

''You didn't hurt me, Jack.'' She whispered. ''It's all right to want more.''

He let out a huge breath before kissing her once again. It was full of intensity; the desperation to cling to each other's body as though their lives depended on it. Within seconds, her naked body was pressed against his and her nails dug into his bare back as she struggled to fight her feelings once more.

''I don't want to hurt you.'' He whispered in her ear.

''You don't.'' She held onto his shoulders. Her nose buried into his neck and then he leant up on his elbows before moving the hair from her neck and with unspoken permission from just one look he kissed each mark which Cal had made on her body. She moved her neck to the right and he kissed all the way down to her chest.

It was almost an hour later before Rose had dressed herself the best she could and stood beside the door. Jack sighed; he knew that she would have to go sooner or later.

''Rose, listen I...'' She silenced him by placing her fingers on his lips.

''Shh, I know what you are going to say.'' Rose diverted her eyes from his.

''Cal needs to know about this.'' He urged.

''I know but please can we just enjoy this. At least while we are here and on this trip.''

Jack touched her face for a moment. He was dubious but it was Rose's choice. ''Are you sure this is what you want?''

''Yes. For now. Once we are home we can go wherever we wish to go.''

''Or we could just run away in Paris.'' Jack grinned as he touched a strand of hair which framed her beautiful face.

''There is no easy way out of this. We have to be prepared for anything which can happen.''

She leant against him for support. He kissed her forehead. It was then she realised that this was real, there was no going back. Jack genuinely felt the same as she did. He wanted her to be happy. Would that be with him?

She turned to face him one last time before he had chance to reply knowing full well that at a later time they would have to talk about things. But for right now, she clicked the door shut and felt something for the first time since she was in New York. She smiled.

''I won't go near him. I cannot bear the thought of it now.''

He pressed his forehead against hers. ''You'll share a bed with him.''

Rose pursed her lips. ''I can only go on as normal as possible until we dock.''

He nodded and he understood. She was right. Causing such an upset now would wreck the trip and their chances of anything. He was happy, he had her.

Leaving Jack was difficult but Rose knew she had to. She vaguely remembered the corridors, where they led and as she found the one which led to her stateroom she rubbed her lips. They were swollen and she could feel Jack all over her body, his touch and his kiss. As she entered the sitting room area she clocked eyes on her mother. She met her mother's disapproving stare, the one which as a child would chill and terrify her to the bone but at the moment she had barely even noticed.

She clicked the door closed and started towards her bedroom silently. She knew her hair was dishevelled, her makeup had been rubbed onto Jack's sheets and she knew that her mother was thinking a thousand things right now. She counted the seconds until her mother spoke.

''Rose, what is your game?''

She rolled her eyes, she had counted seven.

''Oh stop it mother you'll give yourself a nosebleed.''

Ruth was horrified, never in her life had she been spoken to in such a manner least of all by her own daughter. She followed Rose into the bedroom and locked the door behind them to ensure thorough privacy.

''Rose, stop behaving like a child. You have to be careful.''

Rose laughed. ''Of what mother? My husband finding out I didn't sleep in his bed last night.'' She snapped with her voice raised as she removed her shoes and kicked them to the side of the dresser as though they were worthless. ''So that he couldn't ravage me, to see the blood on the sheets the next morning.

Ruth covered her mouth. ''Don't be so disgusting.''

She laughed pathetically as she held onto the upholstered chair for support. Her anger growing more evident. ''Why mother? Because it's the truth. I don't love Cal.''

Ruth stepped closer to her daughter. ''Do you think I loved your father? We were sensible. We raised one child to be a well behaved lady – or so I thought. Unfortunately her father was as much as a handful.''

Words like that would have stung Rose just a few months ago but now she felt strong enough to rise above them. Of course her mother would speak ill of her father. ''Well be lucky you didn't have more.'' Rose raised her voice. ''Be glad you don't have a houseful of sons to breed like some damned cattle as I'm expected to do so.''

Ruth glared at Rose. ''I wouldn't expect any woman to do that.''

''Well then tell that to my husband.''

Rose yanked open her wardrobe doors and browsed through her selection of dresses. She tried to distract herself from the headache of a conversation which her mother was forcing her to have. She could feel her mother silently judging her.

''But we are women. Our choices are limited.'' Ruth attempted to calm the situation. ''You need to accept the fact that you are married now.''

Rose pulled out a plum coloured dress and hung it onto the wardrobe as she pulled out the odd crease before admiring it once again. She knew that her mother hated her choice in dresses, her attitude towards many things and the way that she behaved.

''No mother. You have to accept that I am not happy.''

Ruth realised that there was no reasoning with her daughter. She was ungrateful for everything which had ever been handed to her on a plate. ''What will you do? My God lady, you need to wake up and realised that this is not a game.''

''No, you need to realise that I will get out of this marriage.''

A knock sounded at the door ensuring all conversations stopped immediately. Ruth glared at Rose for long enough to realise that this conversation would have to continue some other time. Ruth slowly and hesitantly unlocked the door. She didn't want this conversation to end at this moment.

Trudy stood at the door.

''Come on in Trudy. You are just in time.'' She met her mother's gaze. ''I was about to call you for my bath.''

''Yes.'' Trudy quickly felt the tension in the room. She went into the en-suite bathroom and immediately began to run the water.

''Excuse me mother. I must dress for today's events.''

Rose went into the bathroom and closed the door, breaking eye contact with her mother as she did. As soon as she did, she sighed and leant against the wall. She needed support from something right now. She rolled her head against the back of it and tried to calm her racing heart. Trudy tried to avoid gaze but she immediately knew something was wrong. She had encountered arguments between mother and daughter before but they hadn't seemed quite as intense as this.

''Is everything all right?''

Rose pressed her lips together before nodding her head. 'I think so Trudy.''


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter eighteen - Hopes and Dreams**

Jack whistled a tune as he walked down the corridor, nodding small hellos to passers-by. He nervously knocked on the door of the parlour suite rooms. He had quickly got ready for the day's events. His mind heavily replaying last nights memories. He washed hesitantly, not wishing to remove her touch from his body. His hands were shoved in his pockets, that was his default standing position and he hesitated to lean heavily on the door-frame when Trudy answered the door.

''Good morning Jack.'' She was out of breath after a morning of packing the majority of Ruth's dresses carefully into leather suitcases. ''Mr. Hockley is in the sitting room.'' She told him as she closed the door behind him.

''Thank you.''

He stepped inside and was just about to head through into the allocated room when Rose emerged from the bedroom, she was fiddling with the fitting of her dress but stopped as soon as she clocked eyes on he caught sight of her and everything which he had mentally prepared himself to do all morning simply went away. The room suddenly brightened and everything else seemed to disappear. She was the most important thing. Trudy felt the tension and immediately she scurried back to Ruth's bedroom to continue her chores.

''Good morning Rose.''

''Hello, Jack.''

A smile played on the curve of her lips and he sensed the happiness within her. She wore a plum coloured dress which accented her waist so beautifully. Her lips were the same colour as her dress and she fiddled with some black laced gloves. Cal appeared in the doorway at that moment and the air turned sour once again.

''Come, Jack. I have big plans for you today.''

Jack nodded and proceeded to the sitting room. He dared a second glance back to Rose before he knew he must proceed with business. Once there he led Jack into the small space which he had made to be his office. It housed a small desk, two leather chairs and a few sparsely placed books. A desk lamp shone and a few bits of paperwork lay on the desk.

A tray of coffee sat untouched on the desk. ''Please help yourself.''

Cal clicked the door closed behind them to ensure privacy. He made his way to the desk and Jack watched as he lowered himself into the chair.

''Two sugar lumps for me.'' Cal ordered in a harsh tone. He remembered when he had worked at the steel factory with Cal and had naively thought of him as a fair boss, he had allowed Jack to work how he wanted to, paid him fairly well and had allowed a significant break time without barking orders every minute. Right now though he felt a change, as though Cal needed to feel as though he had some power.

Jack bit his lip as he poured hot water into two cups. ''All right.''

He stirred the infusion whilst feeling Cal's eyes burn into him. Jack knew Cal was stressed and frustrated.

''What is planned for today?'' Jack handed the coffee to him on a saucer. He wasn't thanked, he never was.

He took a seat himself opposite Cal and stirred his own coffee. It was a distraction from the obviously heated conversation which was about to take place.

''Did you think anymore of my proposition?'' Cal clasped his hands together in front on himself on the desk.

Jack leant back in his chair. ''Yes actually.'' He took a sip from his coffee. It was strong and seemed to waken his senses. ''I will happily do what is asked of me.''

Cal seemed to be relieved. ''Good man.''

If following Rose was part of his 'job' then he would happily do it just to spend more time with her. ''Anything else, sir?''

''Yes actually.'' Cal fiddled around in his inside pocket. ''I have several messages to be proceeded before midday.'' He handed Jack an envelope containing messages to be sent out. ''We are to contact the hotel in Paris to confirm our bookings as well as my father to inform him of our safe arrival.''

Jack took the envelope and placed it into his inside pocket. ''All right.''

''Of course the suitcases will be packed for tomorrow morning.'' Cal took another sip from his coffee. He glared at Jack for a moment.

''I'll make sure of it.''

''Good.'' Cal then relaxed back into his chair.

''Can I ask exactly what you expect to find from Mrs Hockley?'' Jack questioned.

Cal sat forward in his seat. ''Jack, I suspect my wife is depressed. I know just how to handle it.''

Jack was intrigued and he wrestled with himself to press for more answers. He couldn't allow Rose to be hurt by him not after last night. He would put his own life on the line for her.

''How do you plan do that?''

Cal took a sip of coffee before exposing his smug face. ''Jack, I just may have to mind what my wife reads or perhaps where she goes.''

Jack took another sip of coffee from the fancy cup. His hand felt too big for the dainty china and as much as he tried, he could not grasp it. At that moment a knock sounded on the door.

''Come in.'' Cal shouted.

Minnie, Ruth's personal maid timidly opened the office door. ''Sir, I came to inform you that Mrs Hockley is to take the air up on deck.''

Jack craned his neck to meet the gaze of the young maid. She was around twenty, timid and as pretty as a button. Her mousy brown hair was tucked up in a neat bun and her hands wrung nervously in front of her. She had obviously been instructed to report to Cal on Rose's whereabouts.

''Very well. Close the door.''

''Yes, sir.''

She clicked the door closed immediately and Jack turned back to Cal. ''Would you care to accompany her?''

Jack placed his coffee down on the desk and stood immediately. ''Yes.'' He couldn't leave the stuffy office soon enough. ''I will also remember to deliver those messages.''

Cal smiled satisfied.

Jack left the office and found his way to the sitting room where a door lead out into the corridor. Trudy was fettling some flower arrangement. ''Trudy, where did Rose go?''

She turned to him, her eyes revealing more than she knew she should. ''For a walk, Mr Dawson.''

He came closer and whispered. ''I don't intend for anything bad to happen.'' She turned and found trust in his eyes. It was then she realised just where Rose was last night.

''She usually goes to the promenade deck.''

''Thank you.'' He touched her arm. A sign of his gratitude. He turned away to find Ruth had entered the room.

''Trudy, there are cups in Mr. Hockley's office they need clearing away.''

Trudy nodded. ''Yes ma'am.''

Jack turned to leave and as he did he nodded his head to Ruth. ''Good morning Mrs. Dewitt Bukater.''

She said nothing in return and he refused to meet her gaze. He knew she thought very little of him so it was best to leave before she had chance to think of something vile to throw at him.

He left the stateroom and picked up his pace as he dashed through the A Deck corridors which led to the promenade deck. He darted past ladies and gentleman taking their morning strolls, children playing and chasing each other whilst parents scolded them.

The wind was stronger than usual meaning the decks were relatively empty. A few people dotted here and there, an elderly couple on a deck chair as a steward offered them tea to keep away the chill. Jack found a lonely figure hunched over the rail a fair few metres away but he knew it was Rose.

He almost jogged to her, keeping the plum coloured dress in his sight and she heard his footsteps as they came towards her. As he reached her she removed her arms from the rail and turned to him.

''Good morning Jack.''

''Hello again.''

A curious smile came to her face. ''Whatever are you doing up on deck so early. I thought my husband would have you jumping hoops for when we dock tomorrow.''

Jack laughed at her humour. ''No actually. You are the jumping hoop.''

She narrowed her eyes. ''I'm sorry?''

He held out his arm to her as a gentleman would. She linked her arm through and he led her away from the promenade deck. ''Come with me. I have a lot to talk to you about.''

Curiously, she allowed him to lead her. She didn't press further until they reached a space where no person seemed to be lingering. She found herself relishing the fact that they were walking together arm in arm. To the outside world they could have been husband and wife, or engaged to be married. A couple so wonderfully in love. For a few seconds she relished in that fantasy, just long enough to realise that she was a married woman. She was thinking childish thoughts.

She sighed as she turned to the rail and let go of him.

''Rose?'' He sensed something was upsetting her.

''Why are you here Jack, with me?''

Jack pursed his lips. ''Cal has asked me to, well, follow you.''

''Excuse me?''

''He has reasons which I don't even understand.'' Jack sighed. ''Either way. I agreed.''

She laughed pathetically. ''Just what does he expect to find?''

She twisted her wedding and engagement band around her finger. She considered taking them off but that wouldn't fix this problem, it would just cure her anger.

''He thinks you are sad. I suspect he even thinks you could be depressed.''

She blinked her eyes closed in the sun. She said nothing, she just laughed. ''Does my mother know? Is she in on this plot also?''

Jack shrugged and leant back against the rail. ''I don't know.'' He sighed. The sun seemed to disappear behind the clouds. They were grey and thick, making the mood appear to dampen also.

''My mother questioned me this morning.'' Rose looked directed into Jack's eyes. ''She knows just how unhappy I am.'' She laughed at her own stupidity. ''If I could turn this ship around to go back home then I would.''

A gust of wind hit her face and it seemed to wake her up. Jack moved to stand in front of her. He took her face in his hands and her lips parted with surprise. It was a lovely gesture, one which reminded her of the passion night before.

Meanwhile, Ruth was about to leave the stateroom for lunch with Eleanor.

''Just where is my daughter?'' Ruth approached Cal from her bedroom.

''She is been taken care of.'' He was vague, his nose shoved in some sort of paperwork which he read in the sitting room whilst smoking a cigarette. Ruth didn't appreciate been left in the dark.

''This isn't on.'' She snapped. ''She behaves like some spoiled child. This has to stop.''

Cal glanced up from his paperwork before throwing it onto the table and standing from the couch.

''She needs reigning in.'' Ruth continued.

''I know just how to do it.'' He gained eye contact with her for the briefest second before continuing his business. ''No need to worry, Ruth. It is all in hand.''

Ruth glared at him but she didn't question for she was satisfied with his answer. She trusted he would take care of the behavioural problems which her daughter seemed to be suffering with on this journey.

Back on deck, Jack led Rose around the promenade deck. The wind blew in their faces, the rest of the passengers seemed to head indoors but the breeze was welcoming to them both.

''I feel attracted to Paris somehow.'' Jack told Rose. ''I feel as though I should be there y'know?''

She loved how he spoke with such passion especially for art. ''It is the art capital of the world and I do not want to see this as a wasted opportunity.''

''I feel as though I should be a dancer.'' She laughed. ''I took ballet as a child which I loved and despised at the same time.'' Jack frowned at her. ''When I dance I feel free. Or perhaps I should be an actress. I need to express myself in some way. I feel decades older than I am for I have lived through so much.''

Jack smiled. ''I could see you as an actress.''

Her eyes lit up. ''You could?''

''If you act how you dance then you will be the biggest movie star that Hollywood ever saw.''

She burst out laughing. ''Did you ever see Hollywood on your travels?''

''No, just Santa Monica. I worked on a squid boat in Monterey. I went down the Pacific Coast before I got on a train and found myself in Philadelphia.'' He spoke animatedly. His voice tinged with some sort of sadness which Rose detected early on.

''Did you not get lonely?''

Jack bit his lip for a moment before shrugging. ''I grew used to it I guess. I had buddies I worked with, we drank cheap beer and then threw up.'' He laughed at the memories. ''But nobody to call a friend.''

Rose watched every inch of his face. ''I never had friends.'' She confessed.

''I think I needed to find somebody who was more - like me.'' He placed his hands against the rail. ''I think I found somebody, Rose.''

Her stomach sank. She wanted to do nothing but explore the world with him. She sighed, wondering if this was simply a lost dream.

''I don't even know how I would even leave Cal, if he would divorce me. How I would support myself?''

Jack took her hands in his. ''You would work. With me.'' He cocked his head to one side and smiled.

''You have a talent. I have no definite skill.''

She felt a lump in her throat. Jack glanced upwards and found a doorway which lead inside the ship. He grabbed her hand and led her inside. It was a small room with a few tables and wooden chairs. He didn't know what it was but it was some-place they could hide for just a few moments. Just inside the doorway was a window, Rose leant against it and relaxed her body. Jack placed his right hand on her hip and kissed her forehead just once. She captured his stare and they became lost in their own world once again. The intense feeling from the evening before built up once again. The secret of the situation made it all the better. No one knew or would even dream that they were lovers.

She loved the thrill of a prominent person walking in right now and that they could be caught. He brought out her impulsive side, the one which Cal and her mother spend so much time trying to keep tucked away. Her mother despised it yet Jack encouraged the etiquette which wasn't socially acceptable.

She was herself for the first time in a long time.

She felt his lips against her forehead as he spoke. ''We arrive in Cherbourg tomorrow and then everything will change.'' He kissed her ever so gently. She clung to those words and she believed them with every bone in her body.

''I have to go run some errands for Cal.''


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter nineteen – A Stormy Day**

As the Mauretania docked at Cherbourg at approximately 10am the next day, it was drizzly. Cherbourg did not have the full facilities to accommodate the large steamers in her docks so ships had to be anchored out in the roadstead and serviced by company tenders, which would steam out to a ship to embark and disembark passengers and their baggage.

When the Hockley's were disembarked, a private steam train awaited at the Gare de Cherbourg to proceed with the five hour journey into Paris. It was to be boarded by several first class families who also were heading to Paris. They had boarded with very little trouble, the train stewards couldn't have been more helpful despite speaking very little English. Ruth and Rose travelled in a comfortable first class cabin. As soon as they had boarded the train in the wet drizzle, train stewards rallied around the make the ladies as comfortable as possible, offering tea and cakes. Cal had opted to sit a few carriages towards the back where he smoked a cigarette in peace.

Ruth shared a pot of tea with her daughter.

''The weather is dreadful.''

Ruth rubbed her hands together before clasping her hands around her tea cup. Rose noticed Ruth was wearing her engagement ring today, something which she hadn't done since her father's death. It was a huge emerald stone and Rose thought it was devalued of sentiment to her mother. She glanced down at her own engagement ring. It was a huge and gaudy diamond set in white gold. Her wedding ring sat beneath that, which was also white gold and loose on her finger. They meant nothing to her.

Rose ignored her mother's whining and instead glanced out of the window. She had slept well the evening before, she had dreamt of a bright future where it was unknown what would happen and today felt like a new chapter.

''I do hope there is dinner and dancing later.'' Rose spoke gently. Her mother was astonished.

''My, Rose. You have perked up.'' Ruth pointed out.

Rose said nothing else but Ruth was grateful for her daughters raise in spirits.

She simply sipped her tea as she glanced out of the window. The weather may have been atrocious but it wouldn't affect how Rose felt.

Jack darted down the corridor of the train. Their baggage was now loaded and Trudy and Minnie were settled. They could relax for a few hours and even catch some sleep. He found Cal slumped in a seat inside a cabin of his own. He approached to find him smoking a cigarette.

''Mr. Hockley, we have loaded. Everything is aboard.''

''Is it all secure?''

''Yes.''

Cal nodded. ''Would you care for a cigarette?''

Jack glanced back down the corridor. He could see a young maid struggling with hand luggage and nobody to help her and then he glanced at Cal. He shook his head and politely declined.

''Wait!'' Cal's voice dragged him back. ''Come, sit. I must exchange words with you on another matter.''

Jack clamped his teeth together. He took his eyes away from the struggling young girl and entered the cabin. ''Yes.''

''You never did tell me where my wife went yesterday when you followed her out onto the decks.''

Jack raised his eyebrows. ''She went out on deck. I found her. We talked about the weather.''

''The weather?'' Cal raised his eyebrow unconvinced. ''Yes, there was sea mist. The drizzle started yesterday afternoon. I told her about the weather in California and how-''

''Alright!'' Cal raised his hand.

Jack shut his mouth. Yes, Cal believed him.

''Then I left to deliver the messages which you instructed me to do so.''

Cal glared Jack in the eye and he didn't waver. He knew when to pull off a good lie. ''Very well, then go. Sit and smoke until we reach Paris. It is what I intend to do.''

Jack stood to leave. ''I am going to see if I am needed elsewhere. I will come back in an hour to see if you need anything.''

Cal waved his hand as Jack left. He returned down the corridor the same way which he came. The train's movements made it difficult to walk in a straight line. The corridor was empty and he wondered if the young woman had managed to load the luggage without an aid. Something latched onto his forearm with enough strength to pull him into a doorway. He found himself compact in the bathroom with Rose. He grinned and almost wanted to kiss her then he realised that she was wearing lipstick, her face was powdered to perfection and he couldn't give an indication of anything unusual happening.

''Rose?''

''I have a favour to ask?'' She whispered, trailing her finger up and down his chest.

''Anything.''

''Could you secure separate rooms for Cal and I at the hotel?'' Her face was serious. ''Cal will not cause a fuss if he is told right away. Obviously don't mention it to him whatsoever.''

''Of course.''

''I cannot sleep in the same bed as him, Jack.''

''Don't worry. I will make sure of it.'' He pulled her to him and she leant against his body. She received strength from him, the strength to get through the rest of the day.

Once they had arrived at the hotel Plaza Athénée, the family was escorted straight up to their suites on the top floor. Cal secured the main suite, with Rose and her mother's further down the corridor. As Rose predicted, Cal did not cause a fuss when it was claimed that their room request was for three separate although opulent rooms and also when a document stating this was produced to prove. Cal didn't know where the mix up had stemmed from but he didn't bother arguing in public, it would be privately where he would ensure people were made aware that he and his wife were to share a room.

The Plaza Athénée has just opened the year before and had become known as ''the most luxurious hotel in Paris.'' Rose was secured the 'Royal Suite' with French Regency furniture and other antiques creating extreme luxury in the purest tradition of French decorative arts. The 18th-century panelling, silks, damasks and fabrics come from the oldest family-owned businesses in France. All the embroidery was done with gold thread and the curtains, which combined three different threads, display the most elegant shading. Italian marble was selected for the Royal Suite from quarries in the Verona region to decorate the bathrooms. The opulence of the room took her breath away, how would she occupy such a big space to herself? She would become lost in the interior design. She placed her hand to her chest as she was drawn to the sparkling chandeliers. As she walked through into the dining room her eyes were drawn to a golden beige divan couch set complete with a dark oak lounge table. Her heels clacked on the floor as she found her way to a set of double doors which led out onto the balcony and with a small tug she pulled them open. Stepping out she was met by the smell of rain, a breeze sent her curls flying about and as she found herself gazing across the rooftops of Paris, her eyes met the Eifel Tower for the first time. Red geraniums plotted in baskets around the rail of the balcony along with red blinds which set off the entire balcony. She closed her eyes as she found peace in the moment.

It was some hours later when a knock came to Rose's suite. She had been reading, her mind vacant for some time but she hadn't been taking notice of the words on the page. Her mind had been with Jack. She proceeded to the door to find Trudy, in her hand she held an envelope.

''Miss, Jack Dawson asked for me to give you this.''

She glanced at the note before gingerly taking it from her hands. ''Thank you.''

Trudy saw just how she changed at the mention of his name. ''Please come in, let's not speak of such things in the corridor under prying eyes.''

Trudy stepped into the suite. She was overwhelmed at the beauty, her eyes darting about the room. Her gasp was unnoticed by Rose as she stepped into the dining room to read the note alone.

' _Rose,_

 _I have a carriage waiting downstairs in ten minutes._

 _Please, come with me._

 _Jack.'_

She touched her chest to feel her beating heart. Excitement pulsated through her veins.

''Trudy, I must dress. Please will you help me?''

''Of course.''

Rose placed the note inside of her purse before hiding it in a top drawer.

''Is my wardrobe ready?''

She went to the large double dresser and quickly fingered through the dresses before pulling out a taupe colour. It wasn't so fancy, nothing which screamed that she was a girl of upper class. She laid it out on her bed.

''Yes. Are you wearing this one?''

''Yes. Also, please help me out of my corset. It almost brings me to death.''

Trudy didn't ask questions as she helped Rose to dress as quickly as possible. She didn't know what the note had asked for she had not had the guts to read it, nor to ask questions but she did know that Rose was happy.

Once she was dressed, Rose pulled at the pins in her hair. Trudy helped her to allow her hair to fall in its natural state around her shoulders in light waves.

''Will you be going out? Perhaps you need an umbrella?'' Trudy suggested.

Rose touched her hand. ''No Trudy. I have a carriage waiting.''

Trudy's face fell serious. ''Jack Dawson?'' She tried to bite her tongue but she couldn't and the question fell out of her mouth.

Rose nodded slowly. ''Yes, he is to take me someplace. I don't know where but I have to go Trudy.''

''Will you be coming back?''

Rose laughed. ''Of course, perhaps later in the evening.'' She pressed her lips together. ''Please inform my husband that I am sleeping. Today's exertions got the better of me.''

Trudy nodded, always faithful to her friend.

''Thank you Trudy.''

She turned to leave before turning back and grabbing Trudy's hand. ''You know I do not plan to stay with my family for much longer.'' She saw Trudy's eyes shone with tears. ''You have been such a good friend to me and more importantly you are very discreet.''

''You are a good friend, Rose. My only friend.''

Trudy touched Rose's face. ''Bless you. You are my only friend also, perhaps aside from Jack.'' She squeezed Trudy's hand. ''When I go, I wish for you to leave also. To take the money which I will offer you and find yourself a better life.''

Rose left the suite straight away before Trudy said anything else. Rose knew she would decline but Rose could not allow her friend to stay with the Hockley's once she had left. She and Trudy parted ways. Rose descended the five flights of stairs as taking the elevator she decided maybe risky. It was imperative that she wasn't seen. She tucked a curl behind her ear as she darted across the reception area and out onto the paved step of the entrance. A horse drawn carriage sat directly in front on the road, a hand placed theirs in hers and led her quickly to the carriage. It was Jack. He climbed in beside her.

The carriage curtains were closed and leather seating inside. Rose sat facing forward while Jack spoke to the driver. He spoke little English; Jack spoke animatedly with his hands for a moment before attempting French. The two seemed to understand each other.

As he joined Rose in the carriage, she noticed he was dressed plainly in a white cotton shirt and trousers. He carried a rucksack with him and he dumped it on the seat beside him. The carriage set off into an unknown direction.

''Wherever are we going?'' Rose settled back in Jack's arms as he grinned.

''Actually, I don't know myself.''

He touched her face with his left hand. She relaxed as he placed his arm around her. He kissed her immediately. Not doing so had driven him crazy. She loved the fact that they were riding through the streets of Paris yet nobody knew what was happening in the back of the carriage. Jack couldn't keep his hands off her body. She allowed him to trace kisses down her neck and unlace the top of her dress enough to kiss her breasts. Her nipples hardened as she put her legs over his and sat to one side as he held her body. The carriage shook, rain thrashed down harder but it didn't stop their passionate embrace.

Their tongues touched sending tingles down both of their spines. It wasn't until a loud thunder crash sounded that Jack stopped kissing her.

''Stop!'' He called to the driver. Quickly he wiped his mouth and glanced out of the curtains. They were in the middle of nowhere. Jack grabbed his rucksack and shoved it on his back as the carriage came to an abrupt stop.

He climbed out and reached into his pocket before pulling out a large tip.

''Go, back to the hotel.'' He ordered as he helped Rose from the carriage. He grabbed her hand. There was a long wheat field and a building in the middle. Large drops of rain drenched them as they stood perplexed. Jack grabbed Rose's hand tighter as they made a run for it through the fields.

On closer inspection, it appeared to be some sort of barn. By the time they reached it, their clothes were soaking wet and the material clinging to their bodies. He slammed the door closed behind them and silently he ran his eyes over Rose, her dress had turned a dark nude colour clinging to her every curve. He could see her nipples beneath the dress and he was instantly effected. He threw his rucksack to the floor before grabbing Rose's hand and pulling her towards him. His lips crushed against hers, she shivered and not from the cold as she ripped his short open not caring if the buttons popped. She ran her hands over his wet naked torso before dragging his arms from the sleeves. He engulfed her with his arms before pulling at her dress before unlacing the front and peeling it away from her body.

He didn't stop kissing her, their tongues massaging and teeth biting bottom lips. He touched every part of her, tingling every nerve and caressing and embracing her imperfections. She wasn't shy anymore. He made her feel beautiful. She felt complete when he made love to her. It was intense as they clung to each other's bodies desperately pressed together. As they made love, the thunder crashed and lit the entire barn providing enough light for them to catch glimpses of each other. He held her so close to him as though he never could let her go.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 – A Decision to Change My Life**

The thunder had ceased some time later but the rain still continued to lash against the barn. Rose's head lay on Jack's chest as he stroked her still damp hair. She draped her left arm over his chest. They were still naked, their bodies pressed so close together. This whole experience was so new to her. The intimacy which came with Jack felt so beautiful. She fought sleep as she felt so peaceful, they had laid in silence for some time with their own thoughts. This moment was one which she never wanted to end. Jack's fingers threaded through her hair and she could feel his breathing so steady and the strong beat of his heart. She contemplated everything in her head, just how happy she was laying here with him. She thought of how many other woman he had been so intimate with, if any.

''How many lovers have you had?''

She propped herself up on her elbow to look at him. Her voice was soft but full of wonder. He stroked her hair as he hesitated his answer.

''Just the one. A girl in California.'' He told her. ''I was drunk and I wasn't in love with her.''

She laid her head back on his chest, satisfied with his answer. She relished the feel of her skin against his.

''How many times have you been in love?''

He was silent for before a moment before continuing to stroke her hair.

''Only once.'' He whispered as his voice went hoarse. ''How many times have you been in love?''

''Once, Jack.'' She too, whispered so softly.

There it was - the unspoken words. He closed his eyes and found her lips. He climbed in between her legs and rolled over so that he was on top of her. He held himself up using his elbows and as he was still as he found her eyes. They spoke so much to him, brimmed with tears and filled with so much love. He made love to her again only this time it was slow and meaningful as though something inside them had flipped in those few short sentences. He wouldn't let his eyes leave hers as he felt her body shake within his arms. She couldn't let go of him and he couldn't let go of her.

Rose awoke some time later and her body was covered by a dry shirt of Jack's. She was leant against his rucksack which acted as a pillow. She opened one eye and then the other. Her neck felt a little achy and she sat upright. She found Jack had lit a fire which crackled occasionally. The noise which had stirred her sleep. The clothes which they had worn which were wet were laid out on the floor amongst some hay drying out. Jack had found a chair and broke it up for some wood and was cooking a can of beans.

She didn't know how prepared he was for the journey which they had or how hungry she was. She pulled herself from the floor her body aching from all of the lovemaking. She pulled the shirt over her body and he was temporarily distracted by her naked form. She walked to the fire and sat with him. She held out her hands to the fire to feel the warmth. She could smell the rain outside which caused her to shiver.

''Did you sleep well?'' His arm immediately came around her shoulder and she hugged against his almost naked body. He wore just his undergarments.

''As well as I could.'' She smiled at his concern.

He handed her a spoon and she dipped the spoon into the can before eating the warm beans. She had never eaten a simpler meal.

''I have never eaten like this.'' She smiled.

''Well this is how I lived when I was out in California. I would make a fire at the beach, roast some marshmallows, sleep and then move on the next day.''

She laughed but her body ached so badly. She wanted to live that way. She took another spoonful.

She placed her right arm around his body, feeling how warm he was and she relished the feeling. Just the touch of his skin was enough to make her feel so warm and cherished.

He kissed her forehead.

''I want to spent the rest of my life as happy and free as I feel right now.''

She glanced around the barn, it was pitch black except for the fire. It cast shadows across the walls and she felt as though no one else in the world existed except the two of them. A life like this alone would be lonely though and she realised there and then that she would never allow Jack to leave her life.

''We should stay here.'' Jack whispered as he kissed her ear. ''Hide out until morning and then run for the hills.''

She rested her head against his shoulder. He made this life sound so easy.

''I would love to.'' He kissed her forehead. Her body ached to leave behind the life which she was leading right now. She was sleeping with another man whilst married to one of the most prominent men in Pennsylvania. Her heart beat quickly, she rested her head on Jack's shoulder. He made her forget everything else in the world.

''Is it as good as this all of the time?''

Jack's smile faded. ''No, Rose.'' He pressed his lips together. ''Sometimes I was lonely, I was hungry and I didn't know where my next meal would come from. I met some generous people, they would share their food and their stories and others would rather see you starve.''

Rose glanced at the floor in front of her but Jack turned her to face him by placing one finger on her chin. ''But you will have me, I will never see that happen to us.''

''The pros outweigh the cons right?''

Jack nodded. ''By a million.''

She sighed in her own world. ''I want to see the stars.''

Jack put down the can of beans before standing up. He took her hands and pulled her to her feet before leading her to the door. It creaked as it opened. They could smell the rain, spits of drizzle clouded the air but the humidity had set in once again.

''It's cloudy because of the rain.'' They both gazed at the sky. ''We'll have to see the stars another night.'' He sighed.

''Where will we go next?'' She smiled, leaning into his body.

''I'll think of something. I plan for us to have a lot of adventures on this trip. As much as I want to steal you away and keep you for myself.''

Rose pushed her nose into his chest; she closed her eyes capturing the serenity of the moment. ''Where would we go, Jack if we ran away right now?''

''Wherever we wanted to go. I would do portraits here and there, make us some money. You could become an actress.''

''I don't have a talent.''

''Sure you do. You just need to have a little more faith.''

Rose pulled away from Jack to go back inside, she shivered. She was quiet for a moment, alone with her thoughts. Jack watched as she wrestled with something in her mind.

''Rose?''

''I want to ask him for a divorce.'' She spoke up.

''Oh, Rose.'' He came to her, knowing that it was a big decision for her to make. It was her own decision to make and he would support her no matter what. Jack had thought that life outside of her bubble had only initially been enticing, he seriously thought he had put her off.

''But what if he doesn't grant me one?'' She knew what shame it would bring to both of their families. Her mother was already in financial ruin but that was something which wasn't Rose's fault. Rose had almost been a plea bargain to Cal. He wanted children and a wife with good roots. Rose had fitted the bill.

''If you cannot divorce, it just means that I will never be able to marry you.'' He touched her face. His words were so honest, a quality she had never found before. ''But it won't stop me loving you.''

She collapsed into his arms. He held her close as she allowed tears to fall freely. She needed him; she needed his support so much. She didn't know if she was strong enough to fight this alone. She never once dreamt that she would wound up divorced at such a young age, or even at all. Divorce was a fragile subject and one which if granted wasn't spoken of.

''I am a married woman, Jack.'' She whispered into his shirt. ''I have broken all the vows which I took in front of God, in a damned church and now I shot them all to Hell when I fell in love with you.''

He took her face in his hands to make her look at him. ''Do you be hard on yourself.'' He stroked her hair. ''It is an unhappy marriage, I saw that from the first day I met you in his office.''

Rose squeezed her eyes closed. She smiled at the memory. ''Do you want to know something?'' She touched his hands and removed them from her face. ''I followed you that day. I knew that you would walk home through the rose fields. I was so intrigued by you that I followed you.''

She laughed at her own stupidity but she could never ignore the feeling in the bottom of her stomach which had told her to go. She had always been ruled by her gut and not her head. Perhaps that was why she was in silly situation but she couldn't change it nor did she wish to.

''I know you did. I waited for you to come.''

Rose grinned. ''How did you know?''

Jack shrugged. ''It was a feeling. A hunch.'' He pulled her body to his and lead her back inside. ''I guess I knew that from that day on my life would change.''


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21 - Falling Apart**

''I had hoped you would come to me last night.'' Cal spoke quietly. Rose's eyes narrowed as she glanced at her husband before she pulled another lie from her book.

''I was tired.''

Cal nodded. ''I see.''

Silence fell between them almost as though they were strangers and not husband and wife. Rose opened the doors of her balcony which allowed a light breeze to enter the sitting room. It seemed to calm her as it cooled her skin. She could feel his eyes on her. Since she had arrived back at the hotel that morning, he seemed to have not stopped pestering her. First he sent Trudy to speak with her and then her own mother.

''The ship and then the train. I had nothing to do but sleep.''

''Your mother and I noted your absence from dinner, also.''

Rose pressed her lips together, feeling the anger rise within. ''Cal, I am not a child.'' She told him forcefully. ''I am not one of the men at your mill that you can command. I am your wife. But I also have a life of my own.''

Cal felt the anger burning up inside him. ''Rose, I have given you everything. Look at this damned suite!'' He gestured to the room, slamming his hand against the paintwork of the walls.

''You can have it! Have the whole lot. Your money doesn't impress me, Cal. It never did.''

Cal laughed. ''No, but it impressed your Mother.''

Rose's hand came up and slapped Cal straight around the face. ''You know full well of our situation. My father had left his young child and his wife in debt. That was not her fault.''

Cal touched his cheek, it stung. He had only been hit once before and that was by his father for his adolescent disobedience. ''She took full advantage of my interest in you. She was only too happy to marry us off at the earliest convenience.''

''Then you should have turned a blind eye and walked the other way.'' She breathed out a deep sigh. ''I never loved you. I never wanted to marry you.''

''And yet you did.'' He came closer to her.

She cringed at his presence so close to her. ''I was young when I accepted your proposal. Too young to understand what a marriage entails.''

''You wouldn't see your mother out on the streets or taking work as a seamstress. I know that you still wouldn't want to see that.''

Rose couldn't believe that he would guilt trip her over her own mother. ''My happiness comes first for once.''

''What would you do if I left you? Go live on the streets like some urchin?' 'Cal laughed pathetically. Rose watched how he sat on his own high horse as though he could never come back down.

''It'd be damned well better than being your wife!''

''You wouldn't walk out on this marriage, for your whole existence would be a shambles!''

Rose grabbed her purse and kept her calm. ''I cannot be stopped.'' She stormed past him and walked from the room slamming the door behind her. She had not been dressed and ready for the day's events for an hour yet. The anger burnt within her and she could feel the hot tears filling her eyes threatening to fall but she refused to allow them to.

She had not wanted to leave the barn this morning, as the sun set she and Jack had finished the cold can of beans. The food had made her stomach turn but she would have eaten anything if it meant that she and Jack could live out together.

The thoughts were shook from her head. Rose took the elevator to the reception area where she found her Mother making small talk with a young overdressed Parisian lady. She joined them much to Ruth's surprise and simply concentrated on the chitter chatter and played the lovely daughter as Ruth showed her off like some prized show horse. Anything to take her mind from Jack and Cal.

Cal slammed the door closed of Rose's suite. He stalked down the corridor where he found Jack had just left his room.

''Dawson!'' He called.

Jack turned to see Cal coming towards him. ''Good morning.''

''I need to speak with you. Now!''

Jack sighed. He had barely finished polishing his boots. ''Sure, would you like to come into my room? It's better than the corridor?''

Cal said nothing as he was led into Jack's room. It was small, slightly dusty and outdated but Cal didn't care. He wasn't here to admire the décor.

''Jack, my wife has gone out today yet again. I would like you to follow her, tell me everything. No! Just tell her to come back!'' He was seething.

Jack couldn't believe what was being asked of him. ''Sir, I cannot just…''

''Yes you can, Dawson and you will.'' Cal walked backwards and forwards. Rose's words playing over and over in his mind. He wanted to believe that she wouldn't leave him but with her behaviour of late it appears she had already given the idea some thought. What would she do without him? She was bluffing.

''No. Cal.''

''Do you know what my wife threatened this morning? To end the marriage. To run into the streets of Paris and not come back.'' He was out of breath. His temper worsening. ''I do not know where these absurd ideas come from.''

''Cal, perhaps she needs some time to explore the city.'' Jack tried to calm the situation. He didn't know how to act. He was relieved Rose had given Cal some indication that she would be leaving but obviously Cal was not happy about it. He wanted to run to Rose, to take her away from all of this.

''No, Jack!'' Cal came closer to Jack. ''You will follow her, drag her back to this hotel and let her know that next time she does this she can leave and never come back.''

Jack glanced down at Cal, his face expressionless. ''And if you fail to do this then you will be without a job, without food on the table and I will strip away every cent which you ever earned.''

Jack narrowed his eyes. He knew Cal's threats were empty. Personally, he didn't care about his damned job or even about the money but he did care for Rose and he couldn't leave her in this situation with Cal's temper now flaming. He didn't trust the guy.

''Don't worry. I will sort it out.''

Cal seemed to relax. He became Jekyll and Hyde in his angry moments and Jack wondered if Rose had ever seen this side of him. Cal found it hard to keep temper in check but he also would never be seen having an outburst in a public place.

''Good man.'' He slapped Jack on the shoulder as though he was a dog.

Cal let himself out of the room and left Jack fighting with his own anger. He ripped his jacket from his arms and threw it onto the bed, not caring how much it cost. He ripped his shirt off and ragged his old inexpensive shirt over his body. He wanted to strip himself of everything which reminded him of this life which he had made for himself. He rummaged among his travel bag where he pulled out something which he hadn't seen for a long time. His trusted portfolio which contained all of his work. He grabbed his drawing equipment and stuffed it into his backpack before throwing it over his shoulder and leaving his hotel room. He left the door open not even caring.

He replayed Cal's words in his head as he descended the stairs down to the main reception area. His grubby clothes didn't go unnoticed; he also didn't see Rose stood with her mother. As soon as he was outside the main doors he broke into a run in a random direction not even knowing what he would find. This was how he would be living in Paris; he would wake up each morning with the luxury of not knowing what would happen. For years he had read how Paris was the art capital of the world. He had studied pictures of Dottism and Cubism, Realism and Futurism trying to comprehend some of the works and yet while he appreciated it, he couldn't find it in his heart to love it.

The Eifel Tower stood prominently for him to see and he turned his back to it, heading in another direction. He walked for about half an hour before he came to a clearing where a patch of grass spread out. Several benches lined the park and he found himself stopping to admire the nature, the tall trees with rose blossom which lined the entrance and the lovely smell of fresh cut grass. This was his idea of heaven. He pushed his hair from his face and started towards a bench before he unpacked his portfolio and he set up his work for the day, laying out his leather portfolio in front of him and taking out a piece of paper and began to sharpen a piece of charcoal ready for his first customer. He knew his work was good, but not amazing. He had to get back into the swing of this, it had been a good six months since he had made a living this way. The reason he had come to Paris was because it was the art capital of the world and where his inspiration Monet lived. He continued to sharpen his charcoal, his mind so preoccupied he didn't even notice when a young blonde woman approached him from nowhere.

She coughed to get his attention and he stopped immediately to find her stood so closely to him.

'' Bonjour, je ne vous ai pas vus ici auparavant.''

Jack stared at her blankly. She was so petite, wearing a golden coloured dress which almost matched her hair.

''I-I don't speak French, not fluently.''

She giggled girlishly.

''I said, I haven't seen you here before.'' Her accent was thick but understandable.

Jack relaxed. ''Oh no. I am new here.''

She gasped. ''Oh are you um-American?''

He nodded as he moved his portfolio so that she could join him. ''Yes I am.''

''And you are an artist?''

He nodded.

''Do you have a name?''

''Jack.'' He held his hand out to her and she shook it roughly.

''Antoinette.''

She smirked. ''I'd like to ask you a favour on this fine day.'' She sat on the bench beside Jack.

''What can I do for you?'' He asked her.

''I was wondering if you'd do me a portrait.'' She whispered quietly.

Jack smiled, seeing her lips curve into a flirtatious smile. ''Umm, I don't know.'' he stuttered slightly. It wasn't that he was nervous. ''I think I need to practise first. I haven't drawn properly in some months.''

''And why not?'' She smiled, touching his forearm. ''Or is it some other lady in your life?''

Jack moved away from Antoinette and sat with his legs open a little and folded his hands in his lap before bowing his head a bit. She had hit the nail on the head, it was Rose that was getting the better of him, he know he was fighting with so many thoughts and Rose was at the top of his list.

''I just don't know if it is a good idea.''

Antoinette touched his hand. ''I sense your nerves and I also sense the love which you have.'' She narrowed her large dark eyes. ''This would be a private matter, between you and I. I have somewhere private where we can go. I have a boudoir.''

Then it dawned on Jack. Antoinette was a prostitute. He should have run at that moment but he didn't. He felt as though he understood her a little better. She wasn't trying to get him into bed, she was trying to make a friend.

''I have whisky if that will ease your nerves. Also, I believe I have a friend who would also appreciate your work.'' Her smiled reached her eyes.

''All right. Just the one.'' He grinned.

She smiled with gratitude. ''The girls and I, we don't have much of a life. We would love to see all of the art in the city but obviously we never get the chance.'' Her eyes were tinged with some sadness and he wondered what her story was.

''I know what you mean. My job doesn't exactly allow me much free time either.'' He raised his eyebrows.

''Are you some sort of spy?'' She giggled and her laugh was lovely.

''No. I just don't have much time. I would love to see more art, more of the landscapes here in Paris.

''Could I see your work?''

He nodded, offering her his portfolio. For the first time in a long time he was nervous about the standard of his work.

''Would you mind if we returned to my home?'' She glanced around and he sensed a nervousness about her. Was she also under lock and key.

''Of course not.'' He smiled. He could use a friend.


	22. Chapter 22

Thank you for the reviews on this story. I am glad people are liking this still.

 **Chapter 22 – Bohemian Life**

They were in the district of Montparnasse, in the previous year's Paris' artistic circles migrated there. Virtually penniless painters, sculptors, writers, poets and composers came from around the world to thrive in the creative atmosphere and for the cheap rent at artist communes such as La Ruche. Living without running water, in damp, unheated "studios", seldom free of rats, many sold their works for a few francs just to buy food.

The streets were long and narrow with horse drawn carriages pulling all sorts of materials, fruits, vegetables and different goods towards Market Street. Antoinette led Jack in this direction. They came across a small neat building. Antoinette walking in front of Jack, her heels clacking on the stoned pavement. His eyes couldn't help but travel downwards on her body as she stopped and turned to make sure he was catching up. She led him inside. They entered another room where several girls sat smoking and playing cards, they literally stared at him, some even winked. He followed Antoinette closely. The smell of perfume became stronger and he wafted the smell away slightly in an attempt to not choke.

''What do we have here Annie?'' Another French girl stroked Jack's face. She was a brunette, curvy and stunning.

Antoinette grabbed Jack's hand and pulled him with her. ''Nothing for you Sadie.''

As they reached what Antoinette called her boudoir she allowed Jack to follow her inside. She flicked her hair over her shoulder as Jack glanced around the room. It was dark purple in colour with a double bed in the centre. Two large dressers which were crammed with clothes. Make up was scattered over the dressing table and wigs of all colours draped over the wig stand. Gothic curtains hung from the pole and for a moment he hesitated his walk to the chair which was losing half of the stuffing from inside.

''Would you like a drink?'' She asked, already pouring some whiskey into a glass.

He hesitated for a moment. ''It's early.''

She laughed. ''It is never too early.'' She insisted.

Carefully she poured them both a shot of whisky. He accepted it. She sat opposite him on a stool. ''It will take the edge off.''

''Thank you.''

''No problem. Now, Jack, please tell me about your life.''

Jack threw his portfolio on the floor. He rubbed his hands down his trousers, removing the dirt from the charcoal. ''Well, there is not much to tell.''

''This girl, this amour de votre vie.'' She gestured dramatically with her hands.

Jack ran his fingers through his hair. He narrowed his eyes as he just glared ahead into space. He thought of Rose, his perfect Rose.

''She is beautiful...'' He began. ''She makes me feel so alive.'' He made eye contact with Antoinette. ''She is so vibrant and carefree. She is the strongest woman I have known and yet she is so fragile.''

''Your heart is breaking...'' Antoinette sensed.

Jack glanced up to her. ''In a way.'' He sat back in his chair. ''There are some obstacles, some boundaries.''

''Does she have money?''

Jack raised his eyebrows. ''Well her husband does. He locks her away and she has tried so hard to break free. He is crushing her spirit and yet he still has some power over her.''

Antoinette crossed her arms over her chest. ''Where do you come into this?''

Jack sighed. ''I am a valet for her husband.'' His tone was sarcastic. ''I took the job to travel, to spend more time with Rose as a friend and yet I fell in love with my boss's wife.''

He knocked back his whiskey. It burnt his throat as it worked its way down into his stomach. Hearing all of his problems aloud seemed to make him need the drink even more. He rarely outed his problems, let alone to strangers usually he dealt with it himself but perhaps on this one occasion he needed a little advice.

''It takes the edge off doesn't it?''

''It does, Antoinette I...''

''Call me Annie.'' She interrupted him. ''My friends do.'' She smiled. In that second he relaxed a little.

''How about you, what is your story?''

Annie shrugged. ''Not much. My parents died when I was just a baby. I was sent to my great Aunt's to live. She didn't have children of her own and didn't care for me much either. I left when I was fifteen to live on the street. For a while, I was so alive. I worked as an actress for a small theatre and I danced and sang all night.'' She smiled, tears sparkling in her eyes as she re-lived some good memories. ''Then it switched owners and became a brothel. I have nowhere else to go.'' She pressed her lips together.

''I lost my parents young too, I was fifteen. I left home and never returned.''

''Where did you live?''

''A small town in Wisconsin in America. It was cold and icy during the winter. They were long. That is all I pretty much remember. My parents owned a small farm, as a kid I used to ride the sheep around the yard.'' He laughed at the memory.

''You were cherished as a child?''

''I was. I miss my folks.'' He clasped his hands together. ''I don't think of them as often as I should.''

''I never even saw a photograph of my parents. I don't know who I resemble the most. I don't know if I was wanted as a baby.''

''I think that you would have proud parents.''

''Why would you think that?''

Jack sat forward in his seat. ''They have a beautiful daughter who has made the best of the situation which she was put in at a very young age.'' He smiled. ''And sometimes that is all that you can do.''

She was silent for a moment taking in the very real words which this stranger had said to her. ''Nobody has ever told me anything like that before.''

''Well the worst things are easier to cling onto. Reverse it.'' He saw the confusion on her face. ''Discard the bad and keep the good. It gets you through life easier.''

At that moment a girl entered the room, she was completely naked and walking on crutches. In her hand she held a shot of whiskey which as she walked splashed out of the glass.

Immediately Jack stood to help the girl. ''Hey, are you all right?''

She laughed, her lovely face shining. ''Yes, I had an accident as a child. I lost my leg.''

She too spoke in a French accent. She was so devastatingly open and Jack kept his eyes on her face. She had deep set brown eyes and long straight dark brown hair. She was tall and lithe as she leant on her crutches.

She handed the shot to Jack. ''I came to offer some of grandpa's whiskey.''

Jack glanced to Annie as though he needed some encouragement. ''Don't worry. It is only offered to special guests.'' She laughed. ''It must be about sixty years old.''

He took the shot and held it out to the girls. ''Cheers.'' He downed it before feeling his eyes water. ''Fuck!'' He grimaced and they laughed at his reaction.

''It is strong but beautiful.''

Jack crinkled his nose as he felt it travel to his stomach. ''I'm Jack.'' He held his out to her.

''My name is Fae.'' She took his hand whilst still holding onto her crutches. Her slender tanned fingers slipped into his and he couldn't help but notice how lovely they were.

''Jack here is an artist.'' Annie told Fae.

''Perhaps you would draw Annie and myself. It is a long while since I sat for a portrait.''

''Of course.''

After two shots of whiskey his confidence had fully returned. Jack sat back in the chair; Annie sat on the bed with Fae. Jack swallowed the lump in his throat. He quickly glanced over Fae's naked body. She was lithe, strong and supple. The muscles formed on her arms from carrying herself around on crutches. Her left leg which had been removed as a baby stopped at just above the knee.

Jack quickly sharpened some charcoal to get a point as sharp as possible.

''All right, just try to stay still.'' He turned his paper landscape. ''Try to focus on me.''

He took a deep breath before he put his charcoal to paper. He didn't know how this would turn out for he hadn't sketched in so long. Rose had been his last subject and the inspiration had come to him so beautifully. He glanced over Annie first and started at the top, her hair flowing downwards which stopped at her waist. Her face formed next, her lovely features and the way her eyes expressed the sadness which she had lived through at such a young age.

He sketched each line perfectly. The only sound in the room was the scraping onto the paper. He could feel himself blushing as he sketched Fae's breasts before moving onto her more intimate parts. It didn't go unnoticed but the fact that he was so into his work stopped Fae commenting on such things. She didn't take her eyes from him; his passion for his work was immense.

It took another few minutes of silence before Jack had finished. Sweat lined his forehead and he took a deep breath as a sigh as he finished. He dated the paper before signing it with his initials.

''I'm done.''

Annie stood from the bed and took the sketch from Jack to show to Fae.

''It's beautiful!'' She gasped. ''I have never seen such great work!''

''Thanks.''

Jack had only been back in his hotel room for several minutes when a knock sounded at the door. He sighed and muttered under his breath something about having a moment's peace. The day had been quite a peaceful one so to return had been hard. He answered it to find Trudy.

''Hello Trudy.''

''Jack I am to inform you that we are to attend an art gallery this evening at 20:00 hours.''

''Did Rose send you?''

''No Mr. Hockley. Rose is to also attend.'' Trudy added with a twinkle in her eye. ''In fact she has requested to share a cab with you, so that you can escort her. Mrs Dewitt Bukater will be attending with Mr. Hockley. They are to leave at any moment.''

Jack nodded. ''Thank you Trudy.''

He closed the door before taking a moment to register everything before taking a very quick bath and proceeding to dress in his evening attire.

It was 20:16 when they arrived at the Muse De Louvre. The cab ride had been fairly quiet, the driver boasting of famous actresses he had driven around Paris. Rose was dressed in a burgundy evening dress complete with black gloves, her hair was pinned up to perfection and her lips painted a dark wine red. Jack had so many questions and yet he didn't feel now was the right time. The evening would be stuffy and possibly boring but he would at least try to enjoy the art and to make sure Rose did too.

The Muse De Louvre was situated on the right bank of the River Seine. The museum was housed in the Louvre Palace, originally built as a fortress in the late 12th century under Philip II. The sky was a navy blue as Jack helped Rose from the cab. The entrance of the Musee De Louvre was lit up beautifully. Many couples were escorted inside. Jack held his arm out to Rose; she smiled as she played the part well.

As they walked up the old stone steps, he whispered to her gently. ''Tonight will be a wonderful evening.''

She was lost in his stare, the powerful moment causing her face to beam. She hadn't felt so happy all day but seeing Jack like this was just what she needed. She gripped his arm tighter, feeling him return the squeeze. Tonight would be great.

The museum had many collections but it was only the paintings which Jack was interested in. As the other gentlemen lead their wives to the beginning, keeping up the pretence of their interest in art. Jack led Rose in the opposite direction. He had read so much about the gallery therefore knew what he wanted to see.

''Did you know that the Mona Lisa was stolen from this very building early last year?'' Jack told Rose. His voice echoing in the empty corridor.

She turned to face him. ''Is that true?''

''Of course. It is scandalous.'' He spoke in a genteel accent and she couldn't help but laugh at his mockery of this evening.

They walked some more taking in the beautiful high ceilings and expensive wooden floors. Rose's heels clacked on the surface and echoed all the way around.

''The gallery has works here from the 13th century up until fifty years ago.'' Jack told her, his voice echoing. ''After the French Revolution, the Royal Collection formed the nucleus. Nearly two-thirds of the paintings here are by French artists.''

Rose was impressed. ''How do you know so much of this?''

''I read a lot.''

Rose tightened her grip on him. He had so much passion for what he did. ''Could you live like the French artists did? Live in a garret poor but free?''

''Yes, I admire the life of the bohemians. In fact just today I was speaking to a working girl.''

Rose loosened her grip on him. He noticed this and they stopped their walk.

''A prostitute?'' Her voice was laced with something a little different.

Jack came to her and touched her face ever so gently, ensuring he knew that nothing was meant by it. ''I met her at the park today and I drew a couple of pictures. We talked about art.''

Her breath felt caught in her throat. Just as she was about to speak she heard a voice echo down the corridor.

''There you are! My Goodness Rose, we thought you had got yourself lost.''

It was her mother on the arm of her husband.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23 – Shattered Into A Thousand Pieces**

A knock sounded at the door of Rose's room. She squinted to think as to who would call so late in the evening as she glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece until she heard the door open. It clicked open and then closed, large footsteps heading towards the bedroom.

She sat in just her white linen night gown, she turned her head to see who had entered and she found Cal, he too was dressed in his nightwear. She turned her head back and eyed him with contempt through the mirror. At first he stood leant on the doorway as though he needed to be invited in but then he came closer to her.

''Did you enjoy the gallery?'' He asked quietly.

''Yes.'' She continued to brush her hair. A light tune played from her grandmother's jewellery box and Cal began to grow irritated with it. He admired her beauty through the mirror, she was his wife. A woman who belonged to him and he couldn't have been more proud of that fact.

''I know you've been melancholy. I don't pretend to know why.''

''Cal I am tired...''She began but when he perched himself on the vanity unit she knew that he wouldn't leave anytime soon. That was when she realised he was holding a dark velvet box. She glanced from the box to his face numbly.

''I thought it would be best for Mr. Dawson to accompany you to the gallery this evening, for he knows so much of art and such things I assumed you would appreciate the experience so much more.''

Rose said nothing. She would have given anything in that moment to be with Jack. She glanced at her own reflection in the mirror. She felt too weak to even argue with her own husband. She could feel her breathing becoming ragged through her own anger and pain but she controlled it and kept it to a minimum.

''I have something for you.'' He stood from the vanity and slowly opened the box. ''I had planned on giving you this in London to celebrate this trip and then the business meeting but I thought after the success of this evening perhaps I should present it tonight.''

She gasped seeing a beautiful heart shaped necklace. Sea blue in colour covered in God knows how many diamonds. Her hand reached out to touch the heart. It was so mesmerising. She became lost in the sea like stone. It was exactly like the Hope diamond, an article she had once read suggested that the owner's life became miserable and tragic after wearing the stone just once.

''Good Gracious.''

Cal rewarded himself with a smile. ''Perhaps it is a reminder of my feelings for you my darling wife.''

''Is it a sapphire?''

''A diamond.'' Cal took the necklace from the box.''56 Karats to be exact. It was worn by Louis the Sixteenth and the called it Le Coeur de la Mer.''

''The Heart of the Ocean.'' They said in unison. Rose glanced up in the mirror at her husband. His eyes dark as sin. She had read something some years before about the stone many people believing it had perished around 1792. He clasped it around her neck like a dog collar. She reached up to grab the necklace. It weighed so much. It was dreadfully heavy and now she felt as though she was choking. His fingers caressed her neck and throat.

''It is for royalty. For we are royalty, My Rose.''

She shakily ran her fingers over the diamonds and then the heart. He stroked his fingers over her free curls which cascaded down her back. They were soft from just been brushed. She could feel his breath against her neck.

''It is worth millions Rose and you are the one to wear it.'' He whispered. ''I had it specially delivered from Cartiers. I couldn't trust Jack with something like this.''

Rose took a long deep breathe, tears brimming in her eyes. She dared to look at him in the eyes from the mirror. He had that look on his face, the smug bastard. She felt her heart sink and her breathing continue to be shallow. She knew the gift was to reflect light back onto him, to illuminate the greatness that was Caledon Hockley. He couldn't show love through tenderness, his money ruled him.

''Cal, it's late. I must sleep.'' She struggled to speak, her voice barely audible.

''Of course.'' He stood up straight. He said nothing more.

She was surprised by how easily he left. He turned to face her several times before leaving. It wasn't until she heard the hotel room door click that she allowed the tear to leave her eyes. She felt as though she was anchored and drowning. The necklace pulling her further and further to the brink of her death. It was the hands on her throat slowly strangling her until she took her final breathe.

She grabbed the Heart and attempted to pull it from her neck but try as hard as she could it would not rip. She screamed throwing her hand mirror against the wall smashing it instantly. She stood from the stool and tried once again to pull it from her neck. She threw the box at the mirror. She wanted it to smash into a thousand pieces. It knocked it slightly, causing it to hang to the left side. She fell against the dresser, weak from her outburst and then she was left with her own reflection in the mirror. She hated what she saw. She shakily found the clasp and managed to unclip it, she threw the diamond onto her dresser and then she ran barefoot from her suite.

She ran down the well lit corridor not caring who could see her frenzy. Tears spilled freely from her eyes, her nightgown mangling itself around her legs. She felt numb; she wanted to leave right now. She could not take another day as the wife of Caledon Hockley. She found the door which she recognised and then knocked on it frantically, tears spilling from her eyes. She couldn't think of anything else except Jack.

''Rose?'' Jack opened the door, his eyes widened when saw her state and quickly ushered her inside. She leapt into his arms, crying hysterically. He did nothing but hold her in his arms.

She held her head in her hands, her words barely understandable. ''I cannot do this anymore, Jack. Cal...He...he think he can just buy my affection.''

Jack placed his hands on her shoulders before bringing them up to her face to steady her breathing. ''All right, all right. Shh, tell me Rose.''

Jack shushed her and pulled her back into his arms, feeling tears in his own eyes.

''He has purchased a necklace. The most hideous thing ever made.'' She squeezed her eyes closed.

''He draped it over my neck as though I was a prized show dog competing for some worthless trophy. That is all I am to him, a trophy wife. My feelings are not cared for in the slightest.''

She struggled to breath and pulled away from Jack feeling her stomach and chest tighten. She breathed heavily and felt herself become dizzy once again. Jack took her hand in his and she leant against him.

''They are by me, Rose. That is all that matters.'' He wiped her face. She relaxed against his body, relishing his smell, the sound of his heart and the feeling of love which surrounded her. He knew what to say to make the situation and within minutes she felt somewhat happier.

''I know, Jack.'' She sniffed. ''I'm so sorry to upset your evening like this.''

Jack smiled; he moved the hair from her eyes and kissed her lips. ''Don't worry. I would do anything for you, you know I would.''

She relaxed once again before pulling away from him. ''Thank you.'' It was silent between them for a few seconds and they just glanced at each other in the eye. Jack gently touched her face; he traced the tracks of her tears with his right index finger before leaning forward and kissing her gently. She immediately came forward towards him and leaned against his body and put her arms around his waist. This was what she had been waiting for, just for this moment right now.

He motioned for her to sit on the bed. ''So do you want to stay a while?''

She nodded, settling herself on the bed. Her hand fell onto his sketchbook and she automatically opened it to find the picture of her which he had drawn back in Philadelphia. She ran her hands over the sketch, she had been so alive that day and yet so unhappy. She barely recognised that girl but yet she was exactly the same.

''I look at that on the days when I miss you.'' Jack came to her, kissing her hair.

She felt her heart flutter knowing that he thought of her. She placed her right hand over her stomach feeling the pull. Her breathing calmed as soon as he tenderly touched her forehead. She turned the page to see a woman. Her smile faded. She ran her fingers over the charcoal, it was new and she almost smudged some of it. She turned the pad landscape to see the date. Today.

''Jack, who is this woman?'' She tried to not sound jealous. Her pitch higher than normal.

Jack glanced over at the sketch. ''That was Annie. We met today in Montparnasse.''

Rose nodded ignoring the jealous stab. She turned the page to see another drawing this time the woman were naked.

''And this woman?''

Jack hesitated a moment. ''Her name is Fae. She works with Annie.'' He came to sit beside her. He touched her hand allowing him to turn the page. ''She is one legged prostitute see.''

Rose parted her dry lips. She felt so utterly betrayed. ''Did you enjoy these women Jack?''

''Of course not!'' He closed the sketchbook and threw it to one side. ''I love you.''

''But yet you enjoy portraits of naked woman, prostitutes no less.''

''I was experiencing Paris how I wanted to, doing what I had planned to do here all along.'' He paused for a moment. ''Cal had ordered me around to the point where I snapped. I had enough.''

Rose tried so hard to not let her jealous streak be shown. She kept her tears held in. She stood from the bed. In that moment he realised that he had lost her. He quickly stood to stop her but she shunned his touch.

''No, Jack.''

He held his hand on the door to stop her from opening it. ''Rose, when I saw you kiss Cal that killed me and ate away at me. Remember that.''

She watched him one last time with unshed tears in her eyes. That was another cut, a fact which he had thrown at her.

He allowed her to leave.

She fell into her bed that night with a broken heart and she didn't stop crying until she slept. Neither did Jack.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24 - April Showers**

A week later it was April.

Trudy pinned Rose's hair to perfection as she watched her through the mirror. Her eyes were vacant, concealing the pain which she felt in her heart. The sickness feeling was still very much present in her stomach.

''There we go, Miss.''

Rose broke her stare with the mirror and pressed her lips together. She lacked motivation. ''Thank you.''

''Would you like me to go check on your mother?'' Trudy offered.

''Yes, thank you.''

Trudy nodded before proceeding. She left Rose to facing herself in the mirror. It had been exactly a week since she and Jack had last spoke. She hadn't realised until now just how big of a hole he had left her with. She had found herself spending more time with her mother since the morning after the art gallery. They had attended endless parties, galleries and afternoon teas. Both of them bonding over something which they didn't expect to. Ruth had accepted that Cal was not the perfect husband and that the marriage would never be a happy one. Ruth had stood by and seen her daughter make the same mistake which she had. She had married someone she didn't love.

Rose quietly headed to the wardrobe where she found several new dresses which she had purchased over the past week. She ran her delicate hand over the many materials. New colours jumped out at her and she touched down the velvet of one dress and the lace of another. Her mind could not focus on one thing. She remembered how she felt about Jack. Those strong, intense feelings which shook her to her very core. He had come into her life so full of mystery and he had claimed her heart wholly and her heart still remained with him.

Tears filled her eyes as they did when she thought of him. He had extracted the negativity from her life and made her believe that anything is possible. His presence was so powerful, his touch made her feel as though she was the only woman in the world, for she felt she was truly loved.

An overwhelming jolt of pain hit her stomach and she grasped it in agony. She whimpered as she fell back against her wardrobe. The heartbreak physically hurt her. The pit of her stomach ached as she emptied herself of tears and even then she felt no release. Her breath was ragged, her vision blurry and it was then Trudy found her...broken and crying. Immediately she came to her, for a week she had kept the pent up anger and pain hidden going over every details of their time together in her mind. The naked sketches etched into her brain. Trudy opened her arms and Rose gratefully cried into her shoulder. It was then Trudy stopped been her maid and became her friend once again.

''There, there.'' She soothed her but her sobs didn't cease.

''I love him, Trudy.'' She cried, burying her face.

Trudy stroked Rose's hair. She needn't ask questions for she wasn't stupid. She may have turned a blind eye but she knew what had been going on for some time. Rose had fallen in love with Jack just as he had her.

''He loves you too, I just know it.''

Rose pulled away, her eyes puffy and red, her makeup ruined. ''But Trudy there has been other women.''

Trudy stroked Rose's face. ''Is this true?''

Rose nodded her head. ''He says he didn't enjoy them physically but there were nude drawings.'' She wiped her face feeling the pain rise in her throat. ''Is it terrible to think of it as wrong?''

''Oh no, Rose you love him.'' Trudy took a handkerchief from the pouch of her apron. She carefully dabbed the spot of tears on Rose's face. ''Of course it is a hurtful thing. A woman's body is to be shared with her lover alone. If I was in the same shoes, I certainly wouldn't be happy about it.''

Rose could tell with the tone of her voice that there was more to it. ''Trudy?''

''Miss, he is a great, great man. He loves you, which is obvious.'' Trudy bit her lip. ''Perhaps words need to be exchanged to clear the matter up in full. You may not forget it but when you two of you are together, you are purely happy.''

Rose sniffed as her tears subsided a little. She turned her attention to the window where a slight breeze entered through the slightly open window. She slowly walked towards the billowing net and glanced out onto the street of Paris. Tiny people made their way about doing their daily business and then one person in particular stood out. Wearing a brown shirt and black work trousers, a rucksack thrown over his shoulder. It was Jack. Tears brimmed in her eyes as she took a deep breath to not ruin her makeup and not break her heart once again.

Jack was heading to Giverny. During the last week he had spent his time in Paris working on his art. He had spent the majority of time alone. He knew that Paris wasn't for him. Dottism and Cubism was taking over. Not many people were interested in portraits anymore but still he would not give in and each day he would head a little further a field, exploring the place which he had hoped would appreciate his work. Just a little.

Once Jack had left the hotel. He took out a battered map. It was one which Antoinette had given him. He mentally remembered her instructions in his head and then set off. The journey would take hours, perhaps the full day. His legs were used to walking from years of not using any other mode of transport. The day was warm enough for him to roll up his sleeves and there wasn't any apparent sign of rain.

The path to Giverny when he reached the town of Vernon was laid along the line of an old railway track and ran through fields and past cottage gardens. He followed a path beyond the church and by the river. After resting for a moment beside a railway bridge, he threw his ruck-sack on the floor and pulled a readymade cigarette from his case. He lit it, taking in the smoke and feeling a wave of relief overcome him.

He plunged his hands into his pocket, taking in the surroundings. It was quiet, only the birds sang in the trees and the lovely breeze which caused the grass in the fields to billow. It was utter bliss out here. He wished that Rose could experience this with him. He had tried several times to speak to her, each time she had shunned him sending Trudy with the warning to not speak to her. He had spent a few days with Fae and Antoinette. They had become unlikely friends, they shared a passion for art. Jack entertained them with stories of his struggles in America and of his love for Rose.

Seconds later the track began to vibrate, an indication that a train was coming. Quickly he picked up his rucksack and continued his journey along the dusty road. He paused for a moment to watch the train pass. He remembered the days he would jump onto moving trains to hitch a ride to the next town and jump off them when he had reached the destination. He had only been caught once and in that case he had apologised for not having any money. That train was travelling far too fast for him to jump onto.

He took another puff from his cigarette. It would be another mile or so before he spotted the famous pink crushed brick façade of Monet's house. Some of his most famous paintings were of his garden in Giverny, famous for its rectangular _Clos Normand_ , with archways of climbing plants entwined around coloured shrubs, and the water garden with the Japanese bridge, the pond with the water lily, the wisterias and the azaleas. Jack picked up his pace into a sprint. He was actually at Claude Monet's home.

Trudy struggled with the huge parcel which she balanced in her arms as they arrived back at the hotel. As soon as a member of staff saw her they took it from her arms right away. Beads of sweat shined on her forehead. Ruth handed her parasol to Trudy to put away as she was helped up the steps of the hotel followed closely by Rose.

''Shopping again I see, ladies?'' The hotel manager Abelard said with a grin.

''Of course.'' Ruth nodded. ''Perhaps next time we could lend the hands of one of your men? Poor Trudy must be parched.''

''I am all right, ma'am.'' She puffed.

''Get the girl a drink.'' Rose ordered. ''I am to proceed to my room mother to prepare for dinner this evening.''

Rose crossed the reception area alone. She removed the pink hat from her head and carried it in her hands along with her purse. She headed for the elevator.

''Good afternoon, Miss.'' The operator greeted her.

''Hello again.'' She smiled.

''I see Mr. Hockley is absent once again.'' Rose turned to the operator.

''My husband doesn't care for shopping very much.''

He nodded, realising that she didn't appreciate the gossip. It was seconds later when they arrived on the floor where Rose's suite was. The air was cooler up there with no windows and she sighed as she walked down the corridor to the room. The area was empty and she appreciated the silence. As she turned the corner, she found Jack sitting outside of her suite. Her stomach flipped, she certainly hadn't expected to see him. Memories of Trudy's words from that morning came back to her.

As soon as he caught sight of her he got to his feet and plunged his hands into his pockets. He was quiet for a moment as she came to him. She didn't open the door right away instead she stood beside him. They searched each other's face for some sort of answer. The faces which they had come to know so well.

They were so familiar but yet so strained. Tears brimmed in her eyes and she looked away as they almost fell. She refused to do this here.

''What can I do for you Jack?'' She opened her purse as she tried to find her room key.

''I have something which I would like to show you. Would you consider coming with me?''

She held the key in her hand, she could feel herself shaking. ''To where Jack?''

''I cannot tell you that.''

She sighed frustrated as she put the key in the lock and turned it before opening the door to her suite. ''No Jack, please leave.''

He placed his hand on the door so that she could not close it. ''Rose, please. I have so much to show you. We can go at sunset.'' He whispered. His eyes pleaded with hers. Why was she so torn? He had hurt her so badly and yet he was still such a weakness.

''Jack...I...''

He came closer to her. ''Do you remember the night at the gallery Rose? When we talked about Water Lilies by Monet?'' He leant in to touch her face. ''Today I saw the real thing in Giverny. I saw him working, Rose.''

She saw the excitement in his eyes, the desperation in his voice. She was torn between her heart and her head. Which one was logical?

''Jack, I have to dress for dinner.''

He stopped her from entering her room. ''Those girls meant nothing. I talked to them that is all.'' He sighed frustrated. ''For God's sake, I love you and you are married to another man!'' He leant against the frame of the door for support. He felt like kissing her so much to make her realise just how much she meant to him. She turned to go inside her room.

''You shattered this.'' She managed to whisper. Something was holding her back but she didn't know what it was. ''Go, leave me alone.''

As much as he didn't want to. He knew he had to leave. The door was slammed in his face.

Jack returned to Giverny, he lay amongst the shrubs down past the river. Monet's house was in full view and he smoked a cigarette as he rested against his pack. He held a piece of charcoal in one hand and paper in the other. He had planned to write a letter to Rose, to explain the things which she refused to listen to and so far he had not managed more than three words. The feelings should not be written down on paper, they should be spoken and listened to. He threw the paper and charcoal to one side and felt his own frustration once again. How could he make her see that nothing ever happened with Fae and Antoinette?

He had made a decision to never see them again. He would return the map to Antoinette along with some of the money which he had earned. He had planned to give it to some under privileged charity and Fae and Annie certainly deserved a better life. As for his own life, he knew at this moment he would have to part ways with the path which he had chosen for himself. He loved Rose, she knew this but the life with Cal was the one which she was leaning towards and he couldn't stand by and watch her love her husband. For her loved her too much.

The April rain began to drop slowly at first and then it turned into a shower. There at Giverny, surrounded by so much beauty, he lay in the grass and allowed himself to sob, just a little.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25 – Leaving You Behind**

Sunset

Jack returned to Giverny, he lay among the shrubs down past the river which he had passed earlier on that afternoon. Monet's house was in full view and he smoked a cigarette as he rested against his pack. This wasn't how he envisioned spending his time here. His thoughts were consumed by her in every possible way.

A car could be heard in the distance coming along the dirt track road. He had not seen a motorcar come down these parts in the time he had walked and he sat up immediately leaning his neck upwards to see who it could be. He watched as the car stopped right next to the grassy patch almost in front of him. A figure could be seen inside paying the driver and seconds later they stepped out. It was Rose. He got to his feet and dusted the dirt from his trousers and threw his half smoked cigarette into the river. Quickly he went to her.

She was dressed in her dinner attire, her navy blue dress getting caught in the grass and her heels digging into the mud. He offered his hand to her and helped her over the grassy verge wordlessly. She stood a few feet in front of him both of them lost for words in one way or another.

''How did you find your way?''

Rose pressed her lips together. ''I asked for a car to bring me. Monet's house isn't exactly a place where people ask to go but then I saw you laid here.''

Jack thrust his hands into his pocket. Rose glanced around; she hadn't seen just how beautiful the countryside was until she had taken to moment to stop panicking. For him, he had never seen anything so beautiful. The house and garden were dull in comparison to her beauty. He needed to speak to her, to know what was on her mind. She could feel his eyes on her and didn't know when to start talking.

''You hurt me, Jack.'' She whispered.

Jack glanced to the floor. Her words pierced his heart. ''Rose, they were my friends. I know they were so open and I appreciate that.'' He stepped closer to her but she seemed to flinch. Tears brimmed in her eyes, she knew why she had come here and she focused on that. ''I am not going to see them anymore. I made sure of that.''

Rose nodded. ''I am leaving Cal.'' She spoke through swallowing the lump in her throat. ''I am not leaving for you but for myself.''

Jack sighed. ''Where will you go?''

''I plan to go to London.'' She nodded her head as though she was convincing herself that this was the right thing to do. ''I need to make some arrangements.''

She hadn't the faintest idea of what to do or how to even make such plans but she needed to learn. Jack knew he couldn't change her mind no matter how much he pleaded nor could he offer to go with her knowing full well she wouldn't want him there.

''Well, you'd need to take a steam train from the Gare du Nord and wait for a steamship from Calais to Dover in England. Then you'll take a train to Victoria station in London.''

''How do you know all of this?''

Jack stepped back for a moment; he leant back on his heels as he casually shrugged his shoulders. He avoided her gaze for a few seconds before speaking. ''I had planned for us to go to London together.''

Her stomach sank. Her eyes finding anything to look at and focus on so that the pain wasn't so bad. ''Jack...I...'' She had so much to say but yet she didn't know how to express herself.

''Rose, this was never about me and you. This was about you. I wanted us to leave town for you. I know how much you wanted to see the world and I wanted to be the one who was by your side as you experienced everything which life had to offer.'' He pointed to the red brick house where Monet lived. ''I wanted you to see this. It took my breath away but I know how much you wanted to be here too.''

''Jack, I know. You have...'' She placed her trembling hands over her face and concentrated on breathing.

''I just want you to be free Rose. To be the woman that you want to be.'' He came closer to her. This time she didn't flinch. His eyes were shades lighter than she remembered as tears shone in them.

Her stomach ached from been torn in so many different directions. ''I want that too.'' She managed to speak.

She squeezed her eyes closed. He could hear her heart break into a thousand pieces. He reached to take her right hand in his left he placed it to his mouth and grazed his lips against her knuckles. ''Rose, I know what you need to do.''

She opened her eyes to find he had shed a tear, a single one which streamed down his cheek. ''You were the only thing I have cared about since my parents death. You had given me a reason to have hope and a damn good reason to live. Before I met you I had very little existence and then you came to me, you lit everything up...''

She placed her hand to her lips, stifling another heart breaking sob. His honesty was beautiful, her heart in a million pieces and her head telling her to walk the other way and yet she was still glued to the spot. He had hurt her. She knew that. ''You made my life everything I hoped it would be.'' She whispered. ''You gave me so much strength.''

''Then take the strength and do what you have to do.''

Rose removed her hand from his. It slipped away so easily and yet it killed her so badly. ''I didn't want this to end, Jack. I know that it has to.''

He didn't disagree with her words. He remained silent and allowed her to speak freely and allowed her to do what was best by her. He wasn't keeping her for himself, he was letting her go. He was been the most unselfish he had been in his life. As much as he wanted to never let her go he knew that he had to. He had nothing to offer her after all. Yes, he loved her but he had still managed to find a way to hurt her.

She was sensitive and yet so strong. She had fought against her feelings for him which was something which he couldn't do.

''Cal isn't a bad person. He just isn't the one for me.'' She took a deep breath. ''I never truly allowed my heart to open to him because I fell in love with you.''

Jack stepped back from Rose. ''Perhaps you should give him the chance he deserves to be a good husband. You should forget about me, Rose. I never existed.''

He bent down to grab his portfolio which he had left laid on the floor. He stuffed it into his rucksack not caring what condition it ended up in. He grabbed his rucksack and ragged it onto his back. She watched him intently with bleared vision.

''That is not something I can do, Jack.''

''Nor me.'' He wiped his face. ''But I have to do it for you, Rose. I hurt you and I cannot forgive myself. I do not expect you to ever forgive me either but I **have** to do the right thing by you somehow. I **cannot** be selfish. Not with you.''

''What do you suggest?''

Jack shrugged. ''I intervened with your marriage. I have to allow you to give it a chance. You were happier before me.''

Rose wrung her hands; she twisted her engagement and wedding ring. Could she really just go back to Cal? She had come here with plans to leave alone.

''Jack...I...''

''Don't worry Rose. _It will be all right._ ''

Those last five words she clung to as she saw the man she loved walk away from her life. He continued down the trail towards Monet's house and he took her heart with him. How much did she want to call back for him? She turned the opposite way.

It was a long walk back to the hotel.

Her mind was seriously thinking over memories of her and Jack.

She was heavily broken.

Then she set eyes on her husband.

He was stood amongst a crowd of men in the reception area. She couldn't focus on anything else. He caught sight of her coming to him and he broke away from the crowd.

''Good evening, Rose.''

Up close he saw her eyes, the misty redness which they had become.

''Come, darling.'' He led her away from the crowd with a grasp on her arm as though she was a naughty child. She followed him into what was the smoking room. It was large and full of empty chairs.

She saw for the first time concern on his face.

''Cal...'' She began. She placed a hesitant hand on his chest, her wedding bands catching her attention. It was almost a reminder that he was her husband. ''Today, I was going to leave you and go to London.''

''London? Whatever for?'' He touched her hand.

''To get away from Paris.'' She squeezed her eyes closed. '' **I know** just how difficult I have been since we left home. I know how much you tried.''

Cal had never seen her like this before. ''You are my wife, I married you for love. I want you to be happy.'' He told her and she believed him.

She nodded. ''I know which is why I cannot leave Paris without you.''

She heard her voice say the words aloud and she knew that she didn't mean them but she had to in some way.

''I am glad that you think that.''

He was silent for a moment. He touched her face for a vague second and emotion flashed in his eyes. ''I am sorry for how callous I have been.''

She nodded accepting his apology.

''Perhaps we were both in the wrong.''

'Shall we leave for London tomorrow?''

''Yes.'' She took his arm and allowed him to lead her to dinner.


	26. Chapter 26

**Some weeks later...**

 **Chapter 26 – Occupying Ones Mind**

''US steel tycoon Caledon Hockley arrived in London this week with his wife Rose Hockley. The newlyweds are staying at the swanky Savoy Hotel for an undisclosed length of time after reportedly touring Paris whilst on honeymoon. Hockley Steel recently signed a six figure deal and it is thought that whilst in London Mr. Hockley will be attending to business as well...''

Cal adjusted his collar at the breakfast table as he read that morning's _Daily Mail_ aloud before taking another sip of his coffee.

''The damn papers, they know everything.'' He cursed as he threw the newspaper to one side. He glanced at his wife who had barely touched her English breakfast. ''I have a long journey this morning. I am going to Sheffield. It is one of the biggest cities in steel in the UK.''

''Alright.'' Rose replied, taking a small sip of her tea.

''Come Rose, lighten up. The weather isn't as dreary as we assumed it to be here.'' Cal reasoned with his wife.

''I know Cal, I am sorry. I will feel better once I have got some air.''

At that moment Trudy entered the breakfast room. ''Mr. Hockley, the car is waiting.''

Rose placed her teacup back on the saucer and turned her neck slightly to the side. She could see Trudy stood at the door; she glanced back at her husband who was straightening out his jacket.

''You have to go right away?''

Trudy quickly excluded herself.

''Yes. ''

''Oh.''

Cal came to Rose kissing her forehead. ''I will be back before you know it.''

''I know.'' She whispered. She knew that without her husband's existence in the house that her mind would wonder chronically.

He left the room without another word. He had come and gone yet again. Trudy came back into the room when she heard that Cal had gone. She stacked one plate on top of the other seeing Rose fiddle with some material on the tea cloth before giving in and sitting in Cal's seat.

''Rose...'' She whispered. Rose squeezed her eyes closed as she fell victim under Trudy's stare. She knew how much Rose hated Cal leaving the hotel without her. The past few weeks they had barely parted giving Rose plenty to think of at all times.

''Rose, your mother is ready to go soon.''

Rose put her head in her hands and her elbows on the table.

''Trudy, please don't allow me to be alone during this trip.'' She was shaking. ''I have just got myself back. I have to think forward. I have to think of this afternoon I have tea with my mother in the park.'' Her voice quivered.

Trudy grabbed Rose's hand. ''Of course.''

''I cannot think of _him_. I just can't.''

It was an hour later when the carriage pulled up to the Corner in Hyde Park through the Marble Arch. It covered 142 hectares with over 4,000 trees, a large lake, a meadow and ornamental flower gardens.

As Rose was helped from the carriage she took a glance around. Couples sat taking picnics, families played bowls and the occasional loner read his book as he enjoyed the Spring morning.

''Mrs. Dewitt Bukater, Mrs Hockley, tea has been served for you.'' The footman advised.

Ruth held her mauve hat as she shaded her eyes from the sun to find a table spread with tea and lovely afternoon teacakes, sandwiches and lemonade.

''Thank you.''

Rose took a seat at the table. It was just enough out of the shade so that the sun didn't directly shine on them.

''Oh Mother, this is just lovely.''

''It is a nice change from Parisian tea.'' Ruth was helped into the wicker chair by the footman. He didn't receive any thank you, he simply took off back to his job. He knew to return shortly to collect them. ''Its not quite like the English.''

Rose laughed at her mothers taste. She always was one to complain bitterly. ''I am fairly surprised by the British weather. I hear it rains most days.''

Rose placed a sugar lump in her tea. ''Oh Mother, do stop complaining. You will ruin the lovely day.''

Ruth said nothing else. She took a moment to stare out at the Park. It was beautiful there was no denying that and steeped in so much history. She watched the people celebrate their day. No one seemed to care that two ladies were taking their tea right in the middle of the Corner. They didn't judge, they were too enthralled in their own lives. Just then a young man and woman strolled passed, they held hands so tightly. Their looks so adorning of each other. Rose raised her head, eyeing them up and down several times.

''I bet they will marry.'' Rose didn't take her eyes from them as they continued their walk obvious to the attention on them.

''Its nothing but young loves dream.'' Ruth snapped. ''One day they will see the mistake they made.''

Rose glared at her mother. ''Did you think that of my father?''

Ruth was taken aback by her daughters comment. She placed her tea back on the saucer. This conversation was too stuffy for tea time. She could see her husband in her daughter all over her face and then she could see so much of herself.

''Yes.'' She spoke quickly. ''I know you have too.''

Rose glanced downwards at her lap. ''I woke up to the fact I wasn't happy days after my wedding.''

''Rose, you will make each mistake I made. A daughter is a young version of ones self.'' Ruth removed her pale lilac gloves and placed them neatly on the table.

''I don't love Cal.'' Rose said aloud. She felt some relief. The words which she had kept to herself for a long time. She removed her hat and placed it on the table away from their tea tray.

''I didn't love your father. He was a wonderful man but he never could quite be the perfect husband.'' Ruth's voice was sharp without an ounce of emotion but Rose sensed that deep down her mother may have fought some battle. ''We had a daughter and one day you will have children too.''

Rose raised her eyebrows. ''I doubt that.''

''Yes you will. A son perhaps to inherit the family business or a daughter who you will watch make exactly the same mistakes that you did.''

The words seem to hit home for Rose. It was as though her life was already planned out for her and for every woman of her age who was married. Was her mothers words right? She couldn't picture herself with children, to look into the face of a small baby and see herself or her husband. She couldn't imagine having such a responsibility.

She took a sip of her tea in silence. It was sweet and it seemed to awaken her senses. ''What if I didn't have children? Would that be the bane of my existence?''

''You will have children.'' Ruth assured her. ''Marriage is lonely without them.''

''But when I was a child you had full time help.'' Rose pointed out. ''You didn't spend time with me as a mother should.''

Ruth slowly placed her hand to her chest, shocked beyond belief at her daughters words. ''My mother barely paid attention to me as a child. My brother was the favourite child and he could do no wrong. Until his death.''

Rose had no idea her mother was one of two children. She watched as her Mother struggled with something she had never witnessed before. Just how could she had never mentioned this before? To her own daughter.

''What was his cause of death?''

''Suicide.'' Ruth told her blankly. ''He shot himself with a pistol when he was fifteen. Lord knows how the boy even got hold of one.''

''Mother…'' Rose attempted to place herself in her mothers shoes.

''My mother never spoke of him again and neither did I. Until now.''

Rose found herself reaching over to touch her mothers hand but she removed it quickly not comfortable with the public display.

''Mother, you are allowed to speak of such things.''

She shook her head violently. She picked up a napkin and quickly dabbed her eyelashes. ''No, we mustn't depress this lovely day. It may be the only decent one we get.''

Rose laughed. And just like that Ruth went back to complaining of the weather.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27- **Opening old wounds...**

It was the next evening after attending a play at the London Hippodrome that Rose found herself truly alone with Cal. Her black gown glittered; covered in beads and pearls. She was like the nights sky and many admired the design which she had picked out herself for once. Her thoughts were of the pleasant evening which she had enjoyed. The Heart of the Ocean necklace sat at her throat. Flashes of cameras had blinded her outside the Hippodrome, each photographer desperate for a picture of the famous necklace. Her white gloved hand had shielded her face but her husband had smiled. The press were outside the hotel most mornings waiting for Cal's car to leave, praying on his next business venture. He would wave with a newspaper in his hand.

They strolled down the long corridor of the Savoy Hotel towards their hotel room. Even though it was shared, Rose had her own bedroom. Cal walked slower than she did. She was heavy and ready to call Trudy to undress and then get herself to bed.

''I trust you enjoyed this evening.''

Rose smiled genuinely. ''Thoroughly.'' She couldn't lie. Seeing productions were one of the things which she had wanted to do on this trip and this was the first she had gotten to see. She had ignored everything else and concentrated on everything which had happened on stage. She had felt her heart soar for possibly the first time during their time in London.

They reached their room. Rose unlinked her arm from her husbands as he expertly unlocked the door with his key. He allowed Rose to enter first and as she did she removed her gloves and neatly placed them on the table in the sitting room.

''I must call Trudy to prepare for bed.'' She spoke quietly.

''Rose, wait.'' Cal took off after her.

He grew uncomfortably close to her. ''Yes, Cal.''

He looked at her, his eyes wider than she remembered. He hadn't had a drink this evening and his presence had been bearable. She had assumed they could have a wonderful evening without any event but now they were alone she wondered what he had in mind. She backed away from him slowly until she was leaning on the door of her bedroom.

''I love you, Rose.''

He didn't say the words often. She paused for a moment. Her body frozen and her eyes unwavering from his. She didn't know if she was frightened but he still had that intense power over her but it wasn't of lust, it was of fear.

''And I you.'' She glanced to the side.

His stare was powerful and she understood why his employees were so damn scared of him. But she was his wife. Then he leant forward, his eyes closed and his head tilted. He kissed her just once. Rose didn't close her eyes, she stunningly parted her lips and allowed him one kiss. His face held a satisfied smile as he walked away from her leaving her alone in the sitting room. She was stuck against the door as though her body wouldn't move. She shakily reached out her left hand to find the door knob and turned it so she stumbled backwards. She awakened herself enough to close the door. She wiped her lips with the back of her hand as though she had contacted poison. Tears came to her eyes and only one thing was on her mind. Jack.

Their parting had killed her.

The feelings in her stomach were so new and familiar but she had felt them before. They had haunted her, consumed her and killed her slowly inside for so long. Recuperation had been hard, so hard. If there was a pain for having your heart ripped out then she had felt it, multiple times.

It started in the throat, the lump which never disappears no matter how much she attempted to swallow it. The bile which rose in her throat thinking of what had happened and the throbbing of her head after crying for so long but nothing compares to the ache of the heart; the physical numbness, the intense stabbing and the constant ache and longing. The loneliness which appears from nowhere even when she was surrounded by people but late at night she would remember when she laid in his bed and he would promise her the world.

A divorce was inevitable eventually. She would have to find some independence and to find her own feet. She was in love with another man and still so soft. The odds were stacked against her already and she would suffer at the hands of society. The cruel people who would surround herself and her mother for simply marrying the wrong man. Granted, she made a mistake accepting his proposal to begin with but then she had met someone who encouraged everything which Cal didn't.

Cal was not the husband for her. They could try and try but then they got so far and then situations would rewind and start all over. He could never be the husband she longed for and she could never be the wife he had in mind when he married her. He suffocated her and she didn't believe he meant to. If he loved her purely then wouldn't he let her go to allow her to be happy?

As for Jack...had she murdered his inspiration for his art? His talents were obvious; his zest for life was beautiful but was that the life for her? Could she live out the way she wanted to with Jack? Sure, it was a good dream but she had dared to dream and then she had woken up to the cruel reality.

She had been hardened by the circumstance. She hadn't seen the events coming but then she was glad they had. She had gained some independence and a hole in her heart but she had realised exactly what it was she needed to do. She had to he loved so much. He grabbed a handful of her hair in his fist so tightly it burned her scalp but she didn't care. The pain was nothing compared to what she had felt earlier that day. He tore at her clothes, her dress ripped down the back and she pulled it from her body without a care in the world of its price. Violently, he turned her round as he pulled at her corset strings as he pulled her body to his.

She knocked loudly on the door of the bedroom.

The door opened rapidly. Cal wore his nightwear pants and no shirt. Quickly without even thinking, she placed her hand on his toned chest and pushed him back into his bedroom. She crushed her lips against his without even comprehending who it was. They both fell backwards with the force of her touch. He didn't question her. Why should he for she was his wife?

He pulled desperately at the pins in her hair, freeing it into the cascading loHe could feel himself become erect almost instantly, he hadn't been close for her for so long he thought he would explode. He remembered her like this, so virginal and eager to learn such things. Their first few weeks of marriage had been filled with epic love making and collapsing before she would crawl back for more and each time he would make her body wrack with such pleasure he thought she would pass out. Or so he thought.

They needed those times back. It wasn't normal for a husband with a wife as beautiful as Rose to not use her in such a way that she needed to be. A wife should be a whore in the bedroom and he had initially set about teaching her the ways of the world until she had found a way to stop them. But now he would have her each night over and over…

He cocked his head to one side and placed his lips on sensitive areas of her neck. He sucked so hard that she was instantly bruised. Her body jolted as he pulled the lace from her corset until it was fully open. Her back now exposed he ran his tongue down her spine causing her to shiver. She leant forward as he attempted to remove her corset. Her hand clasped her stomach, a sudden urge to vomit crossed her and it was as though the air was sucked from her lungs. Quickly, she lunged forward and ran as fast as she could to the bathroom. She reached the toilet just in time to vomit into the bowl.

She struggled to breath as she shakily held her corset around her body. Seconds later, a hand touched her back.

''My Goodness, Rose…'' Trudy quickly held back her hair and closed the bathroom door for her privacy.

''Trudy.'' She didn't have time to finish her sentence before she managed to hurl once again.

Trudy stroked her back in a circle motion and she found it soothing. The sickness seemed to subside, her body felt heavy as she sagged against the side of the toilet and leant against the wall. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

''Whatever is the matter.'' Trudy held out her hands to Rose. ''Do you think you will be sick again?''

Rose shook her head. Her hair fell limp around her shoulders. She felt weak as Trudy attempted to pull her to her feet. She heavily leant on Trudy as she found her way to her bedroom. It was as though she had lost the ability to move her legs.

''Oh God Trudy…'' She sighed. ''What is wrong with me?''

Trudy managed to pull a nightgown over Rose's head before laying her on the bed. She touched her forehead to check for a temperature.

''Perhaps a late night Rose, or too much sun yesterday at tea.''

Rose nodded, glad to have some company but she couldn't help to allow herself to think of Jack. Had she overwhelmed herself to the point of physical sickness or had Cal's touch affected her that bad?

She closed her eyes for a moment feeling herself relax. The build up had subsided and she felt better than she had all day. The dreaded feeling had been boiling in since that morning and now she felt a sense of relief. She also felt disgusted in herself, what did she think she could achieve by sleeping with Cal?

''You need to rest Rose. I am sure tomorrow will fetch something new for you.''


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28 - A Letter To Change Everything**

''I do hope you don't have a fear of sailing, Ruth.'' Cal commented with a glint in his eye at breakfast the next morning. Even though the evening before had been a failed attempt at sex. Cal was hopeful that his marriage was now back on track with Rose. He glanced over at her with a smirk.

Ruth took a sip from her flute of orange juice. Minnie served toast and preserves to the table.

''Of course not, how absurd.''

Rose stirred her strong coffee.

''Darling, why what's going on?''

Cal reached into the pocket of his suit jacket. He produced an envelope with thick padding. ''Ladies, I have secured tickets to New York City aboard the Titanic.''

Ruth placed her hand to her chest in utter surprise. ''My, my Cal. You never fail to impress me.''

Trudy overheard and as she collected an empty glass she gained eye contact with Rose. The two second stare screamed a thousand words.

''That is all right isn't is sweet pea?'' Cal turned to Rose. ''I have a meeting in New York in May, that is just a matter of weeks away we can stay in the Waldorf again.'' He smiled to Rose. ''Remember the fun we had there last time?''

Rose was silent for a moment as she sipped the coffee hoping it would give her some strength for the day ahead.

''Of course. It is a wonderful idea.'' She feigned enthusiasm.

''When are we to leave?'' Ruth questioned. The excitement showing on her face.

''In two days.'' Cal worked out. ''We will travel to Southampton in two days.'' Cal glanced to Rose. ''That will give you ladies plenty of time to go shopping until your hearts content.''

Ruth buttered her toast carefully. ''We shall go tomorrow afternoon. I hear the shopping here is wonderful.''

Rose felt her head tighten. This was so much to take in. ''Darling, will we be able to pack in two days?''

''Of course! I have hotel staff bending over backwards to help out.'' He raised his eyebrows proudly. ''I also have a new valet to hire since Dawson went AWOL in Paris without so much as a word.''

''He was no good from day one, I did warn you.'' Ruth scolded.

''You were right Ruth.'' Cal admitted much to his own dismay but this morning he wasn't going to give seconds thoughts to a man who was no longer needed.

Rose found herself shaking beyond her own control. She picked up the knife to butter her other slice of toast and realised just how much. Her stomach felt queasy once again. The talk of the table turned light once more and Rose tried to listen as much as she could to keep her find from focusing on the one thing which made her heart ache each day.

Later that day, Cal answered the door of his office within the suite to find his wife there. He had told her earlier in the day that he was busy all day but she had something on her mind which she needed to exchange words with her husband about and so she had gone to him.

''Rose! What are you doing here, I told you I-''

She narrowed her eyes. ''I came to speak with you.''

''Very well.'' He opened the door wider to reveal the face of a strange man. He was tall, lithe and around fifty years of age.

His smile did nothing to hide the fact he looked as though he was up to something. He approached her with his hand held out.

''You must be Mrs. Hockley.'' He asked in a British accent.

''Yes, I am.'' She shook his hand.

''My name is Spicer Lovejoy.'' He told her as he took a seat at the office desk.

''Mr. Lovejoy here is an ex-Pinkerton and has a history in the field.'' Cal told Rose.

''In other words, I am here to do a better job than the last one.'' He said smugly. She couldn't help but notice a pistol laid out on the desk. Lovejoy saw the expression on her face and reassured her. ''Do not worry, this is for emergencies only.''

She nodded taking her eyes away him. She had a bad feeling about him and made a decision to not associate with him in any way. He was here to do a job and that would not include spending any time with her.

''Cal, may I speak with you?''

Cal straightened his jacket as he sat at the desk. ''Must you sweet pea? I am in the middle of something?'' He indicated to Lovejoy.

Inside Rose felt like screaming at him. She needed to speak with him about leaving London so quickly. She didn't know if she could face going back home just yet. At least while she was here there were things to occupy her mind. She glanced at Lovejoy, he impatiently awaited for her to speak but instead she simply smiled and played the doting wife.

''It is just important that we have new suitcases for our travels.'' She lied. ''We have never had them in such a bad condition.''

''Don't worry, I will sort it, love.'' Lovejoy played with his gun as it still laid on the table. ''It is my job to ensure that no damage is done.''

Cal was impressed immediately with his hire. Rose instantly didn't like him but she thanked him as she left the office with a newfound feeling in her stomach. A very unsafe one.

Later that evening, Rose poured through the hundreds of dresses which she had managed to collect over the duration of their trip. Most of which she had never worn. They were different colours, materials and each of them held so many different stitches and beading.

Trudy came beside Rose and ran her hand along the line of eveningwear.

''They are so beautiful.'' She commented as she took one from the wardrobe. ''As a young girl I would wearing my mothers old pair of pearls when she wasn't looking.''

Rose smiled and turned to Trudy as she removed a canary yellow dress and removed it from the dress hanger. ''You keep these Trudy, I have no need for them.''

Trudy gazed to her friend adoringly. ''You would allow me to keep one?''

''Not one, Trudy. You can have several of the pieces.''

Trudy took a lilac tea dress and held it up against her body. ''Where would I wear such an item?'' She placed her hand to her forehead. ''In the park to meet my lost love?'' She laughed exaggeratingly. They fell about laughing like young school girls.

''Perhaps.'' Rose folded another dress and placed it on a pile away from her case. She would allow Trudy to take some of the clothes. She sighed and tucked a curl behind her ear as she rooted through her wardrobe once again. She felt her chest tighten as she came across the dress which she wore in New York City with Jack. She touched the material and remembered just how happy she was the last time she had worn this. She had begun to fall for him and hadn't even imagined what would have happened next. She could almost hear her own laughter and the excitement which had filled the air. The prospect of a new beginning, a new friendship and crossing a very dangerous line.

''I wore this dress the night Jack and I went out on Broadway.'' She pulled it from the wardrobe.

Trudy finished folding a pair of gloves away and came towards Rose. She ran her fingers over the delicate beading. ''Do you think of Jack?''

Rose turned to Trudy. She was surprised by the question having not openly spoke of him for a period. ''Yes. I ache for him.''

Rose removed the dress from the hanger. She hugged it to her body as though it brought her some comfort.

''Did you make the right decision?'' Trudy knew she shouldn't ask but she was above all curious as to what Rose's answers would be although she didn't wish to upset her in anyway.

Rose remained silent as she placed the dress inside the case. She knew she wouldn't wear it again but it held good memories.

''My future is with Cal.'' She spoke as though she was trying to convince herself as well as Trudy. ''I will have children and play the doting wife. Children should bring some happiness to the marriage, or so I hear.''

She had accepted her future after speaking to her mother at tea in the park. She now had to find a way to bury the resentment towards her husband. Perhaps if she bore a child young it would keep her occupied for some time. If she didn't hire help and do the whole thing alone. Cal would provide money and he would pose for family photographs which would appear in the papers and on Christmas cards. They would outwardly be perfect and inside she would be the best mother she could.

Trudy stopped for a second and she sat on the bed. ''Rose, do you believe in fate?''

Rose pressed her lips together and narrowed her eyes at Trudy. ''Why do you ask?''

For a few seconds Trudy did nothing as though she was wrestling internally with some demon. She rummaged around in her apron pocket for something and then pulled out a folded piece of paper. It was handwritten and addressed to Rose Hockley.

''Rose, please sit for this.'' Trudy stood as she handed the letter to Rose. ''Jack has been in London all along.'' She took a deep breath. ''A week ago he cornered me outside the hotel and asked if I could give a letter to you and I know it was wrong of me to look but I did.''

Rose felt the tears line her eyes before she had even read his words. She unfolded the paper shakily. It read:

 _Dear Rose,_

 _I stayed up until four o'clock this morning wondering whether this was the best thing to do but then I knew I had to live without regrets._

 _I will be in Southampton watching the Titanic set sail at noon on April the 10th. If you wish to see me then please come._

 _Please come._

 _Jack_

''I only kept it from you as you begged me to never speak of him but then I see you struggle daily, Rose. When Jack was here you were so alive…''

Rose reached out to Trudy for support. She felt the tears stream down her face. ''He is here.'' She repeated over and over. ''He followed me here.''

Trudy nodded. ''Yes he did. He is sorry. He loves you.''

Rose sat back down on the bed feeling as though her legs would buckle beneath her. She had a big decision to make. Her body was pulling her in two directions. Her heart thumped in her head, the adrenaline running through her body.

Her mouth was dry, her lips parted and nothing could come out not even a sob. She had cried all the tears there were to cry. He lived in her head; those damn memories she never quite remembered to suppress.

Now they haunted her.

She never quite figured out how to let go. The distance made no difference. She had only just found the strength to carry on as normal as she could act. Could she lower her guard to Jack again?

Trudy held onto her for a long time. 


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter twenty-nine: A Missed Chance

A view of the Titanic was visible from several blocks away, towering above the terminal buildings like the skyline of a city. The steamer's whistle echoed across Southampton.

At the side of the dock sat a tiny pub, inside Jack Dawson sat with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. His tongue played with it as he sat beside his new friend Fabrizio Di Rossi, he was twenty, Italian and had been lost in London trying to find his way home when Jack had taken him under his wing. Fabrizio was nervous looking, wearing a navy coloured cap and a neck scarf. He was like Jack, travelling for two years alone trying to find decent work to earn a living for his family. Jack was unshaven with rumpled clothes from sleeping rough in them for a fortnight. Both men were in a very serious poker game with two Swedes they had met that morning in the pub. They spoke no English and Jack found them to be very naïve when it had come to betting their two tickets aboard Titanic in their game.

Olaf, one of the Swedish men cursed. His brother Sven responded. Jack smoked cheerfully as the two men scrabbled over something in Swedish. His bitten nails could be seen as he narrowed his eyes whilst glancing over his deck.

''Hit me again.'' He jauntily flicked the ash into a tray nearby.

Jack took the card which was offered and slipped it into his hand. Jack's eyes said nothing. Fabrizio licked his lips nervously and refused a card. In the middle of the table sat coins of various origins, a pocket watch and some bills. Jack glanced at the pocket watch. It was a quarter to twelve just gone. His eyes double checked the clock above the bartenders head. There was still time for her to come. The game had gone on for some time.

''The moment of truth boys. Somebody's life's about to change.'' Jack meant business as he put out his cigarette. Fabrizio put his cards on the table. It showed he had nothing.

He frustratingly flicked them away from him. ''Niente.''

Olaf followed suit and downed half of his Guinness in sorrows.

''Uh Oh, Sven has two pairs…''

Jack turned to Fabrizio. ''I'm sorry.''

''What sorry? What you got? You lose my money? Ma va fa'n culo testa di cazzo-''

''-I'm sorry that your not going to see your mama for a while yet.''

Fabrizio watched as he slapped a full house on the table. ''We're going to America.''

''Porca Madonna! YEEAAAAA!'' Fabrizio banged on the table in some tune.

The table exploded into shouting in several languages while Jack raked in the money and the tickets.

''Sorry boys. Three of a kind and a pair. I'm high and you're dry and…''

Olaf balled up one of his fists. Jack crushed up his face expecting to receive a black eye but instead he clobbered his brother. Jack kissed the tickets, then jumped on Fabrizio's back and rid him around the pub. Onlookers watchers, some laughed and some tutted at their behaviour.

''Going home... to the land o' the free and the home of the real hot-dogs! On the TITANIC! We're riding in high style now! We're practically goddamned royalty, ragazzo mio!''

''You see? Is my destinio! Like I told you. I go to l'America! To be a millionaire!'' Fabrizio took the tickets from Jack and kissed them. Sven and Olaf still argued in Swedish in the corner. He turned to the pub keeper.

''No, mate. Titanic go to America. In five minutes.'' He pointed to the clock above his head. Jack turned to see the time. It was almost twelve o'clock. A long last sharp blast came. Titanic's final call.

She hadn't come.

''Shit! Come on, Fabri!'' Quickly he raked up the rest of their money and hitched their packs on their back. They were going to have to run. Jack took one last look around the pub for just a few seconds. She wasn't there.

''It's been grand.'' He shouted as he saluted before breaking into a run.

Jack and Fabrizio, carrying everything they owned in the world on their shoulders, sprinted toward the pier. They tore through milling crowds next to the terminal. They bumped into people, hearing men with language barriers as they jostled slow-moving gentlemen. They dodged piles of luggage, and weaved through groups of people. They burst out onto the pier and Jack came to a dead stop... staring at the cast wall of the ship's hull, towering seven stories above the wharf and over an eighth of a mile long. The Titanic was monstrous. He quickly took a glance about trying to catch a glimpse of red hair.

Fabrizio ran back and grabbed Jack. ''I am going to l'America!'' He shouted to Jack and snapped him from the daydream for a second and they sprinted toward the third class gangway aft, at E deck. They reached the bottom of the ramp just as Sixth Officer Moody detached it at the top. It started to swing down from the gangway doors.

''Wait! We're passengers!'' Jack called out, his face flushed.

''Have you been through the inspection queue?'' Moody asked them eyeing up their rumpled appearance.

''Of course.'' He waved the tickets at the officer. ''Of course! Anyway, we don't have lice, we're Americans.'' He turned to Fabrizio who was grinning cheerfully, his Italian looks obvious. ''Both of us are.'' He lied.

''Right, come aboard.''

Moody had Quartermaster Rowe reattach the gangway. Jack and Fabrizio stepped aboard. Moody glanced at the tickets, then passed Jack and Fabrizio through to Rowe. Rowe looked at the names on the tickets to enter them in the passenger list.

''Gundersen. And…'' Rowe eyed up Fabrizio's ticket. ''Gundersen.''

He handed the tickets back, eyeing Fabrizio's Mediterranean looks suspiciously.

''Come on, Sven.'' Jack grabbed Fabrizio's arm and dragged him away.

They whooped with victory as they run down the white-painted corridor, grinning from ear to ear.

''We are the luckiest sons of bitches in the world!''

 _Thirty minutes earlier…_

On the pier horse drawn vehicles, motorcars and lorries move slowly through the dense throng. The atmosphere was one of excitement and general giddiness. People embraced in tearful farewells, or waved and shouted bon voyage wishes to friends and relatives on the decks above.

A white Renault, leading a silver-gray Daimler Benz, pushed through the crowd leaving a wake in the press of people. Around the cars people are streaming to board the ship, jostling with hustling seamen and stokers, porters, and barking White Star Line officials.

The Renault stopped and the driver scurried to open the door for a young woman dressed in a stunning white and purple outfit, with an enormous feathered hat. It was Rose.

She took in the monster of a ship with cool appraisal.

''I don't see what all the fuss is about. It doesn't look any bigger than the Mauretania.'' She tilted her hat to see her husband.

Lovejoy stalked around the car to allow Ruth to exit.

''You can be blasé about some things, Rose, but not about Titanic. It's over a hundred feet longer than Mauretania, and far more luxurious. It has squash courts, a Parisian cafe... even Turkish baths.''

''Hmm…'' Rose pouted her lips. ''Perhaps I should give them a try.''

''Your daughter is much too hard to impress, Ruth.'' Cal turned to Ruth. ''Mind your step.'' He indicated to a puddle.

''So this is the ship they say is unsinkable.'' Ruth eyed up the ship. She was delighted to be travelling in such style even if her daughter wasn't. She couldn't wait to sample the great luxury the ship had to offer.

''It is unsinkable. God himself couldn't sink this ship.'' He spoke with the ride of a host providing a special experience.

A porter approached Cal, nagging about his bags. ''Sir, you'll have to check your baggage through the main terminal, round that way-''

Cal nonchalantly handed the man a fiver. The porter's eyes dilated. It was a huge tip. ''Please see my man.'' He pointed to Lovejoy.

''These trunks here, and 12 more in the Daimler. We'll have all this lot up in the rooms B52-54-56.'' Lovejoy barked off the orders.

Rose glanced around she had dallied a little. Cal escorted her mother ahead and Trudy and Minnie sorted out hand luggage. None of them had noticed Rose's ability to slip into the crowd. She removed her hat and carried it beneath her arm.

She was caught up in a crowd. She passed a line of steerage passengers in their coarse wool and tweeds, queued up inside movable barriers like cattle in a chute. A health officer examined their heads one by one, checking scalp and eyelashes for lice.

She passed horse drawn carriages and eventually as it passed she caught sight of a pub. She felt her heart sink. Would he be there? She started towards it until she felt a rough grasp on her arm.

She turned to find Lovejoy.

''This way ma'am.'' He turned her around. ''I do believe the ship is this way.'' He grinned as though he was talking to a child.

''Let go of me.'' She struggled. ''I was getting some air.''

''Not likely. We set sail in a matter of minutes and we cannot leave without the wife now can we?''

Rose glanced back to the pub as it disappeared from sight.

 _On board…_

The so-called "Millionaire Suite" was the Empire style, and comprised of two bedrooms, a bath, WC, wardrobe room, and a large sitting room. In addition there was a private 50 foot promenade deck outside.

A room service waiter poured champagne into a tulip glass of orange juice and handed the Bucks Fizz to Rose. Cal was out on the covered deck, which had potted trees and vines on trellises. He sipped his Bucks Fizz as two stewards carried an object covered with black material.

Cal nodded as they proceeded to fetch it into the suite. ''Yes, that's good. Right there.'' He ordered and pointed to the couch which they leant it against.

He placed his flute on the table.

''What is that?''

Cal came to Rose. ''Something which I bought for you my Rose, imported all the way from Paris.'' He pulled the material from the object to reveal a painting.

''Cal…what is…'' She stepped forward to touch the colour.

''It is an original…Picasso or whatever his name is.''

''Monet.'' Rose corrected. She touched the colours of the works. ''It is Water Lilies.''

Cal mentally patted himself on the back, she was impressed. ''Personally, I think they are a waste of money.''

Trudy came to Rose, touching her arm. ''The difference between Cal's taste in art and mine is that I have some…'' She became lost in the colours. She couldn't help but think of Jack. She shook the thought from her head. She knew how much he would love to just see this with his own eyes.

''We need a little colour in this room.'' Trudy broke the momentary silence.

''Yes.'' Rose agreed. ''Where should we hang it?''

Trudy took the painting and proceeded to the bedroom. ''Perhaps in here?''

Rose followed her through into the room with a king size canopy bed.

''It smells so brand new. Like they built it all just for us. I mean... just to think that tonight, when I crawl between the sheets, I'll be the first-''

Cal appeared in the doorway. ''I was the first.''

''Excuse me.'' She quickly placed the painting on the floor propping it up against the bed. She edged around Cal and made a quick exit. Cal came up behind Rose and put his hands on her shoulders. An act of possession, not intimacy.

''The first and only. Forever.''

Rose bit the inside of her lip. She found herself pecking him on the cheek before leaving. The prospect of been with Cal forever was bleak. Her future was now bleak.

Her eyes found the Water Lilies, she became lost in the beauty. From now on, this painting would be her only outlet.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter thirty: A Ray of Light**

 **April 11th**

When Rose awoke her mind was hazy, her lips were dry and she could have sworn she had cried herself to sleep. She had slept alone thanking God that Cal hadn't come to her room to attempt to join her. She had thought of Jack. His face plagued her dreams so much that she had begun to wish she could constantly sleep just to see him. He never left her mind and she found she could barely function without thoughts of his face guiding her.

It wasn't until lunch was served in the Palm Court Restaurant at noon that she had begun to feel herself come alive. The lovely smell of strong coffee tickled her senses and she ordered a pot as soon as they had been seated.

''She is the largest moving object ever made by the hand of man in all history…'' The Managing Director of the White Star Line, Bruce Ismay sat to the left of Cal and Rose at their table. ''...and our master shipbuilder, Mr. Andrews here, designed her from the keel plates up.''

He indicated to an Irish gentlemen to his right, Thomas Andrews who also joined them for lunch as well as Ruth and Margaret ''Molly'' Brown who boarded the evening before at Cherbourg. She was known for her loud mouth Ruth despised the fact she was sat at their table. Apparently she was known as ''new money'' something which Ruth found disgraceful and if it was down to her Molly certainly wouldn't be seated at their table.

''Well, I may have knocked her together, but the idea was Mr. Ismay's. He envisioned a steamer so grand in scale, and so luxurious in its appointments, that its supremacy would never be challenged. And here she is…'' He slapped the table. ''Willed into solid reality.''

''Why are ships always being called "she"? Is it because men think half the women around have big sterns and should be weighed in tonnage?'' Molly cracked up the table much to Ruth's dismay. The luncheon couldn't be a simple quite activity full of gentle conversation. ''Just another example of the men setting the rules their way.''

''Well actually I…'' Rose piped in but was stopped instantly by Cal.

''Brace yourself, I sense the start of another tirade of socialism, women's suffrage and other liberation from too much reading.'' He placed his hand up as though he was shushing a child.

''Well it is not as though we are solving world hunger.'' Rose had the last word. Cal said nothing this time.

The waiter arrived to take orders in the nick of time. Rose lit a cigarette, hoping it would calm her anger at this moment.

''You know I don't like that, Rose.'' Ruth daintily leant forward and spoke quietly but it was enough for the table to hear. She glanced around like a scolded child.

''She knows.''

Cal took the cigarette from her fingers and stubbed it out instantly. He turned to the waiter immediately. ''We'll both have the lamb. Rare, with a little mint sauce.''

The waiter nodded before proceeding to Ruth who ordered sausage.

''You do like lamb don't you sweet pea?''

Molly watched the dynamic between the two of them. You wouldn't have guessed they were married. Cal was like a father, an oddball.

''So, you going to cut her meat for her too there, Cal?''

Cal said nothing, embarrassed by his wife's behaviour. Rose played with the napkin on her lap a gesture to distract her from the garish lunch.

''Hey, who came up with the name Titanic? You, Bruce?'' Molly turned to Ismay.

''Yes, actually. I wanted to convey sheer size. And size means stability, luxury... and safety-''

Rose almost stifled a yawn but instead she found herself joining in with the conversation. More to amuse herself. ''Do you know of Dr. Freud? His ideas about the male preoccupation with size might be of particular interest to you, Mr. Ismay.'' Rose chimed in unexpectedly.

Thomas Andrews suppressed laughter and almost choked on his breadstick. Ruth was appalled once again. ''Rose? What has gotten into you?''

''Excuse me.'' Rose smiled and quickly stood from the table. ''I must get some air.''

Ruth was mortified. ''I do apologize.''

Molly watched Rose exit the Palm Court. ''She's a pistol, Cal. You sure you can handle her?''

Cal raised his eyebrows and linked his fingers. ''Don't worry, I will be minding what she reads from now on Mrs. Brown.''

Out on the third class deck, Jack sat beside Fabrizio on a bench in the sun. The day had been surprisingly warm and at breakfast that morning he had met the Cartmells's from Manchester. Bert's four year old daughter Cora had taken quite a liking to him as soon as she had seen his sketches. He had promised her lessons later on in the day to her squealing delight.

Jack had his knees pulled up, supporting a leather bound sketching pad, his only valuable possession. With a conte crayon he drew rapidly, using sure strokes. Cora stood with her father clinging on for her dear life as she stood on the lower rail leaning against her fathers belly barrel.

Stood next to Jack was Tommy Ryan, an Irish immigrant who also boarded at Queenstown the evening before. They had met at breakfast. Jack had told him of his story from coming to Paris and of his art but not of Rose. As he watched Jack sketch he nodded appreciatively. He was very good.

Seconds later he scowled as a crewmember walked by, walking three small dogs around the deck.

''That's typical. First class dogs come down here to take a shite.''

Jack lifted his attention from his sketch. ''That's so we know where we rank in the scheme of things.''

''Like we could forget.'' Tommy laughed as he finished his cigarette. ''So, Jack do you make much money with the drawings lad?''

Jack glanced across the well deck at Tommy. At the aft railing of B deck promenade stood the one person he never thought he would see again. Rose. He watched her unpin her elaborate hat and take it off. She looked at the frilly absurd thing, then tossed it over the rail. It sailed far down to the water and was carried away, astern. He could feel himself becoming lost and forgetting where he was. Even the gentle breeze or Fabrizio's hand waving before his eyes couldn't distract him. His eyes were wide, his jaw together. She had come aboard…

It wasn't just her beauty which was intoxicating. It was her sadness. In that moment, he ignored his nerves and quickly threw his sketchpad to the ground. He knew something was wrong. He couldn't breath. He could always sense it.

Fabrizio tapped Tommy and they both looked at Jack gazing at Rose. Fabrizio and Tommy grinned at each other. Tommy slapped Jack on the back but nothing could tear his attention away from her.

Seconds later, Cal came up behind her and took her by the arm like a child. Jack could vaguely hear his yelling before he dragged her back inside,. Jack stood and immediately collected all of his things together before heading for the entrance. **He had to see her.**

''Jack?'' Tommy shouted after him. ''What's this all about boyo?''

Jack, walking with determination, was followed closely by Tommy and Fabrizio. He quickly climbed the steps to B-Deck and stepped over the gate separating 3rd from 2nd class.

''He's not being logical, I tell ya. Who the hell is this girl?''

Jack suddenly remembered something. ''Shit!'' He glanced between his two friends. ''Do you two own a suit?''

Tommy looked at Fabrizio puzzled. It was almost an insult. ''Why the fuck would I own one of those?''

Jack was impatient. ''Do you know where I could buy a suit?''

Bert Cartmell came towards them a second later with Cora in his arms. ''There an Armenian fella two cabins from me who was wearing one last night.'' He looked Jack up and down. ''He is about your height.''

Twenty minutes later, an Englishman, Italian, Irishman and Armenian stood over Jack as he masterfully tied his bow tie.

''Just where did you learn to tie a dickey bow?'' Tommy elbowed him.

''I have practise.''

They watched in amazement as he transformed himself into a dapper looking gentleman. His hair was unwashed but there was nothing he could do. He had shaved that morning using a stolen razor blade from the community bathroom.

He turned to the group of men.

''Do I look like a first class penguin?''

Fabrizio raised his eyebrows not quite understanding the term. He had never seen his friend in this frame of mind before.

''You bloody do.'' Bert laughed. ''Blimey, what's all of this for?''

Jack started for the door.

''Some posh girl he saw from afar and fell in love with.'' Tommy blocked the door of the cabin so that Jack couldn't leave. ''Jack, please think about this.''

''You don't get it.'' Jack spoke with frustration. He had no time now to explain the last three months of his life.

Tommy walked beside Jack as he made his way to the first class area. ''No I don't. I bet she has a rich bastard boyfriend, a shiny car and a personal arse wiper. Where can you take her? To the corner pub for a pint?''

Jack sighed his frustration at Tommy. ''Look, please just bugger off, or whatever you Irish say.''

Tommy shook his head as he laughed. ''Fair play, lad. If ya want something you'll go get it.''

''I'll see you at dinner.''

Jack shouted as he continued his way to the first class area. He didn't know where he was going. He didn't even have a plan. All he knew was that he had to see Rose.

His heart beat quickly as he came to the promenade deck full of first class ladies and gentlemen taking an early afternoon stroll. He nodded to several, remembering to be polite. His hair fell into his face and some furrowed their brow at his scabby boots but he didn't care. He saw a sign for the first class entrance and bobbed inside. A steward was just walking past carrying a tray of ice and a towel.

''Oh sir, excuse me?'' Jack immediately collared him.

''Yes, sir.''

''I was wondering which suite I may find Caledon Hockey in.'' The steward narrowed his eyes at Jack. ''We, um, travelled together on the Mauretania.''

The steward nodded. ''He is staying in B52 but he is currently at lunch. Although, I do believe his wife just ordered ice.'' He indicated to his tray.

''Oh, allow me to take that for you.''

The steward was about to insist until Jack produced a five pound note from his pocket. He still knew how to handle people.

''Oh all right.''

''I'll just say you delivered it yourself.'' Jack emphasised his words.

''Yes, sir.''

Jack watched as the steward stalked in the opposite direction and didn't look back. With the size of the tip, he trusted him to keep his mouth shut. Carrying the tray of ice, Jack found the suite he was looking for. He cleared his throat and knocked quietly just once. The corridor was empty and he could hear his heart pound in his ears. It seemed to take forever for someone to answer.

Trudy answered the door and swiftly closed it so she could just see his face. ''Oh Heavens.'' She whispered in shock. She glanced at the tray.

''Trudy, is Rose there?''

Trudy found the words from somewhere to respond. ''She is but I cannot allow you to…''

Jack wasn't taking no for an answer, he pushed past Trudy and handed her the towel and ice on the tray. She took it and quickly closed the door and locked it. Her own heart was in her stomach in case Cal did return.

As soon as Jack entered the room he heard cries, he followed them to find her sobbing on the floor of her bedroom. Quickly he fell to his knees to soothe her. She hadn't noticed him at first.

''Jack?'' She cried.

She collapsed into his arms. ''You are here!''

He grasped her hair and kissed her forehead. ''Yes I am here.'' He whispered.

Trudy watched their reunion with tears in her eyes. He couldn't stop touching her face, he stroked her and kissed her curls over and over. It was then she knew he wouldn't go away and that he would do anything to save her. Trudy bit her lip with both nerves and emotion.

Rose loosened her grip on him. ''I came to find you Jack but Cal has a new valet. He stopped me…''

Jack shushed her and moved her limp hair from her right eye. She flinched as he saw it. ''Rose, no.''

Her right eye was bruised. It was new. Quickly Trudy got to her knees and began to pile the now melting ice into a towel and moved Jack to one side out of the way before he caused a stir.

''Be still, Rose.'' She whispered as she pressed the towel to her head causing her to sob again. She squeezed Jack's hand wincing from the pain as she leant back against him for support. The events were almost too much for her to take in. She had so many questions starting with how he had found her.

''Did Cal do this?''

Trudy glared at Jack. A warning for him to stop speaking.

''You have to leave.'' Trudy told him. ''He will be back anytime soon.''

''I can't just leave now. I have only just found you.'' He watched as Trudy bathed her eye.

Trudy eyed Jack with warning in her face. ''Please, it is for the best. At least for now.''

''No, I refuse to go.''

Trudy huffed. She had been a faithful maid and a damn good one at that doing much more than asked of her but at this moment in time she spoke as a friend and not as an employee.

''Yes you will go! Mr. Dawson, Rose is already upset and Cal's return with you here will not be pleasant. He already believes you to have left without word in Paris and this caused him much stress.'' She almost laughed. ''But he has new staff now,'' she glanced at Rose, ''Lovejoy is not pleasant at all.''

Jack got to his feet and nodded not taking his eyes from Rose. He bit the inside of his lip and shifted his weight from foot to foot. He couldn't believe that he was about to leave her.

''Lovejoy, huh?'' He confirmed the name.

''Yes. I assure you. I will look after her.''

Jack ran his fingers through his hair. Rose was so small on the floor before him. Her eye so swollen. He wanted to know what had happened, why she had been struck. His thrust his hands in his pockets.

''Darling, I will come for you tomorrow. We have so much to talk about.''

Rose nodded. She wanted more. She wanted him to kiss her lips, to make everything all right but she knew Trudy was right.

After he had left, Rose was left alone in her room to think.

She needed to breath

She paced the floor, retracing the same steps over and over. It gave her something to concentrate on. The thoughts going through her head were not any less dull in fact they consumed her wholly. She failed to concentrate on anything else. Why is it that the thoughts only came to her when she was alone? The thoughts were magnified.

She still paced, memories flooding her head each one a stab wound inching closer to her heart. Her head was shattered, totally blinded by the fact that she could think of nothing else. It had started from that first glance, so long ago and yet it felt so close. What had happened between then and now? He had stripped her down until she was completely bare to the core, more vulnerable than she had been in her entire life. Stripped back and naked. As soon as his eyes had met hers, she had felt the spark but not knowing just how prominent he would become in her life. The touch of his hand been so rough and yet so smooth. They made her feel beautiful as his palm had touched her cheek. She had only seen herself in his eyes, for a while at least and then she remembered that she was pathetic to not have trusted him. In his eyes, his touch and the way he put her before everything for so long, he had lost his own he had found his way back into her life somehow, miraculously and she knew she couldn't let this chance go. She would grab it with both hands.


	31. Chapter 31

**I don't write very often on here anymore as the chapters have been pre-written for a long time but I just want to say how much I appreciate your messages and reviews about my stories. I hope you do still enjoy :)**

 **For those who have asked, if you have read the original version of this called 'Everything Has Changed' - it does have a different ending and veers off on a different path from about chapter 40-the end.**

 **Thanks for reading.**

 **Chapter thirty one: Playing with Fire**

The sun had barely come up when Rose clicked the door of her stateroom closed. Trudy rearranged a curl to fall into her eyes. She placed a small straw and canary coloured hat on her head. Rose disliked them with a passion but she knew she couldn't chance been seen with a swollen eye. Although the redness had gone, the swelling remained under the makeup which Trudy had spent an hour carefully applying.

Without a word, she left Trudy at the entrance to the first class. Rose was stunningly dressed in yellow and she walked with a purpose towards the third class area. Rose unlatched the gate to go down into the place where she shouldn't be. The steerage men on the deck stopped what they were doing and stared at Irish music could be heard coming from the third class common room. The people were alive and moving to the music. An ad hoc band was gathered near the upright piano, honking out lively stomping music on fiddle, accordion and tambourine. People of all ages were dancing, smoking, laughing, even boys, shrieking and shouting, were scrambling around chasing a rat under the benches, trying to hit it with a shoe and causing general havoc. Jack was playing with Cora, drawing funny faces together in his sketchbook.

Fabrizio was struggling to get a conversation going with an attractive Norwegian girl named Helga Dahl, sitting with her family at a table across the room. Tommy smoked his cigarette and eyed up the madness around him. He shook his head at Fabrizio's attempts with the lady and was plotting some sarcastic comment in his head until then he took one of Jack and Cora's drawings.

''Wow, isn't this just beautiful little lady?''

''Thank you.'' She shrugged down into Jack in her own shy world.

Jack smirked at her. The whole room seemed to quieten for a moment and then Jack felt a slap on his shoulder. Tommy indicated towards the door and that's when he saw her coming toward him. A hat covered her face and she was breath-taking. The people around her waved and bowed as though she was the Queen. He watched her come closer, her presence on the entire room was brilliant.

Immediately, Jack closed his sketchpad and got to his feet. He shoved his hands in his pockets knowing the entire third class common room would be watching.

Tommy and Fabrizio were flabbergasted she had even met Jack.

''Hello Jack.'' She came to him. He could just see her eyes beneath the hat.

''Don't go Uncle Jack. I have more drawings to do!'' Cora pouted until her father scolded her to be quiet.

Rose smiled at the child.

''Hello Rose.''

''I trust you have been kept busy.'' She eyed up the little girl. Bert collected Cora into his arms and sat away from them sensing that this girl had something private to speak about.

''Can I speak with you?'' Jack asked.

Rose nodded.

Jack collected his belongings quickly and handed them to Bert. ''Look after them for me Cora. I'd like to see more drawings when I come back.'' He pointed his finger at her and she nodded, more than happy to oblige to her new best friend.

Jack turned back to Rose and he placed his hand on the small of her back. ''Come on, this way.'' He led her through the throngs of people. He turned back to see Tommy and Fabrizio sharing a joke amongst themselves and their laughs exploded loudly just as Jack led Rose from the room.

She was relieved when the air hit her face again feeling the stuffiness of strangers eyes on her.

''I'm sorry about my friends.''

''Its quite all right.''

They walked away from people and found a quiet bench under some stairs which led up to second class. Jack indicated for her to sit. She had so much to ask him, so many thoughts went around in his head and yet he said nothing. The sun shone brightly down on them. His hair fell into his blue eyes and Rose felt like weeping. He was so boyish, his freckles stood out in the sunlight. Slowly she reached out to him and he grabbed her bare hand tightly.

Jack tilted his head under the hat. ''How are you?''

Rose sighed before removing her hat and placing it on the bench next to her.

Jack bit his lip with anger. ''Why did he do this, Rose?''

Rose shook her head quickly. She found herself avoiding his gaze. ''I cannot believe that you are here.''

Their gaze was far too intense for the prying eyes. Hesitantly, he reached forward and touched her skin. Oh, how he had missed just the touch of how soft it was.

''Rose, I didn't think you had come.'' He whispered.

She could feel herself shaking. ''Jack…I…''

Jack glanced in the opposite direction and shook his head. He stood from the bench to see Tommy approaching smoking a cigarette.

''Hi, sorry to interrupt but I thought I'd let you know breakfast has been served.''

Jack sighed. ''Thanks but I will get something later.''

''You sure? It looks fine this morning. We have beans, eggs and mushrooms just like the English make them…'' Tommy removed his hat as he diverted his gaze to Rose. ''I am sorry for my rudeness, Miss.''

Rose stood from the bench and clutched her hat to her stomach. ''How do you do? My name is Rose.''

''Beautiful name, beautiful lady…'' Tommy held out his hand. ''I'm Tommy Ryan. I am wondering why you are talking to this bum right here.'' He pointed to Jack and Rose couldn't help but laugh.

''We-um…'' Jack tried to find an answer and turned to Rose.

''Old friend of the family.'' Rose said cheerily.

''I see.''

Jack slapped Tommy on the back and turned him around in the opposite direction. ''Why don't you get some breakfast with Fabri. I will meet you later on.'' He emphasised his words and Tommy threw his hands up in defeat as he walked away. The deck had almost cleared and most people had gone for breakfast.

Jack sighed as he turned to lean on the rail. ''I'm sorry. He won't stop.'' He ran his fingers through his hair.

Rose came closer to him. She watched as his face changed as he darted his eyes over her face drinking her in as though he would never see her again. ''How did you know where to find me Jack?''

''I saw you.'' He pointed to the space where he had sat the day before. ''I was sat right there and you came out on the upper deck. You fed your hat to the fishes.''

Rose laughed as she remembered. ''I never even saw.''

''I knew something was wrong Rose. I just knew it.'' Rose glanced at her feet and Jack lifted her chin to meet his gaze. "I make each day count. I have to, knowing that this day could be my last. I had to see you."

Rose joined him to lean over the rail, shoulder to shoulder. ''I have to learn that too.''

''Shall we go to Santa Monica?'' Jack allowed himself to touch her hand and to entwine their fingers together such a small gesture and one she had missed.

''Did you know woman can vote in California? A law has just been passed.''

''No way!''

Rose nodded. She remembered talking at lunch the day before to the people in her society, the ''well-educated'' bunch who rarely battered an eye at such things.

''It sounds like a different world there.''

Jack spoke with great passion for the life he had there. Rose had never experienced that type of passion or love for something. She had never loved anything, really, with that much of passion. Well, except for him.

"The pier is just amazing. I would just sit there and just stare out at sea, at the horizon, and watch the waves break on the shore."

"I've never been there, Jack. But I would love to go. I have never even been to a beach. I haven't really done anything…" Rose drifted off, realizing just how much she had missed out on in her life compared to Jack. He was different. He cared. He showed his true colours. He had a life and he lived it to the fullest, not taking anything for granted.

''I told you before Rose. I want you to experience all of these things.'' He whispered to her. His lips were so close to her face. She felt intoxicated and as the wind blew the hair about her face she couldn't take her eyes from him.

''Then take me Jack.'' She tightened her grip on his fingers.

Their stare was intense. The type which spoke a thousand words. She didn't know how to feel. Her heart was sinking and yet soaring. He was here and he was so close to her and yet so far away. She had made it clear to Cal that she would remain his wife, that she would try. She had spent weeks convincing herself of that just to go back on her own words now would be wrong.

By four that afternoon, Rose had arrived back at the stateroom. She found her mother alone in the parlour.

''You have been gone all day.'' Ruth came towards Rose.

''I was reading up on decks.'' She lied and she wondered if her voice gave it away.

''The Countess and I were are off to take tea in the Palm Court.'' Ruth wanted her daughter to come just so she could keep an eye on her after the stunt at lunch the day before.

''I'm going to take a nap before dinner this evening.''

She proceeded through the sitting room to find Cal. ''Good Gracious Rose, have you been out in the sun yet again?''

Rose quickly wiped her face as though she could rid herself on sunburn. Cal came to her and ran his finger over her nose as though he was inspecting a polished surface.

''Yes, I removed my hat for just a second.'' She lied once again. Cal kissed her cheek cheerily.

''You know I only want you to look your best, Rose. Perhaps you should leave the hat on for a few days.''

Rose nodded as she sighed. ''Of course, Cal. I shall just nap before dinner.''

''Very well.''

Just at that moment Trudy rushed through the door. She seemed to stop in her tracks as she noticed that Rose and Cal had exchanged words.

''Oh I'm ever so sorry.''

Rose shook her head. ''Trudy, please.'' She indicated for her to follow. ''I must find a suitable dress for this evening.''

Cal was satisfied that his wife was basking in the glory of the voyage and that she had began to take an interest in her appearance more, of what she would wear and that made him happy.

Trudy followed Rose into her bedroom. Once inside, she opened the wardrobe containing all of Rose's dresses. ''Which one shall you chose?

Rose turned to Trudy, not having any intentions of raiding her wardrobe for a dress. ''Trudy, I saw Jack!''

Rose tugged at her arm to sit on the bed as they spoke quietly. ''Oh Rose.''

''He wants us to go to California.'' Rose could feel her voice cracking with emotion.

Trudy delicately touched her friends hand. ''How will you do such a thing?''

Rose sighed. ''I haven't figured that out yet. He wants me to meet him at noon tomorrow up on decks.''

The whole idea was absurd but she was going along with it. She couldn't lose him again.

 _Below decks..._

''Are you telling me that the redhead is in love with you?'' Tommy laughed as he scratched his beard. They were alone in his cabin just Tommy, Jack and Fabrizio.

''You met her before we met?'' Fabrizio struggled to understand.

''Yes.'' Jack sighed as he unpacked some clean clothes from his pack. ''We met in America. I worked for her family. I travelled around Europe with them and then we parted in Paris.''

''You left her?''

Jack nodded. ''I thought it was for the best. I told her to make her marriage work.''

''She is married?!'' Fabrizio was shocked at his friend.

''Yes, Fabri.'' Jack began to change out of his dirty clothes. ''I followed her to London and told her to meet me in the pub not realising that we would both wind up on the Titanic.

Tommy shook his head. He was struggling to understand any of it.

''Jackie, you are playing with fire. If her husband finds out you will be dead.''


	32. Chapter 32

_Chapter 32 – There Is No Danger_

 _April 13th_

In the reception room on D Deck, Ruth enjoyed a coffee with the Countess of Rothes just after lunch. Ruth viewed the room from the seat where she sat, taking a final sip of refreshment when she spied Molly Brown heading towards them.

''Here comes that vulgar brown woman.'' She lowered her voice to the Countess who swiftly craned her neck to inspect. ''Lets get up before she sits with us!''

The Countess and Ruth rose from their seats.

''Hello girls, I hoped to catch tea.''

''I'm sorry we have just finished. The Countess and I were just off to take the air on the boat deck.'' Ruth was disengaged. She gritted her teeth as she knew then that Molly was to join them.

''What a lovely idea. I must catch up on my gossip.''

Ruth nodded politely. Finding her to be the most annoying of the ladies who were aboard. The small group made their way up the Grand Staircase to the deck.

It was noon when Jack approached Rose as she leant over the rail. She had arrived ten minutes before to watch the waves beneath the ship as they sailed towards New York. She had always loved the sea, the feeling of freedom and she tried to ignore the nervous feeling in her gut. She wore a paled grey dress, very simple but still elegant. She decided against a hat today, her make up covered the now paled bruise on her eye.

''Afternoon.'' Jack greeted her. He was wearing his suit. Rose was astonished by the transformation from third class to gentleman.

''Hello.'' She couldn't help but grin. ''You look-gentlemanly.'' She laughed.

''Why thank you.'' He bowed mockingly.

He offered his arm to her and she took it elegantly. She loved the feel of been on his arm as opposed to Cal. If she and Jack were married and she was presented to others as his wife then she would be the happiest woman in the world. She couldn't help but turn to catch a glimpse of his face. He caught her and smiled modestly. They both knew she needed to speak of important matters but for now all they could do was enjoy a stroll around the deck. As they passed the shuffleboard court, Rose spied her mother. Her stomach fell until she realised that there was nothing she could do to get out of this situation. Jack was about to be seen.

''Jack, act normal.'' She breathed as they approached. Ruth eyed Jack like an insect, mindless and disgusting but she wasn't about to cause a scene with her daughter up on deck.

''Hello, Mother, Countess, Mrs. Brown. I would like you to meet Jack Dawson.''

Molly was the first to offer her hand. Ruth said nothing, she simply flicked her eyes between her daughter and the man she believed had left them behind in Paris. She behaved normally, not allowing her friends know that she knew this man already.

''Good to meet you, Jack.''

''Rose, come dear, we are to dine with the Wideners.'' Ruth held out her hand as though she was ushering a child. Rose linked arms with Jack once again. She remembered the family and would prefer to not eat with them.

''Actually Mother, I think I will stay in the sun.''

Molly smiled and was about to lead Ruth away until she proceeded to convince her daughter. ''Please, Rose, they will feel snubbed.''

Molly shook her head at Ruth. ''Sweet Jesus, leave the poor girl alone. Time to loosen the reins there Ruth.''

Ruth was horrified at been spoken to in such a manner by a lady of upper class.

''If she is old enough to marry then she can stay and chatter with Dawson. At her age nobody told me what to do.'' She lead Ruth away before she could second glance Rose and Jack.

Rose took Jack's arm and lead him the other way. They were silent for a second.

''Rose, your mother will not tell Cal. I know it.'' He sensed her worries.

The sun highlighted the freckles on her face and he fought the urge to touch her porcelain skin. She nodded in response to his words. Cal would have to find out sooner or later but not until they had spoken of their next move. They had only just found each other again. Rose focused on a man walking towards them with his wife on his arm. She remembered his face from an opera which she attended in New York City with him and his wife. His name was Mr. Humphries and as she remembered he was a snooty old crone. He seemed to recognise her as they approached.

''Good afternoon Mrs. Hockley.''

He was small, greying and eyed Jack with a little judgement. ''Hello, Mr. Humphries, Mrs. Humphries. I would like you to meet my friend…Lance…Longbottom.''

Mr. Humphries glanced up to Jack who blinked twice at Rose. He realised that she was playing a game. He held out his hand to the gentleman.

''The British novelist.'' Rose added.

Jack bit his lip to not laugh before attempting his best accent. ''Lovely to make your acquaintances.'' He kissed the glove hand of the lady.

''Mr. Longbottom would we have heard of your books? What do you write?''

''Erotic novels mostly.'' Jack kept a straight face as he nodded. ''I have been known to also write crime.''

Rose coughed loudly. Her stomach tightened as she gripped it, the urge to laugh ripping through her.

''Oh I do say.'' Mrs. Humphries chimed in. ''Perhaps you could send samples of your works.''

Rose licked her lips before pressing them together. The lady was one of the most reserved people Rose had met until now. ''His books are wonderful.'' Rose tapped Jack's arm. ''Which is why I cannot keep him out too long. He must write.''

She dragged him away from the couple but sensed that Mrs. Humphries wished to speak with him longer. ''Do remember to send those samples.'' She called after them.

Rose held her stomach as it cramped. ''Mrs. Humphries enjoys erotica!'' she cried.

Jack shook his head at Rose. ''I write them, apparently!'' Jack continued the game with a British accent and a proud nod. ''I think we convinced the guy.''

He threw his head back in the wind and his boyish laugh seemed to lighten up the whole deck. ''Do you know any other unsuspecting victims?''

Rose placed her hand over her eyes to shield the sun. She spied another acquaintance of Cal's approaching. ''Oh here, this is Harry Gates. His family is also in steel.''

Jack wrinkled his nose as Rose stopped the gentleman for a chat. He stood and nodded for a few seconds before holding his hand out to Harry Gates.

''What a pleasure to meet you. I am Pierre Arceneau Babineaux Leveque.'' He mocked in a French accent.

Mr. Gates shook his hand, unaware of the name which Jack had just provided. ''I understand you are in steel.''

''Why, yes. Are you-?''

''Snail importation.''

Rose smiled widely trying her hardest to not laugh.

''Ah yes.'' Mr. Gates nodded as though he had the faintest clue what the occupation was. Soon he made his excuses to leave.

They continued their walk further aft, they cracked up causing passers-by to stare in disdain.

''A snail importer?'' Rose clutched her stomach. ''What is one of those?''

''I don't know. It was French.'' Jack grinned. ''It was fun. Come on you must know more of these penguins.'' He glanced around at the first class passengers. He was enjoying the game. It was a great change from the emotional turmoil which they had been through of late.

''How about this tall guy?'' Jack motioned to Lovejoy who approached them quickly.

''Oh, actually yes. You are about to meet your replacement.'' Rose's smile faded.

''Mrs. Hockley, I have been sent to look for you.'' Lovejoy eyed up Jack.

''I have been on deck most of the afternoon. I have just left my mother.'' She unlinked arms from Jack. ''Please meet my friend here…''

''Count Claus Von Hirsch.'' Jack confidently held out his hand to Lovejoy who hesitantly shook it. ''Travelling to New York City from Germany.'' He clicked his heels.

Lovejoy was obviously unimpressed. ''Good to meet you.'' He eyed Rose as his voice lacked truth.

''We must continue our walk.'' Rose diverted Jack around Lovejoy and they made their way down the deck and ignored Lovejoy's further calls to Rose to come back with him. She couldn't believe that they had just fooled Spicer Lovejoy. Nor could she believe they had walked away from him, Jack couldn't help but smile. Her playful side had never come out so much.

''So he's the new valet huh?'' Jack turned to catch another glimpse. ''Looks more like a cop.''

Rose raised her eyebrows. ''I think he was.'' She spoke quietly.

Jack sensed something was wrong. ''Rose? What is it?''

She glanced down at the floor and sighed. She was just about to speak when she caught sight of Daniel Marvin with a big wooden movie camera. She took Jack's hand and pulled him along the deck to Daniel. His father Henry Norton Marvin was founder motion picture production houses of American Mutoscope and the Biograph Company.

Rose shot in front of the camera. She struck a theatrical pose at the rail. Jack watched with his arms folded in awe of her. How the camera had exchanged one mood for another in just a split second. He couldn't help but admire her strengths.

Daniel turned to Jack. ''Hello, I am Daniel Marvin.''

''Jack Dawson.''

Rose continued to pose in front of the camera. Daniel turned to Jack. ''Are you of the Boston Dawsons?''

Jack unfolded his arms. ''No, but my cousin is.''

Daniel noted not to press the issue any further. Rose dragged Jack in front of the camera.

''Give me a scene.'' Daniel shouted.

Jack grabbed Rose quickly and pulled her to him so they were metres away from each others face.

''We are lovers.'' Jack whispered to her. Her eyes never wavered from his as he slowly moved so they danced so very slowly at first. He could sure lead a lady. He winked to her and she tried to not allow her knees to buckle beneath her. He then stopped dancing and slid to his knees and clasped his hands out in front of him as though he was pleading for her forgiveness. Rose turned her head in bored disdain, fanning herself with a pretend fan.

''That is great. Can I hire you?''

Cal approached from the wardrobe room with a glass of brandy in his hand as he heard the door open to the sitting room.

''Mr. Lovejoy, any luck?''

Lovejoy was silent for a moment. ''Yes, she was with that German Count.''

Cal raised his eyebrows. ''Excuse me?'' He shook his head.

''Harmless man with a name a yard long. I assume they met up on deck.''

''Any danger?''

''From him?'' Lovejoy laughed. ''Absolutely not.''


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33-A Modern Woman

Dinner that evening couldn't have been more stuffy. Despite the fact Rose had skipped lunch to be with Jack she had thoroughly enjoyed their afternoon and had not remembered the fact that she was hungry until now. The sudden excitement of the day and the sun had caused her to forget about eating.

The Hockley's dined with the Astor's, Benjamin Guggenheim, Madame Aubert and Colonel Gracie. Thomas Andrews sat to the left of Rose as well as Molly Brown. She remained quiet for the majority of it. She simply enjoyed the food and allowed her mind to wonder back to her afternoon with Jack. The fun which they had, he had brought out a whole new side to her, one she didn't know existed even during their time in Paris together. The occasional smile and nod allowed people to believe she was engaged.

The wine tasted stronger than previously, the white bringing out the flavour of the goose. She sipped steadily and glanced around the table as she did so. The table spoke of art. Cal particularly spoke of Paris, he seemed to magnify their trip ensuring the table believed it was a beautiful adventure for the newly married couple.

''My dear wife Rose actually possesses a Monet which I purchased there especially.'' He turned to her with adoration. Her smile seemed to light up his world but he failed to recognise the forcedness of it all.

''Yes, Cal imported it for me.'' She turned to him. ''He presented it to me the day we set sail.''

''How wonderful!'' Madam Aubert touched her chest. ''Which piece is it?''

''Water Lilies.''

''Lovely. A magnificent piece.'' Gracie agreed.

''I was lucky enough to visit a gallery whilst in Paris…'' Rose began to tell the table.

''Of course Rose and I differ somewhat in our definition of fine art.'' Cal over spoke her. She piped down immediately. She glanced about and no one seemed to notice except perhaps Molly. She gave her the knowing look.

''I am not one for landscapes or pretty flowers like Rose here.'' Cal laughed as he sipped his wine. He seemed to amuse the table but not her. She returned to the place in her mind where it was just her and Jack. Cal wasn't there to put her down in any way.

Thirty minutes later the dessert cart arrived and cigars were being served. The men started clipping ends and lighting them.

''Darling, I am to retire to the smoking room. Would you like me to escort you back to the cabin?''

''No, I shall stay here a while longer.''

Cal nodded as he left with Benjamin Guggenheim. Rose was sat with her Mother, the Countess and Madeline Astor. Molly stood from the seat which she occupied at dinner. Her eyes didn't leave Rose.

''Chin up darling.'' She said cheerily.

Rose smiled. She seemed to perk up in that moment. ''Thank you.''

Molly left alone. Rose found herself wishing that the other ladies were much more like Molly. Rose found herself standing from the table and was excused by her mother. She was in her own little world as she left the dining room and began to walk up the Grand Staircase. She was fixated by the clock which read 9pm. With every step she took up the steps it gonged another chime until she reached the top and it chimed one final time.

At the final chime, a hand reached out to hers. She turned to find Jack, still wearing his suit. His hair was gelled back and a boyish grin upon his face.

''So can I take you to a party?''

Loud Irish music could be heard coming from the third class common room. The people were alive and moving to the music. People of all ages were dancing, drinking beer and wine, smoking, laughing, even brawling. Sitting at a small table, Rose accepted a beer from Tommy, Jack's friend who she had met that morning and hoisted it. She had never tasted anything like it. She felt alive here. She clapped her hands widely, watching Jack dance with Cora Cartmell. The child had melted their hearts and as she danced on Jack's feet she laughed happily. Rose didn't have a care in the world here, all of her problems were forgotten.

Tommy elbowed Rose lightly and leaned in towards her. He was mid arm-wrestle with a Swede. ''So how do you like the Irish music?''

''I love it. It just makes you want to dance.'' Somewhere in the crowd Fabrizio was dancing with Helga Dahl. The Swedish girl he had met the day before.

She turned her attention back to Jack who was spinning Cora in a circle. A loud bang caught her attention as a drunken man fell over a table and then from his chair. She laughed aloud and shook her head. This really was a different world. She took another sip of her beer. It was refreshing. It beat the wine which she had drank at dinner earlier in the evening. It had been dry and burnt her throat.

A loud bang sounded from the table and Tommy defeated the Swede in yet another arm-wrestle. It was his third time. ''That's another beer you owe me. Get to the bar.''

Jack sat beside Tommy breathless, Cora had followed him out of the crowd, obviously taken by him. She watched him with big sad eyes.

''Why are you stopping Uncle Jack?'' She grabbed his hand and pulled him slightly.

Jack laughed at the child, she never tired. '' I am tired.'' He grinned to her. Her father approached sensing his daughter would never leave the poor guy alone.

''Come on Cora, its well past bedtime already.'' He took her by the hand.

''But one more dance.'' She stamped her foot.

Jack curled his finger for her to go to him. He leant forward on his chair so he was near her face. ''I promise Miss Cartmell that if you go bed now like daddy says, you can have all the dances tomorrow.''

Cora smiled beyond satisfied. She waved her goodbyes and skipped out of the crowd. Moments later, a loud whistle came followed by guitar strumming and a harp playing. Jack got to his feet, he necked what was left of his beer and held his hand out to Rose. She glanced upwards at him, confused.

''Come on Rose.'' Hesitantly, she took his hand.

''Come where?'' she asked, getting to her feet but trusting him completely.

''Come dance with me.''

The floor was already filling with people dancing, there were men and women together, two women together and men stood tapping their feet as they drank their beers. Jack pulled Rose onto the floor and she offered slight hesitation. Glancing around her she saw the other people dancing and realised she had no idea how they danced. The music was fast and Jack pulled her closer towards him.

''Jack, I can't do this.'' She turned her attention back to him and realised just how close they were.

''We're going to have to get a little bit closer…'' Jack placed his right hand on the small of her back and pulled her a little closer to him. ''Like this.''

Picking up her dress in her right hand, Rose slipped her hand into Jack's. ''But Jack, I don't even know they steps.'' He began to lead her into the middle of the floor before dancing.

''Neither do I.'' he shouted above the music. ''Just go with it, and don't think.''

Listening to his words, Rose followed his lead and simply did as he told her. He lead her around the floor, and she screamed having never danced this way before. She felt so wild and free and her grip on Jack tightened as he whirled her around. Out of the corner of his eye, Jack saw Fabrizio on the stage dancing with Helga. Jack pulled Rose through the throngs of the dancing people onto the stage, she followed him onto the stage but glanced out towards the crowd noticing them all now staring at her and Jack. Moving his hair from his face, Jack proceeded to clog a few steps. Rose watched, having no idea Jack could dance. She recognised the steps and laughed removing her shoes she threw them to a lady in the crowd before lifting her skirts to reveal her stocking feet and continuing clogging with Jack, he clapped along before clogging with her and then linking her arm through his and dancing in a circle before spinning her around faster and faster. She screamed and laughed with joy, having never had so much fun in her life. The crowds of people watching were forgotten and the only thing what she was aware of was herself and Jack dancing.

''I need a drink.'' Rose giggled breathlessly as she whirled around with Jack one final time before almost falling into his arms. They both laughed hysterically as Jack lead her from the stage.

''I feel so dizzy.'' Placing his arm around her shoulder, Jack pulled her through the crowds of people towards the bar.

''Don't worry, we'll sit down with our beers.'' Rose glanced back at the stage and saw Fabrizio dancing with the young blonde girl and felt as though she fit in here with Jack and his way of life. She felt so alive from the evening of dancing and she couldn't remember a time she had felt more happy and relaxed. She didn't have to care about how she looked and her etiquette all the people in the room just wanted to have fun and they never tired.

''Do you know what I want?'' Rose smiled, leaning against the side of the bar still out of breath from dancing.

''What?''

''Whisky.''

Jack burst out laughing even more.

''Holy shit! You really are something Rose.''

He waited for the tender to get his attention and he ordered two beers and two whiskies.

''Jack, this is crazy!'' She scraped her curls from her face feeling flushed from dancing. Sweat lined her forehead but she didn't care what she looked like or if her dinner dress was ruined.

''Of course.'' he grinned. Two small glasses of straight whisky were placed on the bar in front of them and Rose picked up the glass shakily, she brought the liquid to her nose and just the smell of it made her eyes water.

''Here is to my first taste,'' Rose laughed, but she wasn't yet put off trying the alcohol. She felt like she wasn't herself tonight, that she could be as free and daring as she wanted to be.

''One, two, three…'' Jack counted as he brought the glass to his lips and tasted the bitterness already. ''All right, down in one.'' They both tipped the glass and drank the liquid, Jack screwed his face and laughed slamming the glass on the side of the bar followed by Rose, who fell backwards slightly and Jack caught her in his arms.

''You alright?'' he asked, and she threw her head backwards laughing, some pins fell from her hair loosening some curls and she reached around and pulled the rest of them out freeing her hair allowing her curls to cascade around her shoulders almost taking Jack's breath away.

''I'm fine.''

He grabbed their two beers and they made their way back to the table where Tommy was still mid arm-wrestle.

They walked to their table flourished and sweaty, she grabbed her pint from Jack and almost downed it all in one go, watching the stunned faces of the men around her.

''You think a first class girl can't drink?'' She showed off.

''Well Miss, have you ever been to Ireland?'' Tommy stood from the table. ''Because I think you would fit in just fine with us men.'' He raised his glass in the air. ''But can you do this?''

He raised his glass before bringing it to his lip. He gulped down his pint in less than ten seconds.

Rose clapped his efforts. ''Wow, but I must say…I do demand equality with the male race.''

She unexpectedly took the lit cigarette from Tommy's mouth and she took a big inhale. Jack watched as she coolly took the cigarette, she did well for several seconds until she bent over double coughing and burning down the lot of the cigarette.

Jack clapped her. She was fast becoming a modern woman. She could pass for ''one of them.''

Tommy held his hand out for her to shake it and she refused to. Instead she gave him his dead cigarette back.

''There is something that I would like to see you do.'' She stood back from the crowd gathered around them. ''Hold this for me Jack.'' She handed the bottoms of her skirts so that her stocking feet could be seen to the knees.

''So big tough men. Let's see you do this.''

In her stocking feet, she did a ballet stance. Her arms raised, and she went up on point, taking her entire weight on the tips of her toes. The guys gaped at her incredible muscle control. She came back down, then her face screwed up in pain. She grabbed one foot, hopping around.

''Shit. I haven't done that in years.''

Jack caught her as she lost her balance, and everyone in the room cracked up.

''I'll give it to you lassie, you can party with the rest of us.'' Tommy shouted as he made his way to the bar for another pint.

Jack still encased her in his arms, unfazed by the gaze on them. His breath tickled her ears as he whispered to her. ''This is the world I wanted you to live in with me.''


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34 – Come With Me**

Up on deck the air was freezing, a stark contrast to the sweat and stuffiness in third class but the hype of the mood was on fire from the dancing and music. Rose had experienced what life could be like outside of her world fully and dare she admit she had developed a taste for it. She felt alive, fully. Her heart was still pounding from the excitement and the dancing. Adrenaline electrified her body like she had never felt. She dreaded reaching the entrance of first class, knowing the amazing mood would disappear right away. She would be dragged right back to the hell which she called her home. The feeling at the pit of her stomach made her nervous as to what would happen next. Jack walked beside her, he too was exhausted and giddy from the nights events but now he knew it must come to an end.

Jack's suit jacket hung over Rose's shoulders shielding her from the cold. She pulled the lapels together around her neck. She could feel Jack's gaze on her every few seconds and had turned to smile at him. It was as though they had re-discovered the magic which they had found the night they had walked back to their hotel in New York along Broadway. The tension was present, his eyes pierced hers and sometime soon they would have to speak the unspoken words between them both. They had spent two days with each other, speaking of things which they always did. They had shared dreams, fears and everything in between. But for now, she needed to be in his presence.

She remembered the song which they had sang on Broadway. A song which was a symbol of her freedom.

''Come Josephine in my flying machine and its up we go…up we go.'' She sang sweetly, Jack too joined in slightly off key but carried on nevertheless.

''Balance yourself like a bird on a beam. In the air she goes! There she goes! Up, up, a little bit higher, Oh! My! The moon is on fire.''

They broke into a giggle, their hands by their sides and barely close enough but still enough to make them nervous but that soon stopped as they glanced up. The first class entrance loomed and as quickly as it had come, Rose's hyperactive mood disappeared. A small smile fell on her face as she knew she would have to return, that the happiness of tonight would only last for just a few more short seconds. Jack sensed her dread. Rose turned to Jack and slid his jacket from her shoulders and handed it back to him.

''I don't want to go back.'' She confessed smiling a little. She thought of a reason, any reason she could think of to prolong her return to reality. Her heart sank, she wished the deck would go on forever so they could continue their silent walk simply content in each others company. She didn't know what would become of them after tonight. It felt as though something was coming to an end. She wasn't ready to say goodbye yet, not to Jack or the magical evening which they had experienced. Turning her attention to the beautiful starlit sky she instantly became lost at the sight.

''Look, it's so beautiful. So vast and endless.''

Jack came beside her and gazed at the sky. He was a stargazer himself but in that moment, nothing else but Rose mattered.

''My crowd. They think they're giants they're not even dust in God's eye.'' She couldn't help but think of the contrast between Jack's world and her own. Jack had lived in her world for some months but now she had tasted his she found she enjoyed it more than her own.

''You know there's been a mistake. You got mailed to the wrong address.'' Jack smirked and Rose broke into laughter. She loved how after everything he still managed to make her smile. He too smiled and his dimples came into light.

''I did didn't I?'' Jack came closer to her. ''They live inside this little tiny champagne bubble... and someday the bubble's going to burst. I don't know if I will go with it.''

''You are not like them Rose, you are so different. You long to experience things in the world.''

Rose found his eyes in the dim light. He read her thoughts so well, he knew her through and through and to find a person who still cares after the reveal of such secrets was a very rare find. Their stare was electric until something caught Rose's attention out of the corner of her eye.

A shooting star swept across the sky. ''Look a shooting star.'' Rose exclaimed, pointing.

Jack's eyes darted to the sky. ''Wow that was a long one. You know what pops used to tell me? That every time you saw one it was a soul going to heaven.''

''I like that. Are we supposed to wish on it?'' Rose asked and turned her head to face Jack, not knowing just how close they had become since spotting the shooting star.

''What would you wish for?'' Jack gazed down into Rose's eyes. He could feel the tiny contact between them. Rose gazed back and took a look at his face and his lips. The touch was electric, she could feel the warmth coming from him. Her breathing became shallow and she had to actually remember to take in air. His presence made her body feel so weak. They had fun down below decks but now they were alone it was all about to change.

''Jack.'' His name left her throat huskily. She was so intoxicated by him. For two days they had played down their feelings but for now it had over boiled. Jack couldn't pretend anymore and nor could Rose. They didn't know what would happen in that moment. Would it open a new wound for them both?

He shakily placed his palm on her left cheek. She closed her eyes relishing the feel of his skin against her. It felt like it had been so long, it was what he would always do and she felt as though no time between them had been lost and yet time had. There was no distance between them, their lives were both laid out before the other and all they had to do was entwine them as one. There would be fear, insecurity and a reason to not go back after he had broken her heart. But life without him had been almost unbearable and now just his presence made her feel whole again.

''You, Jack. Always you.'' Her voice was barely audible. The words were out now. She wanted him, she always had despite their complications. The time apart had done her some good, she had barely functioned without him and she realised just how much she needed him. She had fallen deeply in love with him and it had only deepened since their parting.

Jack stroked his fingers upwards towards her hair. Her chest rose and fell quickly as she breathed. She held onto the rail for some support. Her knees felt as though they would give way beneath her. She felt as though she was floating. For Jack, he couldn't take the tension no more. He needed her. He leant forward and pressed his lips to hers just once, so faintly it was barely there but the tingling in their nerves said otherwise. Quickly, she grasped his other hand as she took a sharp intake of breath as she placed it on her hip. He kneaded the skin through her dress as he did when he made love to her and she took one more shaky breath before he openly kissed her right there and then on the deck.

His fingers ran down her cheek onto her neck as he grabbed her hip harder. She grasped his hand tightly as he kissed her deeper. She founded she needed to lean against the rail to support both their weight before her knees buckled from under her. She was no longer cold, she was simply desperate for him. He traced kisses down her neck before making his way to her ear. She felt every nerve in her body tingle more so with every kiss. Her spine shivered, her hands shaky and her breath so ragged. ''Leave him, come with me.'' He whispered to her.

She stoked his face with her free hand. Those were the words which she had needed to hear for so long but never dreamt that she would hear again. When she left him in Giverney she thought she would never see or hear from him again.

That day her heart had shattered, never to become whole again. Until this day. She nodded against his body. ''Tomorrow, I will tell him.''

''You need to tell me something though first Rose.''

She found his eyes. ''Anything.''

He reached up and traced his fingers over her eye. ''Did he do this?''

Rose squeezed her eyes closed. She could still feel the tightness beneath her make up. She had believed it was nothing to worry about. ''I displeased him at dinner. He had never touched me before.'' Her voice broke. ''But that is done with now.''

A cloud of anger hit Jack but he knew he couldn't allow it to boil over. ''Did he touch you-at all?''

Rose placed her hands on Jack's shoulders. ''Do not allow insecurities to plague us now.'' She tilted her head. ''I kissed him once or twice, nothing passionate. My heart was consumed by you as it still is.''

''The truth is you are my everything.''

''You opened my eyes and you wounded me so deep that a scar will always remain.'' She touched her stomach, the nerves fluttering now more than ever. ''But I love you Jack.''

His heart filled with love. He had yearned for those words since he had left her in Paris. Each morning since then he had wondered if he had messed it up beyond repair, thought he would never get the chance to show her just what she meant to him and her words soothed away all of his fears. He believed that his fears would be erased and that at some point she would leave him head and they would both be able to continue their lives as though they had never met. He would tell himself that Cal was the best thing for her. That their relationship could never be. He was never going to be good enough for her. Was love enough? He sure as Hell loved her but he continued be the husband that she deserved. Then his mind had changed. His own happiness suffered, without her in his life it was dull in comparison. She had lit up his life once again. They wouldn't allow one hiccup to part them, they wouldn't be parted again and he sure as Hell wouldn't allow Cal to hurt Rose.

''I love you.'' He breathed into her hair as he pulled her into his arms. ''Tomorrow I will meet you right here, you will stay with me until the ship docks.'' He felt her nod in his arms trusting him completely. This was where she had needed to be all along. Trying to push him away had only ignited their love more.

Nothing would come between them again.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35 – Closing Old Doors

By 8.30am the next morning, Rose was fully dressed for the church service which was to commend in one hour. She was in her mother's suite helping her with her corset. Her mind was consumed with everything; Jack. She knew she would have to meet him later on in the day with some clothing to tide her over for when the ship docked. It was going to be a long and stressful day. Nerves bubbled in the pit of her stomach knowing today she would be leaving this world for good. Rose had her knee on the base of her mothers back as she pulled the strings tighter. The tight bindings did not inhibit Ruth's fury one bit. She knew that Jack was on the ship after meeting him yesterday. The air between the two of them was as thick as a cloud of fog.

''Rose, you are not to see that boy again.''

Rose rolled her eyes behind her mothers back. ''Oh stop it Mother, once again.''

Ruth pulled away from Rose and crossed the bedroom to lock the door to ensure that nobody entered during their conversation. ''Do you think I am stupid? I was seventeen once and I certainly wasn't raised in a convent.''

Rose leant against her mothers four poster bed post. She sighed, the stress of the day was already building up and this added pressure onto her. ''It is a lot to take on young shoulders.''

''I know what the world is like at your age. But I cannot find work at my age with no skills. I didn't attend university. I was married off at earliest convenience to your father.''

Rose said nothing. She knew she was loved by her mother but her mother also knew that she cared for Jack. She didn't know how much. ''I care for him.'' She sighed. She more than cared.

Ruth ignored her daughter. She felt it would be better to not address it. She had made her point and Rose would listen. She was sure of it. She turned and Rose continued to tighten the strings on her corset with her mind consumed by one thing only. She was surprised her Mother had given up the argument so easily but no doubt Ruth could have an ulterior motive but Rose would be gone by the time she put the plan into action and that was all that would matter.

At the divine service, Captain Smith was leading a group in the hymn "Almighty Father Strong To Save." Rose, Cal and Ruth sang in the middle of the group. Rose had only attended to keep the pretence of their family unit. It did nothing to deter her mind of Jack. She found he constantly came into her mind, she thought of him all day long, even when she tried to think of other things. For today, she needed a clear mind.

After church, the family were treated to a tour of the bridge. It was there where Mr. Andrews gave Rose a ''magic key'' to open any door on the ship. He had told her about it over lunch and she had told him of her intrigue, not believing such a key would exist. They had bonded over several lunches and Rose had a soft spot for him as he did for her. She had taken the key hesitantly but gratefully and placed it in her purse for use at a later date unknown to her husband.

A steward approached Rose minutes later.

''Excuse me, Mrs. Hockley?''

''Yes?''

She saw in his hand he clutched an envelope. She broke away from the group. ''Mrs. Jones sent this.''

Rose frowned as she eyed up the steward who was as clueless as she was. She took the envelope from him. ''Thank you.'' She didn't know who 'Mrs. Jones' was…not until she opened the envelope.

 _First class entrance doors._

 _8.p.m._

 _I shall be there._  
 _Waiting for you._

She took a moment to ponder just how he had got a note to a steward. But that didn't matter. He hadn't been seen. She screwed the note into a tiny ball, thanking the steward as he walked away and she turned back to the group quickly.

''Everything all right, darling?''

Rose found her voice quickly. ''Yes, Cal.'' She joined the group with a heavy and preoccupied mind.

 _7.30pm that evening_

Trudy left Rose's bedroom swiftly as Cal knocked and entered. The door had been open already whilst she sat at her dressing table as she brushed her hair. She wore a pastel coloured dress, flowing in waves. Cal came towards her, she really did take his breath away. He was silent for a moment as though he was admiring the beauty which was his wife.

He buttoned his shirt to the top. ''I would love to see the look on people's faces if you wore the Heart of the Ocean to dinner.'' He smirked, picturing the look on peoples face of them knowing he owned such a jewel.

Rose said nothing, she continued to brush her hair away from her face. She kept her thoughts to herself. She couldn't bother herself with his arrogance at this moment in time.

''When we reach New York I will purchase a dress for you of the finest blue to set off the stone.'' He placed his hands on the back of her chair.

Rose avoided his gaze. ''Actually-'' She was about to speak when Cal cut her off.

''Why don't you wear the black dress we bought in London this evening.''

She shook her head immediately.

Cal shot her a disapproving look. ''Never mind, we are late for dinner anyway.'' He turned to walk from the room when she found her voice.

''I'm not going.''

Cal turned to see her reflection in the mirror. ''Yes you are.''

Rose spun on her chair. ''No, Cal. I am leaving you.'' She waited with baited breathe for him to explode. His face twisted into a frown. ''I am unhappy, I want a divorce.'' She words fell from her mouth.

He took a moment to process the words, then he came to her and grabbed her by the arms viciously. She gasped, fearing his actions until Trudy entered and he swiftly loosened his grip not risking nobody seeing him and his wife at loggerheads once more.

''I have to attend dinner. I am bound by social responsibility. We are at the Captains table.'' He threw a glance at Trudy. ''Dress her for dinner and send her down immediately.''

He left slamming the door behind him. Rose turned to Trudy for support. Her arms feeling as though hot oil had been splashed onto her from his tight grip. She wanted to cry, the lump rising in her throat but she refused to be deterred.

''I am not going to dinner.'' She told Trudy. ''I have to leave right now.'' She went into panic mode and began to rummage around for a suitcase or a bag to pack some things into.

''Don't worry Rose. I knew that today you would leave.'' Trudy opened the wardrobe door and pulled out a small bag which she hadn't seen before. ''It is my travel pack. I filled it with some of my own dresses as well as yours.''

She hugged Trudy tightly. ''Oh what would I do without you?''

''If you wear mine below decks. You will not be found. Some are hideous but until you reach New York-''

Rose grabbed Trudy's hand. ''Thank you so much for everything. I have something for you.''

She walked to her jewellery box and pulled out a delicate rose gold bracelet and a small purse which was popping open. ''Here is a few hundred dollars. Call it an advance of wages. You will certainly not have a job when you reach land if you help me leave him.''

''Oh no Rose…'' She had never seen so much money.

''You have given up so much for me, put yourself on the line and I cannot allow you to stay here with me any longer. I can only dismiss you and ask you search for me one day as an old friend.'' She unclasped the bracelet. ''Until then, wear this and know just how grateful I was always was for your help.''

Trudy rolled up her sleeve, she had never worn something so pretty or so expensive. She glanced at it on her wrist and knew that she would always wear it. She pulled Rose into a hug. ''Thank you.''

Rose felt the tears come to her eyes. ''Oh Lord, why am I crying?''

''This isn't goodbye.'' Trudy kissed Rose's hair. ''You are going with your love!'' Trudy pulled away, laughing. ''Be happy, be healthy and one day we shall look back with fond memories with our children playing in the yard.''

Rose smiled weakly to the one person who had become her best friend. ''We shall and until that day just take care of yourself.''

Trudy handed Rose the bag. It was a little heavy but only because she wasn't used to carrying her own luggage. A tiny knock sounded on the door and Rose quickly glanced at the clock. It was just after eight. She was to meet Jack at that time. Her heart sunk.

''Trudy, who could it be?''

''Quickly, stay in here. I shall see to this.'' She rolled her sleeve down and hid her bracelet before tucking a curl beneath her maids hat and strolled to the door. She opened it to find Jack. She relaxed immensely.

''Oh, good evening.'' Quickly she ushered him in from the hallway. He followed Trudy into Rose's bedroom.

He said nothing until he reached Rose. He found her sat on the bed, chewing her fingernail nervously.

''Oh Jack, what are you doing here?'' She stood from the bed and came to him.

''I worried, you were a little late. I waited for a half hour. I saw Cal leave for dinner.''

A wave of relief washed over her. At least Cal had gone to dinner and wouldn't return for at least another hour until the Captain had left the table.

''I must go Rose.'' Trudy interrupted them.

Rose bit her bottom lip. She couldn't say goodbye again. ''Bye Trudy.''

Trudy quickly came to Jack and without thinking she planted a kiss on his cheek. ''Take care of her, please.''

Jack pulled her into a quick hug. ''I will don't you worry.'' He glanced to Rose. ''Thank you for all your help. For both me and for Rose.''

She nodded and before she could say anything else she had left the room. Rose could have broken down in tears but knew that she had to stay strong. She had a life to live now.

''That is my bag.'' She pointed to the bag which Trudy had packed.

''Is there anything else?''

Rose placed her hands on her hips and glanced about the room. ''I don't know Jack. I have never packed before. Trudy did it for me.''

''Then we shall trust her.'' Jack came towards her. ''Don't worry.'' He placed his fingers on the top of her neck and stroked it gently to calm her nerves. She felt her breathing become shallow and then she forgot her worries.

''I have one more thing to do.''

Quickly she walked into the sitting room and found a writing set. She pulled out some paper and began to write a note to Cal as Jack glanced around. He couldn't believe the luxury of the rooms. His quarters were peanuts compared and he couldn't help to listen to the niggling feeling at the back of his head. Then he clocked the Water Lilies.

''Wow.'' He dropped the bag and quickly knelt down in front of it. ''Rose, you have a Monet?''

''Oh yes, Cal purchased it for me from Paris.''

Jack touched the bumps of the paint. He shook his head. This was priceless and Rose was leaving it behind-for him. He stood from the floor and straightened his back.

''What are you doing?'' He came up behind her.

''Leaving a note for Cal explaining that he shall not contact me for we have left.'' She paused for a moment. ''I do not believe he will grant me a divorce but at least I will be free of him.'' Her eyes met Jack's across the sitting room. ''I have told him you and I have left together.''

Jack frowned. ''Did you not tell him earlier?''

Rose nodded. ''He was angry. I believe he thinks I will return.'' She folded the paper and walked to the safe. She remembered the code and quickly reached inside. She felt the velvet box which contained the Heart of the Ocean and she slowly pulled it out.

She placed the note in the safe. He watched as she opened the box and the glittering jewel caught his eye.

''This was the necklace which he gave me in Paris.''

Jack took it from her hands. ''Is it a sapphire?''

''No, a very rare diamond.'' Rose felt herself becoming transfixed by the beauty of it. It brought back the memories of that night in Paris. She closed the box quickly and took it from Jack.

''But I shall never see it again. Nor do I want to.''

She placed it back into the safe and closed it with a clunk.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36 – Our Second Chance**

By ten o'clock that evening, Jack and Rose had taken her belongings to Jack's bunk. Sharing a room with three other men and Jack was something which she wasn't so keen on but it was only for a few more days until they reached New York. There had been talk that they would be docking by the evening on Tuesday night which left just two more days on board. This was the beginning for them and they needed to spend the next few days trying to fathom out just how their relationship was going to be, perhaps even talk of their next move. The possibilities were endless and the excitement was bubbling beneath the surface.

Jack closed the door to his room. It had been empty, all of his friends would have been drinking and playing card games someplace. He was glad to not have to face the questions. He turned to Rose. ''Now what?''

He would happily take her to the bar below decks but he wanted to spend some time with her just the two of them for she had finally left Cal and that meant everything to him.

A mischievous grin came across her face. ''We go explore.''

She produced a key from her right hand and Jack took it from her. ''What is this for?''

''Every room we want to go in.'' Rose snatched it back from his hand. ''Mr. Andrews gave it to me. I have to return it by tomorrow which is why we must make use of it tonight whilst people are still at dinner.''

Rose walked beside him. He couldn't think of a better idea. ''We need to celebrate freedom.'' He reached out and they entwined hands as they walked the long corridor back to the deck to reach the first class. It was the first time they had shown such affection in a public place and it felt perfect.

First up was the gymnasium which Rose had toured earlier on that day with the Captain and Mr. Andrews. Rose unlocked the door. It was lit only by light from outside on the deck. They both sneaked in and locked the door behind them.

Rose's heels clacked on the cold smooth floor. ''Care to try the camel?'' Jack whispered in a stuffy voice.

''Why yes.'' Rose giggled snobbishly.

He helped her onto the electric camel as though it was a horse. She sat straddling it with her legs dangling both sides and as Jack switched it on it undulated suddenly, Rose squealed as she fell backwards just as Jack caught her.

She laughed as she found her balance to stand up straight once again and Jack quickly turned it off. He couldn't speak for laughing.

''Perhaps we should not ride the camel, ma'am.'' He kept up their pretence of snobbery until she quickly grabbed his shirt and pulled him to the pillar in between the windows. A shadow walked past the window and she pressed her finger to his lips.

They fell silent right away as heavy clogged feet could be heard walking outside. She giggled almost silently and she fell against his body, sagging with relief.

He kissed her hair. ''Phew.'' He whispered.

''Imagine been caught riding the electric horse so late at night.''

''I am working on my physique.'' Jack put on a very deep voiced genteel accent.

''Shh.'' Rose placed her finger to his lips once again. This time he kissed her finger before quickly removing it and finding her lips in the dark, he kissed her so unexpectedly it took her breath away. He held tightly onto her left hand and grabbed her hip with his right. She extended her arm and pressed it against the cool wall. He pinned her against it with his arm as she pressed her hips to his as they deepened their kiss. Seconds later, he pulled away and loosened his grip on her arm.

''Where to next?'' He whispered. He couldn't allow himself to become too carried away in the gymnasium.

She was too into the moment to even comprehend what he had said until she realised they couldn't stay here for too long. ''The Turkish Baths.'' She led him towards the door which she quietly unlocked. ''I wanted to go there from the day we set sail.''

''The Turkish what?''

The Turkish baths were located on the starboard side of 'F' deck. The suite comprised of a steam room, a hot room, a temperate room, a toilet and a cooling room. Once they had entered the steam room. Rose turned a knob and it squirted steam into the room.

It was a mysterious place of shadows and fog. After just a few seconds, Jack had lost sight of Rose. He looked for her in the mist and she dodged him. He could hear her giggles as he found his way around. She was playing with him, the devilish streak which she only showed once in a while. He came across a concrete pillar and then he saw her shadow. She was dancing. He watched her for just a few seconds. The feeling building up inside his stomach. He loved her so much. He couldn't take it much more, he had to be close to her. He roughly caught her hand and shoved her up against the pillar. He crushed his lips to hers as he pressed her forehead to hers.

He could taste the sweat on her face as he ran both of his hands down the curve of either side of her body. She allowed him to kiss her neck as she ragged his jacket from his arms and it fell to the floor in a puddle.

''I was scared of the fire that I love about you burning out. You can only suppress it for so long. I will never try. You can burn forever with me.''

Their eyes found each others eyes in the darkness. Passion burning for the other. His words were so real to her. She continued to kiss him. Her spark was back, she felt as though she was on fire but more than anything she needed him to make love to her.

A bang startled them and the steam began to fade. Quickly, Jack grabbed Rose's hand as they made a run for it to the door. He had left his jacket behind but he didn't care. They ran out into the corridor right to the end until they found a door which they bolted through. They laughed hard as they caught their breaths in the fan room.

A figure followed the corridor which they had just ran down and quickly Jack grabbed Rose's hand and they entered the roaring ran room. Sweat trickled down their face from both the sauna and the running. There was no way out except for a ladder down. Jack latched a deadbolt on the door. Whoever had chased them slammed up against it.

''Where do we go now?'' Rose shouted as she covered her ears.

''What?'' Jack laughed. He pointed to the ladder. ''After you m'lady?''

Rose shook her head. ''No _you_ first!''

Jack scrammed down the ladder first and found himself in boiler room six. He helped Rose down the ladder and she jumped into his arms. They took a quick glance around. How had they wound up here?

It was like a vision of hell itself, with the roaring furnaces and black figures moving in the smoky glow.

''What are you doing down here?'' A voice dragged Jack back to the reality. A man stood beside him puzzled by the appearance of two passengers.

Quickly Rose grabbed Jack's collar and dragged him as they began to run the length of the boiler room.

''Don't mind us, carry on you are doing a great job. Keep up the good work.'' He shouted about the din. Men stopped their jobs for just a second to catch sight of them running the length of the boiler room. No one thought to question, too stunned by their presence.

Jack pulled her through the fiercely hot alley between two boilers and they wound up in the dark, out of sight of the working crew. Watching from the shadows, they could see the stokers working in the hellish glow, shovelling coal into the insatiable maws of the furnaces. The whole place thundered with the roar of the fires.

Rose turned to Jack. The passion in her eyes for him stirred something deep inside. He needed her. He wanted to kiss her so much but he couldn't not here and now.

He grabbed her hand and they continued running to the end of the boiler room. They came across a heavy door which Jack unlatched. They were in the cargo room.

It was freezing in contrast to the steam room and the boiler room. Immediately, Rose felt the goose bumps on her skin. She hugged herself against the coldness of the room. Jack held her hand, dodging between the rows of stacked mail. It was dark and almost eerie. They came across a brand new Renault touring car.

It looked like a royal coach from a fairy tale, its brass trim and headlamps nicely set off by its deep burgundy colour. Jack let go of Rose's hand to explore. He had never seen such a magnificent vehicle. Rose stopped by the door and royally cleared her throat. Jack laughed, remembering the game they had played in the gymnasium. He held out his hand to allow her into the backseat.

''Thank you.'' She held her head high as she climbed into the lushly upholstered back seat. There were cut crystals bud vases on the walls back there, each containing a rose. She felt the familiar flutter in her stomach for just a few seconds. She pulled down the divider window as Jack jumped into the drivers seat he was enjoying the feeling of the leather and the wood having never sat in the driving seat of a car.

''Where to Miss?'' He continued their game playing the upper class British gentleman.

Rose leant in close to him and whispered seductively in his ears. ''To the stars.''

He turned his head to face her but her hands came out of the shadows and pulled him over the seat into the back. He landed next to her, and his breath seemed loud in the quiet darkness. He looks at her and she is smiling. It is the moment of truth. They felt as though they were the only two people in the world. Jack closed the window divider so they were alone in the back of the car. The coldness wasn't as evident as she found herself moving closer to Jack so that his left arm was around her shoulder.

They said nothing for a few minutes as they entwined their fingers. They enjoyed the silence, each others company and both kept their thoughts to themselves. There wasn't much to say. They belonged to each other now. No going back. No words needed. She kissed his fingertips then he stroked her face, cherishing her.

''Are you nervous?'' His voice was husky, his throat dry. An indication that he was.

''No.'' She whispered back to him. Seconds later she directed his hand to her breast. ''Put your hands on me, Jack.''

He couldn't hold out any longer. He crushed his lips to hers, kneading her breast beneath the material of her dress. They slid down onto the seat with Rose laid beneath him. She managed to open her legs to allow him to lie in-between them.

He trailed kisses down her neck, she shivered and resisted the urge to moan. She sighed aloud, glad to have him back with her. All of the passion which had built up since their meeting was something which had remained at the back of her mind.

She felt her way to his collar before unbuttoning his shirt. Once his shirt was unbuttoned, she ran her hand across his bare chest and stomach. He ripped his arms from his shirt and found his fingers trembling as he unbuttoned the back of her dress. It was very intricate for him but he worked fast. He ached to be close to her. To feel their naked torsos pressed together. He pulled the dress downwards, exposing her breasts and then she arched her hips as he pulled it from her legs and detangled it before throwing it onto the floor. She wore nothing beneath the dress. She was naked before him once again and she was more beautiful than he remembered.

As quickly as he could, he removed his own pants and undergarments. She watched in awe of him, his body and the loving way his eyes never left hers. Within seconds she was back in his arms. She felt him move against her and couldn't wait for him to make love to her. He kissed across her chest, tickling her as he did so, causing goose bumps to appear. He looked at her, completely in awe at her beauty.

Neither of them could wait anymore. They kissed passionately as they made love, feeling things neither of them had ever felt before. It was almost natural to them both. Neither of them had experienced anything close to what they had now. They pleasure they felt was intense, and Rose clung to Jack as though for dear life. She nibbled his neck in places before sucking slightly, causing the areas to darken. He opened his eyes for a moment and came face-to-face with Rose. He saw that her lips were swollen. They curved into a smile before he moved his mouth to kiss her once again. He continued to drive himself into her and she felt a spasm hit her like never before. She clung to him for dear life as she felt her orgasm, one like she had never felt before.

He, too, began to shake. Hearing her moans seem to spur him on more and, seconds later, he felt himself explode and shake like never before. Rose clung to his body, feeling his heat.

Their heart beat quickly in the tender moment. He knew he would never let her go again.

''Nothing this beautiful can be wrong.'' She whispered to him. ''Never let me go.''

She kissed his forehead.

''I never will.''

He relaxed his body back against hers as they savoured the sweet moment. The feeling of been back in his arms so intimately was wonderful. She never though that she would feel this way, so content all of the past was behind her. Their insecurities had been laid to rest or so she hoped. He had opened her eyes to yet more new experiences, heightened her senses so that she fully believed anything was possible. A weight had been lifted from her shoulders. A heavy burden she had learned to carry from such a young age. Obviously she cared for her mother, in a way she must have cared of Cal, enough to marry him or had she simply cracked under her mother's pressure?

But she had finally realised that she needed to put herself first and spread her wings. Jack had not only become her inspiration, he had become her everything. Life without him had become miserable, almost unbearable. Now he had lightened up her life, the same smile which she had fallen in love with still shone as bright as it had before. The silence between them had grown comfortable. They were content to simply be in each others presence, happy for a second chance at happiness.

A voice could be heard from the boiler room. Jack's body stiffened as he carefully listened out as it grew closer. They would have to move.


	37. Chapter 37

**Thirty eight - A Disturbing Chain of Events**

Betrayed could not even cover it. The words on the paper had been written so confidently. Cal had believed that she wouldn't leave. Her threat would have been empty – just like all of the others. His eyes had been kept on the doors at dinner, expecting to have to make up some sodden lie to the Captain for her lateness. She never arrived. She had left with Jack Dawson, the note had explained. Cal sighed. He glanced away from the paper for a moment. His teeth clenching together tightly that the pain in his jaw caused his eyes to squint. He had given her everything, provided for her, even opened the heart he never realised he had. He had fallen in love with her. Despite their doubts, he had believed their marriage to be a happy one. For the most part.

He clutched the note in his hand, he screwed it up without a second thought. He felt nothing but anger. He had been made a fool of, an utter fool. Jack Dawson, the scum Rose had barely spoken to. The man he had taken in and given money, food and a good job.

Lovejoy approached the wardrobe room, sensing some disturbance. ''What has happened?''

Cal turned to him. ''This.'' He lobbed the balled paper to Lovejoy, who caught it with no effort. He unscrewed the paper before reading the words quickly.

''Well, well. The 'German Count' I assume?''

Cal narrowed his eyes. Oblivious to what Lovejoy meant. Rose had not only lied to Cal but she had made him look like a complete fool leading him to believe that the man had been some strange German man she had met up on decks the day before.

''Do you always place the necklace on the top of the safe?'' Lovejoy pointed to the safe.

Cal turned saw that it had been placed at the bottom on a smaller shelf on top of a stack of bills. It had been moved.

''Mr. Hockley, I do believe I have a plan…''

The air was cold but Jack and Rose didn't even shiver as they left the interior through the deck door. Above them the lookouts Fleet and Lee sat in the crows nest. Their laughs pierced the quiet air as they fought for breath as they burst out onto the deck.

''Did you see the look on those guys faces?'' Jack held his stomach, his left hand holding Rose's. The cold air hit his face and he pulled Rose closer to him.

In that moment realisation hit Rose hard. She and Jack were going to create a new life together, they had started their journey together and it would go on. Her face fell serious. She placed her fingers on his lips to shush him.

''When this ship docks, I am yours, fully.''

Jack touched her face with the palm of his hand. She wore no make up. Her hair so perfectly curled down her back. This was the most beautifully alive he had ever seen her.

''In a few days, we will be stood here with the Lady Liberty within reach, that's our freedom Rosie, right there, you and me.''

Jack kissed her, with such fire and passion. This was the beginning of their lives together. He didn't care who saw them they were too lost in the moment. He loved her, with all of his heart he did and he wasn't going to let anything stop them from being together now.

They failed to hear the ships bell ring three times above them. Not knowing their journey was about to be halted.

Their breath clouded around them, the freezing air which neither of them felt due to been so wrapped up in the other. Jack broke their kiss, the deck beneath their feet vibrating. Seconds later, chunks of ice rained down onto the deck.

''Get back!'' Jack pulled Rose away from the rail. They watched in amazement as a massive iceberg crossed their sight. As quickly as it had arrived, it vanished passed. Jack shot to the rail and watched as it disappeared into blackness. It disappeared into the black night and Rose then felt the cold hit her.

''Did we hit?'' Rose shivered, the cold now hitting her.

''I think so.'' He looked over the rail once more. ''Did you feel the shudder.''

''Yes.''

Rose glanced over the rail. The berg was more or less out of sight. First class passengers had begun to gather out on deck. Some still wore their lavish evening gowns, whilst some wore pyjamas with overcoats. Some were worried, some played football with ice on the deck. Jack took Rose's hand and began to lead her back towards the entrance. They needed to get warm.

Cal paced the corridor angrily, he shouted toward a steward. ''You there!''

''Sir, there is no emergency.'' He reassured Cal right away.

Cal was impatient. ''Yes there is.''

''No, sir. I have no information…it was a small shudder…perhaps a propeller blade…''

He tried to convince them until Lovejoy butted in. ''Fetch the Master-at-Arms, there has been a robbery!''

The steward blinked a few times at the gentlemen, not quite processing what he just said. ''Now you moron!''

''Yes, sir.'' He stuttered as he backed away.

Lovejoy and Cal turned to enter the suite. ''Bloody English, I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire!''

Inside the stateroom they found Ruth had awoken. ''Cal what is all this commotion about?'' She wore her emerald green dressing gown, her hair curled down her back.

''Ruth, there are some things you should know.''

Ruth took a seat on the divan couch. ''Oh Cal, whatever has happened.''

Lovejoy left the room sensing he should not be present whilst such conversations were taking place. ''Your daughter has left with Jack Dawson.''

Ruth brought her hand to her mouth. She shook her head in disbelief. ''Wherever could she go? I warned her of such things.''

''You knew?''

Ruth clamped her mother shut. ''She cared for him, I knew that much.''

Ruth stood from the couch. She began to pace the sitting room floor. ''Oh Lord.''

Lovejoy approached with a glass of brandy for her. She didn't usually drink such strong liquor at this hour no less but with the situation, she needed it.

''Also, I have fetched the Master-at-Arms.'' Cal looked to Lovejoy. ''The Heart of the Ocean has disappeared along with Rose and her lover.''

Ruth's mouth curved into an 'o'. ''My daughter would not-''

''Rose wouldn't. _He_ would.''

Below decks, Fabrizio and Tommy were in a crowd of steerage men. They had not left their card games long before and had not been to bed yet. The corridors were clogged, men grabbed their belongings which were soaked. Something was not right.

''We need to wake Jack. Tell him to get the fuck out.'' Tommy shouted above the noise of the immigrants in the corridor. Fabrizio followed Tommy to their room. It was empty. Even the Gunderson's had left.

''Where must he be?'' Fabrizio was worried for his friend. Tommy clocked Rose's belongings which had been slung on the bed. He also found Jack's drawings.

''He is with Rose.'' Tommy pointed to the clothes. ''She must have left her rich bastard of a husband. Those are her things.''

Fabrizio spied the bag. ''He will be all right, no?''

''He's fine, he's great. He will be on drier decks than we are. Come on, let's move.''

On the well deck two gentlemen threw blocks of ice to each other. They watched as others played soccer. ''It's not too serious. I'm going back to my cabin to read.''

Jack overheard them say. He weaved in and out of people as he and Rose headed back inside. They went up the stairs up onto B deck.

A moment later Captain Smith rounded the corner, followed by Andrews and Carpenter Hutchinson. They had come down from the bridge by the outside stairs. The three men, their faces grim, crushed right past Jack and Rose. Andrews took a moment to glance at Rose. They shared a look which neither of them understood.

''Can you shore up?'' Smith asked the Carpenter.

''Not unless the pumps get ahead.''

Jack turned to Rose. ''This is bad.''

Rose watched as the trio disappeared down onto the well deck. She had a bad feeling in her stomach. ''I have to warn my mother.''

''Now its worse.''

Rose turned to Jack. ''I'm sorry, she is my mother. I know Cal will possibly be there but we will face him together.''

Jack nodded, he knew he was been unreasonable. ''I'm sorry.''

Jack followed Rose inside the ship they entered the B deck foyer and followed the corridor. ''Just don't let go of my hand.'' Rose whispered, feeling the nervous bubble inside her.

She hoped that Cal would still be in the smoking room but she knew he had always returned by this time, if not earlier due to the commotion.

Lovejoy was waiting in the hallway. ''We've been waiting for you, Mrs. Hockley.''

She winced at the sound of her name. ''We won't be staying long.'' She told him firmly as she entered the room. She grabbed Jack's hand tighter as they passed Lovejoy. He stood casual, not allowing this moment to affect him in anyway.

Cal stubbed out a cigarette. He saw the pathetic couple stood holding hands like loves young dream. Lovejoy closed the door behind him.

Rose failed to notice the Master at Arms stood with her mother. ''Something serious has happened.'' Rose began. ''Mother, I must speak with you-''

''There are more important matters to discuss first.'' Cal cut her off. ''Two things dear to me have disappeared this evening.''

''Cal, I left you-''

''Now one is them is back.'' Cal glanced from Rose to Jack. ''I think I know where to find the other.''

The Master at Arms stepped closer to Jack. ''Come on Sir, allow me to search you.''

Jack stepped away from Rose. ''What? This is horseshit!''

Rose watched as they searched Jack but she wasn't sure what for. ''Cal, we are in the middle of an emergency. What's going on?''

The Master at Arms continued to search Jack. He came to pants pocket, searching the back pocket. He pulled out the necklace which they were looking for.

''Is this it?''

Jack stared with as much disbelief as Rose. ''I didn't take that.''

''Well what was it doing in your pocket? We all know you only came back here for the money. Not for my wife.''

The Master-at-Arms continued to search Jack.

''I _love_ Rose.'' He watched as she backed away from him. ''Don't believe this Rose. You know I wouldn't do it. You were with me the _entire_ time.''

''He couldn't have.'' Ruth came to Rose and offered her a sip of brandy. She replayed the moment she had gone into the safe in her mind. He had been stood behind her.

''Of course he could. He's a professional. Once you smell that wealth, you would do anything to regain it.''

''Now come on, lets not make a fuss.'' He began to handcuff Jack.

'' **You** put it in my pocket.'' He shouted to Lovejoy.

Rose was hurt, betrayed and most of all confused. She clung to her mother for support whilst taking a sip of the brandy. It burned her throat and did nothing to help the situation. Minutes earlier they had been up on the decks, so happy.

The Master-at-Arms took Jack outside of the room. Lovejoy followed. ''I will accompany you, I worked as railroad security for twelve years. I can handle this.''

''Rose don't listen to them, you know me. I didn't do this.''

Ruth lay a comforting hand on Rose's shoulder. ''Why do women believe men?''

The door was slammed. Rose squeezed her eyes closed. She couldn't believe the events of the evening. ''I came back to tell you we had struck ice, Mother.'' Tears welled in Rose's eyes.

Ruth placed her hands on her face. ''Oh Lord.''

''I know nothing further.'' Rose turned to Cal. ''Are you satisfied now?''

Ruth needed answers. ''I'm going to find out just what is happening. I cannot sleep now.''

She found herself in the corridor wearing her night clothes which was something which she never did.

Cal emerged from the wardrobe room. He was silent as he crossed the floor towards her. She found she didn't care what he said anymore. She leant against a chair. Seconds later, he slapped her straight across the cheek.

''You shameless slut.'' He grabbed her arms. The blow was painless compared to the devastating blow she had received from Jack. ''I should have known all along just how much of a whore you were.''

She remained silent not giving him the satisfaction of an answer.

''I though I was the only man to have been in your bed.''

He let go of her and found his cigarettes in his pocket. Tonight would be a long night. Ruth emerged from the corridor breathless.

''I have been advised we must go up on deck.'' Seconds later a knock sounded on the door and a steward entered straight away.

''Mr. Hockley, I have been asked to advise you to put on your life jackets and dress warmly. You must head up onto the deck.''

Cal walked into his bedroom, his head was about to explode. ''This is ridiculous.'' He called out.

''May I suggest topcoats and hats.'' The steward found the lifejackets. He spied Rose's sagging body and she rubbed her face. ''I'm sure its just a precaution.'' He smiled.

Rose turned to Ruth. They both know it was more than a precaution.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38 - A Glimmer of Hope**

The jumpy piano rhythm of "Alexander's Ragtime Band" sounded from the first class lounge a few yards away. The band played upbeat tunes on the Captain's orders to allay panic. The Hockley's came up the A deck foyer and Cal was carrying the life-jackets, they were an afterthought after the evening he had experienced. Rose felt as though she was sleepwalking. Her mind focused on other things.

''It's just the God damned English doing everything by the book.'' He cursed.

''There is no need for such language Mr. Hockley.''

Trudy handed Ruth and Rose a pair of gloves each. Trudy exchanged looks with Rose, she knew what had happened having witnessed the evenings events from Rose's room.

''Go back and turn the heater on in my room, so it won't be too cold when we return. We would also like a cup of tea. Also, breakfast should be served in our room tomorrow morning, preferably later than usual.'' She turned to Rose. ''God knows what time we will rise tomorrow at this rate.''

Rose was vacant, ignoring her Mother's orders. She saw Thomas Andrews approach, he glanced around the magnificent room. Rose knew from his heartbroken expression that something was doomed.

''Mr Andrews.'' She collared him as he ascended the Grand Staircase.

He glanced around, he seemed to land after his mind had been so far away. ''Oh, Rose.''

''I saw the iceberg, Mr. Andrews. And I see it in your eyes. Please tell me the truth.''

Cal stood behind Rose.

''The ship will sink.''

Rose scanned his face for any sign of falseness. ''For certain?''

''Yes an hour, maybe two…all this... will be at the bottom of the Atlantic.''

Rose held his shoulders for support. She thought her knee would buckle.

''My God.'' Now Cal was stunned.

''Rose, there aren't enough boats, you know that, get yourself and your mother into a lifeboat. Don't wait!''

''Yes.''

At the Master at Arms office, Lovejoy handcuffed Jack to a 4 inch water pipe. A crew man burst into the office and burst out instantly. ''Sir, the Purser needs you right away!''

''Go on, I will keep an eye on him.'' Lovejoy told the Master at Arms. He pulled a pearl handled Colt .45 automatic from under his coat. The Master at Arms nodded and tossed the handcuff key to Lovejoy, then exited with the crewman. Lovejoy flipped the key in the air whilst Jack watched helplessly.

Twenty minutes later, Cal had ushered Ruth and Rose out onto the boat deck. They would be climbing aboard a lifeboat. The majority of the passengers still believed this was a drill and that they would be back on board by the time breakfast was served.

They were standing amidst a crowd of uncertain passengers in all states of dress and undress. One first class woman was barefoot. Others were in stockings. The maitre d of the restaurant was in a top hat and overcoat. Others were in evening dress, while some were in bathrobes and kimonos. Women were wearing lifebelts over velvet gowns, then topping it with sable stoles. Some brought jewels, others books, even small dogs. The craziness which surrounded them was unreal. Lightoller prepared the boat whilst they waited. Rose glanced around them, she felt as though she was dreaming. Her eyes couldn't focus on anything, then she saw Cal in front of her, smirking.

''My brooch, I left my brooch. I must have it!'' Ruth cried as she remembered her mothers piece. She turned to go back to her room but Cal took her by the arm refusing to let her go. She was surprised by his firmness.

''No, Ruth you will stay. We all stay.''

Ruth saw his expression, and knew fear for the first time.

Inside the Master at Arms office, Jack stood chained to the water pipe next to the porthole. Lovejoy sat at the desk, he put a .45 bullet on the desk and watched it roll across and fall off. He picked up the bullet and loaded his gun.

''You know I do believe the ship may sink.''

Jack watched as he crossed the room closer to him. ''I've been asked to give you this small token of our appreciation…'' He punched Jack hard in the stomach knocking the wind from him. ''Compliments of Mr. Caledon Hockley…and _his wife_.''

Lovejoy flipped the handcuff key in the air before catching it and putting it in his pocket. He left leaving Jack alone, gasping in pain.

Rose watched the farewells taking pace right in front of her as they stepped closer to the boat. Husbands saying goodbye to wives and children. Lovers and friends parted. Nearby Molly was getting a reluctant woman to board the boat.

She felt as though she was having an out of body experience; that this wasn't happening. She thought of Jack with tears welling in her eyes. She wore just a cream coat over her thin dress but she didn't feel the cold one bit. Her body had numbed. The last hour had been one mass of information to take in and now she had taken a moment to think she had realised something - she may never see Jack again.

''Come on, you heard the man. Get in the boat, sister.'' Molly ushered a woman aboard.

Cal kept his eyes on Rose, he wanted to know what was going through her head.

''Hundreds of men will be left on the ship to die.'' She broke her stare and faced him.

''There's always room for gentlemen.'' He smirked.

She shook her head in disbelief. ''That's right, always you. But what about the others?''

''Like your friend the thief?''

Intuitively, she knew. He grinned at her as though he had won. Jack was set up. He didn't steal the diamond and she kicked herself for not realising sooner but she felt the hate build up inside for Cal. He was the one who had lied all along.

''He stole you, darling. All you need to know.''

She backed away from him.

''Come on, Ruth, get in the boat. These are the first class seats right up here.''

Molly practically handed Ruth over to Lightoller, then looked around for some other women who might need a push. This needed to be done as fast and calmly as possible.

''Come on, Rose. You're next, darling.''

Rose shook her head.

''Rose, get into the boat.'' Ruth ordered.

''Goodbye Mother.''

Ruth stood in the tipsy lifeboat, she could do nothing. Cal grabbed Rose's arm but she pulled it free and walked away through the crowd. Cal caught up to Rose and grabbed her again, roughly.

''Where are you going? To him? Is that it? To be a whore to that gutter rat?''

''I'd rather be his whore than your wife.'' She ripped herself free of him. ''You would never divorce me so I would have had to have lived my life as his whore. A better life for me than spending the next ten years breeding your brats!''

He clenched his jaw and squeezed her arm viciously, pulling her back toward the lifeboat.

''You are my wife.''

Rose pulled out a hairpin and jabbed him with it. He let go with a curse and she ran into the crowd. She ran through a cluster of the crowd. She looked back to find Cal furiously still chasing her. She ran breathlessly up to two proper looking men.

''That man tried to take advantage of me in the crowd!''

Appalled, they turned to see Cal running toward them. Rose ran on as the two men grabbed Cal, restraining him. She ran through the First Class entrance. Cal broke free and ran after her. He reached the entrance, but ran into a knot of people coming out. He pushed rudely through them to find Lovejoy at the other end.

But Rose was gone.

Cal was breathless.

''Did you see where she went?''

Lovejoy nodded calmly. ''She cannot go far.''

Jack pulled on the pipe with all his strength. It wasn't moving at all. He whipped his head around hearing a gurgling sound. Freezing water poured under the door, spreading rapidly across the floor.

''Shit.'' His heart beat faster, panic setting in. He tried to pull one hand out of the cuffs until his hand was red raw. He felt the pain of the metal against his skin but he didn't care.

''Help can anyone hear me.'' He shouted out into the abandoned corridor, knowing that no one was there. He violently rattled the handcuffs against the bench over and over. ''This is going to be bad.'' The corridor outside was deserted and already flooded a couple of inches deep. Jacks voice was faint in the narrow space.

Rose found Thomas Andrews in the first class corridor. She breathlessly ran into him, grasping his collar.

''Mr. Andrews. I need your help.''

Panic flashed in his eyes.

''Where would they take somebody under arrest?''

''What? No. Rose, get to a lifeboat.''

''No!'' She shouted firmly. ''I need your help sir as without it will take longer.''

He sighed. ''Take the elevator to the very bottom, go left, down the crewman's passage, then make a right.''

''Bottom, left, right. I have it.''

''Hurry, Rose.''

She ran to the last Elevator Operator as he was closing up his lift to leave. ''Sorry, Miss, lifts are closed-''

Without thinking she grabbed him and shoved him back into the lift. ''I'm through with being polite, goddamnit! I may never be polite the rest of my life! Now take me down!''

The operator fumbled to close the gate and start the lift.

Through the wrought iron door of the elevator car Rose could see the decks going past. The lift slowed. Suddenly ice water was swirling around her legs. She screamed in surprise, she had never felt water so cold. The car landed in a foot of freezing water, shocking the hell out of her. She clawed the door open and splashed out, hiking up her floor-length skirt so that she could move. The lift went back up, behind her, as she looked around.

''Left, crew passage.''

She spotted it and slogged down the flooded corridor. The place was understandably deserted. She was on her own. She kept herself focused on the instructions which Mr. Andrews had given her.

''Right, right... Right.''

She turned into a cross-corridor, splashing down the hall. A row of doors on each side. Her heart beat quickly. She called out his name. She turned into a cross corridor and she splashed down the hall. There was a row of doors on each side with no indication of where Jack was. She began to run down the left corridor.

''Jack'', she yelled hoping he could hear her. The lights flickered on and off and she struggled to breath feeling the icy water surround her body. Debris floated in the corridor bashing into her as she struggled to walk.

Inside the Master at Arms office, Jack was hopelessly pulling on the pipe again. He strained until his face was red and he was out of breath. He collapsed back on the bench, realisation hitting him. There was no one down here; no one would know he was here. The ship was already underwater and through the porthole Jack could see lifeboats been rowed away from the ship. He hoped Rose was in a lifeboat and that she was safe. Suddenly, he thought he heard a voice, Rose's voice, it was shouting his name. The lights of the ship flicked on and off. Seconds later, the voice came again, this time clearer. New hope filled him.

''Rose I'm in here.'' He tapped his handcuffed wrists against the bench. ''I'm in here.''

The door opened and Rose came rushing towards him bashing into the debris which was floating in the room. She threw her arms around him.

''Jack, Jack, Jack... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.'' She kissed him, just happy to have found him.

''That guy Lovejoy put it in my pocket.''

''I know, I know.'' Rose pulled him towards her again, he leant against her shoulder for a second, just happy that she was here. She pulled away and glanced at the handcuffs.

''See if you can find a key for these. Look in that cabinet right there. It's a little silver one Rose.'' She clambered past the floating debris and opened the cabinet door.

''These are all brass ones.''

Jack indicated to a small drawer in the desk. ''Check right here Rose.''

Immediately she rummaged through the drawer. Jack watched as she quickly pulled bits of paper from the drawer. He was so glad that she was here. ''Rose, how did you find out I didn't do it?''

Rose looked at him. ''I didn't.'' She paused for a moment as his face fell serious. ''I just realised I already knew.''

A smile came across Jack's face. That was all he needed to know, that she trusted him. ''Keep looking.''

Rose continued to check in the other drawers and cupboards. Jack could see movement out of the porthole. Rose threw the last drawer into the knee high water. ''There's no key.'' She panicked for a moment, breathing hard. The both glanced around at the water, which was two foot deep. Jack had pulled his feet up onto the bench, feeling the icy water bring pins and needles to his body.

''Rose listen, you're going to have to go find some help.'' Jack saw as Rose nodded a worried look on her face. ''It'll be all right.''

Rose nodded, knowing that Jack was depending on her now. She knew she had to find some way to free him. She slogged through the debris to kiss him just once. She splashed her way into the doorway. ''I'll be right back.''

''I'll just wait here.''

Rose splashed down the hallway to a stairwell going up to the next deck. She climbed the stairs; her long skirt was leaving a trail like a giant snail. The weight of it slowed her down. She dragged herself up the stairs to find herself in the steerage hallways. The corridors were narrow and winding, almost like a maze. She was alone there; she knew that but still continued to shout for help down the corridors. A long groan of stressing metal echoed along the hall as the ship continued to settle. She ran down the hall. She turned a corner and ran along another corridor in a daze. The hall sloped down into water which, shimmered, reflecting the light. The margin of the water crept toward her. A young man appeared, running through the water, sending up geysers of spray. He pelted past her without slowing.

''Help please, we need help.'' He didn't look back. She felt like she was in a bad dream. The hull gonged with terrifying sounds. Rose leaned against the wall as the lights flickered out leaving utter darkness. The ship groaned loudly and Rose felt herself begin to hyperventilate. A second later the lights flickered back on. That one moment of blackness was the most terrifying of her life. Rose knew there was no help up here; she had to get back to Jack.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39 – A Means Of Escape**

Jack had climbed up on the bench, and was hugging the water pipe. The water was flooding in rapidly and was now up to his waist. Rose pushed through the door, the water now almost impossible to walk in as she pushed through the heavy fluid. ''Jack.'' She pushed her way through the debris. ''There's no help anywhere.''

Jack nodded his head; he knew he had no chance. He ignored the lurch in his stomach when he knew that she would have to leave him. It was about her now.

''I'll go up on decks and find some help.'' Rose was about to turn when Jack's voice stopped her.

''No Rose.'' If he sent Rose up on deck to get help it would be completely flooded before she got back down and he wasn't willing to risk her life. He nodded his head to himself, realising he would soon be gone and Rose had to get out. ''Rose, you go and get on a boat.''

Rose looked at him, her expression blank. She splashed closer to him. ''I'm not going without you.''

''Go to the boats Rose.''

Rose touched Jack's shoulder. ''No not without you.'' She refused to leave him. If she went now maybe she could get some help.

''You have to Rose. I'll be all right now, you go.'' Jack tried to reassure her but, in his heart, he knew she could see through him.

She touched his face with her right hand. A small tear running down her face. ''I'm not leaving you.''

''Rose, please go.''

Jack knew how stubborn she was. He knew he had no hope. He didn't want to point out the obvious, that he was going to die here. ''Please Rose. There is no hope for me.'' His voice cracked and Rose shook her head.

Tears fell down Rose's face. ''It's my entire fault. If we hadn't gone back to Cal then...'

''No Rose, it's not your fault. I don't want you to die here. Not here like this Rose. You have a chance to go.'' He wished he could touch her face, to comfort her or hold her hand. He needed to, in some way.

''But I can't go without you. I'll go see if there's any help.''

''No one is here Rose. The ship is flooding fast, she's already underwater.'' Rose glanced out of the porthole seeing the lifeboats rowing away from the ship. The water was still pouring in fast, debris floating around in the room.

Jack felt a tear run down his face; he didn't want Rose to see his face. ''Go Rose.'' His voice was low. Rose pushed her body closer to him. Her teeth chattering, she could no longer feel the lower part of her body.

''No Jack. I won't leave without you. I'd rather die here.'' She said to him in almost a whisper.

''Rose…'' Jack squeezed his eyes shut feeling tears fall down his face.

She rested against his body. She refused to go. She couldn't leave him. She opened her eyes and they focused on something sat on a shelf. She lunged forward in the water, knocking debris out of the way. It was a pistol.

''Jack, would this work?'' She reached up onto the high shelf and with her fingertips she pulled it towards her careful not to drop it into the water.

Jack was amazed by her initiative. He felt hope fill him. ''We will find a way for it to.''

She took the gun in her hand. She had never handled one before in her life. She pushed away the debris from her path. Her lower body was frozen.

They were both terrified, but they both knew that they had to keep the panic at bay. For that could be the killer. Jack positioned the chain connecting the two cuffs, stretching it taut across the steel pipe. The chain was very short, and his exposed wrists were on either side of it.

''Should I shoot the chain?''

Jack nodded. She positioned the gun at the point where his wrists were.

''Wait a second, check if its loaded.''

Rose felt her chest rising quickly, adrenaline running through her. ''I don't want to know, Jack. I need to shoot now.''

He moved his head out of the way.

''Rose, I trust you.'' He whispered. It was enough to fill her whole body with confidence. She ignored the panic and raised the gun to the chain. She positioned it a few centimetres away. She could see Jack's hands shaking. She closed her eyes as she squeezed the trigger with her own trembling hands. It seemed to take forever for her to squeeze it all the way and seconds later a loud bang filled the room. She jumped at the noise. She opened her eyes carefully to see Jack rubbing his wrists. She dropped the gun into the water. He climbed down into the water with her and for a second he couldn't breath.

''You did it!'' He hugged her quickly, seeing her bottom lip quiver. ''Come on we have to get out.'' He ignored the water stabbing at every nerve in his body as they made their way to the door.

They waded out into the hall. Rose started toward the stairs going up, but Jack stopped her. There were only about a foot of the stairwell opening visible.

''It's too deep, we must find another way out.'' He pulled her in the opposite direction of where she had come, leading her into the unknown.

On A Deck, Cal and Lovejoy were searching staterooms for any sign of Rose. Lovejoy was sure she wouldn't have gone far, he had a feeling she would be in one of the empty bedrooms, hiding and cowering just long enough to believe they were gone. She wouldn't have found Jack. He would be dead by now. Frozen.

Cal opened the final door of the corridor. ''Hello?'' He called out. There was no response. He searched the room for any sign but there was no one. He sighed, slamming the door shut.

''Nothing!'' He was growing angrier. He crossed the foyer to find Thomas Andrews instructing stewards to wear lifebelts.

''You, sir!'' Lovejoy called to him.

Thomas Andrews stopped for a second, he came towards Lovejoy. ''Would you have seen Mr. Hockley's wife, Rose? She seems to have disappeared whilst waiting for the boats?''

''I'm afraid I haven't.'' He lied. ''I have been occupied up here since we struck and have seen no sign of her.'' He walked straight passed Cal and out onto the deck.

Jack and Rose found their way to E deck. They joined the steerage passengers going aft. In places the corridor was almost completely blocked by large families carrying all their luggage. An Irish woman placed a blanket over Rose's shoulders.

''Here lassie, that coat doesn't look very warm at all.''

''Thank you.'' Rose smiled.

The woman's husband stepped forward. ''Here, take this.'' He handed Jack a heavy woollen coat. ''It may be big but it keeps you warm.''

Jack put his arms in the coat. It was heavy but would shield him against the cold.

''Care for a swag of whiskey?'' He offered Rose.

Rose took the flask and took a massive swig before handing it to Jack, he grinned and took a swig too. Surely it would help against the chill. Jack tried a number of doors and irons gates along the way, finding them all locked.

''Its no use.'' The woman told them. ''We have stood here for too long shouting for them to open the fuckin' gates. They ignore us. The cowards.''

Rose glanced at Jack, worry on her face. He squeezed her hand reassuring her.

''Thank you for the hospitality.'' Rose nodded as they continued their way down the corridor. At the stairwell they found Helga, Tommy and Fabrizio all stood with her family.

''Fabrizio!'' Jack called. He pulled his friend into a hug.

''Can we get out?''

''The boats are all going.'' Fabrizio told him in broken English.

''We have to get up there or we're going to be gargling saltwater. Where's Tommy?''

Fabrizio pointed over the heads of the solidly packed crowd to the stairwell. Tommy had his hands on the bars of a steel gate which blocked the head of the stairwell. The crew opened the gate a foot or so and a few women squeezed through.

''Women only. No men. No men!'' The steward called.

The men were terrified and not understanding English, they tried to rush through the gap, forcing the gate open. The crewmen and stewards pushed them back, shoving and punching at them, anything to resolve these damned riots.

''Get back! Get back you lot!'' The crewman locked the gates.

''For the love of God, man, there are children down here! Let us up, so we can have a chance!'' Tommy called to them but it was no use. He angrily fought his way out of the crowd. He found Jack in the crowd.

''Its fucking hopeless that way.'' He spat.

''We need to move and fast. Come on.'' He grabbed Rose's hand and they went to push through the crowd.

Fabrizio turned to Helga, praying he could make himself understood. He used a lot of hand gestures.

''Everyone... all of you... come with me now. We go to the boats. We go to the boats. Capito? Come now!''

They didn't understand him. Helga's father shook his head urgently. He would not panic, and would not let his family go with this boy. Fabrizio turned to Helga.

''Helga... per favore... please... come with me, I am lucky. Is my destiny to go to America.''

Jack placed his hand on Fabrizio's shoulder. ''We have to move.''

Helga kissed Fabrizio. A tiny peck which spoke so much words. ''Come with me.'' He whispered. She shook her head.

''I will never forget you. I will find you in New York.''

He turned to Jack, who led the way out of the crowd. Looking back Fabrizio saw her face disappear into the crowd taking his heart with her.

In his stateroom Cal opened his safe and reached inside. As Lovejoy watched, he pulled out two stacks of bills, still banded by bank wrappers. Then he took out the "Heart of the Ocean", putting it in the pocket of his overcoat, and locked the safe.

''I make my own luck.'' He held up his stack of bills.

''So do I.'' Lovejoy pointed to the .45 in his waistband. Cal grinned.

''We got to do something fast.'' Jack squeezed Rose's hand tighter. He glanced around at the piles of people in corridors, he felt anger within him but knew he had to save himself and Rose, as well as Tommy and Fabrizio.

''Come on lets try this way.'' He lead them into a crowd, they pushed past confused passengers, past a mother changing her baby's diaper on top of an upturned steamer trunk, past a woman arguing heatedly with a man in Serbo-Croatian, a wailing child next to them, past a man kneeling to console a woman who is just sitting on the floor, sobbing and past another man with an English/Arabic dictionary, trying to figure out what the signs mean, while his wife and children wait patiently. They came upon a narrow stairwell and they went up two decks before they were stopped by a small group pressed up against a steel gate. The steerage men were yelling at a scared steward.

''Go back down the main stairwell like everyone else.'' He told the small group. ''It will all get sorted out back there.''

Finally Jack had enough, he felt the anger rise inside of him. ''God damn it to Hell, son of a bitch!'' He grabbed one end of a bench bolted to the floor on the landing. He started pulling on it, and Tommy, Fabrizio and some other men pitched in until the bolts sheared and it broke free. Rose figured out what they were doing and cleared a path up the stairs between the waiting people. ''Quickly move aside.''

Jack and Tommy ran up the steps with the bench and rammed it into the gate with all their strength. It ripped loose from its track and fell outward, narrowly missing the steward. Led by Jack, the crowd surged though. ''You cant do this.'' The steward yelled watching as they all walked past him, before Tommy lamped him one knocking him to the floor. They found their way up on deck to see the boats were all been lowered. They knew they had to find their way to a boat to get to safety, or they would be going down with the ship.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter forty - Every Man For Himself**

Jack, Rose, Tommy and Fabrizo burst out onto the boat deck from the crew stairs just aft of the third funnel. They looked at the empty davits.

''The boats are gone!'' Rose cried.

She spied Colonel Gracie and ran to him, practically knocking him over. ''Are there any boats on that side?''

He stared at her bedraggled state. ''No, there are still a couple of boats all the way forward. This way, I'll lead you!''

Jack grabbed her hand as they sprinted past him followed closely by Tommy and Fabrizio. They couldn't wait around to be led. They ran passed the band who were incredibly still playing.

''Music to drown by. Now I know I'm in First Class.'' Tommy laughed to Fabrizio.

They pushed through the crowds of people until they found Boat 2 been launched by Lightoller. Rose was back in the same place she had been with her Mother and Cal not so long before but this time being different, she was get on board with Jack.

Lovejoy stood not so far behind them. He had caught sight of her red hair from afar and was now satisfied. He had found her.

Twenty feet below them the sea was pouring into the doors and windows of B deck staterooms. They could hear the roar of water cascading into the ship and taking over.

''Women and children, please. Women and children only. Step back, sir.''

Even with Jack's arms wrapped around her, Rose was shivering in the cold. Near her a woman with two young daughters looked into the eyes of a husband she knew she may not see again.

''Goodbye for a little while... only for a little while.'' He bent down to speak to his daughters. ''Go with Mummy, be my little sailors. Just for tonight.'' Rose heard his voice crack. She grabbed Jack's hand tighter.

Jack turned to Tommy and Fabrizio. ''You better check out the other side. If you find anything, go don't wait for us.''

They nodded searching for a way around the deckhouse.

Rose turned to Jack, she pulled at the lapels on his coat just to be closer to him. ''I'm not going without you.''

Lovejoy found his way back to Cal with a satisfied smile. ''I've found her. She's just over on the port side. With _him._ ''

Lovejoy pointed to his .45. Cal was stunned. ''Oh Goddamnit…'' He struggled with something momentarily. He was torn.

''Come on!''

He and Lovejoy headed for the port side, taking a short-cut through the Bridge just as a distress rocket was been fired.

''Get in the boat, Rose.'' Jack told her firmly. ''You have to go, now.''

''No Jack. I cannot leave you.''

Jack sighed. He had forgotten just how stubborn she could be. Right now, all he cared for was her safety. He couldn't allow her to stay here aboard.

''Yes you can. Get on the boat, Rose.''

''Yes. Get in the boat, Rose.'' Cal ordered as he came to stand beside them. He forced his way in front of Jack, disgusted by the sight of her. ''My God, look at you, you look a fright.'' He ripped the blanket from around her shoulders and took his own overcoat off as though he was the doting husband. She put her arms in it just as Cal was pushed right into her. He stoked her hair, she shuddered at his touch and quickly found Jack's hand, threading her fingers through his.

''Quickly, ladies. Step into the boat. Hurry, please!'' Lightoller shouted.

''Go on, I will be on the next one.'' Jack reassured her.

''No. Not without you!''

She didn't even care that Cal was standing right there. He saw the emotion between Jack and Rose and his jaw clenched. But then he leaned close to her.

''There are boats on the other side that are allowing men in. Jack and I can get off safely. _Both of us_.''

Jack smiled at her reassuringly. Cal was working with him in one way. ''See I got my own boat to catch with Tommy and Fabri.''

''Get in... hurry up, it's almost full.'' Cal led her towards the boat.

Lightoller grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the boat. She reached out for Jack and her fingers brushed his for a moment. Then she found herself stepping down into the boat. It was all a rush and blur. She couldn't stop any of it. She was aboard a lifeboat.

''Lower away!''

Rose panicked as she realised that was she alone. The boat began to descend away from the ship and down towards the water. She found Jack's face in the crowds.

''You're a good liar.''

Jack glanced to Cal. ''Almost as good as you.''

''I always win, Jack. One way or another.''

Jack nodded. He knew this was it. He may have lost this battle but at least Rose was safe. He looked down at her, not wanting to waste his last view of her. He couldn't allow her to be unsafe in anyway. He would join Tommy and Fabrizio and together they would find a way off the ship together.

The ropes were going through the pulleys as the seamen started to lower. Lightoller shouted giving out orders but all of Rose's senses disappeared and all she could hear was her blood pounding in her ears. This cannot be happening, a rocket burst above in slow-motion, outlining Jack in a halo of light and Rose's hair blew in the wind as she gazed up at him, descending away from him. She saw his hand trembling, the tears at the corners of his eyes, and could not believe the unbearable pain she was feeling, she could make out his lips moving mouthing the words 'I love you.' Jack knew he was alone now, he would have to find a way to save himself now, to see Rose again.

Cal sensed the emotion between them, something which he and Rose never had. He didn't allow himself to show any emotion, he just watched her cry for the man beside him.

Suddenly Rose was moving, she lunged across the woman in front of her attempting to hurl herself at the A Deck promenade but she was pulled back by Quartermaster Hitchens.

''Rose No!'' Jack cried, watching as she attempted to scramble back onto the ship but it was too late, the boat was lowered into the water and was a few metres away from the ship. He could hear her screams and cries as she was forced to sit back down, her heart breaking, but Jack knew it was for the best. Taking one last view of her, he tore his eyes away then he heard Cal's voice.

''No! Stop her! Stop her!''

She had lunged again and this time she had made it. Jack span from the rail looking for the nearest way down to A-Deck.

Cal saw her jump. She was willing to die for this man, this gutter scum. He was overwhelmed by a rage so all consuming it eclipsed all thought.

Jack banged through the doors to the foyer and sprinted down the stairs. His heart was shattered into a thousand pieces. She had jumped from the lifeboat to be with him.

He saw her coming into the A-deck foyer, running toward him, Cal's long coat flying out behind her as she ran. They met at the stairs and collided in an emotional embrace.

''Rose, Rose, you're so stupid, you're such an idiot-'' He kissed her face and her hair as he spoke. She had risked her life to see him. He held her as tight as he could believing that they would have not seen each other again. He couldn't even speak or finish his sentence. He just had to hold her, to smell her as though he hadn't seen her for years.

''I couldn't go Jack.'' She wept. ''I have to be with you.''

Jack said nothing. He kissed her face and held her as tight as he could. He could burst with emotion and fear but he had to stay strong. For Rose.

Cal ran into the foyer and up to the railing. Looking down he saw Jack and Rose locked in their embrace. Lovejoy came up behind Cal and put a restraining hand on him, but Cal whipped around, grabbing the pistol from Lovejoy's waistband in one cobra-fast move. He ran along the rail and down the stairs. As he reached the landing above them he raised the gun. Screaming in rage, he fired. The carved cherub at the foot of the centre railing exploded. Jack spied him out of the corner of his eye and with a lurching stomach, he pulled Rose toward the stairs going down to the next deck. Cal fired again, running down the steps toward them. A bullet blew a divot out of the oak panelling behind Jack's head as he pulled Rose down the next flight of stairs.

Cal stepped on the skittering head of the cherub statue and went sprawling, delaying the next fire. The gun clattered across the marble floor. He got up, and reeling drunkenly he went over to retrieve it.

Jack led Rose into the D-Deck reception room. Rose ran as fast as she could, keeping up with Jack feeling the pain from the heels on her feet.

The bottom of the grand staircase was flooded several feet deep. Jack and Rose came down the stairs two at a time and ran straight into the water. Rose screamed as it slowed her down. They went fording across the room to where the floor sloped up, until they reached dry footing at the entrance to the dining saloon.

Cal shot as he reeled down the stairs in time to see Jack and Rose splashing through the water toward the dining saloon. He fired twice. Big gouts of water sprayed near them, he was not a great shot.

The water boiled up around his feet and he retreated up the stairs a couple of steps. Around him the woodwork groaned and creaked.

''Enjoy your time together!'' He called after them. They would be dead anyway if they ran down into the ship. Cal climbed the stairs. Ashamed of his jealous outburst and angry that he had lost.

Lovejoy arrived next to him. Cal suddenly remembered something and shook his head as he laughed.

''What could possibly be funny?'' He yanked the gun from Cal's hand.

''I put the diamond in my coat pocket. And I put my coat... on my wife.''

He turned his attention to Lovejoy, his smile fading. ''I will give you the damn necklace if you can get it off her.''

Lovejoy thought about it for a second and then slogged into the water. Cal smirked as he climbed the stairs leaving Lovejoy alone. He knew his man wouldn't say no to such a thing, he knew the worth of the necklace. The ice water came up to his waist as he crossed the pool into the dining saloon. Lovejoy moved among the tables and ornate columns, searching...listening... his eyes rapidly moving about the room. It was a sea of tables, and they could be anywhere. A silver serving trolley rolled downhill, bumping into tables and pillars. He pointed his gun to it instinctively.

Jack glanced behind himself and Rose. The water was following them into the room, advancing in a hundred foot wide tide. The reception room was now a lake, and the grand staircase was submerged past the first landing. Monstrous groans echo through the ship. Rose's stomach sank. They saw the water advancing toward them, swirling over the floor. They crawled ahead of it to the next row of tables.

''Stay here.'' Jack whispered to her.

Lovejoy glanced over each and every table in the room, slowly and quietly like a cat waiting for prey.

''I know you are in here. There is no use in prolonging this.''

He found another row of tables. The ship groaned and creaked. Rose tried to keep herself tucked in behind the chair as much as possible. Her teeth chattered, her hands shook and she felt nothing from the ice water.

Then she heard a crash. Jack had tackled Lovejoy from the side. They slammed together into a table, crashing over it, and toppling to the floor. They landed in the water which was flowing rapidly between the tables. Rose screamed.

Jack and Lovejoy grappled in the icy water. Jack jammed his knee down on Lovejoy's hand, breaking his grip on the pistol, and kicked it away. Rose went to pick it up to stop Lovejoy from finding it again. Lovejoy scrambled up and lunged at him, but Jack gut punched him doubling him over.

''Compliments of the Chippewa Falls Dawson's.''

He grabbed Lovejoy and slammed him into an ornate column. Lovejoy dropped to the floor with a splash, stunned.

''Lets go.''

Rose dropped the gun to the ground. Jack and Rose ran back the way they had came. Behind them the tables became islands in a lake and the far end of the room was flooded up to the ceiling.

On the starboard side of the boat deck, Murdoch, at Collapsible A, was no longer in control. The crowd were threatening to rush the boat. They pushed and jostled, yelling and shouting at the officers. The pressure from behind pushed them forward, and one guy fell off the edge of the deck into the water less than ten feet below. He had once been in control and then he realised that none of this was in anyone's hands. It was over.

''Give us a chance to live, you limey bastards!''

Murdoch fired his Webley twice in the air, then point it at the crowd.

'If anyone tries to get past me I'll shoot them.'' A man next to Tommy rushed forward, and Tommy was shoved from behind. Murdoch shot the first man, and seeing Tommy coming forward, he put a bullet into his chest. Tommy collapsed, and Fabrizio grabbed him, holding him in his arms as his life flowed out over the deck. He felt the blood seep into his pants as he hugged his lifeless body.

''You bastard. You fuckin' bastard.'' He cried out, his body numb from the pain. Blood spewed from his mouth onto Fabrizio's hands. He panicked in that second. He was now alone.

He quickly untied the lifebelt from Tommy and put it on himself. He couldn't leave Tommy there on the deck but he had no choice. It was every man for himself now.


	41. Chapter 41

**41 - There Are No Goodbyes**

As Jack and Rose ran through the first class lounge, Thomas Andrews stood in front of the fireplace, staring at the large painting above the mantle. His mind too consumed with thoughts as a tear slid down his cheek. He adjusted the timepiece on the mantel to correct it with his own. The room was empty except for him. An ashtray fell off the table as the ship tilted more and more. He didn't flinch. The ships groans deafened him.

Behind him Jack and Rose ran into the room, out of breath. They ran through, toward the aft revolving door. Rose recognised him. She saw that his lifebelt was off, lying on a table. She held herself back from Jack.

''Wait!'' She sprang herself from his grip. She took a few hesitant steps to Mr. Andrews. The man who just an hour before had been helping others to safety now he couldn't even manage to move from the spot he was stood in.

''Won't you even make a try for it, Mr. Andrews?''

He turned to her with a tear rolling down his cheek. ''I'm sorry that I didn't build you a stronger ship, young Rose.''

Jack gripped her hand. ''Its going fast we have to move.''

Andrews picked up his lifebelt and handed it to her. ''Good luck to you, Rose.''

She pulled him into an embrace. ''And to you.''

He nodded as he pulled away. He called after Jack. ''Take care of you both son.''

Jack nodded from one man to another as he pulled her away and through the revolving doors. That was the last anyone ever saw of Thomas Andrews.

They kept moving until they ran out of the Palm Court into a dense crowd. Jack pushed his way to the rail and looked at the state of the ship. The bridge was under water and there was chaos on deck. Jack found a lifejacket and pulled it on himself. People streamed around them, shouting and pushing. He knew they had to stay on the ship for as long as they could, and he pushed his way through the panicking crowd heading aft.

''Okay... we keep moving aft. We have to stay on the ship as long as possible.''

He clambered over the A deck aft rail and Rose followed. Then, using all his strength, he lowered her toward the deck below, holding on with one hand. She dangled, then fell. Jack jumped down behind her.

They joined a crush of people literally clawing and scrambling over each other to get down the narrow stairs to the well deck which was the only way aft. Seeing that the stairs were impossible, Jack climbed over the B-Deck railing. Near him, at the rail, people were jumping into the water. The ship groaned and shuddered. The man ahead of Jack was walking like a zombie. He pushed Rose in front of him so that he took the impact from the pushing.

''Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death-''

''You want to walk a little faster through that valley, fella?'' Jack pushed him up the stairs.

Hundreds of people were already on the poop deck, and more were pouring up every second. Jack struggled on the tilting deck. As the bow went down, the stern rose. People were jumping from the well deck, the poop deck, the gangway doors. Some hit debris in the water and were hurt or killed. Jack and Rose struggled aft as the angle increased. Hundreds of passengers, clung to every fixed object on deck, huddled on their knees around Father Byles who had his voice raised in prayer. They were praying, sobbing, or just staring at nothing, their minds blank with dread. Pulling himself from handhold to handhold, Jack pushed through the praying people holding Rose's hand strongly as she followed. A man lost his footing ahead and slid toward him and Jack helped him up. The propellers were twenty feet above the water and rising faster. Jack made it to the stern rail, right at the base of the flagpole. Rose gripped his body tightly. Above the wailing and sobbing, Father Byles voice carried, cracking with emotion.

''And I saw new heavens and a new earth. The former heavens and the former earth had passed away and the sea was no longer.'' The light flickered, threatening to go out. The stern rose into the sky, a night ablaze with stars. ''I also saw a new Jerusalem, the holy city coming down out of heaven from God, beautiful as a bride prepared to meet her husband. I heard a loud voice from the throne ring out this is God's dwelling among men. He shall dwell with them and they shall be his people and He shall be their God who is always with them.''

Rose stared about herself at the faces of the doomed. Near her was the Dahl family clinging together stoically. Helga looked at her briefly, and her eyes were infinitely sad. There was also a young mother next to her, clutching her five year old son, who was crying in terror. ''Don't worry darling, it'll be over soon. It'll all be over soon.''

Ruth sat silently seeing the ship it was worse than Hell itself. The lights went out all over the ship. Titanic became a vast black silhouette against the stars. The stern half of the ship, which was almost four hundred feet long, fell back toward the water. On the poop deck everyone screamed as they felt themselves plummeting. Swimming in the water directly under the stern a few unfortunates shrieked as they saw the keel coming down on them like God's boot heel. The massive stern section fell back almost level, thundering down into the sea and pushing out a mighty wave of displaced water. Jack struggled to hold onto the rail but he never let go thinking of Rose the entire time, he felt the ship almost right itself, some of them praying it was a salvation. He told Rose to not let go, to keep hold as tight as she could. She trusted his words.

''We're saved.'' Some people screamed but Jack knew they wasn't. The buoyant stern tilted up rapidly. They felt the same rush of ascent as the fantail angled up again. Everyone was clinging to benches, railings, ventilators...anything to keep from sliding as the stern lifted. People started to fall, sliding and tumbling. They skidded down the deck, screaming and flailing to grab onto something. There was a pile-up of bodies at the forward rail. Jack climbed over the stern rail, he scrambled over just as the railing was going horizontal and the deck was vertical. He held Rose to scramble over.

''Come on Rose, I've got you. I won't let go.'' He repeated over and over. Once she was over the rail he scrambled over her to ensure her safety.

''It'll be over soon.'' He whispered to her. ''We will be safe, I swear.''

The stern was straight up in the air, a rumbling black monolith standing against the stars. It hung there like that for a long grace note, its buoyancy stable. Jack and Rose laid on the rail, looking down fifteen stories to the boiling sea at the base of the stern section. People near them, who didn't climb over, hung from the railing, their legs dangling over the long drop. They fell one by one, plummeting down the vertical face of the poop deck. Some of them bounced horribly off deck benches and ventilators. Jack and Rose laid on what was the vertical face of the hull, gripping the railing, which was horizontal. Just beneath their feet were the gold letters Titanic emblazoned across the stern. Jack stared down terrified at the black ocean waiting below to claim them. Rose looked to the left and saw Baker Joughin, crouching on the hull, holding onto the railing.

''Hell of a night.'' He nodded. Rose held her breath.

The final relentless plunge began as the stern section flooded. Looking down a hundred feet to the water, they felt the drop was like an elevator ride. This was it now, in a few seconds they would be in the water with all of these other people. As the water neared, Jack quickly muttered.

''The ship will suck us down. Take a deep breath when I say. Kick for the surface and keep kicking. Do not let go of my hand.''

Rose nodded.

''We're going to make it Rose. Trust me?''

''I trust you.''

She gripped his hand tightly. Preparing for the unknown. They took a long deep breathe before the water engulfed them.

From the boat, Ruth watched in horror as the Titanic finally disappeared from sight beneath the North Atlantic ocean. The screams of the thousands of people in the sea was like hell.

'We can't go back, they'd swamp the boat.'' Hitchen's told a woman who had suggested going back to pick up more people.

Jack and Rose kicked hard for the surface. Jack kicked harder, pulling Rose upward. Over a thousand people were floating where the ship had gone down. Some were stunned, gasping for breath. Others are crying, praying, moaning, shouting... screaming.

When they reached the top, they gasped for air. Around him was a roiling chaos of screaming, thrashing people. They barely had time to gasp for air before people were clawing at them. People driven insane by the water, 4 degrees below freezing, a cold so intense it was indistinguishable from death by fire. All about him there was a tremendous wailing, screaming and moaning... a chorus of tormented souls. And beyond that nothing but black water stretching to the horizon.

The sense of isolation and hopelessness was overwhelming. Jack swam rhythmically, the effort keeping him from freezing. He encouraged Rose.

''Swim, Rose. I need you to swim.''

''I'm so cold.'' Her teeth chattered.

He was looking for something, anything to keep them out of the water. Floating debris caught his attention and he swam towards it. It was a piece of wooden debris, intricately carved.

''Here Rose. Keep swimming.'' He led her to the debris.

He pushed her up onto it with her belly down but when Jack tried to get up onto the thing, it tilted and submerged, almost tipping Rose off. It was clearly only big enough to support her. He clung to it, close to her, keeping his upper body out of the water as best he could. Their breath floated around them in a cloud as they panted from exertion.

Jack saw the ship's officer nearby, Chief Officer Wilde, he was blowing his whistle furiously, knowing the sound would carry over the water for miles.

''Return the boats.'' He cried. Jack knew the sound would carry over the water for miles.

''The boats will come back for us Rose.'' Jack smiled as he rubbed her arms.

She knew they wouldn't. There was no salvation. She had started to make peace with death.

In boat 2, Ruth had covered her ears against the wailing in the darkness. The first class women in the boat sat, stunned, listening to the sounds of hundreds screaming. Twenty boats, most half full, floated in the darkness.

On Collapsible A, the boat was overloaded and half-flooded. Men clung to the sides in the water. Others, swimming, were drawn to it as their only hope. Cal stood in the boat, slapping his oar in the water as a warning.

''Stay back! Keep off!''

Fabrizio clung to the side exhausted and near the limit, Cal clubbed him with the oar, cutting open his scalp.

''You don't... understand... I have... to get... to America.''

''Its that way.'' Cal pointed with the oar.

Fabrizio began to loosen his grip on the boat. His eyesight failed him, he squinted as best as he could. ''I know your wife.'' He shouted to Cal.

Cal felt as though he had been shot. ''Pardon me?''

Fabrizio felt as though his spirit was leaving him. ''La Rosa. I know her.''

Cal watched the scum cling to the boat. He felt pity and then something strange happened. He bent down and grabbed Fabrizio and rolled him into the boat with one swift move.

''Don't ask for anything more, boy. I just spared your life.''

Fabrizio laid still, exhausted. Then it faded to black.

None of them would make a move to return, they just hoped guiltily, the noise would die down soon - _and it did._

''It's getting quiet.'' Rose felt her teeth chatter beyond her own control, her body so rigid she was sure she could never move.

''Just a few more minutes. It'll take them a while to get the boats organised…'' Jack stuttered, she knew he was struggling.

Rose shivered uncontrollably. ''I know they won't come back for us Jack.''

Rose was unmoving, just staring into space, around them. There won't be any boats. Behind Jack she saw that Officer Wilde had stopped moving. He was slumped in his lifejacket, looking almost asleep. He had died of exposure already.

''I don't know about you, but I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all this.''

She laughed weakly, but it sounded like a gasp of fear. Rose found his eyes in the dim light.

Jack took a breath, it was painful. ''I have cherished the time we have spent together, Rose.''

Rose felt the tears come to her eyes. He was giving up. ''We met for a reason Jack.''

He struggled to breathe. ''You must go on without me.''

''I can't.'' Her voice cracked.

''Yes you can.'' He struggled to move his arms out of the water. ''You are a strong woman with a fire burning so brightly even now.'' He kissed her hand. ''Winning that ticket gave me a second chance with you.''

''Don't say goodbye.'' She whimpered.

''I love you so much.'' He found the strength to kiss her cheek. ''But I will never say goodbye.''

She rested her head against his hand. She prayed for a way out of this. ''I love you Jack.''

''I won't say goodbye.'' He repeated ever so gently that she could barely hear his whisper in the silence. She prayed. For anything.


	42. Chapter 42

**42 - The Aftermath**

The cold still wrapped around Rose the ice biting her. Darkness surrounded her as she realised she was alone in the world. Her hand was still welded tightly to Jack's. She was still staring up at the stars in the trance she was in. No more tears came to her eyes. The boat's flashlight still highlighted the area of the water where she was.

Another shooting star flew brightly into the night sky. Smiling slightly, Rose tightened her grip around Jack's hand. She could no longer shiver in the cold. She was used to it. The long white dress had somehow tightly tangled itself around her legs. The star finally disappeared into the distance. That was the longest one she'd ever seen. Rose knew why.

She couldn't even remember her life without him.

Struggling onto her side, Rose laid her head onto the panel of wood keeping her afloat. She closed her eyes, trying to block out all of the pain she was feeling. An almost silent sob escaped her mouth.

She knew he was gone.

In death, he still gripped her hand tightly. Turning onto her side, she looked at the person beside her, his body falling into the water. He had died for her.

Gently touching his face, Rose smiled weakly through the tears. His skin was soft but cold. His once lively face was pale and ghostly-looking. He was the same Jack, the same Jack she loved, the same Jack she'd kissed and fell in love with. She gripped his hand tightly before attempting to let go. They were frozen together, she pulled his hand away from hers with all the strength she had left in her body but she just couldn't do it.

Tears spilled from her eyes as she laid her head back down. With her free hand, she shakily pulled the Heart of the Ocean from her pocket. She glanced at the sapphire coloured stone in the darkness of the ocean. Without Jack there was no life to live. She gripped the stone so tightly into her palm the facets dug into her icy skin drawing blood straight away. She felt no pain, the only pain she had was in her heart.

''Jack.'' She sobbed. ''Don't leave me.'' She squeezed her eyes closed. She remembered just hours earlier they had planned their life together. ''Oh God no, don't take him from me.'' She screamed into nothing. She let go on the diamond, allowing it to fall into the ocean freely.

The sudden pain which overcome her body was one she'd never felt before. Tears spilled rapidly from her eyes. Her breathing quickened as she tried to catch her breath.

"Jack!" she called faintly. "Jack!" She burst into yet another heart-wrenching sob.

Turning onto her side, she looked at the person beside her, his body falling into the water.

Gently touching his face, Rose smiled weakly through the tears. His skin was soft but cold. His once lively face was pale and ghostly-looking. He was the same Jack, the same Jack she loved.

Lying on her back yet again, Rose watched the sky. Jack's face appeared. He smiled down at her, murmuring something gently. She couldn't hear what he was saying. His lips only moved.

All the memories of herself and Jack came flooding back. So little time together, but so many precious memories to be treasured forever.

A flashlight from a lifeboat slowly highlighted the area where she laid. Struggling onto her side, Rose laid her head onto the panel of wood keeping her afloat. She closed her eyes, trying to block out all of the pain she was feeling. An almost silent sob escaped her mouth.

Slowing opening her eyes, Rose could hear a voice in the back of her head.

 _"Don't do it. Don't let go,"_ it whispered at her repeatedly, making Rose's heart ache even more. Her body was weak and cold. The numbness had worked its way up her body until she couldn't feel anything but the heart-wrenching, terrible pain she felt.

 _"Don't do it. Don't let go,"_ the voice continued. But Rose knew that anytime now…she knew what was going to happen. She wanted it to happen, even though Jack didn't.

Burying her head in her heavy black coat, Rose closed her eyes, blocking out everything. Every now and again, a sob could be heard from her, but that soon died down.

"Is there anyone alive out there? Can anyone hear me?"

Officer Lowe continued to shout, and listened as his voice trailed off into the cruel black night.

"Is anyone alive out there?" he shouted once more.

''Call for them, Rose.'' His voice was so weak it was barely audible but to her it was as strong as a scream. ''Call for them.''

Then her eyes snapped open. She had suddenly found the strength from somewhere to survive. Jack was alive.

''Come back.'' She shouted but her voice was weak. ''Come back.''

She raised her head suddenly, cracking the ice as she ripped her hair off the wood. The boat was invisible now, the torch light a star impossibly far away. She struggled to draw breath and to even move. Her hand, she realized, was actually frozen to Jack's. She breathed on it, melting the ice a little, and then gently unclasped their hands, breaking away a thin tinkling film. His eyes were dull, the life draining away. Had he died and come back to her?

She kissed his hand. ''I love you Jack Dawson. Hold on tight.''

She rolled off the floating debris and plunged into the icy water. She swam to Chief Officer Wilde's body and grabbed his whistle. She started to blow the whistle with all the strength in her body. Its sound slapped across the still water. She kept Jack in sight. His fading eyes, his body covered in ice and he managed to smile. He was like a ghost.

''Row back! That way! Pull!'' Lowe turned the tiller.

Rose kept blowing as the boat came to her. She was still blowing when Lowe took the whistle from her mouth as they hauled her into the boat. She slipped into unconsciousness and they scrambled to cover her with blankets...

A ships hull loomed the words Carpathia emblazed across the front. Rose watched, rocked by the sea, her expression blank. Seamen helped survivors up the rope ladder to the Carpathia's gangway doors, Rose was helped up the rope ladder and as she reached the top, she collapsed absentmindedly, almost in a dreamlike state. Seamen handed her some hot tea and layered blankets on her, but she did nothing. She was led into the first class dining saloon where she was sat on a finely upholstered chair and draped in blankets. Rose glanced around her, survivors just like her, some crying, some sat expressionless but all feeling the loss. A steward approached her, shoving more hot tea in front of her. Rose did not make eye contact with him but spoke quietly.

The steward bent down so he could hear her speak, this time she glanced towards him, her eyes red and motionless. ''Sorry Miss, what did you say?''

''Jack?''

The steward stood upright, feeling tears prick in his eyes. Many women had asked him this question but he just replied the same. ''I'm sorry miss, I don't know. There isn't a full list of survivors yet. Perhaps he could be on another ship.''

With that, Rose's eyes diverted away from him, to a woman laid in the corner of the room clutching her screaming child, she too was crying. She felt no emotion - none. She just wanted Jack, to see his face and for her to hold her through their pain. She knew he had come back to her. A tear slid down her face, and she glanced at the steaming tea in front of her. She still felt cold even though she was layered in blankets, the cold she felt last night would stay with her for the rest of her life. Moving her hand slightly, she reached out shakily for her tea seeing her wedding ring glitter, she felt an unbearable pain overcome her. Taking the tea in her shaking hands, she sipped a little of it, ignoring the nauseating feeling. Outside on deck, Titanic survivors were still been brought onto the ship. They were handed blankets and warm tea, coffee or hot chocolate. Rose walked outside onto the deck, seeing other passengers around her, she felt the same pain as they did.

''Perhaps he is on another ship.'' A woman cried to an officer, who shook his head.

''I'm so sorry ma'am. We are doing all we can.''

Glancing around, some children played, some cried for their family, women sat alone awaiting news of their husband or sons, whilst others sat with their family clutching them for dear life. Rose approached the officer slowly. 'Excuse me, is there a Ruth Dewitt Bukater on the list?''

The officer checked. He found the name circling it. ''Yes.''

'How about Mr Thomas Ryan?'

The officer shook his head.

'Are you sure? How about Trudy Bolt?''

The officer checked the list again. ''No Miss.''

With that he walked away. They were all gone except her. Within minutes she was on the floor in a collapsed state, her tea spilled everywhere. She awoke six hours later in a strange room, in a bed.

''Jack…'' She called holding out her hand but he wasn't there. A doctor came into the room, and smiled to her. His face was kind. She noticed that much.

''Good to see you awake. I'm Doctor Connelly.'' Rose glared at him blankly.

''Where am I?'' She glanced around the room, it was a stateroom of some sort. She was beyond tired, confused and still cold...

''Mr Beavers has kindly given up his room for you to rest until we reach New York. He is a second class passenger who found it was best to occupy another room for your comfort. I understand you have had a very upsetting day as I know from your collapse earlier.''

Rose felt her head bang heavily. ''But Miss please eat, I urge you. Keep up your strength. For the child you carry at least.'' He marked something down on paper.

''Excuse me?''

Rose tried to sit upright.

''Your child, Miss.'' The doctor repeated. ''You do know that you are with child?''

Doctor Connelly handed Rose some rice pudding on a tray. Sitting upright in the bed, she glanced at it not feeling hungry in the slightest. She noticed her hands still shook as she spooned the rice pudding. She expected to wake up and be laid in Jack's arms in his tiny bunk aboard the Titanic.

''No. I…'' She tried to speak but no words could come out. ''I…'' She placed her hands over her face and wept. ''Oh Jack…''

''Miss?''

''Thank you.'' She smiled to the doctor. Anything for him to leave. She needed him to leave.

''I will come back to check on you in the hour, I have to get back to the infirmary. Mr Beavers may also check in on you.'' Rose watched as the doctor left the room, she shakily ate two mouthfuls of the pudding before bursting into tears.

She was carrying Jack's child, it had to be for Cal always took precautions against such things. She held her stomach and for the first time she noticed just how swollen it felt. She couldn't have been no more than three months. She was alone yet again. She knew Jack was out there somewhere, he had lived. She just knew it. He had to have. She fell into a deep sleep and didn't awake until the next day.

The next day Rose sat on the deck of the Carpathia drinking hot tea. Cal was searching the faces of the widows lining the deck, looking for Rose. The deck of Carpathia was crammed with huddled people, and even the recovered lifeboats of Titanic. On a hatch cover sat an enormous pile of lifebelts.

He kept walking toward the stern. Seeing Cal's tuxedo, a steward approached him.

''You won't find any of your people back here, sir. It's all steerage.''

Cal ignored him and went amongst the wrecked group, looking under shawls and blankets at one bleak face after another.

Rose was sipping hot tea. Her eyes focused on him as he approached her. He barely recognised her. She looked like a refugee, her matted hair and hanging in her eyes.

He hesitated for a moment. She felt like running away but she had no strength left within her to. ''Your mother and I were looking for you.'' He told her, quietly.

She held her hand up stopping him from speaking. ''Please don't. Don't talk. Just listen. We will make a deal, since that is something you understand. From this moment you do not exist for me, nor I for you. You shall not see me again. And you will not attempt to find me. You will grant me the divorce I so desire and in return I will keep my silence. Your actions last night need never come to light, and you will get to keep the honour you have carefully purchased.''

She fixed him with a cold glare. One which he had never felt stab at him so much before.

''I did love you Rose, even after everything.''

''Yes well. Everything has changed now.''

''Yes it has.''

Rose nodded. She had nothing further to say to the man, before her. He wasn't her husband but a stranger.

''What shall I tell your mother?''

Rose hesitated for a moment. ''Tell her that I am alive and well.'' She took another sip from her tea.

Cal didn't understand her. ''You will have nothing.'' His voice was almost threatening.

Rose smirked. ''No, I have the only thing which is worth something.'' The one thing which would keep her going.

She stood, turning to the rail. She dismissed him. Cal was stricken with emotion but this was one fight he would never win. He turned and left her. Forever.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43 - A Darkened Corner**

It was the next evening before Rose had gathered any strength at all to leave the room which had kindly been donated for her to stay in until they reached New York. Her mind was too consumed with everything and nothing. The bed which she had laid in day after day felt empty, lonely and cold. Everything was cold without Jack. When people talk of the aching, she knew just how they felt. When her Father had died, she had wept and felt a tinge of loneliness but that was nothing compared to what she felt now and yet there was the niggle at the back of her head, telling her not to give up looking for Jack. Never stop.

Rose had left Cal out on deck and had expected a visit from her Mother, but she hadn't come and for that Rose was grateful. The last few days had been enough for her alone without having to deal with her Mother, but she realised that after everything. She was alone. At least for now. Every now and again, her hand would travel to her stomach and suddenly the events of the past weeks made sense; of course, she had felt ill. Very ill in fact. Especially after leaving Paris. She had been carrying Jack's child this entire time and yet she had never thought that such a thing would be possible. Yet it was.

It was just after midnight before Rose was wondering aimlessly around a strange ship, her eyes watching every face, every centimetre of the ship, anything which could belong to Jack.

''Can I help you, love?'' A steward whispered approaching from the opposite direction. His face was friendly, comforting. She winced and ignored the pain in her head. She knew she should be laid down and resting but she just couldn't. She had to go on, to find Jack, to try to at least and while everyone was asleep.

''Yes,'' she began. 'I'm looking for my friend-he- I believe he could be in steerage.''

No other words were needed. She was a survivor of the Titanic.

''Of course.'' He held out his hand in front of them indicating the way.

A narrow hallway loomed as she followed the steward, silently.

''Perhaps you should rest tonight.'' He suggested quietly as passengers slept in the corridors. Rose tried to focus on her steps. She seemed frail.

Her head shook. ''I shan't rest until I know.''

''Yes. Very well.''

He walked carefully and she followed, taking note of the grief stricken faces. The world had become a darker place. She had deemed herself lucky. She clutched her stomach. She hadn't realised just how much her hands shook.

''Have you checked the list, Miss?''

Rose pressed her lips together. She nodded her head. They reached a set of steps and she carefully followed them down. She had known he had won tickets aboard, chances of his name appearing on the list on that basis were slim. The chance of him being awake to speak were slim. The chances of him being alive- She shook her head; she couldn't think of that. Once they reached the steerage area, she touched her own chest, her breath became caught in her throat. She thought she had seen the full extent of the disaster in second class but she was mistaken. Women, children and small babies gathered in masses, cradling as they slept. She spotted one or two men slumped against a wall, she choked back a sob. Who had they lost? Surely not their wife, their child?

The steward came to her, concerned for her welfare, with a flourish of her hand she stopped him abruptly knowing just what he would say. ''I do not wish to discuss this further, please leave me be.'' She whispered forcefully.

She was disgusted in herself to speak to the kind steward in such a way when she saw how much he recoiled. She softened immediately. ''Thank for your kindness.'' She added. She just needed to be alone, to absorb up every last inch.

''My lips are sealed.'' He told her timidly.

She turned to see a long corridor of passengers. She carefully trod, checking every single face, recognizing some as memories of dancing in steerage flashed back at her. Those people leaving Europe in hopes of a better life, carrying their entire belongings with them - all of which was now gone. She choked again as cold, stabbing shivers ran down her body.

She locked eyes with a man, alone, he sobbed into his own hands. She felt her own tears come, she could offer nothing to him no comfort nor words of healing. Gathering her own emotions took so much, she wished to lie with them but she had no right to. Oh how she wished her own fortune away, to give each of these people just a small donation; a coat or even words of comfort. She searched the lost souls quietly, most asleep and four corridors filled with such tragedy she could barely swallow the lump in her throat.

All she wanted was to sit and cry with them. Her sobs were silent to not wake them.

There wasn't a sign of him.

 _Oh, Jack._

Regret flooded her but there was very little to be done. She held herself as she walked, weakness took over her body and she reached the end of another corridor. It was dark. She was startled by a young baby's cry and then a mother offering a tuneful Irish song to soothe. Rose sought her, slowly approaching. The baby's cries didn't cease, the young mother cradled the child to her chest. She saw the loneliness in the Mother's eyes, the loss and the fear. Rose stopped before her, sinking to her knees. With one look of unspoken permission she touched the babies red cheeks.

''What a beauty,'' She breathed. The mother found the strength to smile ever so weakly.

''May I?''

''Yes.''

The mother offered her child to the stranger. The crying ceased for a second or two. The warmth of the child within her arms was a newfound feeling, a joyous one, something which she knew she, too would be experiencing within the coming months. Her eyes didn't leave the child, the young child who would have no doubt lost its father. ''We must pray,'' Rose urged. ''but you must join me.''

The young Mother nodded. ''Aye.''

Together they sat as Rose cradled the child. It was warm and she cried into its head. She couldn't help but picture her own child, the one which she was carrying. She rocked the baby, hard but comforting. The young Mother clutched Rose's hands with her eyes closed, praying hard, singing Irish melodies and crying together.

They finished and the child was sound asleep. The Mother shook using all of her strength to continue to sing. She caressed her child's face, her hand shaking. Rose handed the child back to its mother even so carefully. She touched the young woman's face, her hands so warm. ''Be strong, for your little angel.''

She found the strength to nod, silently thanking this angel for the comfort. Rose got to her feet. There was still good in this world; a pure child's love, the bond between a mother and child. The type of bond she knew that she too, would be experiencing. She covered her mouth with her face as she resisted the urge to cry, she curbed a violent sob and it sunk back into her stomach, causing her body to jolt. She struggled to breath for a second or two and everything went dizzy...

In the darkened corner, someone struggled, a blanket cocooned around a body. It distracted Rose and suddenly she was moving towards the corner with a sinking stomach. Her vision was a little blurry but she knew she must keep searching, keep going...

As she approached, she feared what she would find, she feared everything. Carefully, she stepped ever so quietly towards the person. Her breathing stopped as though one breath could awaken them. The ships engine could be heard and she felt the motion gently rocking the sleeping bodies. She wondered if that sound had comforted passengers or caused a deep-rooted fear.

A hand reached out of the blanket and upwards and then slowly back to their ravelled chest. It startled her, she stood almost looking over the person. What was the cause of the nightmares? The coldness or death? She knelt so quietly, leaning forward to touch the hand, she had to bring some comfort to them, and then his face came into view, half shadowed.

A loud sob escaped before she could stop it. Louder than the one which she had tried so hard to suppress just a minute or so before. A shaggy dark blonde head covered a sleeping face, his parted lips quivered. The hand belonged to him. She would know that touch anywhere.

 _He had lived. She hadn't imagined it. The thing which had told her for days that he hadn't died was right._

She fell to his side trying to not disturb him. He breathed so quietly and her violently trembling hand gently pushed back the hair covering his face. She covered her mouth to mask her sob, hot tears uncontrollably falling.

 _He was here. It was him._

Glancing about, she saw that she had disturbed no one else. She laid herself beside him, curling into the tiniest ball. She clasped his hand, it was freezing. She gently breathed on it, sobbing silently. She rested her head on her own arm, finding comfort in his hand. His parted lips closed and he licked them before stirring. Her heart fell, she hadn't wished to disturb him. She felt his hand grip hers tighter, his body adjusted beneath the layered blankets.

His eyes fluttered open, so slowly, blinking and narrowing before he spoke hoarsely. Rose never thought that she would see those eyes again. She took him in, as best she could. Their final moments seemed to replay ever so quickly before her eyes and now she was trembling all over. He hadn't said goodbye. He had promised her that he wouldn't say goodbye.

''Rose?''

She breathed out quickly, nodding in the dark. To hear his voice was heaven. He was really with her. His voice ensured her that it wasn't just a dream.

''Yes, I'm here.'' She managed through her sobs, through the lump in her throat.

She swore she could make out a smile but her own tears clouded her vision. She knew he was weak. He shuffled before lifting his left arm ever so shakily gripping the blankets. He was welcoming her into his embrace. Back where she belonged.

She said nothing as she shuffled towards him. Her right arm beneath her head, resting against his chest and her left arm draping over his side. He cocooned them inside the blanket.

''I love you.'' He whispered into her hair. He faintly kissed her forehead, burying his nose into her hair and soon by the sound of his breathing she knew he was asleep.

She couldn't sleep. She watched him as his chest rose and fell. His eyes were closed but he was still here. His body seemed to grow warmer every minute while she was laid with him. Inside her stomach she felt the familiar flutters, the warning of life growing.

''Oh, Jack.'' She whispered to nobody, knowing he couldn't hear her. She stroked his face, over the strands of his hair, the curve of his cheekbone, the straightness of his nose and then the softness of his lips. She longed to kiss him again, for him to claim her for she had forgotten just how heavenly it felt.

Some people didn't have faith, they had no beliefs in other worlds, higher life or God and for most of her life, Rose had been one of those people. She couldn't condemn any of it. What could be more unimaginable than the sinking of the Titanic? In that moment, she said a silent prayer, to thank God for sparing Jack and to also bring strength to those in need.

Jack breathed ever so slowly, in and out. She listened to that, for a long time.


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44 – Anything You Wish To Be**

He slept. This time she held his head as he was propped on her lap. She didn't know if he had even known he had fallen asleep this second time. She held back her own tears. She watched his face. The freckles which were speckled over his nose, the small scars on his forehead and she couldn't help but wonder if he had contracted chickenpox as a child. These were such small things which had no importance before and now as she traced her hand over his face they were invaluable. Would their child take features from its father?

They felt the ship rock rhythmically as though it was offering some solstice to the passengers, as though the sea was offers apologies for claiming the Titanic into its waters.

An officer approached them in the darkened corner. Once he came closer, Rose realised it was the steward who had helped her to steerage the evening before. She couldn't help but feel grateful to him but she said nothing further.

''Would you care for some food ma'am?'' He offered.

She shook her head. ''No, thank you.'' She didn't feel like eating at this moment. She had too many feelings rattling around in her head, her stomach...

Jack stirred in her lap, his lips pursed as they parted. His lips were dry.

''Perhaps a drink?'' Rose whispered. ''Two brandies.''

''Of course.''

The steward went off to proceed with her request, burying his surprise at her choice of beverage. Jack's eyes flickered open as the first thing he saw was her face. He momentarily stretched, the ache filling his bones. He tried to move himself but he physically couldn't. Her heart ached to see him struggle. He had been the one to encourage her and now he was here in such a weakened state. She placed her left hand beneath his neck as though she was cradling a child's head and moved him into an upright position as she did so. To be of some help to him was the least that she could do, when all she wanted was to offer him everything which she had. Jack had almost died for her.

She could barely see in the dim light but he looked well, or as best as could be. His eyes were sparkling in the darkness, that must have been a good sign?

''You're still here.'' He whispered. She reached out to grasp his hand. It felt fully warm for the first time all night.

''You fell asleep on my lap.'' She smiled. ''Of course, I am.''

He rubbed his aching neck with his left hand pulling a face of discomfort. ''I'm sorry,'' he rested his other hand over hers. ''I slept better with you here. I always did.''

''I'm not leaving you, Jack.'' She told him truthfully, fearing that is what he thought. She couldn't bear the thought of him believing that she would go back to her husband, not now.

The steward coming back disturbed their moment. He approached carrying two cups full of brandy. ''Miss here you go.''

Rose turned to retrieve one cup from him.

''Take them steady ma'am.'' He warned.

''Thank you.''

She offered one to Jack. He sniffed it, turning away disgusted. ''Brandy?''

''Anything else I can get for you?'' The steward offered.

''No thank you.''

The steward returned to his duties. Jack watched him go.

''Drink it steadily.'' She instructed Jack. ''It will warm you up. Inside and out.''

She was still clutching his hand in her left as she held the cup in her right. She felt his coolness. Just by holding his hand she believed she was transferring what little strength she had to him. He brought it to his lips as did she. It burned their insides but in a trickling warm sensation. He took it all back as though it was medicine which his life depended on.

''I haven't had brandy before or if I have I cannot remember.''

Rose lowered her lashes before offering him a warm smile. ''It was never my favourite but in times like this, one is needed.''

She was silent for a moment. Neither of them could even speak words to the other. What could be offered? Apologies, or perhaps words of comfort but neither knew such a thing would help. She had so much to tell him. She was carrying their baby. She felt the brandy make its way down into her stomach hoping it warmed her insides at least momentarily.

''Cal came to me.'' She confessed, hanging her head, waiting for Jack's response.

Jack sat up straighter. His face expressionless.

''I told him to never look for me again.'' Rose continued.

''Your marriage is over for good?''

''Of course, it is,'' Rose exhaled deeply. ''I told him so the day before all of, this happened.'' She raised her eyes to his. ''I love you. It was always you.''

Her words lit a warm feeling somewhere in his stomach which he had never encountered before. ''I see you Rose, when you're with him you become one of them, so normal, the lights maybe on but nobody is home,'' he sighed ''and then when you came to my world I saw the light there. Glimpses appeared when you spoke of becoming an actress and of your dreams but I knew from then that you weren't one of them.'' He moved his hair from his eyes. ''I thought I was gone out there, I thought I died.''

''I think you did.'' Rose whispered. ''You were so still, so deathly pale, you went and then you came back.''

His eyes shone in the dimness and he pursed his lips as he sighed. ''There was a reason for that.''

''Yes.'' She whispered calmly.

She was quiet for a moment. She didn't know where this was leading. One hand was in hers, the other touching her cheek. This gave her the strength to continue. ''The reason is because I am to have a baby.''

Tears appeared in Rose's eyes and she squeezed them shut. This was the first time she had said the words out loud and now it was all very real. Jack came towards her and touched her face gently with his right hand.

"Tell me, Rose…" Jack urged her. "Tell me what you have to tell me. I need to know." Their foreheads touched as he whispered the words to her.

''I am carrying your child.'' She lifted her chin so that her eyes met his. ''That is no burden. I am happy about the news. I hadn't known until yesterday afternoon.''

''And Cal?''

''He doesn't know, nor will he ever for whenever he and I were together...we, well, he ensured-''

''You were safe?''

Rose nodded silently.

Silence fell between them for several minutes, neither of them knowing what to say. There was nothing which could be said. It had taken so many months for them to get to this point. The silence between them was almost comforting as they both contemplated everything.

''I'll understand if you want me to leave."

Jack raised his head to look at Rose. "Leave? You think I could let you leave, knowing this now? I couldn't leave you anyway. I love you, I told you that.''

Jack pressed his lips to Rose's just once before pulling her into an embrace she had never felt before. They clung to each other for fear of losing the other.

''I want to be a father to our child, to love you both, to grow with you.''

Rose allowed the words to sink in, she felt how they soothed her. Her smile faltered a moment. Jack watched her.

''What, Rose?''

She faced him.

''What if he never divorces me? I will always belong to him?''

She felt Jack shake his head. ''No, Rose. You will belong to nobody.''

''But I am someone else's wife.''

''Whatever is meant to be will find a way, and this isn't any different. It's fate, Rose. Fate brought us to where we are now." Jack really believed that. Life would be different from this day on. There would be no more running, no more being scared. All they had was their love for each other and their child.

"I just…I'm so scared I'm going to lose you again, Jack." Rose's vision was blurred by her tears and she clung to Jack as though her life depended on it. Perhaps it did.

"You're never going to lose me, Rose. That I promise you." Feeling content for the first time, Rose pulled away from Jack, feeling her heart beating so fast she felt dizzy.

''I was so sure, sure that you died out there.''

She leant against his shoulder. ''I found a way back to you. I must have.''

Later that day, Jack watched her sleep. Those rose bud lips which he had sweetly kissed just hours before. She was silent and just the rise and fall of her chest ensured she was peaceful. The redness of her cheek had faded and he wanted to stroke it so gently but decided against it. He didn't want to wake her. His eyes travelled down to the curve of her hip beneath the coat and her dress. Her hands fell lightly against her stomach, perhaps subconsciously protecting their child inside. He wanted to kiss her there, to talk to the unborn baby.

They had gone back to the room which Rose had been gifted and now they had slept together in the same bed as a couple did. He never wanted to leave her side. He knew that he couldn't.

A knock occurred at the door and Jack jumped out of bed as quickly as he could. He thought of not answering and then he knew he must, knowing that it could be important to Rose. Also, he didn't want to knocking to disturb Rose's sleep. He opened the door after straightening out his clothing and his hair.

''Hello?''

He frowned seeing a stranger at the door without an introduction.

''Good morning, I am Doctor Connelly.'' An older man with a clipboard stepped inside the room. ''Have I come at a bad time?'' He eyed Jack suspiciously until Rose appeared, her hair dishevelled but her face appeared to have a little more colour.

''Hello, I am sorry. I didn't expect you-''

''Not at all. I only came to check how you were doing.'' The Doctor came inside the room. There was something different. He could feel it.

Rose glanced to Jack. ''I feel, fine. As well as can be.'' She joined her hand in his.

Doctor Connelly glanced between Rose and Jack. Perhaps this man's presence was the difference. ''May I examine you again?''

''Of course.''

''There's flutters, like a tickle.'' Rose whispered as Jack held her stomach. ''I don't know what that means.''

He ran his hand over her stomach again. When she turned to him, she realised that she had never seen him so happy. In spite of everything, they were here together. Alive. She reached up to touch his face, moving hair from his eyes.

''Perhaps its letting us know it's in there.'' He leant forward and kissed her smooth belly so tenderly. It was mostly flat, with no indication of life being inside aside from the butterflies. She smiled.

''What happens Jack?'' It was a question which she wanted to ask, yet she was so aware of the reality of everything which could happen. They had no money, no home and yet they would have a baby.

He laid flat on the bed beside her. He watched her face, etched with worry yet she was so content. He shook his head. ''We make some kind of a home for our baby.'' He spoke to easily, breezy as though it was the easiest thing to do.

''But you wanted to travel, to see more of the world.''

Jack smiled. ''We can do that, as well as we can until the baby comes. I know places where I can get work.''

Rose relaxed against him. ''What about me?''

''You rest at the place where we find to settle. You can do whatever you wish to do.''

''I want to learn new things. To cook, sew, be a house wife.'' Those were the things which she never thought she would want to do but now here she was about to forget that she had ever existed in another society, another life. She had said goodbye to Rose Hockley.

Jack kissed her hand. ''You can do anything you set your mind to.''

 **This is the last chapter so thank you all very much for reading and baring with me on this rewrite. :) An epilogue will follow.**


	45. Chapter 45

Epilogue,

At the railing of the Carpathia, at 9pm on April 18th 1912, Rose gazed up at the Statue of Liberty, welcoming her home with her glowing torch. It was just as how she imagined it so clearly in her mind. Jack stood beside her, his hand on her lower back, the other grasping her hand so tightly in his. They could embark upon a new adventure and start a great life together. They were alone, together in a strange city although a city which they had explored together just two months before when things had been so very different.

At the Cunard pier, Pier 54. Over 30,000 people line the dock and filled the surrounding streets. The magnesium flashes of the photographers went off like small bombs, lighting an amazing tableau. Several hundred police kept the mob back. The dock was packed with friends and relatives, officials, ambulances, and the press- Reporters and photographers swarmed everywhere... 6 deep at the foot of the gangways, lining the tops of cars and trucks. They jostled to get close to the survivors, tugging on them as they passed and shouting over each other to ask them questions. Rose was covered with a woollen shawl, Jack following closely behind, his head bowed with a flat cap half covering his face. They walked with a group of steerage passengers. Immigration officers were asking them questions as they come off the gangway.

''Name?''

''Dawson. Rose Dawson.'' She replied. She had taken on a new life and a new life meant a new name. Rose Hockley had died with the Titanic.

''I'm Jack, her husband.''

The officer steered her and Jack toward a holding area for processing. Rose walked forward with the dazed immigrants. Jack stood behind her, together they said nothing. There were no words to say to each other.

The boom of photographer's magnesium flashes caused them to flinch, and the glare was blinding. There was a sudden disturbance near her as two men burst through the cordon, running to embrace an older woman along the survivors, who cried out with joy. The reporters converged on this emotional scene, and flashes exploded. Jack used this moment to slip away into the crowd, he grasped Rose who scurried closely. They pushed through the jostling people, moving with purpose, and none challenged them in the confusion. As Rose walked, she thought of her past and how much had changed. She stepped closer to Jack. He was here for a purpose. She was so sure he had died out in the water but somehow he had been given another chance to live. A chance to be with her, to be a father to their child and for them to have an adventure together out in the world.

She was still married to another man and she probably always would be. But for the moment, that didn't matter. She was with Jack and he was all she would ever need.


End file.
